Help me dress my mid-40s self to start dating again

[Anonymous]

I guess the difference between dressing nicely for yourself and dressing as a signal to men is emphasizing the parts of your figure that are attractive… for me, I know this would be my chest and legs. For other women maybe different. So the store wouldn’t matter AS much. You say you are fit, OP, so I think even at 40 Aritzia could work. Emphasize your frame/waist/figure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would do a straight leg jean, pretty blouse, and flats, wedge, or low heel.

Jeans:
https://www.neimanmarcus.com/p/mother-the-tomcat-ankle-straight-leg-jeans-prod256100453?childItemId=NMT45Y3_&msid=4428382&navpath=cat000000_cat000730_cat63350748&page=0&position=2

Blouse:
https://www.sezane.com/us/product/flamine-blouse/ecru#size-2

https://www.sezane.com/us/product/emma-blouse/ecru-embroidery-black#size-4


Shoe:
https://www.zappos.com/p/cole-haan-josie-wedge-sandals-black-leather/product/9932461/color/72?utm_source=google&utm_medium=pla_g&utm_campaign=19809366959&utm_term=_o_58264793&utm_content=_g_143774770701_w_pla-1966379019746_l_EAIaIQobChMIgZbAtqfhhQMVdVxHAR0TmA39EAQYBCABEgIQ1_D_BwE&gbraid=0AAAAADnIwa9oamnwcIEzseNKIKKm-uy4m&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIgZbAtqfhhQMVdVxHAR0TmA39EAQYBCABEgIQ1_D_BwE

https://www.stuartweitzman.com/products/mirela-ii-espadrille-wedge/SE626-BK%2FNT.html?ogmap=PLA%7CACQ%7CGOOG%7CSTND%7Cm%7CSITEWIDE%7CMain%7CSW_RTL_Google_PLA_Signal_NA_Brand_National_PMax_NA_BAU%7CSW_RTL_Google_PLA_Signal_NA_Brand_National_PMax_NA_BAU%7C%7C21143715832%7C%7CUS&utm_campaign=SW_RTL_Google_PLA_Signal_NA_Brand_National_PMax_Sandals_BAU&gad_source=1&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIgZbAtqfhhQMVdVxHAR0TmA39EAQYCSABEgKR6PD_BwE

https://www.zappos.com/p/gentle-souls-by-kenneth-cole-charli-x-band-buckle-ice/product/9675634/color/419

https://www.everlane.com/products/womens-leather-day-heel2-red-currant-suede

love these choices

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd go to a Tuckernuck store and ask one of the sales people to style you. They have great clothes for women in their 40s in a range of prices. Being styled in person is really the best way to find what you are looking for.

OP here. I actually have some stuff from Tuckernuck, but I don't think it reads as date attire. Like a lot of the dresses lean either "society wife at a pool party" (and don't get me wrong, I love a caftan, I have several) or kind of preppy short dresses that feel too buttoned up and preppy to wear on a date.

I am definitely open to working with a stylist, but don't think Tuckernuck is hitting the right note. I want the more grownup, 2024 version of well-fitting jeans and a "going out top" like what I wore on dates back I the 00s. What is that?

I agree OP and I will be following this thread. I'm about your size and think I'm cute (late) 40s so I'm interested in what people say. I'm married but I'm coming out of my lululemon covid fog uniform. I've found a few boutique pieces and totally random places that I love, but I dont have a go-to shop. Tuckernuck is too boxy to give our petite slim awesome frames that we work so hard for justice. I want to show mine off - everything else is looking like I'm in my 40s, my body/health is an asset - just being honest here because we're anonymous.

More suggestions please!!

This probably won't be that helpful! But take a look at the TV show Casual - I feel like Michaela Watkins's clothes on that show would be really good for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would go to the nearest allsaints. some skews a little young, but there’s enough stuff that would work on a fit 40 yr old.

https://www.allsaints.com/women/clothing

I used to shop at all saints before kids and this mention made me miss it so much. Back then (10 years ago), they had lots of 100% cotton and silk clothes. Wonder if that’s still true.

[Anonymous]

PP. didn’t mean to imply that allsaints is just for young people. It can certainly be styled for most ages.

[Anonymous]

If you are a size 0/2 I honestly think so much will work and I don’t think most men are going to care about whether you are on trend or wearing a high end brand. I mean if you can afford All Saints go for it, but I think a nice pair of jeans and fitted tee from wherever is going to be fine for a casual date, maybe a slightly sexier neckline fabric for a slightly fancier date, a skirt for a slightly dressier date.

