My daughter wants to marry a loser
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Kpursel1
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My daughter is 24 and in a relationship one year. He is 29 has no job, no education, 5 yrs in Iraq in the Marines, lives with his parents on a leased ranch, divorced with a 9yrs old daughter. My daughter wants to marry him 5/18/13 and we are
suppose to pay for the wedding. She says she will marry him no matter what, but I ask her what the hurry is? I asked her to live with him at least a year before they talk marriage, she lives out of town and works as a server in a resturant but at least she has had a job for 5yrs. Help me to help her without pushing her away from me. My husband is a push over and has no backbone to stand up to these two and tell them to wait, live together and try to get good jobs before they marry. Any helpful comments would be appreciated. Thank you. |
Anonymous
| Why are you supposed to pay for the wedding? |
Kpursel1
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My husband will do anything for her, our only child. He wants to give the loser a chance to succeed he did buy cattle that he hopes one day will build into a successful business, but there is no income from that, they can't even
afford to get a house together and live in the same city. He fights his x-wife for custody on his daughter on a regular basis and of course his parents help him out with the legal fees and the cattle they bought together! His parents are all for the marriage. I have been told by other people pull the funds they won't get married, but knowing her she would no doubt elope, but I don't even thing they can afford that. We have spoiled my daughter and paid for her college and living expenses and still are to this day. What's wrong with these kids why must they insist on getting married right now, her answer is well Mom I have posted this on facebook, she does't want to look like a fool to all her friends which have been getting married this past year. |
Anonymous
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She's 24, time to let go Mom and let her live her life and make her own mistakes. This is a losing battle so don't even bother fighting it. Tell her you love her and hope is she happy and will support her in whatever she chooses.
The only thing I'd take issue with is paying for the wedding. Your money, your right to do with it as you wish. |
Anonymous
This is good advice. She has to make her own mistakes. Just be there for her through the good and bad. |
Anonymous
| Your daughter has a college degree and works as server? Better employment should be her #1 priority. |
Kpursel1
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Your right and I have worked hard with myself to get on board with this...but my gut tells mee that this is going to fail! But that is what letting go is all about letting her fall so she can pick her self up.
I was hoping for some deep wisdom or a miracle, even if he got a steady job, anything....by the way he also has a DUI and wet & reckless under his 29yrs so when he does interview for good positions guess what keeps him from getting a job! This economy sucks and yes you would think him being a VET could open doors which is has only to be shut on him. I hate to see her settle and I ask her all the time don't you think you could do better, did'nt I teach her anything over the years. My husband and I have been married 36yrs, yes lots of ups and downs but we are still together. We both had a plan and educations and wanted to build a better life for ourselves, but these kids don't even give the future much thought. I have told her her future looks dim to me, if she wants to support him and his daughter and carry the load that will get old real quick, but she loves him and trust this will all work out in her dream world, but I have news for her when she takes him as a husband our financial support ends there, and her father and I have told her that, but again I don't think she sees that far ahead. |
Anonymous
| It will probably fail. But there's no way to convince her of that right now. I know, because at 23, I moved across the country for a relationship my parents told me would fail. They didn't try to stop me, but they let me know they expected me back home within a year. There was no way I could be convinced they knew what they were talking about. "They don't know him like I know him!" Basically, you have to let her do this and then support the marriage if it works out, or help dust her off if it doesn't. But really, this notion that you "have" to pay for the wedding is silly. He's a grown man with a child and a paying job, she's a grown woman with a job. They can pay for it themselves. |
Anonymous
| Just encourage her not to get pregnant with this guy's child. That will tie her forever to him. Keep up her health insurance coverage. |
Kpursel1
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Yes she works 5hrs on the evening shift and brings home $85-$100 in tips a night, plus her min wage paycheck. She wants to move
back to her home town and in with husband before hitting the crappy job market for a better job. |
Anonymous
| Also make sure this guy treats her right. Don't allow her to be isolated from family and friends. Keep your strong ties with her and be supportive even though you don't support her choice to get married. |
Anonymous
| Your daughter will have an "oops" baby when you withdraw your financial support. That's what Princesses do! |
Anonymous
What do you mean by that? Once the child is 18 and out of the house, the ex is in the background big time. |
Anonymous
| Why are you still supporting your daughter financially in any way? She's an adult. Let her support herself and make her own decisions (including marrying this guy) and if those decisions don't work out, let her deal with the consequences. |
Anonymous
The baby will be DD and ex's baby forever. And DD might have to attend functions, eg DC's wedding, and see the ex and the ex's family then. And if DD leaves an inheritance to DC and DC dies or becomes incapacitated, ex might gain control over DD's money. |