Passive Aggressive Boss

[Anonymous]

Boss or co-worker. How best to deal with these nut jobs? My "go-to" is not working which is to directly confront the craziness while remaining calm. Advice welcome!

[Anonymous]

Can you give an example of the crazy?

I just wrote this on the snake thread... will it work in your situation?

Document everything, to protect yourself in case he/she tries to mess with you and to keep a record in case you decide to go to HR/the boss/an attorney over something that happens in the future. Use email as much as possible to document because it automatically creates a time stamp.

So, if you are working on a project together, memorialize every meeting or conversation with an email like "Bob, Great to meet with you today. As we discussed, I am going to XYZ while you work on ABC. The review meeting is Friday at 9:00 and we plan to be ready to 123 at that time." Or, "Bob, earlier today you told me to work on the M project but not to worry about my concern regarding N, so I am going to start doing these steps regarding M: ____. Let me know if you want to discuss N any further."

That way, if deadlines aren't met or things go wrong, you have a record of what you were responsible for and what you were told to do/not do.

Also, if he makes inappropriate comments to you, document them with email, too. "Bob, earlier today you commented that I should be home taking care of DS. Although I love DS, I really enjoy working here and am excited about this project. Please don't make comments about my work/life choices." Do it every time.

If you can't bring yourself to confront him directly like this about the inappropriate comments, at least keep a log of what was said, when, where, and who else was present. Sometimes these comments seem so little that they should be dismissed, but when you see them in writing over and over again you (and the Big Boss) can see how damaging and illegal they are.

If it's a waspish person who is not a boss but just gossips, undermines, etc., I would just limit all interatction with her and tell her nothing about yourself. Her: "What are you doing this weekend?" You: "I think the kids and I are going to the beach." Later: Her: "Boss, I'll take care of X project, since Mary's taking off to the beach with her kids again this weekend." Change to: Her: What are you doing this weekend? You: We don't have set plans yet. Walk away.