I cannot believe there are still people out there spanking their children...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anecdotal, but the kids I knew who were spanked generally seemed to grow up in more dysfunctional families and didn't turn out as well as the kids who weren't.

Presumably you are referring to kids who are 7-12 ish age range that were spanked, rather than the 1-4 year olds who were near-universally spanked?

Spanking a 1-4 year old should be a crime. They can't even control themselves yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anecdotal, but the kids I knew who were spanked generally seemed to grow up in more dysfunctional families and didn't turn out as well as the kids who weren't.

Presumably you are referring to kids who are 7-12 ish age range that were spanked, rather than the 1-4 year olds who were near-universally spanked?

Even 30 years ago, it was 60% of parents 2-4 spanking their kids. Hardly universal.
Source: https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamapediatrics/fullarticle/2768829?guestAccessKey=0094a62d-08a8-49c1-ad48-75e502b62a95&utm_source=For_The_Media&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=ftm_links&utm_content=tfl&utm_term=072720

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anecdotal, but the kids I knew who were spanked generally seemed to grow up in more dysfunctional families and didn't turn out as well as the kids who weren't.

Presumably you are referring to kids who are 7-12 ish age range that were spanked, rather than the 1-4 year olds who were near-universally spanked?

Spanking a 1-4 year old should be a crime. They can't even control themselves yet.

Expecting and requiring no self-control from a 1-4 year old should be a crime. Children can learn and follow rules and instructions. Not perfectly - but believing that they cannot even control themselves is nonsense parenting.

[Anonymous]

I don't spank my dog so I most definitely don't spank my kids. My dog still learns rules and so do my kids

People who think kids behave worse today really don't remember the sh*t kids did in their youth. It's a bizarre rose colored glasses mentality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anecdotal, but the kids I knew who were spanked generally seemed to grow up in more dysfunctional families and didn't turn out as well as the kids who weren't.

Presumably you are referring to kids who are 7-12 ish age range that were spanked, rather than the 1-4 year olds who were near-universally spanked?

Spanking a 1-4 year old should be a crime. They can't even control themselves yet.

Expecting and requiring no self-control from a 1-4 year old should be a crime. Children can learn and follow rules and instructions. Not perfectly - but believing that they cannot even control themselves is nonsense parenting.

They absolutely can and at age 1-4 it's completely unnecessary to spank to teach them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't spank my dog so I most definitely don't spank my kids. My dog still learns rules and so do my kids

People who think kids behave worse today really don't remember the sh*t kids did in their youth. It's a bizarre rose colored glasses mentality.

Kids just did different bad things than they do now. Every generation seems to believe in the superiority of theirs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't spank my dog so I most definitely don't spank my kids. My dog still learns rules and so do my kids

People who think kids behave worse today really don't remember the sh*t kids did in their youth. It's a bizarre rose colored glasses mentality.

Kids just did different bad things than they do now. Every generation seems to believe in the superiority of theirs.

+1. Every person I hear complain about kids today being misbehaved because of like, whining about screentime, also then can tell you a story about some violent fight outside a bar back in the day, the day they crashed their parent's car joy riding, some bullying sh*t they either did to someone else or experienced, and on and on. But sure, kids today are so much worse because they heard someone whine once.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I used to think I was spanked by my parents and while I thought it was not great and wouldn't do it to my own kids, it was "the time" and not that damaging.

Eventually I figured out (on my own) that my parents were just abusive. They hit us in anger all the time. My dad "spanked" us with a belt. They screamed at us, made fun of us, gave us the silent treatment, etc. All these behaviors got rolled into this excuse of "this is how it was at the time" and "well, attitudes on child discipline have shifted." And for years I thought my upbringing was normal, if out of step with current parenting "trends."

There were even a few years in there where I realized my parents' hit/yelled/punished more than was typical for the time, but I honestly thought it was just a reflection of my siblings and I being bad kids and getting into more trouble and my parents HAD to do what they did because we weren't the kind of good children who could be raised without that kind of violence. My brothers still both think this on some level.

I believe there are parents who really only "spank" without anger, as a form of punishment, for a certain number of years when kids are what they deem the appropriate age. But I think there are WAY more parents like mine, who lean back on the idea that "spanking" is an acceptable form of discipline to cover a variety of abusive behaviors and convince their kids that it was normal and fine.

+1. My parent spanked but it definitely devolved into solid flanking abuse a few times when they were extra pissed and stressed. I still remember getting slapped across the mouth HARD as a teenager... Because why? I didn't want to practice piano that night. There was no beneficial end result to that, it was unnecessary, and I still resent my (now dead) parent for it 30 years later. My brother got it way worse than me sadly.

I was hit many times as a kid (both traditional "spankings" and also plenty of times being hit in a rage), but the two most memorably upsetting acts of violence by my parents in my childhood were actually against siblings. I watched my mom slap my sister across the face when she was a teen, I think because she hadn't finished her chores on a weekend before going out for some school activity commitment. Another time my dad got mad at my younger brother for not trying harder when cleaning the kitchen after dinner, and started swatting his bottom and then started pulling off his belt to whip him.

