Why are some parents so cold and unfriendly?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DC is a fed town. Government and adjacent employees are trained to be suspicious of random people trying to chat them up.

Please. I used to work at an agency where we actually did get training in that, and I also know how to be friendly and pleasant while also not giving away anything that I don't want to share. Anyone who works for a truly sensitive agency with a high clearance will be able to do this, it's part of your job description.

Most feds don't though and there is nothing about their job that they need to keep secret or be wary about. No one cares. In fact, as a general rule, no one cares about your job. There are some exceptions but this idea that all the parents you encounter at your child's public elementary school are secretly angling to obtain top secret info from you is stupid. Most people are just trying to get through the day, especially now in 2026.

If you don't know how to politely respond to another parent introducing him or herself to you and exchange 90 seconds of pleasantries and then extract yourself as needed, you are likely bad at whatever job it is you are so protective of and need to work on your people skills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just don't get it. This post is not about wanting people to invite me or my kids places (truly unnecessary, not the point) or wanting other people's kids to be friends with my kids. I'm not trying to force anyone to do anything.

But so often when I'm at school events or activities, and forced into situation with other parents, I will turn to the person next to me and just introduce myself, ask about their kid, whatever, and they are so antisocial. Like one word answers, look uncomfortable or annoyed. I will read the room and drop it or move away, but I think it's weird. Even if I'm had a stressful day at work or am just in a bad mood, I will smile and be pleasant in those situations because, hey, we're all in the same boat to some degree and I just think being pleasant to fellow parents is part of the gig. I also just find it useful to be able to put parent faces/names with their kids, and to get to know the other families enough to be cordial during pick up/drop off or whatever.

If this is you, why can't you just be pleasant for a few moments? Why the cold shoulder?

Type-A parents make snap judgments and deem you're not on their level. Were you on their level and somehow slipped detection (highly unlikely), you'd be able to open with you are mutual friends with so and so, you live in the same nabe, are members of the same club, vacation in the same place, you work with so and so. Since you can do none of those things, you're deemed a non-entity unworthy of their time. When you orbit them anyways, you're an interloper getting mocked in their private group chats.

Do you think continuing to see another parent at pick-up where you might, GASP, make eye contact with them, is evidence of them insisting on "orbiting you anyways"? What if your kids see each other and start talking, and they have the gall to turn to you and say hello and ask how your weekend was? Striving grasping unworthy scum! I hope you scuttle off to your "private group chats" with all the RIGHT people to mock them mercilessly for existing and having manners and being a normal person. They'll never break into your secret club of psychotic paranoids. Never!

And good day to you, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So we are attending events as mutes in order to people watch and eavesdrop on other people’s interactions…is that what we are doing now? I get going to a school event to support your kids and be involved with what is going on at the school. But I don’t understand the angst directed at people who want to stay on and socialize and casually converse with the “community” that they may one day need to rely on…it’s not just other parents…it’s the teachers and staff. That’s the bizarre tone of the trolls regurgitating the same weak argument throughout this thread.

Not having any mutuals (read social "ins") at your kid's school sets off red flags. A lot of parents are feds, trained to be extremely wary around randoms trying to chat. Bottom line, we don't know you and we're frankly not interested in knowing you. That's not a me/us problem, it's a you problem for being offended. This thread is full of deeply presumptuous people with a lack of self awareness. Stop trying to force yourself on others. We just want to be left alone and associate with people we know and have vetted.

DP. This might be one of the weirdest threads I’ve ever seen on DCUM and that is saying something. And you might be the weirdest person on it. What’s up with your obsession with vetting? If you are this paranoid because of your line of work, go get some help. You’re a net negative in the community. I would bet money that whoever you think your friends are probably talk badly about you behind your back.

It truly is a weird one for the books. I would be so curious to meet some of these posters. I assume they are either trolls or actually just deeply unpleasant people no one wants to be friends with either (so like an unconscious troll). Still, the posts here are wild.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just don't get it. This post is not about wanting people to invite me or my kids places (truly unnecessary, not the point) or wanting other people's kids to be friends with my kids. I'm not trying to force anyone to do anything.

