Pulling HSers out of school for Sibling out of State Wedding

[Anonymous]

Np. Can you do as a pp said and buy the ticket and evaluate in the fall. You can discuss with dc’s therapist and see if missing school would cause a setback.

If he is close with your brother and extended family, he may enjoy seeing everyone. This assumes a quick, direct flight.

I have a dd who is very anxious about travel and between that and missing assignments, it would have been a no. But you know your child best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Hell no. This would be an unexcused absence and your kid would get a zero for whatever tests or quizzes are given while he is away. Junior year grades count the most for college applications and zeros are hard to pull up.

Only a raving loon or a clueless person without kids would suggest doing this.

You sound completely unhinged. I have four kids and we value education probably more than the average family, and we would absolutely would have taken any of our kids out for a day or two for this (just like they each missed a day or two when their grandparents died when they were in high school/college).

DP here. We have also had zero issues with schools allowing makeup work for full credit. If the student otherwise has good attendance and is proactive about communication with the teacher, the makeup work should not be an issue. I'd say my HS student misses 6-10 days per year (not in a row) for illness, travel and a mental health day here and there. Straight A's in honors/AP classes.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely, I'd take them out. Without a second thought. Assuming it's a few days and not weeks, we're talking about. They'll be fine making up the work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Second wedding? Divorced? I wouldn't. Go just you. DH stays home with the teen.

+1. Unless teen really wants to go of course (like this is a beloved uncle or something).

First wedding. -OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely, I'd take them out. Without a second thought. Assuming it's a few days and not weeks, we're talking about. They'll be fine making up the work.

Since the incident last year, it takes a lot for him to complete work. His grades are a hot mess. Doubtful he’ll make up the work. He won’t do retakes. He does fine with the problems etc at home. When he steps into school, things frequently go off course and he has no will to make up.

It will likely just be me and maybe my other DC representing our family. My brother doesn’t really care for the rest of our extended family and we have no first cousins or aunts/uncles.

Thanks for the input.

-OP

[Anonymous]

Go to the wedding with the kids!! Fun family memories and school will figure itself out. Sounds like they’re old enough to get any assignments ahead of time and even could get some instruction if needed.

GOOOOOOOO!!!!! Have fun! Support your brother!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely, I'd take them out. Without a second thought. Assuming it's a few days and not weeks, we're talking about. They'll be fine making up the work.

Since the incident last year, it takes a lot for him to complete work. His grades are a hot mess. Doubtful he’ll make up the work. He won’t do retakes. He does fine with the problems etc at home. When he steps into school, things frequently go off course and he has no will to make up.

It will likely just be me and maybe my other DC representing our family. My brother doesn’t really care for the rest of our extended family and we have no first cousins or aunts/uncles.

Thanks for the input.

-OP

If your kid is struggling to keep up, becomes anxious/stresses about making up work and avoids it, then disrupting his schedule is a recipe for disaster. Don’t risk your kid’s mental health to fill a seat at a wedding. Your brother is an adjusted 50 year old, he will be fine with just you attending.

[Anonymous]

I’d let the kid decide (with no pressure from me either way). If I did take the kid, I would probably fly ahead to be there for all the wedding events and let the kid come as late as possible and still make the actual wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely, I'd take them out. Without a second thought. Assuming it's a few days and not weeks, we're talking about. They'll be fine making up the work.

Since the incident last year, it takes a lot for him to complete work. His grades are a hot mess. Doubtful he’ll make up the work. He won’t do retakes. He does fine with the problems etc at home. When he steps into school, things frequently go off course and he has no will to make up.

It will likely just be me and maybe my other DC representing our family. My brother doesn’t really care for the rest of our extended family and we have no first cousins or aunts/uncles.

Thanks for the input.

-OP

If your kid is struggling to keep up, becomes anxious/stresses about making up work and avoids it, then disrupting his schedule is a recipe for disaster. Don’t risk your kid’s mental health to fill a seat at a wedding. Your brother is an adjusted 50 year old, he will be fine with just you attending.

As someone who has dealt with anxiety in family members and a little myself, I generally would disagree, assuming the therapist says it's okay. Life has disruptions. You do not want to send the message to an anxious person that if they miss a day of school things may fall apart. You want to convert that you have confidence that they can handle it. Don't ask them if they want to go. If it's important to you, tell that that you're going, that they'll miss a day of school, that you have confidence that they'll be able to make a plan and that you and the therapist are there if they need advice or support.

