Has anyone left a family vacation/IL vacation?

[Anonymous]

Also, my son saw a neurologist until he was 10 and released from care. I live in the DMV. We have a wealth of specialists and medical researchers here. I trust them first and always have.

Boundaries are a thing. Don’t respect them and I’m out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes.

When SFIL who is a pediatrician cornered me and told me that in his ‘clinical opinion’, S had autism even though I informed him that he had had a multidisciplinary evaluation due to a speech delay and his doctors concluded that they did not think he was at that time.

18 years later, S is neurotypical although he did need speech therapy to help with articulation until he was 5.

SFIL has kept his mouth shut ever since.

He was just trying to help, PP. I suspected my son had autism when he was a toddler, we had him evaluated several times and every time they diagnosed him with ADHD and learning disorders but were not entirely sure about the autism... until at 17, when doing one last evaluation to get accommodations for college, the psychologist diagnosed him with autism, in addition to the ADHD. Luckily, I had sent him to social skills groups and autism-friendly speech and occupational therapy for years, which is what he needed anyway.

Your SFIL stopped making comments because he saw that in your mind, autism is something to be ashamed of. You shouldn't think like that. It hurts all the families who really do have autism in their families, and who may struggle with taboos that end up impeding diagnosis and treatment for their children. Often the line between autism, speech issues and ADHD is VERY VAGUE (most kids with autism have attention problems and speech delays), so his comment to you is not at all out of left field, and not something to be offended about.

I hope you can remember that next time you see him.

Nope. That was 16 years ago. I didn’t ask for his opinion. I explained what his actual doctors said.

Everyone with a medical degree would know that it takes more than a meal with a two year old to diagnose autism. Also, sharing nosy personal opinions is rude even if you have a specific degree.

Nosy personal opinions about his grandson???!!!! You have a different idea of family than I do.

[Anonymous]

Not me as I was a small child, but years and years ago, we were at my grandparents for Easter (my father's parents). His father said some awful thing to my mother and next thing this 5 year old knew we were out the door and I didn't speak to my grandfather/step-grandmother for 18 years.

[Anonymous]

I did. My sister was being being very nasty. I told my parents I will not put up with her abuse. I got in my car with my kids and left.

This was over 15 years ago. We're now close with adult children. It can change. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

YEs, but not in the way you're referencing.
My sister (and her entire family) are coming to my lake home for the 4th of July. 13 ppl will be there.
I envision us (and our spouses) taking the boat out for hours and leaving the kids home alone to bond - they're all in their 20s. They'll be fine, but loud and eating constantly while they play games or paddle around in the water.
They can fend for themselves while we have some peace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes.

When SFIL who is a pediatrician cornered me and told me that in his ‘clinical opinion’, S had autism even though I informed him that he had had a multidisciplinary evaluation due to a speech delay and his doctors concluded that they did not think he was at that time.

18 years later, S is neurotypical although he did need speech therapy to help with articulation until he was 5.

SFIL has kept his mouth shut ever since.

He was just trying to help, PP. I suspected my son had autism when he was a toddler, we had him evaluated several times and every time they diagnosed him with ADHD and learning disorders but were not entirely sure about the autism... until at 17, when doing one last evaluation to get accommodations for college, the psychologist diagnosed him with autism, in addition to the ADHD. Luckily, I had sent him to social skills groups and autism-friendly speech and occupational therapy for years, which is what he needed anyway.

Your SFIL stopped making comments because he saw that in your mind, autism is something to be ashamed of. You shouldn't think like that. It hurts all the families who really do have autism in their families, and who may struggle with taboos that end up impeding diagnosis and treatment for their children. Often the line between autism, speech issues and ADHD is VERY VAGUE (most kids with autism have attention problems and speech delays), so his comment to you is not at all out of left field, and not something to be offended about.

I hope you can remember that next time you see him.

Nope. That was 16 years ago. I didn’t ask for his opinion. I explained what his actual doctors said.

Everyone with a medical degree would know that it takes more than a meal with a two year old to diagnose autism. Also, sharing nosy personal opinions is rude even if you have a specific degree.

