How many people really care about us?

[Anonymous]

My husband is the only one that cares about me. My cats love me too.

[Anonymous]

You're the adult now. It's your turn to taken are of your beloved aunt. Or become a beloved aunt.

[Anonymous]

Since the pandemic, people have very little left over. They are overwhelmed and barely have time to get through things for themselves and immediate loved ones.

Yes, it is ok to be sad to realize certain friends or family members don't show up when you need them to. A lot of that has happened lately.

Take this as a moment to feel sad but also develop more relationships with those who have your back, and make sure to be there for them as well. I use it as an opportunity to find more people who have the capacity for others and keep those close who are always there when I need them.

[Anonymous]

I feel the same way sometimes. We are always the planners and hosters but not much reciprocity.

I try not to care so much about reciprocity and just focus on being in the present. If I enjoy spending time with people then I consider it time well spent - who cares about whether they 'care about us?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm sorry. I have felt this way a lot over the past couple of years. I am lucky in that I do have some people who really care about me and my kids, but fewer than I thought I "should". I thought I was building community here and really I wasn't. For me, this disappointment has me feeling much more apathetic about national and global events, including elections. If hardly anyone cares about me, why should I care about them?

Thank you. I think as I am getting older I'm realizing people are inherently selfish, and while I don't mind and even like showing people I like them by making efforts, a lot of people won't ever make efforts for me, and do I really want non-reciprocal relationships? Would it be healthier to just be more self-centered and stop caring so much? It might be. I am feeling myself putting up more walls. I just didn't expect to feel that way with someone I felt that close to.

This is where I am. I am realizing more and more that people are just generally selfish and self-involved. I have an acquaintance who is always talking about how wonderful her village is, when in actuality it’s all the people who do a stuff for her that she never reciprocates. Where’s my village? Why am I always helping and never receiving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since the pandemic, people have very little left over. They are overwhelmed and barely have time to get through things for themselves and immediate loved ones.

Yes, it is ok to be sad to realize certain friends or family members don't show up when you need them to. A lot of that has happened lately.

Take this as a moment to feel sad but also develop more relationships with those who have your back, and make sure to be there for them as well. I use it as an opportunity to find more people who have the capacity for others and keep those close who are always there when I need them.

i wondered about the pandemic factor as well. but after few more years that can't be an excuse anymore right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel the same. I really only care about my immediate family and sister.

+1

Only my parents visit. And we go visit others in the family but they rarely reciprocate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have no one op so I get it. Not one person cares about me. It's such a horrible feeling.

NP. Was there a time in your life you felt cared for?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here and I wouldn't expect most family members to even care about me being in town, but to me my aunt and uncle were on the level of my grandparents I adored and who passed away long ago. I saw them as part of my inner circle of "people who truly, really care forever". So that's why it hurts. It's like the circle is getting smaller. And to people who say they shouldn't drop everything, I 100% understand that, but this is literally a very small trip change, leaving one day early from a long trip. It's something I'd do if I cared about someone.

Is it possible they don’t know how to relate to young/small kids? Perhaps there’s some anxiety there…I’m thinking about some of my older relatives.

[Anonymous]

We’re born alone and we die alone.

[Anonymous]

How many people do you really care about? Should be about the same number as those who care about you. Ask yourself if you'd really inconvenience yourself for your aunt?

In general we receive as much as we give, even though sometimes it may feel like we give a lot more. Just an act of giving is rewarding in itself. Try it.

[Anonymous]

People care so much. They will surprise you. Sorry about Aunt & Uncle but perhaps it is a very special trip. If they were there, they would be there life will surprise you.

[Anonymous]

Op, how old are you? You seem a bit whiny and immature. Your aunt and uncle have their own lives and don't owe you a day early leave from their vacation. Also, your children are their great nieces/nephews making them distant relatives and lower priorities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We’re born alone and we die alone.

We're born with our mom. If we're lucky, we die with our children and spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since the pandemic, people have very little left over. They are overwhelmed and barely have time to get through things for themselves and immediate loved ones.

Yes, it is ok to be sad to realize certain friends or family members don't show up when you need them to. A lot of that has happened lately.

Take this as a moment to feel sad but also develop more relationships with those who have your back, and make sure to be there for them as well. I use it as an opportunity to find more people who have the capacity for others and keep those close who are always there when I need them.

i wondered about the pandemic factor as well. but after few more years that can't be an excuse anymore right?

I think the first 4/5 months of the pandemic caused a permanent shift in some people and relationships. It was a trigger even that made some people change how they interact with others, and no amount of time will lead them to go back to how they were before. They have moved on from the pandemic but they will not "return to normal" -- this is their normal.

My sister cut her parents and siblings out of her life during the pandemic, and my mom kept waiting for her to come back around but it will not happen. She's gone.

Meanwhile, those early days of the pandemic solidified my friendships with a small number of people in a way that going through something very stressful and traumatic can.

These are permanent shifts.