I’m sure this is a stressful life change but I don’t think you should feel like you need a whole new wardrobe to date, just a few cute pieces. A lot of guys won’t care at all. I hope he’s not on the market 😀 but my DS does not notice clothes much at all. He likes the athleisure look and has never cared a bit about clothes I choose in 20 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are a size 0/2 I honestly think so much will work and I don’t think most men are going to care about whether you are on trend or wearing a high end brand. I mean if you can afford All Saints go for it, but I think a nice pair of jeans and fitted tee from wherever is going to be fine for a casual date, maybe a slightly sexier neckline fabric for a slightly fancier date, a skirt for a slightly dressier date.

I’m sure this is a stressful life change but I don’t think you should feel like you need a whole new wardrobe to date, just a few cute pieces. A lot of guys won’t care at all. I hope he’s not on the market 😀 but my DS does not notice clothes much at all. He likes the athleisure look and has never cared a bit about clothes I choose in 20 years.

DH I meant obviously

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are a size 0/2 I honestly think so much will work and I don’t think most men are going to care about whether you are on trend or wearing a high end brand. I mean if you can afford All Saints go for it, but I think a nice pair of jeans and fitted tee from wherever is going to be fine for a casual date, maybe a slightly sexier neckline fabric for a slightly fancier date, a skirt for a slightly dressier date.

I’m sure this is a stressful life change but I don’t think you should feel like you need a whole new wardrobe to date, just a few cute pieces. A lot of guys won’t care at all. I hope he’s not on the market 😀 but my DS does not notice clothes much at all. He likes the athleisure look and has never cared a bit about clothes I choose in 20 years.

DH I meant obviously

NP, thinking you were trying to perk up OP with a nice story about your young son did make me laugh.

[Anonymous]

A pair of Frame jeans
Veronica beard top

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dear OP.

Please. Believe in yourself. Wear what makes you HAPPY and CONFIDENT, because this, above all else, is what attracts people.

Would you like to dress in the same style as when you last dated? I promise you that you will look great. Would you like something else? Look at websites and their lookbooks. Peruse a Vogue catalogue to see what the outrageous looks like now (and how you can reduce it to approximately normal streetwear).

I'm the same age and the same size. I wear mini skirts, I wear short shorts (nothing hangs out), I wear long boho dresses, I wear clothes that highlight my smallish waist, I wear baggy trousers, I have a range of fun tops with interesting prints, or interesting structure - my favorite is the corset-style one. I want to have fun with clothes in this decade of my life.
Also, I'm happily married. I would wear these clothes regardless of my marital/dating status. They make me HAPPY.

You only have one life.

I think OP is looking for advice not a pep talk. OP for a $300 gift card you can get a Nordstrom stylist to come to your home, evaluate what you have in your closet, put outfits together, and let you know what’s missing. Then you can book an appointment with the same stylist in store to shop for the missing pieces.

[Anonymous]

If you are a size 0/2 I honestly think so much will work and I don’t think most men are going to care about whether you are on trend or wearing a high end brand. I mean if you can afford All Saints go for it, but I think a nice pair of jeans and fitted tee from wherever is going to be fine for a casual date, maybe a slightly sexier neckline fabric for a slightly fancier date, a skirt for a slightly dressier date.

I’m sure this is a stressful life change but I don’t think you should feel like you need a whole new wardrobe to date, just a few cute pieces. A lot of guys won’t care at all.

Yup.

-Guy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d wear jeans that are slightly loose but not baggy, like Levi’s Ribcage or 501s. A fitted top in a solid color to balance out proportions. Most of my fitted tops are from Aritzia’s Babaton Contour line. The ones with off-the-shoulder or deep square necklines are wildly flattering. Throw on a nice leather belt to emphasize your waist and you’re good to go for most date venues.

Was not aware of that Aritzia line, thank you. I actually look really good in a square neck -- it's the one deep neckline that plays well with having very small boobs. How are people feeling about bodysuits, under a pair of jeans? Is that too fussy? I like the shape of this, with high waisted jeans:

https://www.aritzia.com/us/en/product/allocate-bodysuit/120114.html

Not fussy at all. My husband loses his mind when I wear an Aritzia bodysuit.

[Anonymous]

Jeans and Artizia body suit with tye good sandals Will look great.