Boyfriend is unhealthy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean by falling apart?

He’s developed high blood pressure, high cholesterol, can’t do as much as he should be able to physically. For instance he’s super out of shape so can’t walk very far or do strenuous activities.

Almost everyone I know over 46 has high bp and/or cholesterol so that’s not surprising. Go for walks/bikes/hikes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's 47 years old he is who he is. If he wanted to change his habits he would have by now

Nah a lot of guys change in their 40s. Hitting 50 could be the wake up. Sometimes there are “good” midlife crises…

1. Most don't

2. Not ops problem to solve nor a chance she should take.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All of these posts are pretty dire, OP. Your FORTY SEVEN YEAR OLD boyfriend does not need a caregiver, now or in the next couple of years barring a catastrophic accident.

I think a lot of men in their mid-40s do this. Getting old is hard and annoying and the stuff that used to do the trick in terms of "keeping it together" doesn't work anymore. I'm 43 and I used to be able to eat half a pizza and half a bottle of wine on a date with my husband and now if I do that, I will feel hungover for an entire day and gain 5 pounds, which will not go away if I make an effort to go to the gym a few times the following week (which is how it was in my 20s and 30s).

He might become energized in the next couple years because turning 50 is a big deal. If you know that he's got high BP and high cholesterol and whatever else, at least he's GOING to the doctor, which is a good place to encourage him. The doctor doesn't care so much about hurting his feelings and will tell him "You need to eat differently and have a relationship with exercise as you age or your body will stop working well."

It's not noos job to be his momma and take him to the doctor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP- you are in a tricky spot. You clearly love this person and relationship. So the posts asking you to leave are a bit of nonsense.

What does he do professionally? Do you have a sense of what’s preventing him from getting healthy

No those posts are realistic. It's frickin foolish to go down the road of changing him I can get him to change.
Love us not enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a guy who was pretty out of shape who had a reckoning at 40. My wife had been bluntly telling me I needed to lose weight. On my birthday I looked at myself in the mirror and said "never again" and made major, permanent lifestyle changes. I lost 45 lbs over two years and I am now in great shape at 45.

Two things that helped motivate me in conversations with my wife: (1) She bluntly told me she was not attracted to me because of weight gain, (2) we worried about me living to see my kids graduate from college, get married, etc. if I continued down the path I was on.

Not at all the same situation as op

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP- you are in a tricky spot. You clearly love this person and relationship. So the posts asking you to leave are a bit of nonsense.

What does he do professionally? Do you have a sense of what’s preventing him from getting healthy

No those posts are realistic. It's frickin foolish to go down the road of changing him I can get him to change.
Love us not enough.

Their relationship is fine
You are an idiot

[Anonymous]

Watch out op.

He’ll probably have his mid life crisis at 50. He’ll finally get in good shape and start taking care of himself. This will boost his confidence.

By then you’ll be 40 and he’ll trade you in for a younger girlfriend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a loving relationship with my boyfriend who is a decade older than me. We will not be having kids. He’s awesome except he does not take care of his health. He’s 47 and falling apart. He eats terribly and doesn’t exercise. He also moves really slow for his age.

I’m concerned it could impact our relationship down the line. Would you bring this topic up? I don’t want to hurt his feelings? I also don’t want to go back out on the dating market. I really love our relationship outside of this.

I am 50. I have wish I could have him join me at the gym for 3 months and you won't recognize him. We men have huge advantage when it comes to staying in shape. Testosterone is an amazing thing to have. Men unless they are physically unable to move have no excuses to be fat and out of shape.

[Anonymous]

Stay unmarried. If you're not going to have kids, I don't know why anyone would get married. He eats terribly and doesn’t exercise ~ not your business. He also moves really slow for his age ~ not your business.

I’m concerned it could impact our relationship down the line ~ you can choose to leave. Lots of things could cause either of you to leave. You, Op could have a disabling illness... YOU might be in terrible health. Wouldn't be fun for him. Should you bring up your concerns ~ NO