Sacrificing own desires for elderly parents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you don't help your parents, don't be surprised if your kids don't help you.

Nope. If you don't help your *kids*, don't be surprised if your kids don't help you. Your parents, your kids' grandparents, are entirely different people.

If your kids don't see you model that behavior in your own life, they won't have it for you later. You at least need to display authentic care and concern for your aging parents. Most of DCUM has nothing but distain for their parents though from what you see on this board.

So any kids with no living grandparents will automatically never have compassion for their aging parents? Maybe try making an actual plausible argument if you're going to try and shame people for not being doormats

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you don't help your parents, don't be surprised if your kids don't help you.

Nope. If you don't help your *kids*, don't be surprised if your kids don't help you. Your parents, your kids' grandparents, are entirely different people.

If your kids don't see you model that behavior in your own life, they won't have it for you later. You at least need to display authentic care and concern for your aging parents. Most of DCUM has nothing but distain for their parents though from what you see on this board.

So any kids with no living grandparents will automatically never have compassion for their aging parents? Maybe try making an actual plausible argument if you're going to try and shame people for not being doormats

Kids will see you ignore your parents and may do same to you b/c you taught them it's ok...

[Anonymous]

I would like to point out that I have a couple of friends and a sibling who either have relatives in assisted livings and nursing homes or provide ministerial/pastoral care visits to those in facilities. They have all seen a stunning decline in the quality of services due to labor shortages. One person who had their very nice CCRC all picked out said they will now never go into one. That leaves home health care aids, which is another area experiencing shortages. So, while it is good to plan options other than family members, those options appear to be rapidly deteriorating in quality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you don't help your parents, don't be surprised if your kids don't help you.

Nope. If you don't help your *kids*, don't be surprised if your kids don't help you. Your parents, your kids' grandparents, are entirely different people.

If your kids don't see you model that behavior in your own life, they won't have it for you later. You at least need to display authentic care and concern for your aging parents. Most of DCUM has nothing but distain for their parents though from what you see on this board.

So any kids with no living grandparents will automatically never have compassion for their aging parents? Maybe try making an actual plausible argument if you're going to try and shame people for not being doormats

Kids will see you ignore your parents and may do same to you b/c you taught them it's ok...

Clearly you fail at reading. There are no grandparents but argue on grandma

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would like to point out that I have a couple of friends and a sibling who either have relatives in assisted livings and nursing homes or provide ministerial/pastoral care visits to those in facilities. They have all seen a stunning decline in the quality of services due to labor shortages. One person who had their very nice CCRC all picked out said they will now never go into one. That leaves home health care aids, which is another area experiencing shortages. So, while it is good to plan options other than family members, those options appear to be rapidly deteriorating in quality.

You can find quality aids if you pay top dollar outside of care companies. It’s a lot of work finding a good one but once you do it’s worth every penny. Our parents have a fantastic one that we found privately and she’s fantastic. And definitely not cheap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you don't help your parents, don't be surprised if your kids don't help you.

Nope. If you don't help your *kids*, don't be surprised if your kids don't help you. Your parents, your kids' grandparents, are entirely different people.

If your kids don't see you model that behavior in your own life, they won't have it for you later. You at least need to display authentic care and concern for your aging parents. Most of DCUM has nothing but distain for their parents though from what you see on this board.

So any kids with no living grandparents will automatically never have compassion for their aging parents? Maybe try making an actual plausible argument if you're going to try and shame people for not being doormats

Kids will see you ignore your parents and may do same to you b/c you taught them it's ok...

Clearly you fail at reading. There are no grandparents but argue on grandma

You talking about yourself honey? Everyone else is replying to OP but you are a narcissist and think that comment is just for you. Grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you don't help your parents, don't be surprised if your kids don't help you.

This. I view it as good and ethical behavior. It is for my sense of self as much as them. My parents are both passed but I do not regret the time and effort I spent with them as they aged and I’m happy my kids saw it too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you don't help your parents, don't be surprised if your kids don't help you.

Nope. If you don't help your *kids*, don't be surprised if your kids don't help you. Your parents, your kids' grandparents, are entirely different people.

If your kids don't see you model that behavior in your own life, they won't have it for you later. You at least need to display authentic care and concern for your aging parents. Most of DCUM has nothing but distain for their parents though from what you see on this board.

Lots of mentally and emotionally stunted people on this board.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We are in our late 50s and they are 79. And one of them had a parent who lived to 102. So, yes, we will be 80 if either lives that long.

That’s a big if.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you don't help your parents, don't be surprised if your kids don't help you.

This. I view it as good and ethical behavior. It is for my sense of self as much as them. My parents are both passed but I do not regret the time and effort I spent with them as they aged and I’m happy my kids saw it too.

I imagine you had a good relationship with them. That makes it much less complicated.

[Anonymous]

After my father passed away, who left behind my mother, we had a big move coming up. I talked to my mom and we both agreed she'd come with us on the move, but have her own apartment nearby. It's actually worked out well - but I feel lucky my mom was willing to do the move. Not sure what I would have done otherwise, so I get it OP, that's a tough one.

[Anonymous]

My case is a bit unusual, but since 2018, I have rendered more financial assistance to my dad than he provided me from birth to age 18. Not only do I feel like I have discharged any obligation, but DH and I need to start saving for our own eldercare so we don’t burden our kids financially.

My dad is now in a Medicaid bed, but he always needs something that isn’t covered by the little bit of money he gets to keep each month. And those are just real needs and not reasonable wants (like a haircut or shaving supplies).

All but two of my siblings do chip in now and again, but it is no longer sustainable. Every $1 I spend on my dad is essentially a $1 that I am taking away from my children when I’m in need of care myself someday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would like to point out that I have a couple of friends and a sibling who either have relatives in assisted livings and nursing homes or provide ministerial/pastoral care visits to those in facilities. They have all seen a stunning decline in the quality of services due to labor shortages. One person who had their very nice CCRC all picked out said they will now never go into one. That leaves home health care aids, which is another area experiencing shortages. So, while it is good to plan options other than family members, those options appear to be rapidly deteriorating in quality.

You can find quality aids if you pay top dollar outside of care companies. It’s a lot of work finding a good one but once you do it’s worth every penny. Our parents have a fantastic one that we found privately and she’s fantastic. And definitely not cheap.

You really have no idea. It is very very hard to find good care even with ‘top dollar’ (btw you sound like an idiot sniffing about your $)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you don't help your parents, don't be surprised if your kids don't help you.

This. I view it as good and ethical behavior. It is for my sense of self as much as them. My parents are both passed but I do not regret the time and effort I spent with them as they aged and I’m happy my kids saw it too.

I imagine you had a good relationship with them. That makes it much less complicated.

It was not perfect, no. But absent abuse or neglect, I view it as the right thing to do. People on here are gross

[Anonymous]

This is not a generational thing. This is a thing that happens as people get closer to needing help. it's easy to say now that no way would I want or expect my kids to help me when you in no way need help now.

I've seen this repeatedly with people. Young and strong: no way I would ask anyone to help me. Older and feeling vulnerable: How can I possibly do this on my own?

Perspective people.