But so often when I'm at school events or activities, and forced into situation with other parents, I will turn to the person next to me and just introduce myself, ask about their kid, whatever, and they are so antisocial. Like one word answers, look uncomfortable or annoyed. I will read the room and drop it or move away, but I think it's weird. Even if I'm had a stressful day at work or am just in a bad mood, I will smile and be pleasant in those situations because, hey, we're all in the same boat to some degree and I just think being pleasant to fellow parents is part of the gig. I also just find it useful to be able to put parent faces/names with their kids, and to get to know the other families enough to be cordial during pick up/drop off or whatever.

If this is you, why can't you just be pleasant for a few moments? Why the cold shoulder?

Type-A parents make snap judgments and deem you're not on their level. Were you on their level and somehow slipped detection (highly unlikely), you'd be able to open with you are mutual friends with so and so, you live in the same nabe, are members of the same club, vacation in the same place, you work with so and so. Since you can do none of those things, you're deemed a non-entity unworthy of their time. When you orbit them anyways, you're an interloper getting mocked in their private group chats.

Do you think continuing to see another parent at pick-up where you might, GASP, make eye contact with them, is evidence of them insisting on "orbiting you anyways"? What if your kids see each other and start talking, and they have the gall to turn to you and say hello and ask how your weekend was? Striving grasping unworthy scum! I hope you scuttle off to your "private group chats" with all the RIGHT people to mock them mercilessly for existing and having manners and being a normal person. They'll never break into your secret club of psychotic paranoids. Never!

And good day to you, too.

That person is just rage-baiting. Use of “nabe” gives it away, because the people he’s describing wouldn’t use that word.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just don't get it. This post is not about wanting people to invite me or my kids places (truly unnecessary, not the point) or wanting other people's kids to be friends with my kids. I'm not trying to force anyone to do anything.

But so often when I'm at school events or activities, and forced into situation with other parents, I will turn to the person next to me and just introduce myself, ask about their kid, whatever, and they are so antisocial. Like one word answers, look uncomfortable or annoyed. I will read the room and drop it or move away, but I think it's weird. Even if I'm had a stressful day at work or am just in a bad mood, I will smile and be pleasant in those situations because, hey, we're all in the same boat to some degree and I just think being pleasant to fellow parents is part of the gig. I also just find it useful to be able to put parent faces/names with their kids, and to get to know the other families enough to be cordial during pick up/drop off or whatever.

If this is you, why can't you just be pleasant for a few moments? Why the cold shoulder?

Type-A parents make snap judgments and deem you're not on their level. Were you on their level and somehow slipped detection (highly unlikely), you'd be able to open with you are mutual friends with so and so, you live in the same nabe, are members of the same club, vacation in the same place, you work with so and so. Since you can do none of those things, you're deemed a non-entity unworthy of their time. When you orbit them anyways, you're an interloper getting mocked in their private group chats.

Do you think continuing to see another parent at pick-up where you might, GASP, make eye contact with them, is evidence of them insisting on "orbiting you anyways"? What if your kids see each other and start talking, and they have the gall to turn to you and say hello and ask how your weekend was? Striving grasping unworthy scum! I hope you scuttle off to your "private group chats" with all the RIGHT people to mock them mercilessly for existing and having manners and being a normal person. They'll never break into your secret club of psychotic paranoids. Never!

And good day to you, too.

That person is just rage-baiting. Use of “nabe” gives it away, because the people he’s describing wouldn’t use that word.

lol, it’s gotta be a kid posting the nabe comment. I got my entertainment for the year! Thanks, DCUM, you deliver on the crazies every time! Keep ‘em coming!🤣

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So we are attending events as mutes in order to people watch and eavesdrop on other people’s interactions…is that what we are doing now? I get going to a school event to support your kids and be involved with what is going on at the school. But I don’t understand the angst directed at people who want to stay on and socialize and casually converse with the “community” that they may one day need to rely on…it’s not just other parents…it’s the teachers and staff. That’s the bizarre tone of the trolls regurgitating the same weak argument throughout this thread.

this thread isn't isolated, the same theme comes up constantly on DCUM; parents whining that they can't use their kids to make a new social circle

No one in this thread wants to "make a new social circle" with parents at school.

People just think it's weird to ignore and refuse to even meet and learn the name of a person you see on a regular basis for many months or years. I agree this is deranged.

