Situation with best friend’s mom

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Its just weird that you started this thread today. If you are a troll, you really need to look deep into yourself and understand why you are the way you are.

Are you implying that because a woman in another country announced having cancer, a very common disease worldwide, OP shouldn't post about an issue that's been weighing on her regarding her daughter's friend and the friend's mother? The world does not revolve around Kate Middleton.

[Anonymous]

Not sure why posters are missing the point that OP is saying her daughter feels slighted for never being invited over to friends house.

Frankly, I wonder if the bff hasn't already confided in daughter, but told the daughter you can't tell anyone, and she has honored that.

OP, is your daughter upset, or is it just you who are tired of always hosting. And you seem to do a lot of work for it. That is great, except for the fact that you resent it. Let the girls figure out what to do on their own.

[Anonymous]

Separately, I am a little mortified all these years later reading these threads to realize I was one of those friends whose mother never hosted. Our house was boring with bad snacks and you couldn't make any noise, and god forbid you break anything. So I always hung out at other kids' houses with their fun things to do and lots of great snacks. My mom was happy to have an empty house.

[Anonymous]

Omg, back way down.

Sometimes you just have to accept people’s boundaries.

Why would your daughter feel slighted? All you have to do is explain that some families do things differently. It is a good way to teach her to respect others.

Overall, you are making this about you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP depending on type and stage of cancer and the treatment that got her into remission, your child’s bestie’s mom might never regain her precancer health and energy levels, she remains immune compromised within a few years of having cancer and treatment and she is absolutely right to limit the kid traffic in her home because kids of all ages are Petri dishes of communicable disease.

And yes, if she has diminished energy and needs to manage her stress, she should be focusing her all on her own family and not on hosting playdates.

And her daughter should not be blamed nor should you be judging her mother or making snark comments to your kid.

Be grateful you’ve not had cancer thus far in your life. Show some grace.

+1

I'm in year 2 after successful cancer treatment, in remission, and I am not back to anything close to my precancer health and energy levels. I have some likely permanent side effects from the treatment that have created other health problems and invisible disability that are a chore to deal with. To most people I look fine, but I'm not. It's been enormously frustrating and discouraging, and like OP's friend I've realized I need to prioritize myself/my family and keep stress at bay. I don't host anything. I'm fortunate that my kid is slightly older and more capable of arranging things for themselves; at most I may have to drive them somewhere.

OP - Decide how much you want and are able to do to help your kid maintain the friendship. That's where your focus needs to be.

Okay but these girls are. tweens, not toddlers who need their asses wiped. Tweens can go off and play for a couple of hours while you lie on the couch.

Tweens don't go off and play. And, not everyone has a big house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not sure why posters are missing the point that OP is saying her daughter feels slighted for never being invited over to friends house.

Frankly, I wonder if the bff hasn't already confided in daughter, but told the daughter you can't tell anyone, and she has honored that.

OP, is your daughter upset, or is it just you who are tired of always hosting. And you seem to do a lot of work for it. That is great, except for the fact that you resent it. Let the girls figure out what to do on their own.

Yes, she often asks why can’t I go to their house or sleep over there? I feel she is missing out on learning how to be a gracious guest, how to interact with others in their home, and manage herself without one of her parents for a night. These are milestones IMO she should get to experience as well.
-OP

[Anonymous]

Just scale back hosting if you are this petty. “Hosting,” yeah right. Having a kid dropped off at your house, then the peace and quiet while they entertain each other, followed by setting one more place for a dinner of frozen pizza and salad. Big whoop, “hosting.”

If you don’t want to “host” the kid, don’t. Or set boundaries like it would be great if Emily can come see the movie and go out to dinner with us, but you need to drop her off and pick her up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not sure why posters are missing the point that OP is saying her daughter feels slighted for never being invited over to friends house.

Frankly, I wonder if the bff hasn't already confided in daughter, but told the daughter you can't tell anyone, and she has honored that.

OP, is your daughter upset, or is it just you who are tired of always hosting. And you seem to do a lot of work for it. That is great, except for the fact that you resent it. Let the girls figure out what to do on their own.

