DD suddenly stops shaving

[Anonymous]

My 14 yr old rarely shaves and she is hairy. I don’t much care- unless I see pubic hair growing wild out of her swimsuit. I’ll have no problem telling her she needs to shave that or wear shorts. Public pubic hair isn’t ok

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s a personal question and you kept pressing. Stop being critical.

She is your daughter & you have a right & a duty to be concerned.

Have a polite & calm discussion with your daughter.

+1. If nothing else it's poor hygiene and looks dirty. I put it in the same category of - you must shower, you must wash your hair, you must keep yourself clean and presentable looking.

I wouldn't push right off the bat, but I would start a conversation and let her know that this is something that, as an adult, she needs to take care of.

Why is it poor hygiene for girls but not boys? And if telling your daughter that she absolutely must shave made her upset or made her cry, would you continue to push? Do you think that’s healthy for your relationship?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of you sound so old. You fit right in with the 1950s parents who lost their sh*t when The Beatles had long hair. Part of being a teenager is trying on different trends or ways of being with your appearance and your body, figuring out what you want to do and don’t want to do. It’s also exercising control over your body. Pack some extra shaving supplies in case she changes her mind, and enjoy vacation.

We are the parents of teenagers, we are old. And it’s part of their job to make us feel out of touch with the times. I still don’t think this is a general trend, though, as the vast majority of girls appear to still shave. I’m totally in board with my DD doing what she wants with her own body hair, no argument there. As mothers, it is somewhat instinctual to worry they will be teased or shunned, though. It takes a lot of confidence to go against the grain when it comes to female beauty standards, so I applaud them. I just hope others are just as accepting and teaching their children to be, too.

“The times”? Some French and other European women have chosen not to shave since forever. Women in the U.S. have chosen not to shave off and on since the 1970s. This isn’t new. This isn’t some weird thing only this generation of teens is doing. Female and male swimmers regularly skip shaving during competitive seasons until the big meets. This isn’t something that kids are doing to make their parents feel old. The fact that you think their “job” is about YOU is really telling about where your focus is at all times. Their bodies aren’t about you. Do you get it? Those bodies belong to them. Their social interactions and desire to conform or not, or to experiment and push social boundaries, is not about you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 14 yr old rarely shaves and she is hairy. I don’t much care- unless I see pubic hair growing wild out of her swimsuit. I’ll have no problem telling her she needs to shave that or wear shorts. Public pubic hair isn’t ok

Within the next 10 years it will become ok for philosophical reasons

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s a personal question and you kept pressing. Stop being critical.

She is your daughter & you have a right & a duty to be concerned.

Have a polite & calm discussion with your daughter.

+1. If nothing else it's poor hygiene and looks dirty. I put it in the same category of - you must shower, you must wash your hair, you must keep yourself clean and presentable looking.

I wouldn't push right off the bat, but I would start a conversation and let her know that this is something that, as an adult, she needs to take care of.

Why is it poor hygiene for girls but not boys? And if telling your daughter that she absolutely must shave made her upset or made her cry, would you continue to push? Do you think that’s healthy for your relationship?

If my 15 YO DD "cried" over the fact that she had to shave her legs or underarms, I would recognize that I had a far bigger problem on my hands than hygiene. Thankfully, my kids are a little more resilient than that. Do your's really crumble at this level of parental direction? What else would make you suggest such an outcome?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of you sound so old. You fit right in with the 1950s parents who lost their sh*t when The Beatles had long hair. Part of being a teenager is trying on different trends or ways of being with your appearance and your body, figuring out what you want to do and don’t want to do. It’s also exercising control over your body. Pack some extra shaving supplies in case she changes her mind, and enjoy vacation.

