How do I avoid MIL while we're in town?

[Anonymous]

I realize this is very passive aggressive of me, but I want to avoid confrontation. MIL is who she is, she's old and isn't going to change. Even though she has good intentions, she has a habit of saying stupid, rude and hurtful things so I just don't feel like being around her.
DH has to spend a couple of days in his home town for a routine medical procedure, which she already knows about. DS and I typically go with and DS spends some time with his grandparents. We stay at a hotel since there isn't enough room for all of us at their house. I don't want MIL to know we're there with DH, but she'll know he's not there alone if he stays at a hotel and not at their house. It would avoid hurt feelings and arguing if she just doesn't know we're there.
What's the excuse for DH not staying at their house?

[Anonymous]

Wow. Don't you think you'd be in a much worse situation if she did find out you were there, and that you had lied to her about it?

[Anonymous]

Just suck it up. It's only for a few days! She is his mom, she is family.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, sorry, OP, I feel ya but if you get caught in this lie, it is going to be BAD!

[Anonymous]

You don't like MIL, so you're going to deprive DC of a relationship/visit with grandma?? Parent of the year!!! Wow you are so selfish!

[Anonymous]

Yeah, sorry, she has to know you're in town.

[Anonymous]

This was my same situation but we were staying for FIL and stepmother for a week. I didn't want to have to see mil at all. Thankfully, she hates DH and our family more than I hate her and only could spare one hr for her grandchildren.
Good times!

[Anonymous]

Could you send DS with DH and you get some down time at home?

[Anonymous]

Don't tell her. Just because you're in town doesn't mean you have to tell her or visit. Basically you'll be in town on business which IMO is different than being in town for pkeasure. Stay at a hotel and don't tell her .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Could you send DS with DH and you get some down time at home?

DS is still bf and tbh, dh wants to avoid mil probably more than I do.

I don't even want her to know we came with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't tell her. Just because you're in town doesn't mean you have to tell her or visit. Basically you'll be in town on business which IMO is different than being in town for pkeasure. Stay at a hotel and don't tell her .

But she'll know we're in town if DH doesn't stay with them. He has never gotten a hotel room just for himself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't tell her. Just because you're in town doesn't mean you have to tell her or visit. Basically you'll be in town on business which IMO is different than being in town for pkeasure. Stay at a hotel and don't tell her .

But she'll know we're in town if DH doesn't stay with them. He has never gotten a hotel room just for himself.

Why does she have to know your husband is in town? Is that really the only place he can get the medical attention he needs?

[Anonymous]

Why don't you skip the trip?

[Anonymous]

You can be there and be unavailable. You are an adult. She doesn't own you. I hate to put it that way and I don't mean to be harsh, but the sooner you establish yourselves as adults (and not her children) the sooner she will treat you that way. She probably doesn't talk to her friends the way she talks to you and DH. I bet she is kinder and tries not to offend them. If she wants to see you she will do the same with you. This is lesson #1. It took my MIL 3.

[Anonymous]

PP here. We now have a much better relationship with my MIL. GL!