Is it rude not to invite kids to a party if I didn't receive a TY note?

[Anonymous]

OP, you are ridiculous. The whole infatuation people have with thank you notes is absurd. If you're in it for the thank you, then just withdraw from society. You'll continue to be disappointed, sitting up there on your high horse. You have "kept a list" of people who have not sent you a note? Really? Sad.

[Anonymous]

You should definitely follow your plan, OP. Because the party is about you, of course, not about your daughter and her happiness and her being with her friends. It's all about you. You, you, you.

[Anonymous]

Oh man, you need to stop worrying about what other people do or value or whatever. Life is WAY too short!

Seriously, I mean it in the nicest possible way, you need to step back and take up a hobby or something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I was expecting way more support considering that every TY thread gets at least a good number of people supporting doing them. On those thread's no one is giving non TY senders the benefit of the doubt that they have other things going on in their lives.

Here's the deal, what do you do about not getting a TY card? If somebody is not going to take the time to send one then they obviously do not care about TY cards. I doubt receiving one from me will show them the way. It will probably go in the trash the second after they open it. I'll still send it but I have no expectation that it will change their behavior. It would be strange to call someone and say "hey I didn't receive a TY card from you, did you get the gift?". I am not into just venting about people on an anonymous board or gossiping to other moms about who doesn't send them. I thought I came up with a good action to give some of the non-TY card senders a few tangible consequences for their actions.

You're keeping a LIST of who didn't send thank you notes. That makes you pretty petty. I would work on your own issues before concerning yourself with other people's shortcomings.

The "consequence" for their failure to send you a thank you note is that you deem them rude. Is that not enough? Maybe you should send them an "FYI, you are rude" note to clarify. Because that is the point you're trying to get across, right? So why be passive aggressive about it? Just go right ahead and tell them that if they'd sent a note, you'd invite them, but because they didn't, you will be punishing them for their perceived failings in the etiquette department.

[Anonymous]

OP, I pray that I don't know you and that you are not a friend of mine. I feel for your daughter.

[Anonymous]

For heaven's sake, OP, do NOT wait until the end of the year to deal with this serious of an issue! Let these rude people know now that they have failed to live up to your standards. How? Send a little note to school (like a "save the date") letting each offender know they will probably not be invited and why. I'm sure it will be viewed as a public service.

[Anonymous]

OP - you are crazy.

[Anonymous]

You, OP: "I thought I came up with a good action to give some of the non-TY card senders a few tangible consequences for their actions."

What is this?! Mommy Dearest? So now you've given yourself the role of manners police? "CONSEQUENCES OF THEIR ACTIONS"? Are you hearing what you're saying?! This has got to be a joke. Do yourself a favor, don't host anything EVER, don't give gifts, EVER, don't show kindness EVER.

[Anonymous]

Certainly you must be kidding. HAHAHAHAHAHA

[Anonymous]

Let me just make sure I understand your position. Your child was invited to a party. Your child went to a party. Someone hosted that party and entertained your child. Your child, in turn, brought a gift to the party.

You now feel that the person who entertained and hosted your child needs a "consequence" for that "action." WTF?

[Anonymous]

I've been on DCUM for a long, long time and OP, you win the award for craziest, meanest, most bizarre poster. Congrats. I don't know whether to laugh or cry. I honestly just knew this post was a joke when I first saw it. Wow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, do everyone a favor: invite no one and give your child up for adoption.

This.

I third this.

[Anonymous]

OP - are you for real?

Wow. I am a firm believer in TY notes. And, I try to make them as personal as possible - so they take me quite a bit longer than a minute or two to write. That being said, I don't think about not receiving notes from others. I don't have the time or the energy to focus my attention on such a thing. Does it ever cross my mind - sure. Do I truly care? No. The only time I care is if I send a gift to someone in the mail and I'm afraid perhaps they didn't get the gift. Other than that - it doesn't ruin my life.

I am anal to a fault. But, really - you keep a list of people who send/don't send you TY notes? OP - I know people in life who spend their time making sure things are even between people. For example, they invited someone to dinner twice but that someone has never invited them to their house, so, they'll never invite them again. Or people who seem to expect the negative of other people - who always seem to be trying to get someone first so that they don't get hurt themselves. It's a miserable place to live.

As far as this instance. More than likely, the parents who didn't send the TY note would never "get" your punishment. Or, if they did, would most likely reciprocate on your child in the future. Do you really want to start a cycle like that? Oh - they started it you might say. No, they really didn't. For whatever reason, they just didn't send a TY note. The true outcome of this would be a child's feelings might be hurt because you want to punish an adult.

[Anonymous]

OP, if your goal is to punish people into compliance with your standards, you will surely be rewarded by being alienated yourself (as well as your child). You might be alone on your social calendar, but at least you'll have your sense of superiority. Congrats.

[Anonymous]

OP to answer your question: YES. Yes, it is very rude not to invite kids to a party if you didn't receive a TY note. Much more rude than not sending a thank you note.