Deflecting questions for a kid who wants privacy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:they are usually asking out of curiosity,

and not because they are trying to pry,

OP here, I don't see the difference between these two. What would prying be besides seeking information out of curiosity rather than need to know.

Curiosity can be a positive thing. Prying has a negative connotation.

Curiosity about other people’s private business is not a good thing. People don’t have boundaries. When they are curious, they ask, without stopping to think whether it’s a possibly painful question.

Your child is going to have the say SOMETHING, OP. Because people will ask. I’d prepare one script and just say it over and over.

Like, “where is your dad?”
Answer, “oh, he moved far away and I never see him. My family is really me and my mom, which works out well for us.”

Or, “where is your dad?”
Answer: “in Texas, but we don’t have much of a relationship. My family has always been me and my mom.”

My kid is not obligated to give that much info.

The first isn’t any info at all. And he isn’t “obligated” but he won’t make friends if he is as defensive as you are. Kids will get the message he wants to be left alone and they will oblige him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:they are usually asking out of curiosity,

and not because they are trying to pry,

OP here, I don't see the difference between these two. What would prying be besides seeking information out of curiosity rather than need to know.

Curiosity can be a positive thing. Prying has a negative connotation.

Curiosity about other people’s private business is not a good thing. People don’t have boundaries. When they are curious, they ask, without stopping to think whether it’s a possibly painful question.

Your child is going to have the say SOMETHING, OP. Because people will ask. I’d prepare one script and just say it over and over.


Like, “where is your dad?”
Answer, “oh, he moved far away and I never see him. My family is really me and my mom, which works out well for us.”

Or, “where is your dad?”
Answer: “in Texas, but we don’t have much of a relationship. My family has always been me and my mom.”

My kid is not obligated to give that much info.

The first isn’t any info at all. And he isn’t “obligated” but he won’t make friends if he is as defensive as you are. Kids will get the message he wants to be left alone and they will oblige him.

"He moved away" isn't what happened, but if it was that's definitely information.

[Anonymous]

Just have him say: it's a private matter.

[Anonymous]

My nephew is in a similar situation, I just told him to say he would prefer not to talk about it when kids ask why he lives with me instead of his parents.

[Anonymous]

He could just say "my dad's not around, I just live with my mom". If someone asks why or where is he ... "I dunno, it's just the way it is. You going to the game on Friday?".

Anything that shuts it down harder than that is going to be awkward. You don't want other kids thinking your DC is rude or evasive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have 100% custody of my kids. Their father has no contact for reasons kid

One of my kids is starting a new school, and is looking for some ways to respond to questions about his dad that shut the topic down without seeming defensive or rude.

"Talk to my mom.". This should shut down all questions.

[Anonymous]

Lots of people in this area have been taught to avoid probing questions by saying, "That's a great question!" And then asking it to the other person right back. The questioner gets so caught up talking about themselves, they forget they asked you about your personal life. Works like a charm.

[Anonymous]

Unless the bio father is stalking or harassing you or his kid, this is a non-event, OP.

Mu daughter dislikes her father, who has a lot of issues and has made our lives difficult. She has no problems ignoring or deflecting questions from others. She can be polite, if it's a teacher or first-timer, or pretend not to hear, or she can be deliberately rude, if it's that annoying kid again. Teach your kid all that.