In both cases, I remember watching and thinking about how my parents was out of control of their emotions, and of the situation. Like even as a kid I could see that their response was just emotional and immature, and that they were failing in that moment. I lost so much respect for them watching stuff like this, even more than when they were hitting me, because in those moments I was also afraid of them and feeling the shame and guilt they were trying to make me feel. It's almost like seeing them hit my siblings gave me the emotional remove I needed to see their behavior for what it was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't spank my dog so I most definitely don't spank my kids. My dog still learns rules and so do my kids

People who think kids behave worse today really don't remember the sh*t kids did in their youth. It's a bizarre rose colored glasses mentality.

Kids just did different bad things than they do now. Every generation seems to believe in the superiority of theirs.

+1. Every person I hear complain about kids today being misbehaved because of like, whining about screentime, also then can tell you a story about some violent fight outside a bar back in the day, the day they crashed their parent's car joy riding, some bullying sh*t they either did to someone else or experienced, and on and on. But sure, kids today are so much worse because they heard someone whine once.

Are you just pretending not to notice the behaviors in school, the skyrocketing juvenile crime, etc.? This isn't about whining.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't spank my dog so I most definitely don't spank my kids. My dog still learns rules and so do my kids

People who think kids behave worse today really don't remember the sh*t kids did in their youth. It's a bizarre rose colored glasses mentality.

Kids just did different bad things than they do now. Every generation seems to believe in the superiority of theirs.

+1. Every person I hear complain about kids today being misbehaved because of like, whining about screentime, also then can tell you a story about some violent fight outside a bar back in the day, the day they crashed their parent's car joy riding, some bullying sh*t they either did to someone else or experienced, and on and on. But sure, kids today are so much worse because they heard someone whine once.

I think the difference is that today no one is afraid of authority. That makes a big difference. I would never have dreamed of speaking back to teachers or any adult for that matter, or being openly defiant. If any adult told me to do something or stop doing something, I did what they said. I'm sure being afraid of being hit had a lot to do with it. These days we need SROs in schools because students don't respect the teacher, the vice principal, the principal. We need a cop to wrestle them to the ground. I think being afraid of spanking isn't all bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anecdotal, but the kids I knew who were spanked generally seemed to grow up in more dysfunctional families and didn't turn out as well as the kids who weren't.

Presumably you are referring to kids who are 7-12 ish age range that were spanked, rather than the 1-4 year olds who were near-universally spanked?

Spanking a 1-4 year old should be a crime. They can't even control themselves yet.

Expecting and requiring no self-control from a 1-4 year old should be a crime. Children can learn and follow rules and instructions. Not perfectly - but believing that they cannot even control themselves is nonsense parenting.

They absolutely can and at age 1-4 it's completely unnecessary to spank to teach them.

Not just unnecessary -- counterproductive. You are squandering the years when their love and trust are easily earned through kindness, patience, and warmth. Eventually kids learn to think for themselves and question their parents' wisdom (this is normal and inevitable). If you hit them, there's no underlying trust and love there. If you are instead kind and patient, that can form the basis for a relationship you can continue to work with well into adolescence and young adulthood.

Spanking is abusive, but it's also not effective.

[Anonymous]

NP: as a loooong time DCUMer, this is one the saddest, most disturbing thread I've ever read. The self justification over abusing children is mind-boggling to me. And the lack of knowledge about how violence affects children and that violence from a parent is the most harmful type.

I used to think DCUM was a higher educated group. Now I know better. I am seriously shook by the number of people that think hitting someone is good parenting. JFC. What the hell is wrong with you people?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anecdotal, but the kids I knew who were spanked generally seemed to grow up in more dysfunctional families and didn't turn out as well as the kids who weren't.

Presumably you are referring to kids who are 7-12 ish age range that were spanked, rather than the 1-4 year olds who were near-universally spanked?

Spanking a 1-4 year old should be a crime. They can't even control themselves yet.

Expecting and requiring no self-control from a 1-4 year old should be a crime. Children can learn and follow rules and instructions. Not perfectly - but believing that they cannot even control themselves is nonsense parenting.

They absolutely can and at age 1-4 it's completely unnecessary to spank to teach them.

Not just unnecessary -- counterproductive. You are squandering the years when their love and trust are easily earned through kindness, patience, and warmth. Eventually kids learn to think for themselves and question their parents' wisdom (this is normal and inevitable). If you hit them, there's no underlying trust and love there. If you are instead kind and patient, that can form the basis for a relationship you can continue to work with well into adolescence and young adulthood.

Spanking is abusive, but it's also not effective.

I believe that you genuinely believe this but how can you explain every mother animal who raises her babies? She doesn't use time outs or losing screen time but her babies still love and trust her. Are human babies that different? Stupid or defective?

[Anonymous]

People who can't control their children without hitting them are stupid and lazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

It might not have been the best to spank, but let's call it like it is: we didn't have droves of teachers quitting back then because of the terrible student behavior.

Yeah, that's not why teachers are leaving. They're leaving because right-wingers are trying to destroy the public school system. They want to turn back integration, undermine teachers unions, subsidize religious educations, and re-direct public money to private interests. It's not because teachers just aren't allowed to hit kids as much as they used to.