Deflecting the preggo attention in workplace

[Anonymous]

I'm wondering if anyone has any advice on how to deflect some of the attention and discussion around your pregnancy, particularly at the office. I've suddenly popped at 21w along with #2, and I feel like I've suddenly become a spectacle and my stomach is the subject of everyone's attention. I really don't mind chatting with close colleagues about my plans and about the baby-to-be, and I can handle the quick queries from random colleagues. But it's driving me crazy that some people seem to take my shape as an excuse to ask all kinds of prying questions, especially people that I barely know. The older woman who works at the front desk in my large institution actually phoned my office the other day to demand to know if I was pregnant - this is someone who calls me by the wrong name every day and whom I've never spoken with beyond 'good morning'... now she wants to chitchat every time I pass by her desk and I find myself trying to sneak in/out of the office.

I'm not sure why it bugs me so much, maybe b/c with my first child I was in a much more male-dominated corporate environment where no one delved into personal stuff. I also lost a pregnancy at an awful time, and vowed never to be one of those smug pregnant women who is constantly rubbing her belly like Mother Earth. (Sorry to anyone I've offended by that - just my personal preference!) Please - I'd be so grateful for advice on polite ways to change the subject or better yet avoid it altogether!!

[Anonymous]

I feel your pain. You've really touched on an issue that I think almost all pregnant women deal with but have different reactions to which is the pregnant body as "public." When my sister was pregnant she couldn't stand how she couldn't go out without someone asking her her if coffee was caffeinated or wanting to rub her belly or strangers giving unsolicited advice. For me, my metro commute is where I feel utterly conspicuous. Maybe I'm just being paranoid but I feel like all eyes on the train are staring at me. The other day, one of the gawkers actually asked me how far along I was, I resisted the urge to say "far enough along for you to offer me your seat." The point is that for better or worse people get intrigued by pregnancy and although I know this isn't what you want to here, there's not a whole lot you can do about it. What you can control is your reaction to your colleague's comments. Some women love the attention and love talking about their pregnancies to whomever asks. Others like you and me feel much more private about it. I do think that if it's something you don't want to be center of conversation, most people will eventually follow your lead. And for the ones who don't, know that you're not along.

[Anonymous]

I totally agree. In fact I'm avoiding announcing my increasingly obvious second pregnancy because I want to avoid the attention.
I work in a small office of mostly women and there are very few personal boundaries. I did find with my first pregnancy that the more matter-of-factly I treated the subject, the less attention was paid. I rarely engaged others about it -- even my closer co-workers -- because any conversation would quickly draw others to my cubicle to offer advice, share their experiences and, too often, pry. I also found it helpful to deflect questions by changing the subject. "Oh, I don't have time to even think about it I'm so busy. How is your project going?"
I would love to hear other strategies. Thanks

[Anonymous]

The casual comments in the grocery store were OK w/ me. People get excited about babies. It was feeling like I had to defend some of my choices that really got my dander up. So I just stopped giving out info to anybody who annoyed me.

I had all kinds of unsolicited advice/incredibly personal questions from coworkers. My strategy became just to nod, smile, and play along, while not really offering any info at all. "Are you planning to have him circumcised?" "We're still talking about it." "Well, you should/shouldn't because...BLAH BLAH BLAH" "Hmmm...really...that's so interesting..." (Actual conversation with a male coworker!) I found that most people wanted to talk about themselves and their opinions, and that I was just the springboard. I just let them talk, even when I had fully formed opinions/decisions on what they were saying. My other favorite were the people who would tell me horribly tragic stories about labor and delivery....Ummmm...THANKS, I needed that.

Then there's always Dear Abby's pat response to those types of inquiries..."What an interesting/personal question. I wonder why you ask?"

[Anonymous]

Ugh, I know what you mean, and I feel your pain. I work for a large federal department, and there is inevitably someone I run into who I barely know and who hasn't seen me for awhile and just must comment and chat. It makes me quite self-conscious. I'm 30 weeks now, and have the bigger, rounder belly to go with it, which draws much more comment than when I was just showing at 24 weeks. When I'm not hiding out in my office, and I don't feel like nodding and smiling, I try to politely become very busy with a very important project/errand/meeting and excuse myself. Carrying a file or something helps. Plus, I work in an open office environment, so I do try to spare my cubicle neighbors from having to hear 85 times a day how my pregnancy is. I'm sure the poor woman across from me can still recite every 1st trimester symptom that I had, since when I told the office I was pregnant, the ENTIRE WORLD stopped by to see how I was feeling. Some of my co-workers have been unexpectedly sweet and understanding, but some just seem nosy and awfully full of opinions.

[Anonymous]

The worst was when the older (and slightly weird) guy down the hall, who I'd had maybe a couple of work-related conversations with EVER, started talking with me about breastfeeding, and how long his wife had done it (I think it was a very extended amount of time), etc.
I don't think that would creep me out so much now, but with my first, yeah, buddy, I don't want to discuss this with you.

[Anonymous]

Interestingly, I have had the opposite experience at work. I cannot believe many of my coworkers (mainly men above me in supervisory roles) have yet to say a thing about my pregnancy (I am now 34 weeks). I suppose maybe they are just respecting my privacy, now that I see your complaints. I guess its all about presentation, but I would appreciate the support.