Question for fellow teachers - student threatened to punch me

[Anonymous]

Teachers need to file a police report any time a student harms a teacher, starting from primary grades. I’ve been a teacher since the 1980s, and bs k then, assaults on staff were almost unheard of. When you report a kid, the courts can mandate treatment for the kid. It’s sometimes the only way to make that happen.

You need to meet with admin to discuss this student and plans going forward. There should be a meeting with the admin, guidance counselor, and you to discuss the future.

In our district you can request that the student be moved to another class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I told them this but they said they don’t think he is a threat. I don’t understand how threatening to punch a teacher only warrants a one day suspension.

Teacher here—he didn’t actually punch you, so there was a threat but no assault. One day suspension makes sense (students need to be in school). I also would not want him in my class, I understand why you are nervous. But since your admin won’t help you, here’s my advice (you’re not going to like it):

You need to be kind to this student. If he comes in and feels threatened because you are cold to him and taking notes on him constantly, he will be on edge and that’s what may make him more likely to hurt you. If you focus on repair and “kill him with kindness” attitude, he’s not going to want to hurt someone who is kind to him and who forgave him for something he knows deep down he shouldn’t have said. He may not deserve your kindness, but you extending warmth to him may save you from assault. Also, you gain back the power he tried to take from you. And students who know adults don’t have power are simultaneously thrilled and scared.

You can do this, op. Deep breaths. Head held high. Smile on your face. Eye contact with the boy. Take back control.

I won’t say this is bad advice, it could work but there are plenty of kids this wouldn’t work on. There are people who want to intimidate and harm others that is not connected to how the other person treats them.
-another teacher who has been physically assaulted by a student.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I told them this but they said they don’t think he is a threat. I don’t understand how threatening to punch a teacher only warrants a one day suspension.

Teacher here—he didn’t actually punch you, so there was a threat but no assault. One day suspension makes sense (students need to be in school). I also would not want him in my class, I understand why you are nervous. But since your admin won’t help you, here’s my advice (you’re not going to like it):

You need to be kind to this student. If he comes in and feels threatened because you are cold to him and taking notes on him constantly, he will be on edge and that’s what may make him more likely to hurt you. If you focus on repair and “kill him with kindness” attitude, he’s not going to want to hurt someone who is kind to him and who forgave him for something he knows deep down he shouldn’t have said. He may not deserve your kindness, but you extending warmth to him may save you from assault. Also, you gain back the power he tried to take from you. And students who know adults don’t have power are simultaneously thrilled and scared.

You can do this, op. Deep breaths. Head held high. Smile on your face. Eye contact with the boy. Take back control.

I won’t say this is bad advice, it could work but there are plenty of kids this wouldn’t work on. There are people who want to intimidate and harm others that is not connected to how the other person treats them.
-another teacher who has been physically assaulted by a student.

I will.

It is telling the teacher, who is the legitimate authority, that she should cede control to her abuser and let him control the classroom. This is terrible, abusive advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I told them this but they said they don’t think he is a threat. I don’t understand how threatening to punch a teacher only warrants a one day suspension.

Teacher here—he didn’t actually punch you, so there was a threat but no assault. One day suspension makes sense (students need to be in school). I also would not want him in my class, I understand why you are nervous. But since your admin won’t help you, here’s my advice (you’re not going to like it):

You need to be kind to this student. If he comes in and feels threatened because you are cold to him and taking notes on him constantly, he will be on edge and that’s what may make him more likely to hurt you. If you focus on repair and “kill him with kindness” attitude, he’s not going to want to hurt someone who is kind to him and who forgave him for something he knows deep down he shouldn’t have said. He may not deserve your kindness, but you extending warmth to him may save you from assault. Also, you gain back the power he tried to take from you. And students who know adults don’t have power are simultaneously thrilled and scared.

You can do this, op. Deep breaths. Head held high. Smile on your face. Eye contact with the boy. Take back control.

I won’t say this is bad advice, it could work but there are plenty of kids this wouldn’t work on. There are people who want to intimidate and harm others that is not connected to how the other person treats them.
-another teacher who has been physically assaulted by a student.

I will.

It is telling the teacher, who is the legitimate authority, that she should cede control to her abuser and let him control the classroom. This is terrible, abusive advice.

“Abuser”?! If this is the way you describe a 12 year old, then Yes you are in the wrong profession. People who work with children are supposed to be tough, brave, and aren’t supposed to be easily frightened. I can remember many times when I was in middle school and a student said something dumb to get a rise and reaction out of a teacher. It was almost a game. And the teacher would respond with a witty remark or something similar and didn’t appear the least phased. Ofcourse most of my teachers were male or taller stockier women (now that I think of it). So maybe if you are smaller and easily intimidated, maybe try to stick with smaller elementary kids?