Nosy personal opinions about his grandson???!!!! You have a different idea of family than I do.

NP. And? So? Yes, people have different views about what crossing a boundary is or isn't. That's why the polite thing to do is keep your personal opinions to yourself unless ASKED for advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes.

When SFIL who is a pediatrician cornered me and told me that in his ‘clinical opinion’, S had autism even though I informed him that he had had a multidisciplinary evaluation due to a speech delay and his doctors concluded that they did not think he was at that time.

18 years later, S is neurotypical although he did need speech therapy to help with articulation until he was 5.

SFIL has kept his mouth shut ever since.

He was just trying to help, PP. I suspected my son had autism when he was a toddler, we had him evaluated several times and every time they diagnosed him with ADHD and learning disorders but were not entirely sure about the autism... until at 17, when doing one last evaluation to get accommodations for college, the psychologist diagnosed him with autism, in addition to the ADHD. Luckily, I had sent him to social skills groups and autism-friendly speech and occupational therapy for years, which is what he needed anyway.

Your SFIL stopped making comments because he saw that in your mind, autism is something to be ashamed of. You shouldn't think like that. It hurts all the families who really do have autism in their families, and who may struggle with taboos that end up impeding diagnosis and treatment for their children. Often the line between autism, speech issues and ADHD is VERY VAGUE (most kids with autism have attention problems and speech delays), so his comment to you is not at all out of left field, and not something to be offended about.

I hope you can remember that next time you see him.

Nope. That was 16 years ago. I didn’t ask for his opinion. I explained what his actual doctors said.

Everyone with a medical degree would know that it takes more than a meal with a two year old to diagnose autism. Also, sharing nosy personal opinions is rude even if you have a specific degree.

Nosy personal opinions about his grandson???!!!! You have a different idea of family than I do.

NP. And? So? Yes, people have different views about what crossing a boundary is or isn't. That's why the polite thing to do is keep your personal opinions to yourself unless ASKED for advice.

I'm curious about how many family members you have close relationships with, and what makes your family relationships different from work acquaintances?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes.

When SFIL who is a pediatrician cornered me and told me that in his ‘clinical opinion’, S had autism even though I informed him that he had had a multidisciplinary evaluation due to a speech delay and his doctors concluded that they did not think he was at that time.

18 years later, S is neurotypical although he did need speech therapy to help with articulation until he was 5.

SFIL has kept his mouth shut ever since.

He was just trying to help, PP. I suspected my son had autism when he was a toddler, we had him evaluated several times and every time they diagnosed him with ADHD and learning disorders but were not entirely sure about the autism... until at 17, when doing one last evaluation to get accommodations for college, the psychologist diagnosed him with autism, in addition to the ADHD. Luckily, I had sent him to social skills groups and autism-friendly speech and occupational therapy for years, which is what he needed anyway.

Your SFIL stopped making comments because he saw that in your mind, autism is something to be ashamed of. You shouldn't think like that. It hurts all the families who really do have autism in their families, and who may struggle with taboos that end up impeding diagnosis and treatment for their children. Often the line between autism, speech issues and ADHD is VERY VAGUE (most kids with autism have attention problems and speech delays), so his comment to you is not at all out of left field, and not something to be offended about.

I hope you can remember that next time you see him.

Nope. That was 16 years ago. I didn’t ask for his opinion. I explained what his actual doctors said.

Everyone with a medical degree would know that it takes more than a meal with a two year old to diagnose autism. Also, sharing nosy personal opinions is rude even if you have a specific degree.

Nosy personal opinions about his grandson???!!!! You have a different idea of family than I do.

NP. And? So? Yes, people have different views about what crossing a boundary is or isn't. That's why the polite thing to do is keep your personal opinions to yourself unless ASKED for advice.

I'm curious about how many family members you have close relationships with, and what makes your family relationships different from work acquaintances?

DP, I’m not the village gossip or a meddler in personal affairs. I never offer my opinion unless requested to anyone, even my own children or my spouse. And if I do make a suggestion that they don’t like after requesting feedback, I stop right away. That’s called basic social skills and respect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes.

