Is this a horrible habit?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, but it’s happening everywhere in most families. Including mine. It is a horrible habit though and I feel bad for this generation, but it’s hard to break.

Keep them in sports etc. and make sure they do know how to entertain themselves at home without screens. Ie have a screen free hour before bed. Have several screen free hours on the weekend with no planned or structured activities.

Op - but how is it any different from how we grew up in the 80s? My husband tells me about how he had a tv in his room growing up. He is now a successful lawyer making high six figures so it doesn’t seem to have stunted his development.

FWIW my kids are not gaming or watching YouTube. I am pretty strict on what they can watch. They watch Netflix kids or Disney plus kids.

Good question. I think it’s because when there wasn’t anything we wanted to watch on tv, we turned it off and found something else to do. Now they can always find something to watch.

And when we were tweens we walked/biked the neighborhood with friends instead of texting them all day. And when we were teens we all wanted out of the house to socialize and now many stay home because they’re socializing through the screen. And at school we had a film strip once a week and now the smart boards are on all the time and students are on chromebooks too much of the day. And when they’re in the car and they were bored they had to stare out the window and be okay with being bored.
I just think it’s different in quantity overall.

I work in a school and the attention spans of students are overall quite low. They don’t all have adhd, it’s the screens. They’re not used to being bored.

I’m not criticizing you at all, it’s good that you have limits on what screens they do watch, they are already better off than some kids with unlimited access to YouTube. It’s a different era now and yes, I’m worried about the impact.

These are great points!

Op I solo parent and did screen-free during the week, Sunday evening-Friday morning. Saturday's and Sunday mornings were pretty flexible with screens, but often we had parties or they wanted to be outside with friends.

During the week my kids helped me with dinner or read a book or played outside or did arts and crafts or board games during that down time. If we had a dog I would have dragged them out on those walks with the dog.

What was compelling to me was seeing how much they got done during those down times. Reading several books a week! Talking to their grandma on the phone! Chores! Learning to cook! so starting in middle school they each are responsible for one meal a week. In middle school they have more homework and activities so there's not as much time to teach them things, so for me it was worth it to take twice as long making dinner for them to "help" because they eventually learn to do it themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why can’t your dog go out in the yard? Get a fence!

OP - we do have a fence. But the dog is a puppy and ends up digging holes and making a mess instead of actually going to the bathroom. So either way I have to be outside with the dog.

[Anonymous]

A nine year old can walk a dog.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will be the voice of dissent I guess. I don’t think this is great for a weekday. If they are doing activities they probably aren’t home for very long. I prefer for my kids to do things like color and draw, read, play with toys together, chat about their days with us. I instituted a no weekday tv rule this school year and I have noticed a massive difference in their behavior and sleep. It’s a lot harder for the parents but I have found it to be worth it.

I will say I think the actual tv is better than a tablet. Even Disney has some stuff that’s not appropriate for an early elementary kid. My seven year old will watch those shows they are aimed more at a preteen with a friend and the sassy back talk definitely seeps into her interactions with us.

OP- yes I would prefer that they didn't watch tv during the week. But during the week I am pretty much solo parenting. So I end up letting them use their tablets/watch tv when I am making dinner or having to take the dog outside to go to the bathroom.

You asked for opinions!

OP - sorry yes I do appreciate your opinion. How do you do it when you are solo parenting? I guess that is my biggest hurdle.

My kids usually go up to their rooms to decompress when we get home. One likes to read. The other turns on music and pretends.

When they come downstairs dinner is being prepared. We turn on music -- usually T Swift -- and they will play with toys or puzzles, do art projects or play with the dog. Because TV has never been an option, they don't even ask or think of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, but it’s happening everywhere in most families. Including mine. It is a horrible habit though and I feel bad for this generation, but it’s hard to break.

Keep them in sports etc. and make sure they do know how to entertain themselves at home without screens. Ie have a screen free hour before bed. Have several screen free hours on the weekend with no planned or structured activities.

