Why was my nephew so offended by this?

[Anonymous]

I hate when I am sharing something that bothers me and someone tries to relate with their own story. It dismisses my vulnerability.

[Anonymous]

Agree. He took it wrong, because you made it about you and to top it off, in a way that is not comparable. He hung up because he realized he shouldn't have confided in you in the first place. Next time, advise him to be more active in social clubs at a university, there are so many nowadays.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Let me make your current experience all about me."

Also good lord, this was decades ago and you're still hung up on this? Get therapy.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[Anonymous]

Maybe he was going to start crying and got off quick to avoid his emotions. It was very brave of him to open up and admit his loneliness. So many don’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get him a fake ID already.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate when I am sharing something that bothers me and someone tries to relate with their own story. It dismisses my vulnerability.

+1. All OP needed to do is listen and tell him that it does suck.

[Anonymous]

I skipped a grade and had this issue so I got a fake ID.

[Anonymous]

Send him some edibles

[Anonymous]

If I had to guess, and it’s just a guess, you’re the kind of person who always turns a conversation to yourself and you don’t just listen and empathize.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate when I am sharing something that bothers me and someone tries to relate with their own story. It dismisses my vulnerability.

Ironically, the story-sharer is also sharing their vulnerability to share common ground, not to shut you down.

If it's only one statement- no big deal- if it's an ongoing thing with this person/they have to make it all about them/tell long irrelevant stories and relive trauma, share less with a person who does this.

I feel like OP's nephew is acting kind of precious. His birthday is months away from 21 and he's pressed? He might get a wake-up call that he isn't that fun to hang out with even when he is 21.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Those situations are not even remotely similar. He is physically alone in his room because all of his friends are doing things he isn’t allowed to do, through no fault of his own. So he is actually lonely - no one around to hang out with.

You weren’t smart enough to get into a fancy school, so I’m sure you were jealous of your friends who worked harder and did get in. But presumedly you went to some other college or got a job and made friends and could do things with those people.

It’s like telling a hungry kid who can’t eat the birthday cake because they are allergic to it that you understand hunger because once you spent all your money on burgers and didn’t have anything left for ice cream when all your friends saved and got it.

Hanging up on you was kind of a jerk move. He should have just rolled his eyes and said thanks. But you probably kept bringing up your own stuff, which isn’t even remotely helpful. But he is still learning social norms and you’re an adult, so give him grace and stop trying to one up him. He needs compassion, not ‘back in my day!’

I went to a commuter college. Most of my classmates were part-time students who were busy to hang out with me outside of class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those situations are not even remotely similar. He is physically alone in his room because all of his friends are doing things he isn’t allowed to do, through no fault of his own. So he is actually lonely - no one around to hang out with.

You weren’t smart enough to get into a fancy school, so I’m sure you were jealous of your friends who worked harder and did get in. But presumedly you went to some other college or got a job and made friends and could do things with those people.

It’s like telling a hungry kid who can’t eat the birthday cake because they are allergic to it that you understand hunger because once you spent all your money on burgers and didn’t have anything left for ice cream when all your friends saved and got it.

Hanging up on you was kind of a jerk move. He should have just rolled his eyes and said thanks. But you probably kept bringing up your own stuff, which isn’t even remotely helpful. But he is still learning social norms and you’re an adult, so give him grace and stop trying to one up him. He needs compassion, not ‘back in my day!’

I went to a commuter college. Most of my classmates were part-time students who were busy to hang out with me outside of class.

It might have been helpful to share that part of the story earlier. "I know what it feels like to be socially isolated in college, and it sucks. I'm sorry you're dealing with this now. I'd say you'll forget all about this one day but for me it's been 25 years and I'm still pissed off. I hope you aren't in the same situation."

I'm sorry you had a disappointing experience, OP. But it does sound like if you're having trouble getting past it still, it might be time to unpack that more. Also, I really agree with others than when someone is sharing something they are having a hard time with, it's better to listen than to tell them all about the time you had a hard time.

That said, who knows why he hung up. Can you ask him? "Hey nephew - I'm so glad we got to talk the other night. I'm still mulling over our conversation, and I feel like you got angrier with me than I understand. Can you tell me why? You mean a lot to me."

[Anonymous]

Your response to his problem was that he should be grateful to be at an elite college (unlike you), so his problems don't matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your response to his problem was that he should be grateful to be at an elite college (unlike you), so his problems don't matter.

This

[Anonymous]

You showed him exactly the type of snobby B that you are.