When SFIL who is a pediatrician cornered me and told me that in his ‘clinical opinion’, S had autism even though I informed him that he had had a multidisciplinary evaluation due to a speech delay and his doctors concluded that they did not think he was at that time.

18 years later, S is neurotypical although he did need speech therapy to help with articulation until he was 5.

SFIL has kept his mouth shut ever since.

He was just trying to help, PP. I suspected my son had autism when he was a toddler, we had him evaluated several times and every time they diagnosed him with ADHD and learning disorders but were not entirely sure about the autism... until at 17, when doing one last evaluation to get accommodations for college, the psychologist diagnosed him with autism, in addition to the ADHD. Luckily, I had sent him to social skills groups and autism-friendly speech and occupational therapy for years, which is what he needed anyway.

Your SFIL stopped making comments because he saw that in your mind, autism is something to be ashamed of. You shouldn't think like that. It hurts all the families who really do have autism in their families, and who may struggle with taboos that end up impeding diagnosis and treatment for their children. Often the line between autism, speech issues and ADHD is VERY VAGUE (most kids with autism have attention problems and speech delays), so his comment to you is not at all out of left field, and not something to be offended about.

I hope you can remember that next time you see him.

Nope. That was 16 years ago. I didn’t ask for his opinion. I explained what his actual doctors said.

Everyone with a medical degree would know that it takes more than a meal with a two year old to diagnose autism. Also, sharing nosy personal opinions is rude even if you have a specific degree.

Nosy personal opinions about his grandson???!!!! You have a different idea of family than I do.

NP. And? So? Yes, people have different views about what crossing a boundary is or isn't. That's why the polite thing to do is keep your personal opinions to yourself unless ASKED for advice.

I'm curious about how many family members you have close relationships with, and what makes your family relationships different from work acquaintances?

DP, I’m not the village gossip or a meddler in personal affairs. I never offer my opinion unless requested to anyone, even my own children or my spouse. And if I do make a suggestion that they don’t like after requesting feedback, I stop right away. That’s called basic social skills and respect.

So you've never been concerned about any family member?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes.

When SFIL who is a pediatrician cornered me and told me that in his ‘clinical opinion’, S had autism even though I informed him that he had had a multidisciplinary evaluation due to a speech delay and his doctors concluded that they did not think he was at that time.

18 years later, S is neurotypical although he did need speech therapy to help with articulation until he was 5.

SFIL has kept his mouth shut ever since.

He was just trying to help, PP. I suspected my son had autism when he was a toddler, we had him evaluated several times and every time they diagnosed him with ADHD and learning disorders but were not entirely sure about the autism... until at 17, when doing one last evaluation to get accommodations for college, the psychologist diagnosed him with autism, in addition to the ADHD. Luckily, I had sent him to social skills groups and autism-friendly speech and occupational therapy for years, which is what he needed anyway.

Your SFIL stopped making comments because he saw that in your mind, autism is something to be ashamed of. You shouldn't think like that. It hurts all the families who really do have autism in their families, and who may struggle with taboos that end up impeding diagnosis and treatment for their children. Often the line between autism, speech issues and ADHD is VERY VAGUE (most kids with autism have attention problems and speech delays), so his comment to you is not at all out of left field, and not something to be offended about.

I hope you can remember that next time you see him.

Nope. That was 16 years ago. I didn’t ask for his opinion. I explained what his actual doctors said.

Everyone with a medical degree would know that it takes more than a meal with a two year old to diagnose autism. Also, sharing nosy personal opinions is rude even if you have a specific degree.

Nosy personal opinions about his grandson???!!!! You have a different idea of family than I do.

NP. And? So? Yes, people have different views about what crossing a boundary is or isn't. That's why the polite thing to do is keep your personal opinions to yourself unless ASKED for advice.

I'm curious about how many family members you have close relationships with, and what makes your family relationships different from work acquaintances?

DP, I’m not the village gossip or a meddler in personal affairs. I never offer my opinion unless requested to anyone, even my own children or my spouse. And if I do make a suggestion that they don’t like after requesting feedback, I stop right away. That’s called basic social skills and respect.

So you've never been concerned about any family member?