Op - but how is it any different from how we grew up in the 80s? My husband tells me about how he had a tv in his room growing up. He is now a successful lawyer making high six figures so it doesn’t seem to have stunted his development.

FWIW my kids are not gaming or watching YouTube. I am pretty strict on what they can watch. They watch Netflix kids or Disney plus kids.

Good question. I think it’s because when there wasn’t anything we wanted to watch on tv, we turned it off and found something else to do. Now they can always find something to watch.

And when we were tweens we walked/biked the neighborhood with friends instead of texting them all day. And when we were teens we all wanted out of the house to socialize and now many stay home because they’re socializing through the screen. And at school we had a film strip once a week and now the smart boards are on all the time and students are on chromebooks too much of the day. And when they’re in the car and they were bored they had to stare out the window and be okay with being bored.
I just think it’s different in quantity overall.

I work in a school and the attention spans of students are overall quite low. They don’t all have adhd, it’s the screens. They’re not used to being bored.

I’m not criticizing you at all, it’s good that you have limits on what screens they do watch, they are already better off than some kids with unlimited access to YouTube. It’s a different era now and yes, I’m worried about the impact.

These are great points!

Op I solo parent and did screen-free during the week, Sunday evening-Friday morning. Saturday's and Sunday mornings were pretty flexible with screens, but often we had parties or they wanted to be outside with friends.

During the week my kids helped me with dinner or read a book or played outside or did arts and crafts or board games during that down time. If we had a dog I would have dragged them out on those walks with the dog.

What was compelling to me was seeing how much they got done during those down times. Reading several books a week! Talking to their grandma on the phone! Chores! Learning to cook! so starting in middle school they each are responsible for one meal a week. In middle school they have more homework and activities so there's not as much time to teach them things, so for me it was worth it to take twice as long making dinner for them to "help" because they eventually learn to do it themselves.

OP - thank you this is helpful. I would like to have my oldest help more with dinner. The younger too are still too little to do much other than burn themselves on the gas flame.

My two older kids do read quite a lot, which I like. I will try and incorporate my oldest into helping cook more. During the week when we have limited time, after I work a full day, I find I have less patience to help teach my kids how to do things like cooking and chores. I know that is a me problem and not their problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A nine year old can walk a dog.

OP - my kids are not allowed to walk the dog. It weighs more than they do.

[Anonymous]

I think in the grand scheme of things this is NBD.

However, I personally think 2 hours of screen time a day is too much, particularly for a 4 year old. I’d really try to get that down to an hour. My four year old will play by himself for a half hour, and would “help” with dinner (give him a stool and a make-work task). I think it’s worth trying to cut back.

We only have two, but they’re younger (4 and 2.5). When I’m solo after work, I pick up the kids and we’re home by 5:45. We all play together for about 15 mins. Then they play while I make dinner from 6-6:30. We have an open floor plan which really helps. I can supervise from the kitchen (and I def have to intervene sometimes!) and often one will “help” which for sure makes it take longer. When one of us is solo, it’s simple meals only. Pasta and red sauce from a jar. Chicken nuggets. Leftovers. Salmon and rice in the rice cooker. Etc. Cut up some fruits and veggies to go with it and call it a day. Honestly the hardest part is the last 5-10 mins when I’m trying to get the table set and serve and the kids are cranky and hungry. Luckily we have gummy vitamins they love, that’ll keep them quiet for about 60 seconds in that window. Haha.

Dinner until 7 or 7:15. Maybe a few mins to play, then we clean up toys together (sometimes gets skipped on solo nights!) Then we all go to my sons room for a quick bedtime routine (daughter likes playing in his room during this time) and he’s in bed at 7:30 or a few minutes later, then I take my daughter to her room, quick bedtime routine and she’s in bed at 7:45.

It does mean the kitchen is a disaster to be dealt with after bed time, but it’s doable for us. We’re also not solo as often as you are - I’d say one of us is solo once or twice a week (including weekend evenings). Probably REALLY different than what it’s like with older kids, but that’s where we are now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A nine year old can walk a dog.