Either way, your reaction does seem a bit over the top.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I told them this but they said they don’t think he is a threat. I don’t understand how threatening to punch a teacher only warrants a one day suspension.

Teacher here—he didn’t actually punch you, so there was a threat but no assault. One day suspension makes sense (students need to be in school). I also would not want him in my class, I understand why you are nervous. But since your admin won’t help you, here’s my advice (you’re not going to like it):

You need to be kind to this student. If he comes in and feels threatened because you are cold to him and taking notes on him constantly, he will be on edge and that’s what may make him more likely to hurt you. If you focus on repair and “kill him with kindness” attitude, he’s not going to want to hurt someone who is kind to him and who forgave him for something he knows deep down he shouldn’t have said. He may not deserve your kindness, but you extending warmth to him may save you from assault. Also, you gain back the power he tried to take from you. And students who know adults don’t have power are simultaneously thrilled and scared.

You can do this, op. Deep breaths. Head held high. Smile on your face. Eye contact with the boy. Take back control.

I won’t say this is bad advice, it could work but there are plenty of kids this wouldn’t work on. There are people who want to intimidate and harm others that is not connected to how the other person treats them.
-another teacher who has been physically assaulted by a student.

You don’t see a difference between a kid 30 years ago saying something smart to get a rise out a teacher and a kid today threatening to punch a teacher, in a climate that makes it clear that there are no consequences for either the threat of or actual acts of violence?

I will.

It is telling the teacher, who is the legitimate authority, that she should cede control to her abuser and let him control the classroom. This is terrible, abusive advice.

“Abuser”?! If this is the way you describe a 12 year old, then Yes you are in the wrong profession. People who work with children are supposed to be tough, brave, and aren’t supposed to be easily frightened. I can remember many times when I was in middle school and a student said something dumb to get a rise and reaction out of a teacher. It was almost a game. And the teacher would respond with a witty remark or something similar and didn’t appear the least phased. Ofcourse most of my teachers were male or taller stockier women (now that I think of it). So maybe if you are smaller and easily intimidated, maybe try to stick with smaller elementary kids?

Either way, your reaction does seem a bit over the top.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, weird formatting above. Should say:

You don’t see a difference between a kid 30 years ago saying something smart to get a rise out a teacher and a kid today threatening to punch a teacher, in a climate that makes it clear that there are no consequences for either the threat of or actual acts of violence?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I told them this but they said they don’t think he is a threat. I don’t understand how threatening to punch a teacher only warrants a one day suspension.

Teacher here—he didn’t actually punch you, so there was a threat but no assault. One day suspension makes sense (students need to be in school). I also would not want him in my class, I understand why you are nervous. But since your admin won’t help you, here’s my advice (you’re not going to like it):

You need to be kind to this student. If he comes in and feels threatened because you are cold to him and taking notes on him constantly, he will be on edge and that’s what may make him more likely to hurt you. If you focus on repair and “kill him with kindness” attitude, he’s not going to want to hurt someone who is kind to him and who forgave him for something he knows deep down he shouldn’t have said. He may not deserve your kindness, but you extending warmth to him may save you from assault. Also, you gain back the power he tried to take from you. And students who know adults don’t have power are simultaneously thrilled and scared.

You can do this, op. Deep breaths. Head held high. Smile on your face. Eye contact with the boy. Take back control.

I won’t say this is bad advice, it could work but there are plenty of kids this wouldn’t work on. There are people who want to intimidate and harm others that is not connected to how the other person treats them.
-another teacher who has been physically assaulted by a student.

I will.

It is telling the teacher, who is the legitimate authority, that she should cede control to her abuser and let him control the classroom. This is terrible, abusive advice.

“Abuser”?! If this is the way you describe a 12 year old, then Yes you are in the wrong profession. People who work with children are supposed to be tough, brave, and aren’t supposed to be easily frightened. I can remember many times when I was in middle school and a student said something dumb to get a rise and reaction out of a teacher. It was almost a game. And the teacher would respond with a witty remark or something similar and didn’t appear the least phased. Ofcourse most of my teachers were male or taller stockier women (now that I think of it). So maybe if you are smaller and easily intimidated, maybe try to stick with smaller elementary kids?

Either way, your reaction does seem a bit over the top.

You’re clearly not a teacher.

It’s different in the classroom now. Kids could be obnoxious when we were kids, but they were rarely dangerous. Having been in dangerous situations myself, I absolutely see the OP’s concern and I know to take it seriously.