NP. Where did they say they've never been concerned? They said they never offer their opinion, not that they don't have an opinion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes.

When SFIL who is a pediatrician cornered me and told me that in his ‘clinical opinion’, S had autism even though I informed him that he had had a multidisciplinary evaluation due to a speech delay and his doctors concluded that they did not think he was at that time.

18 years later, S is neurotypical although he did need speech therapy to help with articulation until he was 5.

SFIL has kept his mouth shut ever since.

He was just trying to help, PP. I suspected my son had autism when he was a toddler, we had him evaluated several times and every time they diagnosed him with ADHD and learning disorders but were not entirely sure about the autism... until at 17, when doing one last evaluation to get accommodations for college, the psychologist diagnosed him with autism, in addition to the ADHD. Luckily, I had sent him to social skills groups and autism-friendly speech and occupational therapy for years, which is what he needed anyway.

Your SFIL stopped making comments because he saw that in your mind, autism is something to be ashamed of. You shouldn't think like that. It hurts all the families who really do have autism in their families, and who may struggle with taboos that end up impeding diagnosis and treatment for their children. Often the line between autism, speech issues and ADHD is VERY VAGUE (most kids with autism have attention problems and speech delays), so his comment to you is not at all out of left field, and not something to be offended about.

I hope you can remember that next time you see him.

Nope. That was 16 years ago. I didn’t ask for his opinion. I explained what his actual doctors said.

Everyone with a medical degree would know that it takes more than a meal with a two year old to diagnose autism. Also, sharing nosy personal opinions is rude even if you have a specific degree.

Nosy personal opinions about his grandson???!!!! You have a different idea of family than I do.

NP. And? So? Yes, people have different views about what crossing a boundary is or isn't. That's why the polite thing to do is keep your personal opinions to yourself unless ASKED for advice.

I'm curious about how many family members you have close relationships with, and what makes your family relationships different from work acquaintances?

DP, I’m not the village gossip or a meddler in personal affairs. I never offer my opinion unless requested to anyone, even my own children or my spouse. And if I do make a suggestion that they don’t like after requesting feedback, I stop right away. That’s called basic social skills and respect.

So you've never been concerned about any family member?

NP. Where did they say they've never been concerned? They said they never offer their opinion, not that they don't have an opinion.

NP and exactly this. If I have concerns I keep them to myself, unless there is imminent danger. Especially if I KNOW that the parents have sought medical advice, etc. I have concerns about my niece, but I know my sister and BIL are on top of taking her to various specialists and are following advice. I am there as a source of support and love. *If asked* or if the door to the conversation is opened by the parents, I will share perspective and thoughts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I left with my toddler once. Just walked right out of my in laws house with nothing but a diaper bag. We had to spend the night in the airport and caught a flight in the morning. My husband is still abusive and my in laws still excuse his behavior. My in laws are a bit nicer though since they know I’ll leave if they behave really badly.

You know what we are going to say about this right?

[Anonymous]

I'm with the PP who say don't go on a vacation with these people if you must have an escape plan. I get that sometimes we have to do thanksgiving dinner or a family event with people who push our buttons, but a vacation is for fun, and time off is precious, and I wouldn't sequester myself for days on end with people if this were my worry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some bad dynamics have happened in the past, and after getting stronger and wiser in therapy, I’m poised to lead if and when I need to from a family vacation this summer.

Has anyone actually left if their family or their ILs have behaved badly/said something awful/fallen into toxic dynamics? If you did, how did it go? Did anything resolve or change?

You can always blame work. At least that is what the people who married into DH's family do - ALL of us. And by all means, do NOT stay the entire week. Maybe you can arrive late and/or leave early?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes.

When SFIL who is a pediatrician cornered me and told me that in his ‘clinical opinion’, S had autism even though I informed him that he had had a multidisciplinary evaluation due to a speech delay and his doctors concluded that they did not think he was at that time.

18 years later, S is neurotypical although he did need speech therapy to help with articulation until he was 5.

So sorry that someone thought your child might be neurodiverse. That must have been tough for you.
SFIL has kept his mouth shut ever since.