Coping with night before custody transition

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you text?
Short and uplifting.
Just wanted to know I am thinking of you today as you have your math quiz....
Can you commit to watching a show that they watch at the same time and text after?
My DD is a little older and watches reality TV shows so you could text something like - I could not believe the ending

I am not sure of your agreement - but just things that are very neutral and could never be misconstrued as interfering

Yes! DC actually said that we could start watching so and so show together once I catch up to where she is.
Looks like I’ll be binge watching for a few days!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There should be communication though often mothers will alienate dads by never allowing it. I know three mothers who did this (i am a mother).

OP here. I am intentionally not saying if I am mom or dad. This is not a gender issue so please, everyone, let’s not try to make it one.

This is about two kids who are on the way to being alienated from a parent. Keep it about the kids.

If they are with you half the time and you have a strong bond with them, they will not be alienated from you by limited communication during the off weeks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why no communication? Not even phone calls? That doesn’t seem healthy for parent or kid. Can non custodial parent have dinner with kid in middle of off week? If both parents do this, it’s still “fair” in terms of time.

Would love to see them mid-week for dinner but not an option. Order states (and for good reason) that transitions are to be through school.

Considering that, any other ideas that might work for us? Thanks

Other than going to the courts, no. You can still have a mid week dinner through school. Not sure why that's the issue.

Issue because NC parent would pick up kids at school (no aftercare) and keep them until school drop off next morning. Having a mid-week overnight seems too disorientating for the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There should be communication though often mothers will alienate dads by never allowing it. I know three mothers who did this (i am a mother).

OP here. I am intentionally not saying if I am mom or dad. This is not a gender issue so please, everyone, let’s not try to make it one.

This is about two kids who are on the way to being alienated from a parent. Keep it about the kids.

If they are with you half the time and you have a strong bond with them, they will not be alienated from you by limited communication during the off weeks.

We did have a strong bond but other parent continues to chip away at that and I can’t seem to keep pace with rebuilding it. Especially without calling out other parent for lying and manipulating the kids.

[Anonymous]

You share them. Nobody is alienating anyone. You enjoy your time and the other parent enjoys their time. There is no reason to be calling them unless emergency.
Nobody is taking your kids from you. Work on being away from them as they will be gone when they grow up.
My kids go to relative's house a lot like for days and weeks at the time. You don't see me going crazy and calling them. They are safe, happy, and healthy. When they come home, they tell me them missed me. The End.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Going to court may not fix if already in order. What does your lawyer say?

I can’t afford one rn and would have to file pro se.

In my experience with someone like this, going back to FC may make things worse in ways that can’t be anticipated. I’d focus on things you DO have control over. Hugs, Op, it is really hard. Best to you and the kids,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There should be communication though often mothers will alienate dads by never allowing it. I know three mothers who did this (i am a mother).

OP here. I am intentionally not saying if I am mom or dad. This is not a gender issue so please, everyone, let’s not try to make it one.

This is about two kids who are on the way to being alienated from a parent. Keep it about the kids.

If they are with you half the time and you have a strong bond with them, they will not be alienated from you by limited communication during the off weeks.

We did have a strong bond but other parent continues to chip away at that and I can’t seem to keep pace with rebuilding it. Especially without calling out other parent for lying and manipulating the kids.

NO good would come from doing so. Take focus off ex and focus on things you can control.

[Anonymous]

A court would do nothing to help. Just accept it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You share them. Nobody is alienating anyone. You enjoy your time and the other parent enjoys their time. There is no reason to be calling them unless emergency.
Nobody is taking your kids from you. Work on being away from them as they will be gone when they grow up.
My kids go to relative's house a lot like for days and weeks at the time. You don't see me going crazy and calling them. They are safe, happy, and healthy. When they come home, they tell me them missed me. The End.

Of course, this is alienation. You keep bragging your kids go to a relative for weeks and it is bizarre. You don't want to parent, most people do. Its your choice, it's not most parents' choice. Take care of your own kids.

[Anonymous]

Does the other parent allow video games?

Learn to play whatever video games your kids play and go online and play with them.

[Anonymous]

Or online chess...

Whatever your kids like.

[Anonymous]

Do your kids use Ipads? My dc and I message through Messenger, they like to send me emojis after school lol. (their other parent doesn't interfere with communication, it's just that dc does not yet own a phone). Maybe they can communicate that way?

[Anonymous]

OP if the court order states they’re allowed phone calls with other parent and he’s denying them this then he is in violation of the order. You do need to go to court and tell them he’s violating the order.
This sounds like a horrible situation. Hope it can improve for all of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP if the court order states they’re allowed phone calls with other parent and he’s denying them this then he is in violation of the order. You do need to go to court and tell them he’s violating the order.
This sounds like a horrible situation. Hope it can improve for all of you.

The court will not care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why no communication? Not even phone calls? That doesn’t seem healthy for parent or kid. Can non custodial parent have dinner with kid in middle of off week? If both parents do this, it’s still “fair” in terms of time.

Would love to see them mid-week for dinner but not an option. Order states (and for good reason) that transitions are to be through school.

Considering that, any other ideas that might work for us? Thanks

Would the school(s) agree to facilitate a call on the non-custodial weeks?

I don't know the answer to forcing the issue during your non-custodial time. On the one hand I think there's value in letting your kids know you are there for them/fought to have contact. I'd ask on this forum for experiences or talk to a therapist.