Yes, she often asks why can’t I go to their house or sleep over there? I feel she is missing out on learning how to be a gracious guest, how to interact with others in their home, and manage herself without one of her parents for a night. These are milestones IMO she should get to experience as well.
-OP

Sorry, but girl, you have grown tedious. It's clear that all the advice here to be accepting, show grace, etc don't register with you. Be pissed, be petty, blow up your daughter's friendship. Whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not sure why posters are missing the point that OP is saying her daughter feels slighted for never being invited over to friends house.

Frankly, I wonder if the bff hasn't already confided in daughter, but told the daughter you can't tell anyone, and she has honored that.

OP, is your daughter upset, or is it just you who are tired of always hosting. And you seem to do a lot of work for it. That is great, except for the fact that you resent it. Let the girls figure out what to do on their own.

Yes, she often asks why can’t I go to their house or sleep over there? I feel she is missing out on learning how to be a gracious guest, how to interact with others in their home, and manage herself without one of her parents for a night. These are milestones IMO she should get to experience as well.
-OP

Laughable DCUM host of the day. If you really feel this way, host another friend so that you are likely to get a reciprocal invite. You should be more worried that your daughter only apparently has one friend. If my daughter only had one friend that she ever did things with, I would be concerned about that, not “hosting.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not sure why posters are missing the point that OP is saying her daughter feels slighted for never being invited over to friends house.

Frankly, I wonder if the bff hasn't already confided in daughter, but told the daughter you can't tell anyone, and she has honored that.

OP, is your daughter upset, or is it just you who are tired of always hosting. And you seem to do a lot of work for it. That is great, except for the fact that you resent it. Let the girls figure out what to do on their own.

Yes, she often asks why can’t I go to their house or sleep over there? I feel she is missing out on learning how to be a gracious guest, how to interact with others in their home, and manage herself without one of her parents for a night. These are milestones IMO she should get to experience as well.
-OP

You are grasping at straws, sound ridiculous, and have officially jumped the shark.

Are you this tedious in real life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP depending on type and stage of cancer and the treatment that got her into remission, your child’s bestie’s mom might never regain her precancer health and energy levels, she remains immune compromised within a few years of having cancer and treatment and she is absolutely right to limit the kid traffic in her home because kids of all ages are Petri dishes of communicable disease.

And yes, if she has diminished energy and needs to manage her stress, she should be focusing her all on her own family and not on hosting playdates.

And her daughter should not be blamed nor should you be judging her mother or making snark comments to your kid.

Be grateful you’ve not had cancer thus far in your life. Show some grace.

+1

Just be kind. I finished radiation in December and I host all the time still. I feel like I can handle it. This woman doesn't. If mentally she's been through the ringer and doesn't feel she can handle guests, that's an ailment, too. We talk about caring about mental health but then we give no grace to others.

I get it, even with cancer, I feel like I often put more effort into the hosting, driving, etc. But it's good that your kid knows they can count on you for this. You have to have your boundaries too, so if it's too much, say no. But don't do it in the name of tit for tat.

[Anonymous]

So 2 posts this week in the teen/tween about a mother tired of hosting with no reciprocation? Seems fake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Its just weird that you started this thread today. If you are a troll, you really need to look deep into yourself and understand why you are the way you are.

Do you mean because of Kate M? How old are you? I'm 43 and discovered that 2 moms from the same school and I all go to the same breast surgeon -- one (me) has cancer, one has a pre cancer and history requiring mastectomy, and the other is in the clear for now but monitoring. And this is just what I know because we all have breast issues. My point is cancer is everywhere and the Kate thing just corroborates that. Sadly it's not so out of left field these days.

[Anonymous]

Maybe she has related depression or anxiety that is lasting beyond the physical cancer. That would be more than understandable.

It’s very odd that you act like this is so taxing. So you have one more body in your home sometimes, so what? They are keeping each other entertained.

[Anonymous]

I guess the question is, why ARE you doing so much?