I think I win the award for worst mother's day present

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I got tupperware. Which would have been fine, except that when I was opening it my husband said "this will be great for my lunches". Nice. Now I'm thinking of what I need to get him for father's day.

A book on DIY home improvement?

[Anonymous]

It's selfishness...I second the 'spa day' on father's day, but he'd probably top that with some 'business meeting'...I say, go out of town yourself on father's day......

[Anonymous]

I got nothing (child is recovering slowly from a significant injury and feels terrible about not having a gift, husband was never planning to get one. He did offer to do a few loads of laundry "for me", but I didn't have time to sort them for him) except a lot of surly responses, a sudden walk-out from dinner, a "Why do you care?", and a final temper tantrum/ door slam. This from the husband, not the pre-teen. Sunday evening as usual. DH, his Borderline Personality Disorder, and the threat of a Monday return to work among his "enemies". I was too tired to worry about the eggshells this weekend, between worrying about and caring for the hurt child, a big renovation, and an important job interview, so I benefited from the full Sunday night theater routine.

[Anonymous]

PP i'm so sorry. Lots of hugs. What a terrible day. Hope that your child recovers well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP i'm so sorry. Lots of hugs. What a terrible day. Hope that your child recovers well.

Thanks. I'm sorry for every mother who feels undervalued tonight. It helps me to hear that I'm not the only one. Hopefully, my added whining at least encouraged some sort of grim camaraderie.

[Anonymous]

ugh. how can some husbands be such obvious blatant deadbeats? it makes me really angry, and i'm not even "really into" hallmark holidays. but my husband appreciates me and does what he can to make these days special even when i tell him not to get anything for me. i'm not trying to rub my good fortune into anyone's faces... i just want you to know that things can and should be better because every hardworking mom and wife deserves it.

[Anonymous]

Count me in, sister. This is one group of DCUMs I would be glad to join.

I do know I can change the situation. I've consulted lawyers, done the calculus, etc. I make more than he does - a lot more - so I know I could jump. But, like the PPs, I haven't yet gotten to the point where it is worth disrupting my kids' lives over. I'm not stuck but I am, if you know what I mean.

Hugs to all the PPs. I'm thinking of you all tonight (which keeps me from giving a pity party for myself).

[Anonymous]

Most of these stories aren't about made-up holidays and poor gift giving. They are about lack of respect and not sharing the burden of parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I can top you. I got nothing (with the important exception of the wonderful cards my kids made in daycare and school.) And it's my 8th wedding anniversary too. Oh yeah and I lost my beloved mother relatively recently so it's a tough day on that side of things. My husband slept in while I managed two kids (one of whom is a sick 1yo sobbing pretty much nonstop) beginning at 530am. I then did the grocery shopping, laundry, took the kids to their baseball game, and made dinner for everyone. Best part - when I asked my husband why he didn't do anything... even just give me a half-hour break to chill during the day, he said we spent too much money on extra childcare last week because one of the kids' schools was on holiday for a few days. OF course I paid for that myself (in part because despite the fact that we both work FT in similar jobs, I am always the one to handle days home with the kids but had deadlines I couldn't miss last week.) After everything, that BS excuse just sent me over the edge.

For the PP who asked why women complain about husbands who don't pull their weight, I'll just say this: my 6yo gave me his Mothers Day card and told me I am half his heart, he loves me so much. I feel the same way about my kids, and so there's a lot I will put up with because basically our family is happy. But there are points at which even my most tolerant understanding of my husband's total lack of capacity for gift-giving or even burden-sharing just hits the wall. And so it's nice to vent a little here. I'm sure you're right, I should do more than vent - either change the situation or stop resenting it. I try to do both, but I'm not willing to tear up my family over what I know intellectually is a Hallmark holiday.

You realize that you don't sound like you have a happy family, right?

[Anonymous]

OK, I am really pained to say that some of you moms actually top my bummer of a day. And that's saying something.

