Yes. I think she absolutely deserves grace. She’s obviously very mad, and rightly so. What she chooses to do now, is up to her. Look I’ve both been the slacker (due to anxiety and depression) and been frustrated with DH for not helping out enough (intense job with lots of travel). When we’ve both calmed down a bit, we’ve gotten better results. We definitely went through the motions to divorce, and then ended up staying after joint therapy. CBT has been freeing because I can be mad or sad, but it’s not reactionary. It’s deliberate. It’s a small shift and was transformative for me. I’m not perfect, neither is DH. If we’re in a pattern, I can shift my behavior or not. That’s my choice. His too. From the title of the post, it seems like OP has not considered it from DH’s perspective. The vast majority of respondents say her husband is a horrible human being. That won’t solve her anger. |
Putting him on the sidelines where he belongs will prevent more of his accidents, mishaps, chaos, misunderstandings, AND minimize her anger. I’d imagine the kids are on to him as well. Minimizes their anger and confusion as well.
QED. |
Lol. Stop projecting your marriage to that of OP’s situation. But what, pray tell, you do surmise is OP’s Dear Hubby’s perspective on any of this? |
He should read this
https://www.artofmanliness.com/character/habits/7-habits-proactive-not-reactive/ |
You all sound so miserable. |
Where’s the tik tok link? |
Relax. Also let them relax. Let go of the need of perfection. All humans die and deteriorate in dirt, no need to pretend we have control. |
Pretty sure sleeping in til noon and doing nothing all the time is relaxing PP. |
Exactly! Who cares!? Not OP’s H, not PP! Join them: Stop caring. Relax. Nothing you do matters. |
“philosophic origins” of CBT in 1979 have zero to do with your uniformed and boring insistence that “just be stoic” is some kind of good advice. |
yeah it will solve her anger because it’s support for her to get rid of him … and greatly reduce her anger! |
I see. You’re projecting. It makes you question your own decision to suck it up when you see a woman not doing the same. |
OP is the one sucking it up, not PP! OP is the one who still has a problem. PP has a resolution she's content with. |
If she was content with it she wouldn’t be here haranguing OP. |
Giving advice/providing a different perspective (to a question that was asked by OP) is not haranguing. Many of you are clearly annoyed at the idea that you cannot control other people. Many of you seem aggressively angry at the idea that you can, in fact, control yourself. I suspect this is because it is easy (and gratifying) to convince yourself that you are a helpless victim. But the reality is that you have agency, and you are perfectly able to change your environment, and/or change your thoughts. |