You don't need to tell them now if you think the date looming will provide anxiety.

If you are anxious about it, op, and it sounds like you are, they can feed off your anxiety. You need to get calm about it first before you talk with your kid.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely, I'd take them out. Without a second thought. Assuming it's a few days and not weeks, we're talking about. They'll be fine making up the work.

Since the incident last year, it takes a lot for him to complete work. His grades are a hot mess. Doubtful he’ll make up the work. He won’t do retakes. He does fine with the problems etc at home. When he steps into school, things frequently go off course and he has no will to make up.

It will likely just be me and maybe my other DC representing our family. My brother doesn’t really care for the rest of our extended family and we have no first cousins or aunts/uncles.

Thanks for the input.

-OP

If your kid is struggling to keep up, becomes anxious/stresses about making up work and avoids it, then disrupting his schedule is a recipe for disaster. Don’t risk your kid’s mental health to fill a seat at a wedding. Your brother is an adjusted 50 year old, he will be fine with just you attending.

As someone who has dealt with anxiety in family members and a little myself, I generally would disagree, assuming the therapist says it's okay. Life has disruptions. You do not want to send the message to an anxious person that if they miss a day of school things may fall apart. You want to convert that you have confidence that they can handle it. Don't ask them if they want to go. If it's important to you, tell that that you're going, that they'll miss a day of school, that you have confidence that they'll be able to make a plan and that you and the therapist are there if they need advice or support.

You don't need to tell them now if you think the date looming will provide anxiety.

If you are anxious about it, op, and it sounds like you are, they can feed off your anxiety. You need to get calm about it first before you talk with your kid.

Good luck!

This is really bad advice. My oldest has ADHD and anxiety. Junior year was the hardest with school anxiety. She would hide in the nurses office, bathroom or anywhere she could to avoid any class that she felt overwhelmed in. She also avoided retakes or making work up. It took teachers chasing her down, lots of therapy and anti anxiety medication. Taking a kid like this out for a wedding just piles on the stress of being more behind. Kids with anxiety don’t just power through and make up the work , they freeze and hide from it. They are already behind on their own without having a trip thrown in.

The best things we did to help DD through this were medication, therapy and giving her an environment where she could make progress. We didn’t schedule any weekend travel during the semester and saved trips for between semesters. Since she wasn’t productive in school, she really needed the time outside school to do what she could. If she hadn’t had that consistently, she would have failed. People don’t understand that kids with anxiety can spiral very quickly.

You shouldn’t tell your child that the reason you are going alone is because of his anxiety. Don’t drag the other kid out either. Just tell them the wedding is during the school year and you are going alone. They won’t see anything odd about this.

Most important, do not and I repeat do not tell relatives that you are not bringing the kids because your son is struggling in school. You will risk your kids overhearing or if you have rude relatives someone making a rude comment later on in front of them. You also may hear some very ill informed advice from people more focused on wanting everyone to go like “oh it’s just a few days! It’s family! The memories! Just tell him to buck up, don’t feed his anxiety!” These are very incorrect statements coming from a place of ignorance or selfishness.

[Anonymous]

Junior year is very stressful. Even if your kid isn’t fixated on getting into his dream school, he will be frightened that he won’t get it in anywhere. All his friends will be stressed about college/grades and he will constantly be surrounded by this. If he was a good student before the anxiety worsened, it will be even worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No do not disrupt the high schoolers. You won’t know what is scheduled for their academic classes until September. You may not even know the schedule of the sports and music activities until the beginning of school.

Weddings are not drop everything and disrupt everyone events. It’s 100% fine if just you go.

This. It's an invitation not a summons. Our priority was making things easy for loved ones. Venue right near very reasonably priced hotels, event during a time when kids were out of school, accommodations for disabilities, etc. We didn't hold it against anyone if they didn't come. We just tried to make it easy and we wanted everyone to enjoy themselves and not be stressed out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Go to the wedding with the kids!! Fun family memories and school will figure itself out. Sounds like they’re old enough to get any assignments ahead of time and even could get some instruction if needed.

GOOOOOOOO!!!!! Have fun! Support your brother!

The op already said she was going. Why are telling her to support him?

[Anonymous]

High school, no.

[Anonymous]

Is the wedding out of state like Alaska or Hawaii? If not, couldn't you do the wedding with a 3 day weekend? Kid missing 1 day of school on a friday or monday in october isn't going to ruin his prospects.