Family Member Moving in as Caregiver - Exit Strategy?
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Anonymous
| How old are they each? |
Anonymous
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You should not give your aunt any access to your mom's money! You and your siblings handle the money, your aunt only deals with your mom. There are ways to put everything on auto pay, buy grocery gift cards or restaurant gift cards for food expenses,.or even Visa gift cards for incidentals.
Do Not Let Your Aunt have Access to Any of Your Mom's Money! |
Anonymous
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Nope nope nope - YOU and any siblings you have need to have financial power of attorney eh. Aunt should not have access to accounts. Change the passwords. You start paying bills and managing finances.
Aunt gets free from and board. Perhaps on top of that mom should pay her a fee for helping her, perhaps not. Hard to know without knowing more about mom. But aunt should not have access to mom’s finances. No no no |
Anonymous
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If your aunt moves in to help care for your mom, she should be paid a salary.
But don't let her control your mom's money. |
Anonymous
It doesn't matter if your sister can log in and see transactions -- if the aunt has already spent it, what's logging in going to do? Also if there's an end point where there will be hurt feelings and tough conversations ... why even start? Just do assisted living now. |
Anonymous
| My aunt did this to help my mom. They hate each other now and I’m trying to figure a way to get aunt out of the house when mom dies. Aunt thinks she should stay there until she does. |
Anonymous
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If your aunt lives their long term, the after your mom either needs to move to a home or passes, she could assert that she is entitled to stay in the home and or say that your mom “gave” it to her.
Best to contact an attorney before she moves in to understand any long term impacts to the arrangement. |
Anonymous
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You didn't really gain anything here. Your mother will still need cleaning help as well as any personal care now or in the future. Giving up the assisted living place took away access to that kind of help when it becomes needed. This is basically a giant vacation for your aunt. I'd absolutely want to take away all access to money, but I'm not sure how you can really do that.
I'd suggest that she come stay for a few weeks, return home, and repeat the cycle. |
Anonymous
Here is an idea. Take care of her yourself. You should pay her. |
Anonymous
| Love all the posters thinking Aunt will take advantage of Mom but assisted living places do not. Most people would rather be at home. My neighbour has a live-in housekeeper who takes advantage of him. She even booked a vacation in the Caribbean for them that he paid for. They go shopping and he pays for stuff for her house. But it's a way better life than assisted living. |
Anonymous
| What about squatters rights?! |
Anonymous
| My own elderly mom didn’t trust herself not to be talked into money requests from the ‘aunt’ that came to stay occasionally. During each visit, mom had a very trusted friend remove the checkbook and credit cards from the house. |
Anonymous
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Living together may well spoil their now friendly terms, soecially if money is also in the picture. Have her visit couple of weeks at a time - if not, she gets no access to accounts other than cash from you or a total that can be spent in the cards.
One of you pay the bills, share that responsibility with your sister. |