Is she in sports? My very athletic children that play travel sports quickly learn that there is always someone better than you. Teaches humility. |
+1 My DD 15 is also like OP’s and although I know it’s not right I secretly like hearing her confidence come out. Wish I had an ounce of it! |
This. This can be tough with kids...girls in particular, in my experience. You want them to be confident, but humble. The best thing you can do is model humility and try to teach your children that everyone has strengths and weaknesses. I always point out my kids' strengths, but I also let them know when they need to work on themselves. It seems like you need to talk to your daughter about that. Also, talking about how great you are, etc., is often actually a sign of insecurity. When she puts other people down, she's really just exposing her own insecurities. You should make sure she understands that. |
Actually, this is often a sign of a lack of confidence/insecurity. The truly confident are humble. Your daughter, like you, lacks confidence. |
Cut her down back to size with a well-placed insult.
E.g. "Larla has such disgusting eyebrows" You "Yeah, she should go to the person who waxed your's" or "I wonder what Larla is saying to her mom about your flat a$$" Your her mom, you will know what cuts her down If you can't think of anything, "Wow, that was a really b----- thing to say" If she wants to to engage in frat house talk, she can take it too. |
This is psychotic advice. WTF is wrong with you? |
Without reading the rest of the responses, (1) this is a natural phase, (2) she's also imitating what she hears from other girls at school so don't villainize her as a mean girl, (3) just enjoy that she's even talking to you at all! Some parents would give anything to have their teens talk to them regularly, even if it's just to trash other kids at school. Heck, they would even join in just to have some connection. |
stfu larla. |
Pretty much this. But is she right, OP? Also, she can trash people to you but you should encourage her to consider any redeeming qualities these people might have. |
Seems like DD sees the worst in people… |
i am betting someone in your immediate family, perhaps your husband, communicates through complaints- about people and mundane irritations. My Italian-American family has this dynamic and I really fight the urge to judge and gossip as a way of bonding. |
It’s not about how the other kids feel, but rather about what this attitude is doing to the daughter. Trying to find the good in everyone is a skill that must be practiced because it’s a lot easier to just dismiss others. But it pays dividends in the long run. For her own mental health because she has a feeling of hope for the future, for one. |
You pointed out her IQ was statistically higher than the average person? Kind of weird. I hope you also explained that a high IQ means nothing if you don’t have the self motivation, or aren’t a hard worker or don’t realize that your personality and the way you treat people matters more. |
Say something nice about the people she’s trying to cut down. Don’t engage with the criticism. |
My biggest concern for a kid like this (other than just turning into a garden variety @sshole) would be a real fall from grace when they go to college. This “big fish and a small pond” syndrome can be a real misplaced self perception until they actually get challenged. Think of the girl who’s the best dancer in her small dance school and then tries out for ABT or similar and gets smoked by other kids. It may be useful to consider whether you have her in enough challenging activities. The poster upthread, who pointed out that their kid plays travel sports and learns humility pretty quickly has it right. It doesn’t have to be athletics, but she needs to have some experiences where she understands her level of ability on the spectrum of ability. |