We are the parents of teenagers, we are old. And it’s part of their job to make us feel out of touch with the times. I still don’t think this is a general trend, though, as the vast majority of girls appear to still shave. I’m totally in board with my DD doing what she wants with her own body hair, no argument there. As mothers, it is somewhat instinctual to worry they will be teased or shunned, though. It takes a lot of confidence to go against the grain when it comes to female beauty standards, so I applaud them. I just hope others are just as accepting and teaching their children to be, too.

“The times”? Some French and other European women have chosen not to shave since forever. Women in the U.S. have chosen not to shave off and on since the 1970s. This isn’t new. This isn’t some weird thing only this generation of teens is doing. Female and male swimmers regularly skip shaving during competitive seasons until the big meets. This isn’t something that kids are doing to make their parents feel old. The fact that you think their “job” is about YOU is really telling about where your focus is at all times. Their bodies aren’t about you. Do you get it? Those bodies belong to them. Their social interactions and desire to conform or not, or to experiment and push social boundaries, is not about you.

Of course it's "about us." It's all about rebelling against mom and doing the exact opposite of what she does, in a clumsy attempt to find one's own identity.

[Anonymous]

And what do teen boys do now? I mean armpits. Do any boys shave their hair or no? I’d like to have my son shave armpit hair but maybe that’s uncool for a boy now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 14 yr old rarely shaves and she is hairy. I don’t much care- unless I see pubic hair growing wild out of her swimsuit. I’ll have no problem telling her she needs to shave that or wear shorts. Public pubic hair isn’t ok

My dd is like this. I don't care either but thankful she chooses to wear swim shorts!

[Anonymous]

I am glad there are girls still pushing back on shaving. Honestly, though, a big fan of shaving pits. I only have a boy, 17, but he started shaving his underarms as soon as he started getting hair.

But in the end, personal choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s a personal question and you kept pressing. Stop being critical.

She is your daughter & you have a right & a duty to be concerned.

Have a polite & calm discussion with your daughter.

+1. If nothing else it's poor hygiene and looks dirty. I put it in the same category of - you must shower, you must wash your hair, you must keep yourself clean and presentable looking.

I wouldn't push right off the bat, but I would start a conversation and let her know that this is something that, as an adult, she needs to take care of.

Why is it poor hygiene for girls but not boys? And if telling your daughter that she absolutely must shave made her upset or made her cry, would you continue to push? Do you think that’s healthy for your relationship?

If my 15 YO DD "cried" over the fact that she had to shave her legs or underarms, I would recognize that I had a far bigger problem on my hands than hygiene. Thankfully, my kids are a little more resilient than that. Do your's really crumble at this level of parental direction? What else would make you suggest such an outcome?

NP. You forgot to answer PP’s first question: Why is it poor hygiene for girls, but not for boys?

[Anonymous]

I stopped shaving about 15 years ago and it was so freeing. I saved time and money. I now shave my legs on occasion but that's it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of you sound so old. You fit right in with the 1950s parents who lost their sh*t when The Beatles had long hair. Part of being a teenager is trying on different trends or ways of being with your appearance and your body, figuring out what you want to do and don’t want to do. It’s also exercising control over your body. Pack some extra shaving supplies in case she changes her mind, and enjoy vacation.

We are the parents of teenagers, we are old. And it’s part of their job to make us feel out of touch with the times. I still don’t think this is a general trend, though, as the vast majority of girls appear to still shave. I’m totally in board with my DD doing what she wants with her own body hair, no argument there. As mothers, it is somewhat instinctual to worry they will be teased or shunned, though. It takes a lot of confidence to go against the grain when it comes to female beauty standards, so I applaud them. I just hope others are just as accepting and teaching their children to be, too.

“The times”? Some French and other European women have chosen not to shave since forever. Women in the U.S. have chosen not to shave off and on since the 1970s. This isn’t new. This isn’t some weird thing only this generation of teens is doing. Female and male swimmers regularly skip shaving during competitive seasons until the big meets. This isn’t something that kids are doing to make their parents feel old. The fact that you think their “job” is about YOU is really telling about where your focus is at all times. Their bodies aren’t about you. Do you get it? Those bodies belong to them. Their social interactions and desire to conform or not, or to experiment and push social boundaries, is not about you.