OP - my kids are not allowed to walk the dog. It weighs more than they do.

Well it sounds like you've got no choice. Your four year old has to stare slackjawed at Peppa Pig. But your husband is very rich, so I guess its worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will be the voice of dissent I guess. I don’t think this is great for a weekday. If they are doing activities they probably aren’t home for very long. I prefer for my kids to do things like color and draw, read, play with toys together, chat about their days with us. I instituted a no weekday tv rule this school year and I have noticed a massive difference in their behavior and sleep. It’s a lot harder for the parents but I have found it to be worth it.

I will say I think the actual tv is better than a tablet. Even Disney has some stuff that’s not appropriate for an early elementary kid. My seven year old will watch those shows they are aimed more at a preteen with a friend and the sassy back talk definitely seeps into her interactions with us.

OP- yes I would prefer that they didn't watch tv during the week. But during the week I am pretty much solo parenting. So I end up letting them use their tablets/watch tv when I am making dinner or having to take the dog outside to go to the bathroom.

You asked for opinions!

OP - sorry yes I do appreciate your opinion. How do you do it when you are solo parenting? I guess that is my biggest hurdle.

NP, but there's lots of stuff kids that age can do by themselves while you make dinner. Our TV is out of sight and the tablet is reserved for long car rides (and usually not charged in a drawer somewhere), so it doesn't come up. TV is a family activity, reserved for days with no school. The kids read or play with toys.

I don't think it's a huge deal either way (and it's a lot harder to change once the expectation is there), but it's possible,

Op - yes I definitely think it’s hard to change once you start something.

Sometimes I have to walk the dog up and down the street - so I usually make sure the youngest is watching something so I can take 5-10 minutes to do this. I can see the house the whole time but it is my only option.

I get this. I would feel safer with a 4 year old watch tv for 5-10 mins than playing otherwise. But honestly - take him with you! A walk is great for a kid this age. But also reasonable to keep doing what you’re doing on this front. But that’s 10 mins - not 2 hours!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, but it’s happening everywhere in most families. Including mine. It is a horrible habit though and I feel bad for this generation, but it’s hard to break.

Keep them in sports etc. and make sure they do know how to entertain themselves at home without screens. Ie have a screen free hour before bed. Have several screen free hours on the weekend with no planned or structured activities.

Op - but how is it any different from how we grew up in the 80s? My husband tells me about how he had a tv in his room growing up. He is now a successful lawyer making high six figures so it doesn’t seem to have stunted his development.

FWIW my kids are not gaming or watching YouTube. I am pretty strict on what they can watch. They watch Netflix kids or Disney plus kids.

Good question. I think it’s because when there wasn’t anything we wanted to watch on tv, we turned it off and found something else to do. Now they can always find something to watch.

And when we were tweens we walked/biked the neighborhood with friends instead of texting them all day. And when we were teens we all wanted out of the house to socialize and now many stay home because they’re socializing through the screen. And at school we had a film strip once a week and now the smart boards are on all the time and students are on chromebooks too much of the day. And when they’re in the car and they were bored they had to stare out the window and be okay with being bored.
I just think it’s different in quantity overall.

I work in a school and the attention spans of students are overall quite low. They don’t all have adhd, it’s the screens. They’re not used to being bored.

I’m not criticizing you at all, it’s good that you have limits on what screens they do watch, they are already better off than some kids with unlimited access to YouTube. It’s a different era now and yes, I’m worried about the impact.

These are great points!

Op I solo parent and did screen-free during the week, Sunday evening-Friday morning. Saturday's and Sunday mornings were pretty flexible with screens, but often we had parties or they wanted to be outside with friends.

During the week my kids helped me with dinner or read a book or played outside or did arts and crafts or board games during that down time. If we had a dog I would have dragged them out on those walks with the dog.