MY 'H' picked a fight with me in the a.m. about my white trash family and how stupid and boorish they are. When I called him on that and told him to STFU, he spun it so that I'm the problem because I'm too sensitive.

Then I left DS with H, which it made me sad to do but I had to get out. I wandered around Brookside Gardens all afternoon, intermittently crying behind by sunglasses and big hat.

When I got home DS had made me a card -- which he hadn't done because H hadn't prompted him -- which said 'Dear Mommy, Daddy is sorry he ruined your Mother's Day!! PS, I love you more than anything.'

So we ended on a high (?) note? I feel terrible that I fought so viciously in front of DS, and I don't kid myself that he won't remember these fights when he's 20, 30 and 40.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Thanks. I'm sorry for every mother who feels undervalued tonight. It helps me to hear that I'm not the only one. Hopefully, my added whining at least encouraged some sort of grim camaraderie.

This helped me, too, since earlier today the top DCUM thread was on the wonderful Mother's Days people had. I'm a single mom with no hubby to slight me, but it's still rough. I had to prod DD, 11, twice to make me a card. I then shuttled her to soccer, did 3 loads of laundry, took the trash out and listened to her whine about having to unload the dishwasher. In other words, typical Sunday, although I did take us out to lunch.

[Anonymous]

I did have a good day and the kids are old enough now to both make things and pick things out. They are so proud of the things they make. They like to cook with me so they usually pick out something from a cooking store that they can do with me. DH's lack of interest is completely obliterated now by the kid's excitement. Hang in there, in a few years your little ones will be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Thanks. I'm sorry for every mother who feels undervalued tonight. It helps me to hear that I'm not the only one. Hopefully, my added whining at least encouraged some sort of grim camaraderie.

This helped me, too, since earlier today the top DCUM thread was on the wonderful Mother's Days people had. I'm a single mom with no hubby to slight me, but it's still rough. I had to prod DD, 11, twice to make me a card. I then shuttled her to soccer, did 3 loads of laundry, took the trash out and listened to her whine about having to unload the dishwasher. In other words, typical Sunday, although I did take us out to lunch.

Sorry, PP. This is a difficult age, but you should feel confidant that she does appreciate you and will one day remember the importance of and feel more comfortable about showing it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OK, I am really pained to say that some of you moms actually top my bummer of a day. And that's saying something.

MY 'H' picked a fight with me in the a.m. about my white trash family and how stupid and boorish they are. When I called him on that and told him to STFU, he spun it so that I'm the problem because I'm too sensitive.

Then I left DS with H, which it made me sad to do but I had to get out. I wandered around Brookside Gardens all afternoon, intermittently crying behind by sunglasses and big hat.

When I got home DS had made me a card -- which he hadn't done because H hadn't prompted him -- which said 'Dear Mommy, Daddy is sorry he ruined your Mother's Day!! PS, I love you more than anything.'

So we ended on a high (?) note? I feel terrible that I fought so viciously in front of DS, and I don't kid myself that he won't remember these fights when he's 20, 30 and 40.

What a sweet little boy. Maybe he'll remember how you felt and treat his own wife better?

[Anonymous]

I can't claim first prize, but maybe I can be a runner-up if we include in-laws. My husband was good by me, but I was also nice by agreeing to spend Mother's Days with the in-laws. They got a cake....and wrote on it...."Happy Judy's Day". Judy is my MIL first name. They said they wanted to make sure I knew the cake was not for me.

I'm still not sure if it was a joke, a mistake, or an honest attempt to make sure I knew I wasn't part of the celebration. I had convinced myself it was just a mistake and they were joking about it, but even my husband said "but who ever uses the Mom's first name?"

My SIL also made sure I took the leftovers of what I made home, with a look that said "because its not good enough for anyone else to want it." I'd think I imagined it, but this isn't the first time she's made sure I knew my food wasn't up to par.