MIL....Is this a future problem???

[Anonymous]

Just got married a half & a yr. ago with a man who's very close with his mom. Close in the sense that he asks her for advice. In other words, they have a super close mom & son relationship. I had no problem with that. The mom looks nice & respectable when we were dating. By the way, my hubby is the youngest among 5 children. On the other hand, I am the oldest among the 3 girls in my family. That I never thought would create a big difference in our future lives.

After getting married we stayed in our own condo which is the next area to his mom. I am pregnant so MIL would always invite me to eat out or spend time in their house since hubby is working & I stay home alone. I find her really nice & I feel like she treats me like her own daughter. But sooner or later, she would drop by at our condo giving me advice on how to decorate my house. That I take as a constructive help since we're only starting a family. I am 25, my hubby is 24.

Days passed by, everytime she comes to the condo she would say, this is not where you are suppose to put the sugar container. It wasn't a big deal so I did not care to move stuff the way she wanted but I notice that everytime she comes back and sees the same error she would insist on doing her thing. "I told u, this is no the right place for the sugar container." (something like that). One time or two, she literally went inside our room and started folding my hubby's tshirts the way she would do it for him. I was like "What the...." (Don't u think I can't do all these things for him?DUH>>>"

Then me & hubby decided to just give birth in a cheaper hospital since we are on a tight budget & ya know, just starting. MIL suggested that it's better if I do in a more pricey private one since it's good & all that. I know my hubby doesn't have much too so even if that's the case we followed her. When it's time to get out of the hospital MIL has no money as well & guess who helped us pay the bill, "MY OWN MOM & DAD." What a shame right?

The baby will be christened. We decided to do it in a church near the city where I grew up on but MIL keeps texting us to just do it in their city. I felt totally pissed that I did not follow her decision & my hubby feels my frustration as well but it seems like he cant do anything with his MOTHER. So MIL was forced to travel for 2 hours to attend her grandson's baptism. She was obviously not happy that we did not follow her. My aunt greeted her "Good morning" and she replied while eyes rolling "I told them just do it in our city but they didn't listen to me"

Monster In law really got on my nerves during the reception coz she stayed in the car by herself while everyone's enjoying the food inside the restaurant. She was a total drama queen. Giving us a signal how upset she was for disobeying her.

I really hate being around her & how controlling she was but my hubby is like in the middle of two stones banging each other. I feel that this marriage isn't gonna work out if he cannot stand for us. HELP??????????????????????????????????????

[Anonymous]

Tell you dH to cut the cord, set some limits with his mother, stop asking her for advice and stop telling her your business. I think she will get the hint from him that you and he can make your own decisions. About the comments on your placement of furniture, tell her thanks for her advice but you and dh will make decisions on your house together.

[Anonymous]

Any issues will have to be addressed by your husband (sorry, I hate the term "hubby"). He will have to be the one to speak with her. I would caution you to choose your battles. For example, MIL can give all the furniture and sugar container advice she likes. You can simply nod, smile and say, "Thanks. We like it this way. Did you hear that it might rain today..."

Ignore the eye rolling and drama. Don't allow yoursel to get upset by the passive aggressive troll. If she engages in outright inappropriate behavior like saying something to your face or doing something inappropriate with your son, then your husband will need to step in swiftly.

[Anonymous]

I would move. As long as she can just drop by, it will never end.

[Anonymous]

You need to move father away from her, maybe 40 minutes or so.

[Anonymous]

thanks OP here!

[Anonymous]

What country do you live in?

[Anonymous]

NW DC....OP here