What was compelling to me was seeing how much they got done during those down times. Reading several books a week! Talking to their grandma on the phone! Chores! Learning to cook! so starting in middle school they each are responsible for one meal a week. In middle school they have more homework and activities so there's not as much time to teach them things, so for me it was worth it to take twice as long making dinner for them to "help" because they eventually learn to do it themselves.

OP - thank you this is helpful. I would like to have my oldest help more with dinner. The younger too are still too little to do much other than burn themselves on the gas flame.

My two older kids do read quite a lot, which I like. I will try and incorporate my oldest into helping cook more. During the week when we have limited time, after I work a full day, I find I have less patience to help teach my kids how to do things like cooking and chores. I know that is a me problem and not their problem.

4 is actually a great age to start "helping" because it makes them feel special and more like a big kid. Even if it's just cutting mushrooms or tofu with a butter knife or slowly peeling an onion or stirring something (even if it doesn't really need to be stirred), it keeps them occupied and gets them in the habit of being useful.

[Anonymous]

I don't think it's horrible. However, we don't do it. Here's my TV journey if anyone is interested. I swear I am not being smug -- I do not judge anyone!

Like a lot of kids in the 80s, I watched tons of TV as a kid. The TV was on pretty much all the time. We watched Saturday cartoons and after school cartoons. I watched shows like Saved by the Bell. We'd have the TV on showing syndicated sitcoms in the pre-dinner hours. On weekends sports were always on. During the day my mom watched daytime talk shows. In the summer we watched the Price is Right, talk shows, and sometimes soap operas. We also watched the news, weekend matinee movies, etc. When I was in high school I stayed up late to watch Letterman. When we got up in the morning, we'd watch CNN or the Today Show. If people were awake, the TV was probably on.

When I became an adult, this was also part of my habit. As a student and then when I started working, I would watch cable news or a morning news show as I got ready in the morning. I watched random reality shows on TLC during class breaks in college. I'd turn on the TV and watch movies or late night when I got home from hanging out with friends. I watched TV with roommates in the evening.

I started working remotely well before Covid, like around 2010. I got in the habit of putting on cable news in the background when I worked at home. It got to the point where I just didn't like the quiet if it wasn't on. If I stayed up late to work, I'd often put on reruns of a show like Friends or the West Wing -- something I could ignore but would be comforting background noise. I noticed my parents did this too, when I visited -- the TV was always on, even if they weren't watching it.

Then I had kids, and got inundated with all the stuff about screen time. At first I kind of ignored it (I watched a lot of TV and I'm well educated and employed, what's the big deal). I watched plenty of TV while on maternity leave with my first. But as my kids got older, I noticed how easily their eyes drifted to screens, no matter the context. I also noticed the effect it had on them, the way the could zone out even to a commercial or a sporting event they didn't understand. I started also recognizing these habits in myself. Over time I started keeping the TV off more. I'd put on music, or just let it be quiet. At first it was hard but then I started to appreciate it. I liked that my kids never zoned out in front of it. If they watched TV, it was intentional, like "okay we're going to watch 30 minutes of Bluey and then turn it off." They came to accept these limits easily in a way I would have had a very hard time with as a kid.

I started especially enjoying the family time we had with the TV off. We got really into music, the kids worked up their own playlists. We talked to each other more and listened more. It wasn't totally on purpose, but we got to the point where we just do not turn on the TV during the day before about 8pm, except a handful of times during the NFL season to watch a specific game. We cut the cord on cable and didn't even miss it.

I don't think not watching TV makes us better people. And we DO still watch -- DH and I watch an hour or two almost nightly, but always something purposeful, a baseball game or a movie or one of a handful of shows. We don't just turn on the TV to turn it on, and if there's nothing specific we want to watch, we leave it off. We do movie nights with the kids and they have a handful of shows they like too, and we aren't super restrictive about that. But they don't ask for TV that often, to be honest. It's a treat, something that happens on a snow day or a rainy Saturday or when they are sick, but not expected daily. Recently we started watching Abbott Elementary with them once a week and that's been a fun family viewing experience. I expect we'll watch more TV with them as they get older and stay up later, and as their TV interests start to intersect with ours more. I don't think TV is evil. I actually love TV!

