Does this make me a bad person?

[Anonymous]

Before I went on maternity leave, my boss told me it would be okay for me to work remotely with the baby 2 or 3 days a week. Six weeks into my leave, I contacted her to ask what days she wanted me there so I could find child care. A month went by, and she ignored multiple emails and voicemails. I couldn't start looking seriously until I heard from her, because even if I could find child care for just part of the week I had to be able to tell them WHAT part of the week. I specifically started asking her for details before my leave was near to being up because if I couldn't find part-time care I was not going to come back. (Full-time day care costs about 2/3 of my salary, and a nanny would cost more than I make.)

So, today she finally got back to me and said that I could work remotely on Fridays, but just Fridays. I have a month of leave left, unpaid (the rest was paid), and so far I haven't found any day cares that have an opening for the baby. I don't think going back to this job makes sense. We can afford for me to stay home and I have a number of possibly-remunerative projects I can work on. But I feel really awful for taking their money and then not going back. If I'd known what the situation was going to be before I went on leave, I would not have planned to return. If I'd known the situation a month ago, I would have told her I wasn't going to be able to come back. And I know it's not my fault that she took a month to get back to me, but I feel like it would make me a bad person to tell her I'm not going to return.

And yes, I know there are other considerations -- setting a bad example of what pregnant women/new moms are like as employees, a potential black mark if I want to go back to full-time employment in the future, my family's financial stability -- but this is the big thing I'm worrying about now. DH thinks I'm silly for worrying and should just quit and write my book, but something is holding me back and I think it's this worry that I'm being a bad employee/person.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like a) they didn't respond so you couldn't plan and b) the plan changed from the original plan.

I wouldn't blame you for looking elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

I agree that they weren't up front. But your expectation that you would work with a baby at home is pretty unreasonable too. Not sure how you would pull that off productively!

[Anonymous]

They are the bad employer/people by not getting back to you in time to make arrangements. You're not a bad person/employee for leaving when they changed the rules without telling you. Especially since you can afford it, I would make all that VERY clear to boss and HR: you took leave under XYZ circumstances (is your agreement with your boss about 2-3 days documented?), you weren't told when circumstances had changed, and once you were told it was too late for you to make arrangements, now you are stuck. Then see what they do. But decide first: if you get your original deal, will you stay?

[Anonymous]

Agree with PP. Nice that you have an email trail to take to HR, to show you made a very good-faith effort on this, and it was supervisor who fell down on her end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They are the bad employer/people by not getting back to you in time to make arrangements. You're not a bad person/employee for leaving when they changed the rules without telling you. Especially since you can afford it, I would make all that VERY clear to boss and HR: you took leave under XYZ circumstances (is your agreement with your boss about 2-3 days documented?), you weren't told when circumstances had changed, and once you were told it was too late for you to make arrangements, now you are stuck. Then see what they do. But decide first: if you get your original deal, will you stay?

Yes. This is important to figure out before you pick up the phone. They may have just gotten swamped and not thought things through from your perspective.

[Anonymous]

Everything should have been in writing before you went on maternity leave. You are not in the wrong but it would have helped plan everything. Things like this always happen with maternity leave.

[Anonymous]

The original deal is not documented -- it was all oral, which I agree is dumb and I won't make that mistake again! -- and there is no HR. I had to hound my boss for a month to get the baby added to my insurance, including multiple voicemails, and never heard back from her until the day before she did it when she emailed me to say she was going to. It's a four person office, including me. So there's no one to say "look, it was Boss's fault!" to except Boss and I don't imagine that would go over too well.

At this point I'm not sure I would stay if I got the original deal. If I'd gotten it a couple hours ago (instead of this Fridays stuff) I would have, but DH and I have been talking since and we can make it work without my job and frankly I'm not amused by this. I just feel shitty about the whole situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everything should have been in writing before you went on maternity leave. You are not in the wrong but it would have helped plan everything. Things like this always happen with maternity leave.

Yep, you're totally right! --OP

[Anonymous]

She's forcing you to quit. Strategic move on her part - now she doesn't have to deal with a mom employee who has other priorities and she doesn't have to fire you. Too bad you didn't get it in writing, but I suspect she wouldn't have put it in writing anyway. If she wanted to keep you, she'd have called you immediately when the situation changed to ensure you had as much time as possible to make arrangements.

So, no, you shouldn't feel bad. Your boss is an ass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's forcing you to quit. Strategic move on her part - now she doesn't have to deal with a mom employee who has other priorities and she doesn't have to fire you. Too bad you didn't get it in writing, but I suspect she wouldn't have put it in writing anyway. If she wanted to keep you, she'd have called you immediately when the situation changed to ensure you had as much time as possible to make arrangements.

So, no, you shouldn't feel bad. Your boss is an ass.

agree

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They are the bad employer/people by not getting back to you in time to make arrangements. You're not a bad person/employee for leaving when they changed the rules without telling you. Especially since you can afford it, I would make all that VERY clear to boss and HR: you took leave under XYZ circumstances (is your agreement with your boss about 2-3 days documented?), you weren't told when circumstances had changed, and once you were told it was too late for you to make arrangements, now you are stuck. Then see what they do. But decide first: if you get your original deal, will you stay?

I agree. Push back on this. They might be willing to go back to the original agreement.

[Anonymous]

Are you by any chance trying a little bit to protect your identity by changing your boss's gender from he to she?
I ask because I had a male boss who did exactly the same things for every issue. Multiple emails and voice mails would go unanswered and then he would come back when it is really late and say something very different from initial talks. I have had enough and quit that job. I am working some where else where everyone speaks what they think and stick to their word.

I understand that your boss might have valid reasons to change the options but it is very unprofessional to leave you hanging for so long. It will be a productive work place when everyone works together. You are not a bad person in my book if you bail out now. But as other PPs suggested, do talk this over again in person with boss/HR and see if it is indeed an honest mistake on their part and if they would actually work with you. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

19:51 ++

[Anonymous]

"Six weeks into my leave, I contacted her to ask what days she wanted me there so I could find child care."

Teleworking is not a substitute for child care. If you work every day, you need child care every day, whether you work from home or go to the office.