Annual "I'm sad my child is leaving" thread

[Anonymous]

I suggest you agree upon a minimum contact schedule . That will save you hurt feelings /worries.

My kid agreed to one phone call a week (she texted more often), and she close Sunday’s as the day that she could participate in those calls.

Expectations are important to set upfront.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Like so many things in life, it’s bittersweet

This is so true. OP: it sounds like you have a great relationship with your kid. This will continue, but I think it is important to take this all in, and to understand that sadness and a sense of loss are part of this great next step your child is taking.
It was so hard to say goodbye to our oldest when they went to college. Now that kid has graduated and moved away to start their first job. This move was more sweet than bitter.
We enjoyed our kid's college years, and you will enjoy yours as well. Visit when you can. And love the time you get to spend with them in the summer.
You are entering your child's college era. Congratulations, and give yourself grace.

[Anonymous]

I’m the dad. We have two kids. My first (boy) is taking a gap year and will be traveling abroad for 7 of the next 9 months. He deferred admission to Fall 2026. This will be a tough try-out for us. My wife thinks I’m just ok with the whole thing. But admittedly, I cry every day driving back home from work. We have an amazing relationship and so many interests that we share (golf, football, soccer, travel and movies). I’m so happy and proud of my kid and I know he will do great. But I know it will be very hard for me. Not sure If I’m doing it right by trying to hide my feelings from everyone at home. Nobody needs a dad being sad. My daughter is a Soph in HS and she even mentioned that it will prob be though for me. I dont want my son to be sad , so Im trying my best to be strong and 100% supportive about everything, but I cant deny it is tearing me apart inside. Sorry for the rambling as I’m crying as I’m typing….hiding from everyone.

It is about him, not me. We did our best to give them wings. I want them to fly, but the heart aches so much.

Been trying to do as many things as possible with him before he goes.

[Anonymous]

This is what you have been working for all these years. As others have mentioned, they will be home a lot and for longer periods. At some point, you will question why their room and board is so expensive and yet, you food bill h not decreased that much. Plan for a vacation or project once they have started school. You will have more time to devote to your interests.

[Anonymous]

I’m a single parent with an only child. It can be hard but make sure you also cultivate relationships and interests that aren’t kid-centric. I’ve taken advantage of the Empty nest to work late and socialize on weeknights. I also took a trip and started attending local events that I never attended when my kid was at home. I do miss seeing the other parents from the high school days, but we get together now and then and it’s fun to share the new directions our lives and our kids’ lives have taken.

[Anonymous]

Mine come home at least once a month for weekend or more. Talk every day. It’s a bit more time for you - freedom to not cook dinner every night! Less laundry! But they will be back for weeks at break time and it’s like nothing changed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My child is autistic with learning disabilities. For large parts of high school, I wasn't sure he'd go to college -- HS graduation wasn't even guaranteed. I'll miss him, but I'm not at all sad. I'm so freaking happy we've gotten to this point.

I'm so happy for you and your son, PP! Congratulations and best wishes!

Our youngest of three kids graduated from college last year. The transition to empty nesting was hard for me, but I want to assure you all that you and your kids can evolve and find a new way of being a family. You will probably worry a lot, but it's amazing to see them weather the challenges of adulthood. They will teach you new things and new ways of looking at the world. And they will bring new friends and partners into the family who will become your friends. Prayer and giving your dog entirely too much attention are both helpful strategies on this journey.

[Anonymous]

One word: pickleball

[Anonymous]

I'm sad my kid is leaving. At the same time, I'm an older parent, and I'm aware that the sooner they are independent and established in their careers, the better, in case I get hit with an unexpected health problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sad my kid is leaving. At the same time, I'm an older parent, and I'm aware that the sooner they are independent and established in their careers, the better, in case I get hit with an unexpected health problem.

Good point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mine come home at least once a month for weekend or more. Talk every day. It’s a bit more time for you - freedom to not cook dinner every night! Less laundry! But they will be back for weeks at break time and it’s like nothing changed

Most kids don’t come home every month or talk to their parents every day. Kids who go out of state might only come home for Thanksgiving (or not even that if it’s far given the expensive airfare at that time), winter and spring breaks. Many stay on campus for jobs or research over the summer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've read them in the past and now I'm here. And am so incredibly sad and anxious that college is a month away and I'll be an empty nester. I am super excited for DC too. (I'm also not working right thx to DOGE so have a lot of time on my hands to dwell on it).t

More than DC actually leaving -though I'll miss DC terribly- it's sort of what it represents: end of childhood, end of our family unit as we know it, DC separating from us, nothing for me to look fw to but getting old, etc. And before I'm accused of not cutting the apron strings, I've always worked, traveled, done things with friends, etc. But, I'm never more happy when I'm home with my family and everyone is tucked in and safe.

How did you deal?

We moved. He brings his laundry home on the weekends. And as long as we see him once a week we don't chase him but if he misses a week we said we would cover ourselves in body paint and show up at his college football games and wander over to the student section asking for him. He didn't have any unexcused absences from weekend visits last year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've read them in the past and now I'm here. And am so incredibly sad and anxious that college is a month away and I'll be an empty nester. I am super excited for DC too. (I'm also not working right thx to DOGE so have a lot of time on my hands to dwell on it).t

More than DC actually leaving -though I'll miss DC terribly- it's sort of what it represents: end of childhood, end of our family unit as we know it, DC separating from us, nothing for me to look fw to but getting old, etc. And before I'm accused of not cutting the apron strings, I've always worked, traveled, done things with friends, etc. But, I'm never more happy when I'm home with my family and everyone is tucked in and safe.

How did you deal?

We moved. He brings his laundry home on the weekends. And as long as we see him once a week we don't chase him but if he misses a week we said we would cover ourselves in body paint and show up at his college football games and wander over to the student section asking for him. He didn't have any unexcused absences from weekend visits last year.

I hope you're joking but fear you're not. I feel bad for your son that he's being pressured to go home every weekend instead of building a life in college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sad my kid is leaving. At the same time, I'm an older parent, and I'm aware that the sooner they are independent and established in their careers, the better, in case I get hit with an unexpected health problem.

In a similar boat. Not much older but definitely got a long term, chronic illness. Happy that they are leaving (2 of them at the same time!) and going off to find their own ways. They worked so hard to get to this point, too.

[Anonymous]

I assume sure most of the people reading/posting on this thread are moms. I’ll say for any dads reading this — you may want to give some thought to drop off before it happens. I was raised in the “men don’t show their emotions” culture, and my interactions with my son for most of his life were things like rebounding for him, spotting him while lifting, and long conversation driving to and from sports practices and games. In the days leading up to dropping him off, there were times when I didn’t think I’d hold it together when the time came. I thought a lot about what my kid needed from me, and drop off went fine, but I think it was because I took some time to really think about it.