If I show up at an event on my ex’s parenting time

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ex used to do this all the time with my son’s after school inter-mural games. I had a rigid schedule and commute that prevented me from getting there, but my ex had a more flexible schedule, so he would go and offer to take my son for ice cream after, leaving me to be the bad guy who misses the game but arrives in time to say “no ice cream, we need to get home for homework.”

Just another AH move from an all around AH.

Without the ice cream would you have objected?

Of course not - that’s the point of the manipulation. If I object, it’s “sorry, buddy, your mom doesn’t want to let me see you play even though she can’t be there.”

DS is older now and we’ve talked about it and he certainly sees it in a different light (consistent with his father’s other manipulative behaviors). But at the time, it was rough.

If Dad is getting limited time and only every other weekend and maybe a weeknight, as a parent, you'd you want to get as much time in as possible with your kids. Instead of looking at it as manipulative, work outa better schedule so Dad can have more or equal time with his child.
Why the hell would you object? Your only priority should be that your child feels supported but here you are worried about the most trivial shit. I see you also manipulated your child into believing that your ex was somehow bad for wanting to be there. GEEZ

I'm a woman BTW and as much as I don't like my ex, he is always welcome to support our son.

PP clearly states that it's the repeated offer of a trip for ice cream during PP's custody time and at a time when PP needs to get DS home for dinner and homework that she objects to, not the fact that XH goes to the games. And the fact that if she objects to the ice cream, XH paints her as the bad guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To everyone asking why would you object.....not op, but similar situation and grandparents show up instead of dad. It's awkward. They don't talk to me and side with deadbeat. I get dirty looks and it makes me uncomfortable. Kid is now in high school and the show of force on dads side is embarrassing. He feels weird having grandparents and sometimes dad show up....in addition to me, my husband and step brother.

Your husband and his son should skip over grandparents and his father.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There shouldn’t be a legal problem unless you have a protective order in place that says no contact.
You should both be able to act like adults and support your child at games and events if you want to.

This I wonder why the parent who doesn’t have my kid’s friend that weekend doesn’t come to games. It’s like he just does his every 1/2 week duty and he’s done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I go and pay for all of kids extracurricular activities. Ex told me he would pay for half if I only showed up to half of the games and practices. I told him no way. Keep your money. So I pay for everything and he is welcome to attend everything.

If you are getting child support, activities are included in that so you shouldn't be demanding he pay. You can ask, but not demand and dictate.

Not everyone gets child support. Some moms even make more money than the dads. I'm sure you don't understand...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I go and pay for all of kids extracurricular activities. Ex told me he would pay for half if I only showed up to half of the games and practices. I told him no way. Keep your money. So I pay for everything and he is welcome to attend everything.

If you are getting child support, activities are included in that so you shouldn't be demanding he pay. You can ask, but not demand and dictate.

Not everyone gets child support. Some moms even make more money than the dads. I'm sure you don't understand...

Correct he pays nothing.

[Anonymous]

Definitely go!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I go and pay for all of kids extracurricular activities. Ex told me he would pay for half if I only showed up to half of the games and practices. I told him no way. Keep your money. So I pay for everything and he is welcome to attend everything.

If you are getting child support, activities are included in that so you shouldn't be demanding he pay. You can ask, but not demand and dictate.

That may be how your custody agreement is structured, but generally it’s not how it works. I pay alimony and child support, and our agreement specifies that activities, tuition, childcare and medical expenses are split according to our relative incomes. Which makes sense because the child support is supposed to contribute to their expenses on her time, not my time.

— OP (not the PP you are responding to)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To everyone asking why would you object.....not op, but similar situation and grandparents show up instead of dad. It's awkward. They don't talk to me and side with deadbeat. I get dirty looks and it makes me uncomfortable. Kid is now in high school and the show of force on dads side is embarrassing. He feels weird having grandparents and sometimes dad show up....in addition to me, my husband and step brother.

OP here,

I’m asking about situations where the parent whose day it is isn’t there.

Yes, you can go.