I will continue to introduce myself and strike up short conversations with parents who I see regularly in order to get to know the parents in our school and activity communities because I think it is strange and depressing not to do so. If you hate this, maybe home school and put your kid in private 1:1 classes so your family can completely isolate itself? I'm not going to alter my behavior.

You do you. Nobody has to accommodate your advances or reciprocate. If this is happening over and over to you, maybe you're giving off some weird desperate vibes.

I truly have no idea how you function in life refusing to exchange pleasantries with other people.

This, right here, is the problem: many of us DO “exchange pleasantries.” But then…you keep going. Asking. Pushing. You’re nosy. You’re still going.

You know when you have a chatter next to you in an airplane who won’t stop even when you pull out a book or a magazine? That’s you, PP. Come on now, there is a point well beyond “exchanging pleasantries.” Read the room.

+1. They're all so in denial about how nosy, pushy, and abrasive they are. Ma'am you're in your 40s or 50s, if everyone is icing you, it's a YOU problem, not everyone else's problem.

Exactly this. So many triggered people in this thread. I’ve learned to spot a Stage 5 Clinger a mile away. So yes, I will “exchange pleasantries,” but when I’m done, I’m done.

When I’ve been too nice, I’ve had people asking me for favors when we’re not even on a get-together basis. I’ve also had women try to “subtly” sell me their MLM crap. I had one mother within *minutes* of meeting me asking, “You’re the one who does communications for a law school, right? My Bitsy is pre-law at American, and is interested in your school…” asking me for tips and favors literally the first time we met.

Also when I’ve been too nice, the socially awkward/quiet people will cling to me and use me as a crutch and a social director. No, thanks. I did that in my 20s and 30s and I’m over being used by people who tried to use me as a social life preserver.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So we are attending events as mutes in order to people watch and eavesdrop on other people’s interactions…is that what we are doing now? I get going to a school event to support your kids and be involved with what is going on at the school. But I don’t understand the angst directed at people who want to stay on and socialize and casually converse with the “community” that they may one day need to rely on…it’s not just other parents…it’s the teachers and staff. That’s the bizarre tone of the trolls regurgitating the same weak argument throughout this thread.

Not having any mutuals (read social "ins") at your kid's school sets off red flags. A lot of parents are feds, trained to be extremely wary around randoms trying to chat. Bottom line, we don't know you and we're frankly not interested in knowing you. That's not a me/us problem, it's a you problem for being offended. This thread is full of deeply presumptuous people with a lack of self awareness. Stop trying to force yourself on others. We just want to be left alone and associate with people we know and have vetted.

DP. This might be one of the weirdest threads I’ve ever seen on DCUM and that is saying something. And you might be the weirdest person on it. What’s up with your obsession with vetting? If you are this paranoid because of your line of work, go get some help. You’re a net negative in the community. I would bet money that whoever you think your friends are probably talk badly about you behind your back.

Driving the point home that from their POV you are a random ass stranger. You crazies have such audacity to believe everyone you seek to orbit MUST give you their undivided attention because your kid is randomly 1 of 500 or 1 or 2,000 at the same school. We. Don’t. Know. You.

“Seeing someone” a bunch of times somewhere doesn’t make you likely friends. I would see the same people on the Metro often twice a day. Outside of a random non-verbal nod, I never had the impulse to say a single word to them.

Taking it personal and whining in DCUM threads about this issue just proves there’s something off about you and their snap judgment of you is accurate. You warrant the icing. Sorry you’re middle aged with so few friends. The rest of us don’t have that problem and aren’t desperate for more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So we are attending events as mutes in order to people watch and eavesdrop on other people’s interactions…is that what we are doing now? I get going to a school event to support your kids and be involved with what is going on at the school. But I don’t understand the angst directed at people who want to stay on and socialize and casually converse with the “community” that they may one day need to rely on…it’s not just other parents…it’s the teachers and staff. That’s the bizarre tone of the trolls regurgitating the same weak argument throughout this thread.

Not having any mutuals (read social "ins") at your kid's school sets off red flags. A lot of parents are feds, trained to be extremely wary around randoms trying to chat. Bottom line, we don't know you and we're frankly not interested in knowing you. That's not a me/us problem, it's a you problem for being offended. This thread is full of deeply presumptuous people with a lack of self awareness. Stop trying to force yourself on others. We just want to be left alone and associate with people we know and have vetted.