OP, please don’t let the PP’s response get to you. That PP is completely unaware of what you’re facing.

If you are in the DMV, know that you have the option to quit and find a new placement elsewhere. That’s the one good thing about the teacher shortage: we now have options. A friend quit her school midyear and had four offers from neighboring schools and districts within two weeks. She’s now making more in a better environment.

[Anonymous]

What’s required for a restraining order? I don’t know if a single threat would qualify, but with the violence we sometimes hear about, surely at some point, teachers should be able to get some protection from the legal system, even if the schools won’t protect them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I told them this but they said they don’t think he is a threat. I don’t understand how threatening to punch a teacher only warrants a one day suspension.

Teacher here—he didn’t actually punch you, so there was a threat but no assault. One day suspension makes sense (students need to be in school). I also would not want him in my class, I understand why you are nervous. But since your admin won’t help you, here’s my advice (you’re not going to like it):

You need to be kind to this student. If he comes in and feels threatened because you are cold to him and taking notes on him constantly, he will be on edge and that’s what may make him more likely to hurt you. If you focus on repair and “kill him with kindness” attitude, he’s not going to want to hurt someone who is kind to him and who forgave him for something he knows deep down he shouldn’t have said. He may not deserve your kindness, but you extending warmth to him may save you from assault. Also, you gain back the power he tried to take from you. And students who know adults don’t have power are simultaneously thrilled and scared.

You can do this, op. Deep breaths. Head held high. Smile on your face. Eye contact with the boy. Take back control.

Incorrect

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I told them this but they said they don’t think he is a threat. I don’t understand how threatening to punch a teacher only warrants a one day suspension.

Teacher here—he didn’t actually punch you, so there was a threat but no assault. One day suspension makes sense (students need to be in school). I also would not want him in my class, I understand why you are nervous. But since your admin won’t help you, here’s my advice (you’re not going to like it):

You need to be kind to this student. If he comes in and feels threatened because you are cold to him and taking notes on him constantly, he will be on edge and that’s what may make him more likely to hurt you. If you focus on repair and “kill him with kindness” attitude, he’s not going to want to hurt someone who is kind to him and who forgave him for something he knows deep down he shouldn’t have said. He may not deserve your kindness, but you extending warmth to him may save you from assault. Also, you gain back the power he tried to take from you. And students who know adults don’t have power are simultaneously thrilled and scared.

You can do this, op. Deep breaths. Head held high. Smile on your face. Eye contact with the boy. Take back control.

I won’t say this is bad advice, it could work but there are plenty of kids this wouldn’t work on. There are people who want to intimidate and harm others that is not connected to how the other person treats them.
-another teacher who has been physically assaulted by a student.

I will.

It is telling the teacher, who is the legitimate authority, that she should cede control to her abuser and let him control the classroom. This is terrible, abusive advice.

“Abuser”?! If this is the way you describe a 12 year old, then Yes you are in the wrong profession. People who work with children are supposed to be tough, brave, and aren’t supposed to be easily frightened. I can remember many times when I was in middle school and a student said something dumb to get a rise and reaction out of a teacher. It was almost a game. And the teacher would respond with a witty remark or something similar and didn’t appear the least phased. Ofcourse most of my teachers were male or taller stockier women (now that I think of it). So maybe if you are smaller and easily intimidated, maybe try to stick with smaller elementary kids?

Either way, your reaction does seem a bit over the top.

You’re clearly not a teacher.

It’s different in the classroom now. Kids could be obnoxious when we were kids, but they were rarely dangerous. Having been in dangerous situations myself, I absolutely see the OP’s concern and I know to take it seriously.

OP, please don’t let the PP’s response get to you. That PP is completely unaware of what you’re facing.

If you are in the DMV, know that you have the option to quit and find a new placement elsewhere. That’s the one good thing about the teacher shortage: we now have options. A friend quit her school midyear and had four offers from neighboring schools and districts within two weeks. She’s now making more in a better environment.

But you have to ask yourself why there is an opening mid-year. My friend just left and her class is horrible. I see them once a week and am exhausted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I told them this but they said they don’t think he is a threat. I don’t understand how threatening to punch a teacher only warrants a one day suspension.

