International travel with a needy kid

[Anonymous]

Trips like this are totally possible but you have to do the planning and you can’t wing it when you arrive.

Art Museum? I hope you have the Katie books. Do you know where the nearest playground is? Is there an outdoor tour you can take (my 4 y/o loves pretend play in castle ruins…) did you already go to a grocery store on day one to make sure you can get ahead of hanger?

Success feeds success. Once she’s hiked up one historic site you take a lot of pictures and tell her what a great job she did in France and what should we do in The Hague and should we see the REAL little mermaid (overrated but you get my point…) if she sits with a workbook for ten minutes when she finishes make sure you tell her how great she did and admire the letters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone do international travel with sensitive kids who always seem to need you? Like exploring big European cities or roadtripping between cute villages, doing some museums, historical sites, good food, etc?

We're on a big trip like this now and I'm wondering what is normal and what others' experiences are like.

We do our best to keep to a routine when traveling - we're very strict with bedtime and separate sleeping spaces to ensure good sleep, we talk through everything we're going to do, try to bring little activities to keep them occupied, etc. We also make time to go to playgrounds, avoid fancy restaurant with long waits, always do the kid activities in the museums, etc.

Something we struggle with is keeping our little one not bored -- she is just not good at entertaining herself (too young to read, doesn't like drawing, etc), and when she is bored she acts out. Carrots and sticks ("You'll get ice cream after the museum") don't work. So I feel like either I have to do hours of screentime each day or constantly entertain her, which can get really tiring if we're together morning to night.

I wonder if there's some way to get kids to self-entertain while traveling without screentime, or if it's normal for them to constantly need attention at the table, in the car, in a museum, etc.

Given that this is all written in the singular, with no mention of another child, my strong suspicion is that you're in the habit of constantly entertaining her (or being responsible for her entertainment) throughout the course of daily life. Entertaining yourself, and managing your emotions when you're bored, are both skills, and they way you build them is to let the kids be bored. It happens a bit more naturally when you have multiple kids (because - sometimes the other kid needs you and one has to just, be bored and whine and figure it out), but it's something you can cultivate in your daily routine.

Obviously if you're currently on a trip, or one is happening next week, this isn't useful advice. But I would get in the habit of a standard 30 minute "me time" or independent playtime, with a timer, each day. Kid plays in her room by herself. You're in the house, and obviously within earshot for emergencies, but otherwise you don't go in her room, and she is not allowed to come out. She will whine and cry at first, but when she realizes you mean business, she'll figure out something to do. And you'll reap those rewards the next time you're traveling.

It's much easier for young children to entertain themselves at home, with their toys, then while traveling. What would you expect them to do while at the 5th cathedral of the trip when mom is tired of talking to you?

Agreed. My not yet 3 year old is great at independent play at home or even at the beach but would not be able to do that in a museum or other adult activities.

[Anonymous]

Your kid is too young for this trip. DS was easier than your kid seems to be, but we still didn't do these types of trips until he was 6 and up. Before then it was the Caribbean or other beaches, or other active vacations. Since he turned 6 we've done several European and Asian countries and had fantastic times, but he's had the maturity to handle the boring bits of those trips.

[Anonymous]

We travelled internationally with my 6 year old for a month last summer. Things that she loved:

-Following our route on maps
-These magnet people to play with in restaurants: https://a.co/d/2BjCfzW
-highlights magazines, where’s Waldo books and hidden pictures.
-books of mazes
—this shape shifter puzzle box: https://a.co/d/8nbCCqu

We also got her binoculars and a bird identification book for the natural places we were visiting, which she loved. And we made lots of “scavenger hunt” games where we all competed (she was bored if it was just for her, but if we were ALL looking for 5 places that sell pistachio ice cream, for example, she’d get totally into it).

[Anonymous]

If your kid is too young to read, they are probably too young to enjoy travel at all. Young kids are happy just going to the beach or playing in the hotel pool, they are not happy being dragged all over Europe.

[Anonymous]

OP here. My kid just turned 5. Sounds like it’s not age-appropriate to expect her to sit quietly for a while when she’s bored and entertain herself, so I just have to make sure we always have a plan for her.

I know most people don’t do this kind of travel with kids this age, but we have had pretty good experiences on the whole, and she has fun. It’s just occasionally when we’re tired and just want some peace and quiet to have an adult conversation that this question comes up of “can’t you just sit there for 30 minutes and entertain yourself?” But overall the trips are very worth it for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You dont take preschoolers on European vacations that involve cute towns and museums. Why would you think that is something worth her time? Try again at age 9+ and even then it is very kid dependent.

+1000000
Especially when you KNOW your kids needy and will ruin the whole entire trip

[Anonymous]

Speaking from someone with experience-I still have some ptsd from taking my young child to a museum on an international trip when they were your kid’s age. It was pure hell. it’s just not fun for a young child to go to adult centered museums/site seeing. And then it’s miserable for everyone else involved too.

To me it’s either gotta be under 1(not walking yet) or over like 8. There is really no in between. To be honest those kind of trips weren’t fun until my youngest was 10.