DP. This might be one of the weirdest threads I’ve ever seen on DCUM and that is saying something. And you might be the weirdest person on it. What’s up with your obsession with vetting? If you are this paranoid because of your line of work, go get some help. You’re a net negative in the community. I would bet money that whoever you think your friends are probably talk badly about you behind your back.

Driving the point home that from their POV you are a random ass stranger. You crazies have such audacity to believe everyone you seek to orbit MUST give you their undivided attention because your kid is randomly 1 of 500 or 1 or 2,000 at the same school. We. Don’t. Know. You.

“Seeing someone” a bunch of times somewhere doesn’t make you likely friends. I would see the same people on the Metro often twice a day. Outside of a random non-verbal nod, I never had the impulse to say a single word to them.

Taking it personal and whining in DCUM threads about this issue just proves there’s something off about you and their snap judgment of you is accurate. You warrant the icing. Sorry you’re middle aged with so few friends. The rest of us don’t have that problem and aren’t desperate for more.

Oh, dear. You’re not in the “we.”

Self-awareness, indeed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So we are attending events as mutes in order to people watch and eavesdrop on other people’s interactions…is that what we are doing now? I get going to a school event to support your kids and be involved with what is going on at the school. But I don’t understand the angst directed at people who want to stay on and socialize and casually converse with the “community” that they may one day need to rely on…it’s not just other parents…it’s the teachers and staff. That’s the bizarre tone of the trolls regurgitating the same weak argument throughout this thread.

Not having any mutuals (read social "ins") at your kid's school sets off red flags. A lot of parents are feds, trained to be extremely wary around randoms trying to chat. Bottom line, we don't know you and we're frankly not interested in knowing you. That's not a me/us problem, it's a you problem for being offended. This thread is full of deeply presumptuous people with a lack of self awareness. Stop trying to force yourself on others. We just want to be left alone and associate with people we know and have vetted.

DP. This might be one of the weirdest threads I’ve ever seen on DCUM and that is saying something. And you might be the weirdest person on it. What’s up with your obsession with vetting? If you are this paranoid because of your line of work, go get some help. You’re a net negative in the community. I would bet money that whoever you think your friends are probably talk badly about you behind your back.

Driving the point home that from their POV you are a random ass stranger. You crazies have such audacity to believe everyone you seek to orbit MUST give you their undivided attention because your kid is randomly 1 of 500 or 1 or 2,000 at the same school. We. Don’t. Know. You.

“Seeing someone” a bunch of times somewhere doesn’t make you likely friends. I would see the same people on the Metro often twice a day. Outside of a random non-verbal nod, I never had the impulse to say a single word to them.

Taking it personal and whining in DCUM threads about this issue just proves there’s something off about you and their snap judgment of you is accurate. You warrant the icing. Sorry you’re middle aged with so few friends. The rest of us don’t have that problem and aren’t desperate for more.

Yikes. Are you this mean in real life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So we are attending events as mutes in order to people watch and eavesdrop on other people’s interactions…is that what we are doing now? I get going to a school event to support your kids and be involved with what is going on at the school. But I don’t understand the angst directed at people who want to stay on and socialize and casually converse with the “community” that they may one day need to rely on…it’s not just other parents…it’s the teachers and staff. That’s the bizarre tone of the trolls regurgitating the same weak argument throughout this thread.

Not having any mutuals (read social "ins") at your kid's school sets off red flags. A lot of parents are feds, trained to be extremely wary around randoms trying to chat. Bottom line, we don't know you and we're frankly not interested in knowing you. That's not a me/us problem, it's a you problem for being offended. This thread is full of deeply presumptuous people with a lack of self awareness. Stop trying to force yourself on others. We just want to be left alone and associate with people we know and have vetted.

DP. This might be one of the weirdest threads I’ve ever seen on DCUM and that is saying something. And you might be the weirdest person on it. What’s up with your obsession with vetting? If you are this paranoid because of your line of work, go get some help. You’re a net negative in the community. I would bet money that whoever you think your friends are probably talk badly about you behind your back.