Teacher here—he didn’t actually punch you, so there was a threat but no assault. One day suspension makes sense (students need to be in school). I also would not want him in my class, I understand why you are nervous. But since your admin won’t help you, here’s my advice (you’re not going to like it):

You need to be kind to this student. If he comes in and feels threatened because you are cold to him and taking notes on him constantly, he will be on edge and that’s what may make him more likely to hurt you. If you focus on repair and “kill him with kindness” attitude, he’s not going to want to hurt someone who is kind to him and who forgave him for something he knows deep down he shouldn’t have said. He may not deserve your kindness, but you extending warmth to him may save you from assault. Also, you gain back the power he tried to take from you. And students who know adults don’t have power are simultaneously thrilled and scared.

You can do this, op. Deep breaths. Head held high. Smile on your face. Eye contact with the boy. Take back control.

I won’t say this is bad advice, it could work but there are plenty of kids this wouldn’t work on. There are people who want to intimidate and harm others that is not connected to how the other person treats them.
-another teacher who has been physically assaulted by a student.

I will.

It is telling the teacher, who is the legitimate authority, that she should cede control to her abuser and let him control the classroom. This is terrible, abusive advice.

“Abuser”?! If this is the way you describe a 12 year old, then Yes you are in the wrong profession. People who work with children are supposed to be tough, brave, and aren’t supposed to be easily frightened. I can remember many times when I was in middle school and a student said something dumb to get a rise and reaction out of a teacher. It was almost a game. And the teacher would respond with a witty remark or something similar and didn’t appear the least phased. Ofcourse most of my teachers were male or taller stockier women (now that I think of it). So maybe if you are smaller and easily intimidated, maybe try to stick with smaller elementary kids?

Either way, your reaction does seem a bit over the top.

Wow. Enjoy your ever-increasing lack of teachers. (And I'm not a teacher.)

Tell me, when you were in middle school, how many kids did you know that had physically struck a teacher? Did you know any teachers who had been deliberately wounded by students in anger? If either are true, was that child still in that school, much less that same classroom?

Different world, PP. Lecturing people who are only hanging on out of goodwill and passion (that is rapidly being ground away by people like you) is why we have problems.

Hey, how about you volunteer as a sub teacher. That would be great.

[Anonymous]

Welcome to the education sector. Bad behavior and grade inflation. It's like baby sitting, meets jail, meets Nickelodeon.

[Anonymous]

My now-retired mom was a public school substitute teacher in the late 1970s. One of the students told her to “watch her back”. Kind of threatening. Kid was expelled and admin protected even subs.

She was so sad when I told her what teachers deal with today.

[Anonymous]

Completely unacceptable. There needs to be someone that teachers can call with this type of thing. An anonymous tip line maybe. Like DOGE but for teacher and student safety.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I told them this but they said they don’t think he is a threat. I don’t understand how threatening to punch a teacher only warrants a one day suspension.

Teacher here—he didn’t actually punch you, so there was a threat but no assault. One day suspension makes sense (students need to be in school). I also would not want him in my class, I understand why you are nervous. But since your admin won’t help you, here’s my advice (you’re not going to like it):

You need to be kind to this student. If he comes in and feels threatened because you are cold to him and taking notes on him constantly, he will be on edge and that’s what may make him more likely to hurt you. If you focus on repair and “kill him with kindness” attitude, he’s not going to want to hurt someone who is kind to him and who forgave him for something he knows deep down he shouldn’t have said. He may not deserve your kindness, but you extending warmth to him may save you from assault. Also, you gain back the power he tried to take from you. And students who know adults don’t have power are simultaneously thrilled and scared.

You can do this, op. Deep breaths. Head held high. Smile on your face. Eye contact with the boy. Take back control.

I won’t say this is bad advice, it could work but there are plenty of kids this wouldn’t work on. There are people who want to intimidate and harm others that is not connected to how the other person treats them.
-another teacher who has been physically assaulted by a student.

I will.

It is telling the teacher, who is the legitimate authority, that she should cede control to her abuser and let him control the classroom. This is terrible, abusive advice.

“Abuser”?! If this is the way you describe a 12 year old, then Yes you are in the wrong profession. People who work with children are supposed to be tough, brave, and aren’t supposed to be easily frightened. I can remember many times when I was in middle school and a student said something dumb to get a rise and reaction out of a teacher. It was almost a game. And the teacher would respond with a witty remark or something similar and didn’t appear the least phased. Ofcourse most of my teachers were male or taller stockier women (now that I think of it). So maybe if you are smaller and easily intimidated, maybe try to stick with smaller elementary kids?

Either way, your reaction does seem a bit over the top.

There’s something really wrong with you and anyone else who thinks that teachers need to be “tough, brave and not easily frightened” when there are direct threats of physical violence. On the contrary, I think teachers should be kind, supportive, and excellent at communicating their subject material. You are describing prison guards, not teachers!