Why is my mother so smug?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, Tell her the relationship you and she have now should be more like friends. Now that you are older. Point out to her that she would not make these comments to a friend - not if she expected to keep the friend.

She doesn't need to agree with you. She could likely say she's your Mother and gets to say what she wants. I'd still say the above and then feel free to alter your interactions based on her rudeness.

I had this exact exchange with my mother. She criticizes everything about me and I said "would you speak this way to your sister? Family is one thing but this is out of control." And she said "after all I've done for you I'm not going to censor myself." So I've cut back on our time together and talking.

My husband is like this. He doesn’t always criticize me but when I point out something I found hurtful or untrue he replies he should be able to say anything he wants in his home without having to filter his thoughts. Guess how well our relationship is going. <sigh>

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, Tell her the relationship you and she have now should be more like friends. Now that you are older. Point out to her that she would not make these comments to a friend - not if she expected to keep the friend.

She doesn't need to agree with you. She could likely say she's your Mother and gets to say what she wants. I'd still say the above and then feel free to alter your interactions based on her rudeness.

I had this exact exchange with my mother. She criticizes everything about me and I said "would you speak this way to your sister? Family is one thing but this is out of control." And she said "after all I've done for you I'm not going to censor myself." So I've cut back on our time together and talking.

My husband is like this. He doesn’t always criticize me but when I point out something I found hurtful or untrue he replies he should be able to say anything he wants in his home without having to filter his thoughts. Guess how well our relationship is going. <sigh>

Literally have the same issue with my husband and its led to fights last night and a tiff this am. I can't.

[Anonymous]

I would just retort every time, oh let’s not be a negative Nancy. Over and over and over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, Tell her the relationship you and she have now should be more like friends. Now that you are older. Point out to her that she would not make these comments to a friend - not if she expected to keep the friend.

She doesn't need to agree with you. She could likely say she's your Mother and gets to say what she wants. I'd still say the above and then feel free to alter your interactions based on her rudeness.

Well, I would tell the lady just because I came out of her vagina doesn’t mean she needs to talk out of her butt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:About literally everything. It’s driving me nuts.

We usually travel during the summer. This year due to DH taking a promotion, we plan to stay close to home. It feels like every time I talk to my mother she has to rub it in my face with comments like, “It’s sure going to be a boring summer for you all.” But with this strange air of pleasure I sense from her.

They tore up our street to put in new water mains. They finally came and repaired the damage, seeded. I mentioned to my mother that men all along the block were out analyzing their yards, and it appears the “grass race” is off and running, making a joke of it. The replied, “Grass seed never works. It’s never going to look like it did. You never get it to look right again.”

I guess maybe the word I am looking for is actually “negative”. There are other examples, these are just the most recent, but it can be about literally anything, always. What pleasure does she gain from this?

What weird post or a weird mom.

Is she always so terrible at understanding other peoples situation or decisions?

Ignore her. Lack of empathy or ability to see another’s point of view. Ignore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:About literally everything. It’s driving me nuts.

We usually travel during the summer. This year due to DH taking a promotion, we plan to stay close to home. It feels like every time I talk to my mother she has to rub it in my face with comments like, “It’s sure going to be a boring summer for you all.” But with this strange air of pleasure I sense from her.

They tore up our street to put in new water mains. They finally came and repaired the damage, seeded. I mentioned to my mother that men all along the block were out analyzing their yards, and it appears the “grass race” is off and running, making a joke of it. The replied, “Grass seed never works. It’s never going to look like it did. You never get it to look right again.”

I guess maybe the word I am looking for is actually “negative”. There are other examples, these are just the most recent, but it can be about literally anything, always. What pleasure does she gain from this?

I wouldn't be having many conversations with her. Just because she is your mom doesn't mean she gets the right to treat you that way. If brave I would say:

Mom "your summer is going to be boring"
Me " why are you saying that?" Are you offering to do something for us that we don't know about? Or is that what you would say to a friend?

Just want to say I'm sorry! I have a narcisstic mom who is giving me the silent treatment ( almost a year) and little does she know that it has been a pleasure not hearing from her! She thinks I am pining for her abuse.

[Anonymous]

My mom's kind of like this. If I were to make the "grass race" comment she'd make a sympathetic noise and be like, "oh dear". She says that to like half of the things I tell her. "We went for a walk today! Looks like the azaleas have already peaked at the park, spring is turning into summer pretty quick this year!" "hmm, oh dear, well that's a shame". Or if she can't say some variation of that, she says something else neutral and weird. "Larlo won his soccer match this morning!" "Oh my, he's been working hard I guess." Like she's incapable of just saying "oh that's great!!!" or anything semi natural.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:About literally everything. It’s driving me nuts.

We usually travel during the summer. This year due to DH taking a promotion, we plan to stay close to home. It feels like every time I talk to my mother she has to rub it in my face with comments like, “It’s sure going to be a boring summer for you all.” But with this strange air of pleasure I sense from her.

They tore up our street to put in new water mains. They finally came and repaired the damage, seeded. I mentioned to my mother that men all along the block were out analyzing their yards, and it appears the “grass race” is off and running, making a joke of it. The replied, “Grass seed never works. It’s never going to look like it did. You never get it to look right again.”

I guess maybe the word I am looking for is actually “negative”. There are other examples, these are just the most recent, but it can be about literally anything, always. What pleasure does she gain from this?

What weird post or a weird mom.

Is she always so terrible at understanding other peoples situation or decisions?

Ignore her. Lack of empathy or ability to see another’s point of view. Ignore.

PP, you must be lucky to not have any boomers in your life like this. If you search boomer mom on any social media, you’ll see all sorts of hilarious videos just like this. Boomer mom/grandma become a bunch of negative Nellies!