Driving the point home that from their POV you are a random ass stranger. You crazies have such audacity to believe everyone you seek to orbit MUST give you their undivided attention because your kid is randomly 1 of 500 or 1 or 2,000 at the same school. We. Don’t. Know. You.

“Seeing someone” a bunch of times somewhere doesn’t make you likely friends. I would see the same people on the Metro often twice a day. Outside of a random non-verbal nod, I never had the impulse to say a single word to them.

Taking it personal and whining in DCUM threads about this issue just proves there’s something off about you and their snap judgment of you is accurate. You warrant the icing. Sorry you’re middle aged with so few friends. The rest of us don’t have that problem and aren’t desperate for more.

If you don’t know how to make small talk with acquaintances without thinking they are “orbiting” you, you’re either neurodiverse or you were raised poorly.

[Anonymous]

“Seeing someone” is interesting because while you might see and home in on the same handful of parents, you’ve been invisible to them. They honestly have no freaking clue who you are. So it’s super awk because you have built up this parasocial “we totally know each other because we’ve totally bumped into each other tons of times at school” thing but from their point of view they legitimately have no idea who the hell you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“Seeing someone” is interesting because while you might see and home in on the same handful of parents, you’ve been invisible to them. They honestly have no freaking clue who you are. So it’s super awk because you have built up this parasocial “we totally know each other because we’ve totally bumped into each other tons of times at school” thing but from their point of view they legitimately have no idea who the hell you are.

Are you on the spectrum?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So we are attending events as mutes in order to people watch and eavesdrop on other people’s interactions…is that what we are doing now? I get going to a school event to support your kids and be involved with what is going on at the school. But I don’t understand the angst directed at people who want to stay on and socialize and casually converse with the “community” that they may one day need to rely on…it’s not just other parents…it’s the teachers and staff. That’s the bizarre tone of the trolls regurgitating the same weak argument throughout this thread.

Not having any mutuals (read social "ins") at your kid's school sets off red flags. A lot of parents are feds, trained to be extremely wary around randoms trying to chat. Bottom line, we don't know you and we're frankly not interested in knowing you. That's not a me/us problem, it's a you problem for being offended. This thread is full of deeply presumptuous people with a lack of self awareness. Stop trying to force yourself on others. We just want to be left alone and associate with people we know and have vetted.

DP. This might be one of the weirdest threads I’ve ever seen on DCUM and that is saying something. And you might be the weirdest person on it. What’s up with your obsession with vetting? If you are this paranoid because of your line of work, go get some help. You’re a net negative in the community. I would bet money that whoever you think your friends are probably talk badly about you behind your back.

Driving the point home that from their POV you are a random ass stranger. You crazies have such audacity to believe everyone you seek to orbit MUST give you their undivided attention because your kid is randomly 1 of 500 or 1 or 2,000 at the same school. We. Don’t. Know. You.

“Seeing someone” a bunch of times somewhere doesn’t make you likely friends. I would see the same people on the Metro often twice a day. Outside of a random non-verbal nod, I never had the impulse to say a single word to them.

Taking it personal and whining in DCUM threads about this issue just proves there’s something off about you and their snap judgment of you is accurate. You warrant the icing. Sorry you’re middle aged with so few friends. The rest of us don’t have that problem and aren’t desperate for more.

If you don’t know how to make small talk with acquaintances without thinking they are “orbiting” you, you’re either neurodiverse or you were raised poorly.

DC is the most status obsessed ruthless striver town in America. It is full of the creepiest, pushiest, most invasive and obnoxious social climbers and mentally unwell weirdos. When you steep in such a toxic ethos, it’s perfectly natural to have your guard up and be hyper selective about who you associate with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Seeing someone” is interesting because while you might see and home in on the same handful of parents, you’ve been invisible to them. They honestly have no freaking clue who you are. So it’s super awk because you have built up this parasocial “we totally know each other because we’ve totally bumped into each other tons of times at school” thing but from their point of view they legitimately have no idea who the hell you are.

Are you on the spectrum?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Seeing someone” is interesting because while you might see and home in on the same handful of parents, you’ve been invisible to them. They honestly have no freaking clue who you are. So it’s super awk because you have built up this parasocial “we totally know each other because we’ve totally bumped into each other tons of times at school” thing but from their point of view they legitimately have no idea who the hell you are.

Are you on the spectrum?

So, yes?