Yes, I totally get it. I’m a parent of happily hairy 14 year old and I’m letting her be. Not my business. And, no, it’s not about me personally, but it’s absolutely a conscious decision to push back against acceptable norms (in this country) created by previous generations, the “old” people. I can’t remember a single girl in my high school who didn’t shave their legs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s a personal question and you kept pressing. Stop being critical.

She is your daughter & you have a right & a duty to be concerned.

Have a polite & calm discussion with your daughter.

+1. If nothing else it's poor hygiene and looks dirty. I put it in the same category of - you must shower, you must wash your hair, you must keep yourself clean and presentable looking.

I wouldn't push right off the bat, but I would start a conversation and let her know that this is something that, as an adult, she needs to take care of.

Why is it poor hygiene for girls but not boys? And if telling your daughter that she absolutely must shave made her upset or made her cry, would you continue to push? Do you think that’s healthy for your relationship?

If my 15 YO DD "cried" over the fact that she had to shave her legs or underarms, I would recognize that I had a far bigger problem on my hands than hygiene. Thankfully, my kids are a little more resilient than that. Do your's really crumble at this level of parental direction? What else would make you suggest such an outcome?

Tell me more. What exactly would that far bigger problem be? Because I’m speaking from experience. My then-14 year old got teary-eyed when I suggested she might want to think about shaving her legs. And I thought, huh, she feels strongly about this and I backed off. What do you think I should do? Stand outside the bathroom and not let her out until she shaves? Hold her down and do it for her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of you sound so old. You fit right in with the 1950s parents who lost their sh*t when The Beatles had long hair. Part of being a teenager is trying on different trends or ways of being with your appearance and your body, figuring out what you want to do and don’t want to do. It’s also exercising control over your body. Pack some extra shaving supplies in case she changes her mind, and enjoy vacation.

We are the parents of teenagers, we are old. And it’s part of their job to make us feel out of touch with the times. I still don’t think this is a general trend, though, as the vast majority of girls appear to still shave. I’m totally in board with my DD doing what she wants with her own body hair, no argument there. As mothers, it is somewhat instinctual to worry they will be teased or shunned, though. It takes a lot of confidence to go against the grain when it comes to female beauty standards, so I applaud them. I just hope others are just as accepting and teaching their children to be, too.

“The times”? Some French and other European women have chosen not to shave since forever. Women in the U.S. have chosen not to shave off and on since the 1970s. This isn’t new. This isn’t some weird thing only this generation of teens is doing. Female and male swimmers regularly skip shaving during competitive seasons until the big meets. This isn’t something that kids are doing to make their parents feel old. The fact that you think their “job” is about YOU is really telling about where your focus is at all times. Their bodies aren’t about you. Do you get it? Those bodies belong to them. Their social interactions and desire to conform or not, or to experiment and push social boundaries, is not about you.

My mother (an ex-hippie boomer) has never shaved anything as far as I know. I had to figure it out on my own when I decided I wanted to shave as a young adult. I now only do my pits in the summer because I feel stinky if I don’t. I don’t bother with anything else and wear board shorts for swimming so I don’t have to worry about my generational fashion fussing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s a personal question and you kept pressing. Stop being critical.

She is your daughter & you have a right & a duty to be concerned.

Have a polite & calm discussion with your daughter.

+1. If nothing else it's poor hygiene and looks dirty. I put it in the same category of - you must shower, you must wash your hair, you must keep yourself clean and presentable looking.

I wouldn't push right off the bat, but I would start a conversation and let her know that this is something that, as an adult, she needs to take care of.

Does that include ALL body hair? Cause I would love to hear the polite & calm discussion where you tell your daughter she has to get a Brazilian or else she's gross.