But I have come around on the idea of TV being addictive, and limiting both how much we watch and what we watch. I do think it's good for my kids to learn they don't need the distraction or soothing qualities of TV all the time, something I didn't learn until my late 30s! It doesn't mean no TVs or no screens, but I do think I was someone who watched too much TV and I'm definitely better off having learned to scale it way back.

[Anonymous]

My kids are similar ages (10, 8, 5). They don’t watch tv during the week except for 15-20 min after breakfast most days. In the afternoon is activities or they play. Now that the weather is nice, my eldest does homework and reads and younger two are on the trampoline (best investment ever made).

They watch a lot more tv on weekends and we don’t limit it. We also have a lot of activities, but they probably watch 2-3 hours a day. We are watching a lot of National Geographic documentaries together and all 3 kids love them (and parents too).

The worst is when I am trying to work and my youngest is home alone because sick or his activity was canceled (happened yesterday). He watched 20 min of Ntflix until husband came home. This does not happen often, but we all do what we have to and sometimes that is putting kids in front of the TV.


For all the people that say tht screen time is different now from when we were young, that is true. I wonder if our parents thought the same about our time and how much time we spend on the couch watching tv (I know I did).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids are similar ages (10, 8, 5). They don’t watch tv during the week except for 15-20 min after breakfast most days. In the afternoon is activities or they play. Now that the weather is nice, my eldest does homework and reads and younger two are on the trampoline (best investment ever made).

They watch a lot more tv on weekends and we don’t limit it. We also have a lot of activities, but they probably watch 2-3 hours a day. We are watching a lot of National Geographic documentaries together and all 3 kids love them (and parents too).

The worst is when I am trying to work and my youngest is home alone because sick or his activity was canceled (happened yesterday). He watched 20 min of Ntflix until husband came home. This does not happen often, but we all do what we have to and sometimes that is putting kids in front of the TV.


For all the people that say tht screen time is different now from when we were young, that is true. I wonder if our parents thought the same about our time and how much time we spend on the couch watching tv (I know I did).

OP - I would love to get a trampoline but my husband refuses. Said that there is too much liability (he is a lawyer) and also we have a ton of friends who are in the medical profession who said it is a horrible idea. Not sure how I can change his mind!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are similar ages (10, 8, 5). They don’t watch tv during the week except for 15-20 min after breakfast most days. In the afternoon is activities or they play. Now that the weather is nice, my eldest does homework and reads and younger two are on the trampoline (best investment ever made).

They watch a lot more tv on weekends and we don’t limit it. We also have a lot of activities, but they probably watch 2-3 hours a day. We are watching a lot of National Geographic documentaries together and all 3 kids love them (and parents too).

The worst is when I am trying to work and my youngest is home alone because sick or his activity was canceled (happened yesterday). He watched 20 min of Ntflix until husband came home. This does not happen often, but we all do what we have to and sometimes that is putting kids in front of the TV.


For all the people that say tht screen time is different now from when we were young, that is true. I wonder if our parents thought the same about our time and how much time we spend on the couch watching tv (I know I did).

OP - I would love to get a trampoline but my husband refuses. Said that there is too much liability (he is a lawyer) and also we have a ton of friends who are in the medical profession who said it is a horrible idea. Not sure how I can change his mind!

We bought it 6 years ago and so far so good. Our neighbors’ kids use it too. Kids can get hurt doing anything. Bike, schooner, playground…. You accept a little risk. Our kids love it and spend hours on it even just laying down or sitting and chatting.

[Anonymous]

OP - I am not trying to be mean but you have an excuse for every suggestion made. You are either fine with how you are handling your evenings or you aren't. You came here to ask questions about how people do it differently, so I would assume that it's the latter. So maybe give some of these suggestions a try.