family with different last names: how to address an envelope

[Anonymous]

I just combine the names - call them the Smone family.

[Anonymous]

I kept my name. I prefer "Team Jones-Smith."

I destroy any mail addressed to the Smith-Jones Family or Mr. and Mrs. Smith.

[Anonymous]

Just send an email and cc: the husband and kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The Smith-Jones Family

It's really very simple.

Except that no one in the family actually has the name "Smith-Jones." I like Smith/Jones, this makes the most sense to me.

I don't see them as much different, but I see your point, since a hyphen is a grammatical construct/choice, whereas a backslash is not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

We have this setup, and I prefer "The Matlin/Carville Family."

I also prefer this. I find it very disrespectful to my choice to retain my own name when people address things to the Smiths.

And this is exactly why I took my husband's name. It makes it much easier for all involved and keeps feelings from being hurt. Not to mention the fact that my children and I all have the same last name.

[Anonymous]

No one in the family actually has the name "Smith/Jones" either. I think Smith/Jones or Smith-Jones or Smith Jones is fine and more respectful than dropping one person's name.

Of course, you could also do it casually: Mary, John, Kid A, and Kid B, 123 Anywhere St. I've done that before. Mail gets through fine.

In my household, we all have different last names (me, husband, one kid who is a hyphenate). I'm fine with the Smith-Jones household or the Smones household (which some people have actually done, because we jokingly refer to ourselves that way).

[Anonymous]

And this is exactly why I took my husband's name. It makes it much easier for all involved and keeps feelings from being hurt. Not to mention the fact that my children and I all have the same last name.

That might be a good choice for you, but I made a deliberate choice to keep my name. It doesn't bother me that my kids have a different last name from me. It's not difficult for people who know me to remember the name that I have had for over 35 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I use Smith/Jones Family, but see nothing wrong with Smith-Jones Family either.

I kept my name but take no offense to being called the Smith Family. It made sense to keep my name for professional reasons, but I'm not that invested in it, and I don't register any slight when people don't use it.

Exactly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This might be incorrect, but I do "The Smith Family"

It is incorrect, and both dismissive and disrespectful of the person whose name is not Smith.

Doesn't the majority rule? I would find it much more disrespectful for it to be addressed to The Smith Family and Jane Doe. It would be as if you were some boarder who just happens to be staying there at the time of the invitation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

We have this setup, and I prefer "The Matlin/Carville Family."

I also prefer this. I find it very disrespectful to my choice to retain my own name when people address things to the Smiths.

And this is exactly why I took my husband's name. It makes it much easier for all involved and keeps feelings from being hurt. Not to mention the fact that my children and I all have the same last name.

You took your husband's name so that people wouldn't have the opportunity to e disrespectful to you? Huh? I do understand that it's easier, of course. But avoiding others' disrespect is an odd rationale!

16:32 - What does the majority have to say about this issue? How do we know? Do you have polls to back up your position? At any rate no one has suggested addressing them as "The Smith Family and Jane Doe." Indeed, that's not a great way to word it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

And this is exactly why I took my husband's name. It makes it much easier for all involved and keeps feelings from being hurt. Not to mention the fact that my children and I all have the same last name.

That might be a good choice for you, but I made a deliberate choice to keep my name. It doesn't bother me that my kids have a different last name from me. It's not difficult for people who know me to remember the name that I have had for over 35 years.

There is no need to shout. Seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

We have this setup, and I prefer "The Matlin/Carville Family."

I also prefer this. I find it very disrespectful to my choice to retain my own name when people address things to the Smiths.

And this is exactly why I took my husband's name. It makes it much easier for all involved and keeps feelings from being hurt. Not to mention the fact that my children and I all have the same last name.

You took your husband's name so that people wouldn't have the opportunity to e disrespectful to you? Huh? I do understand that it's easier, of course. But avoiding others' disrespect is an odd rationale!

16:32 - What does the majority have to say about this issue? How do we know? Do you have polls to back up your position? At any rate no one has suggested addressing them as "The Smith Family and Jane Doe." Indeed, that's not a great way to word it.

The majority of the family, of course.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
And this is exactly why I took my husband's name. It makes it much easier for all involved and keeps feelings from being hurt. Not to mention the fact that my children and I all have the same last name.

Yes, but can your parents say the same?

[Anonymous]

16:37 - I thought you meant the majority of people. But no, I don't think the majority of the family should determine whose name goes on the envelope. I am of the opinion that everyone should be included by name if the piece of mail is for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Oh please. New poster here. I changed my name because at the time it seemed like a good business decision (we were then living in a town where my husband's family was well known). My maiden name is included as a middle name on all written correspondence and professional items, because some people knew me professionally by that name. If I had not thought it was a good business decision to change it, I would not have. I really wouldn't have cared what anybody else thought about it - his family, my family, or the little old ladies clucking over my check at the grocery store. He also seemed not to care and is very supportive of the prominent display of my maiden name on all written materials. I have thought about changing it back since we moved to DC, but it is too much effort at this point. Do we really all need to come on here and pretend there are vital national interests at stake over whether someone does or doesn't change her name when she gets married?

As for the OP's question, I go with the Smith/Jones Family unless it is something formal, in which case I write John Smith and Mary Jones on one line, and Susan and Jack Smith on the second line. I believe this is the Miss Manners approved method for formal correspondence, but I'm too lazy to do it at other times.