Of course you will have the parents that come in with their kids who were perfect from birth and never had any issues but it’s simply not the norm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My kid just turned 5. Sounds like it’s not age-appropriate to expect her to sit quietly for a while when she’s bored and entertain herself, so I just have to make sure we always have a plan for her.

I know most people don’t do this kind of travel with kids this age, but we have had pretty good experiences on the whole, and she has fun. It’s just occasionally when we’re tired and just want some peace and quiet to have an adult conversation that this question comes up of “can’t you just sit there for 30 minutes and entertain yourself?” But overall the trips are very worth it for us.

Duh to the bolded. Assuming you didn't adopt her last week, I'm not sure how you didn't already know that you need to have a plan for young children.

What tools do you give her to entertain herself? It's not at all realistic to ask her to stare into space for 30 minutes. Even sitting still isn't realistic for many 5 year olds!

If it's just occasional, then giving her a screen isn't a problem. If it's more often than a screen is appropriate, it's more often than you're admitting.

[Anonymous]

We have a 5 year old and an only child so this thread is really interesting. It’s good to hear perspectives from people w older kids and multiple kids. We have taken our daughter on three international trips and about to leave on another tomorrow. I have a go bag of stuff to entertain but am always looking for new things to play w at restaurants (thanks for those links!). I absolutely love history so it is a bummer she doesn’t really get historical sites or museums yet. Playgrounds in other places are fun for me too bc I often end up chatting w other parents. But yeah, travel is completely different than my 20s so it’s a reality check and a balance of things I want to do and things she will enjoy. It’s also an opportunity to travel a lot more slowly which is a nice change of pace and keeps everyone from getting too tired.

We went to Ireland a couple years ago and a visit to the Bunratty Castle and Folk Park was perfect. Animals for her, tons of history for me and a castle to explore!

But back to the OP, I hear you. It’s tough and reality is often different than your expectations. Don’t feel bad about the iPad, everyone needs some downtime.

[Anonymous]

We've done several of these type of European trips with our only, from ages 1-5. Every stop is bookended with time at a park or playground, even if just for 15 minutes. Almost anywhere you go, there will be some green space where you can all stretch your legs. We also loved those Melissa and Doug sticker folders, but yours may be a little old for that.
We've also had luck picking up coloring books of the cities on the first day, and making it activity to find the famous places, and color them together while waiting in a restaurant.
Some museums have kid-focused tours and there are plenty of resources online for kid-friendly approaches to sightseeing in xyz. It may take some digging, and some of it may not necessarily work for your family, but I hope you can find something.
It's also worth looking more towards Mediterranean countries, in my experience they are much more welcoming to families.
I'm not too proud to admit that once there was a museum that I really wanted to visit, and she just was not having it. I reclined her in the stroller and let her put on headphones and a show. Other times, we'd take turns at sights, if needed. One could spend some time at a cathedral and the other could wander off with the kid and get some snacks.

Good luck

[Anonymous]

You say the trips are worth it to “us” who is the “us?” The adults?

You need to adjust your expectations for a while.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My kid just turned 5. Sounds like it’s not age-appropriate to expect her to sit quietly for a while when she’s bored and entertain herself, so I just have to make sure we always have a plan for her.

I know most people don’t do this kind of travel with kids this age, but we have had pretty good experiences on the whole, and she has fun. It’s just occasionally when we’re tired and just want some peace and quiet to have an adult conversation that this question comes up of “can’t you just sit there for 30 minutes and entertain yourself?” But overall the trips are very worth it for us.

LOL! Yeah, thats irresponsible parenting to expect a 5 yr old to not be "needy". Seems like you don't like being a parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Too young for that kinda of trip then. I learned to adjust trips and expectations to my kids capabilities and interests. This year was our first Europe trip for spring break. 6 days, one city, 2 art museums, 1 kids science museum, 1 zoo, 4 boat rides, 11 playgrounds across the city and 2 big parks. Lots of ice cream and public transportation and wandering around. I've new to this city before so it was to see it through their eyes. Kids are 5 and 8 and like to color and read so no entertainment between activities needed and they were chill at restaurants.
They are looking forward to next years trip and we are making plans of what to see already.

+1 If OP's kid is too young to read, then yes, expecting them to be entertained by museums, restaurants etc. means that OP is misaligning expectations with the kid's development. If OP's kid is somewhere between 3 and 5 years old, there are kids twice as old who get bored by museums after 45 minutes and even my tween (to my dismay) gets bored with historical sistes. The kid does not have the same interests as an adult....add some swimming pools and playgrounds into the mix.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our kid was like this at that age and didn’t really grow out of it. They got more rigid was they got older and we realized they are autistic. We don’t do trips like this with them. It’s not fun for them. They rely on their routines to self regulate and extensive travel like this is destabilizing to them. It’s hard. One of several hard things about having a special needs child. Maybe they’ll be into it in their 20s? Who knows. Hang in there.

Sadly this. It wasn't worth it to me for the money and stress caused for big trips. For now we keep it simple and go to places within driving distance where I won't be mad if we end up spending most of the day in a hotel room bc. DC is having a tantrum.

Although as others have said, it sounds like your child might be fairly young. If they are under 5, it sounds like your expectation for them sitting still and enjoying a non-interactive museum may be off.