Tim Carney in the Post: The Ideal Number of Kids is Four (at a minimum)

[Anonymous]

I think up to a point it's fine and good to have older kids help with younger ones, provided the older boys have to help, too. Those are good life skills to learn.

I suspect the reason moms with four or more are happier is that most American don't have four kids unless they are some weird religion OR they LOVE having kids. So if you're choosing to have four kids, you probably dig being a mom. I don't think it's that having four kids makes you happier.

I am the youngest of three and I think it's a bad number. Too much two on one triangulations happen. And my somewhat parentified older sister is still bossy and annoying even though we are all adults now. She still expects to be in charge.

Tim Carney sure as heck didn't carry four kids and give birth to them himself. Ugh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mom of five here. It is 100 percent easier to have 5 kids than 3. I found 3 the absolute hardest. Now my older kids entertain and help with the younger kids. The year my third was born was the least happy year of my life. I am now the happiest I have ever been since becoming a mom with my fifth almost turning one. I am way more relaxed and it is 100 percent true that older kids help so much. For example on Saturday mornings I will wake up and my 12 year old has changed my toddler's diaper, turned on his cartoon, and gotten him a bowl of cheerios while I lounge in bed with DH.

What I am looking forward to is parents of 2-3 kids trying to explain why those of us with 4+ don't actually know what we are talking about when we say it's easier and we are happier than you all.

Of course parenting is easier if you check out and dgaf. Not really a flex, but at least 30% self-aware, and that's got to count for . . . something.

sorry you don't get to relax saturday mornings?

not if the kids are young, and the parent actually parents, no.

My kids are now teens, and they can take care of themselves for the most part.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And not one word about the health of the mother and the physical toll even a healthy pregnancy takes on a mother’s body. Never mind the risk of the mother’s life, the risk of complications, the risk of long-term health impacts on the mother. Who cares about her health? Not Tim Carney.

This!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But how does the 12 yr old feel about it?

great - she's happy as a clam and is often offering to help even when I don't need it.

You won't know she is happy as a clam until she grows up. She might be an extreme people pleaser.

Agree. That's how she gets your attention - by being the perfect little parent helper.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But how does the 12 yr old feel about it?

great - she's happy as a clam and is often offering to help even when I don't need it.

You won't know she is happy as a clam until she grows up. She might be an extreme people pleaser.

I am 100 percent certain she's happy, because I somehow miraculously still parent despite having 5 kids. She's an A+ student with a blossoming social life and extracurriculars and even went on a solo trip with just DH and myself for her birthday. Often in the evenings with sit alone with just her and chat about life. Because again, it's a myth you can't find time to parent despite having many kids. Right now she's laughing in the front yard playing with 2 of her 4 siblings.

But I am not surprised, again, that the people with 1 or 2 kids think they know better than those of us with big families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And not one word about the health of the mother and the physical toll even a healthy pregnancy takes on a mother’s body. Never mind the risk of the mother’s life, the risk of complications, the risk of long-term health impacts on the mother. Who cares about her health? Not Tim Carney.

ikr? A man to tell women what the ideal number is.. please. It's like this guy I worked with who had no kids telling me how to parent. Yea, all the moms around me thought he was such an idiot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mom of five here. It is 100 percent easier to have 5 kids than 3. I found 3 the absolute hardest. Now my older kids entertain and help with the younger kids. The year my third was born was the least happy year of my life. I am now the happiest I have ever been since becoming a mom with my fifth almost turning one. I am way more relaxed and it is 100 percent true that older kids help so much. For example on Saturday mornings I will wake up and my 12 year old has changed my toddler's diaper, turned on his cartoon, and gotten him a bowl of cheerios while I lounge in bed with DH.

What I am looking forward to is parents of 2-3 kids trying to explain why those of us with 4+ don't actually know what we are talking about when we say it's easier and we are happier than you all.

Of course parenting is easier if you check out and dgaf. Not really a flex, but at least 30% self-aware, and that's got to count for . . . something.

sorry you don't get to relax saturday mornings?

not if the kids are young, and the parent actually parents, no.

spoken like someone with a small family!

My kids are now teens, and they can take care of themselves for the most part.

[Anonymous]

if he had six kids or two kids that would be his perfect number. He’s just bragging about how great his choices have turned out without acknowledging all the privileges and support he’s received. Sounds like everyone else on dcum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mom of five here. It is 100 percent easier to have 5 kids than 3. I found 3 the absolute hardest. Now my older kids entertain and help with the younger kids. The year my third was born was the least happy year of my life. I am now the happiest I have ever been since becoming a mom with my fifth almost turning one. I am way more relaxed and it is 100 percent true that older kids help so much. For example on Saturday mornings I will wake up and my 12 year old has changed my toddler's diaper, turned on his cartoon, and gotten him a bowl of cheerios while I lounge in bed with DH.

What I am looking forward to is parents of 2-3 kids trying to explain why those of us with 4+ don't actually know what we are talking about when we say it's easier and we are happier than you all.

Of course parenting is easier if you check out and dgaf. Not really a flex, but at least 30% self-aware, and that's got to count for . . . something.

sorry you don't get to relax saturday mornings?

I wouldn't find not knowing if my kids had eaten or were sitting in their own filth relaxing, but it takes all kinds.

thankfully not something I have to worry about with older kids that help!

[Anonymous]

I don't know anyone that grew up in a large family as one of the older children that has their own large family. Generally, the older siblings who had to help parent their younger siblings are not happy that they had to do it.

Younger siblings on the other hand...I know a few of these, too, and a lot of them wanted and have large families. Probably because they were the younger siblings and got a lot of attention from a lot of people. They didn't have to do the work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know anyone that grew up in a large family as one of the older children that has their own large family. Generally, the older siblings who had to help parent their younger siblings are not happy that they had to do it.

Younger siblings on the other hand...I know a few of these, too, and a lot of them wanted and have large families. Probably because they were the younger siblings and got a lot of attention from a lot of people. They didn't have to do the work.

I am the oldest of four. I have one. My youngest sibling has three. The two in the middle have two each.

[Anonymous]

I grew up in a family of four sisters. We each have either three or four.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mom of five here. It is 100 percent easier to have 5 kids than 3. I found 3 the absolute hardest. Now my older kids entertain and help with the younger kids. The year my third was born was the least happy year of my life. I am now the happiest I have ever been since becoming a mom with my fifth almost turning one. I am way more relaxed and it is 100 percent true that older kids help so much. For example on Saturday mornings I will wake up and my 12 year old has changed my toddler's diaper, turned on his cartoon, and gotten him a bowl of cheerios while I lounge in bed with DH.

What I am looking forward to is parents of 2-3 kids trying to explain why those of us with 4+ don't actually know what we are talking about when we say it's easier and we are happier than you all.

Of course parenting is easier if you check out and dgaf. Not really a flex, but at least 30% self-aware, and that's got to count for . . . something.

sorry you don't get to relax saturday mornings?

not if the kids are young, and the parent actually parents, no.

spoken like someone with a small family!

My kids are now teens, and they can take care of themselves for the most part.

yes, i have 2 kids. Don't have so many kids if you cannot yourself be the parent and expect others (your poor kids) to take care of them.

[Anonymous]

I have 4 kids and planned for that and love it.

However, any woman or person in general who takes advice or even gives a rat’s a** from whoever this Tim Carney character is, is an idiot.

[Anonymous]

I met Tim before he had his first kid. Let’s just say he doesn’t really have a choice but to claim six kids are just great because that’s what he signed up for. I feel a bit sorry for his wife who likely felt like her only purpose at 21 was to have babies, as the middle child of 8. Still he’s not a bad guy, just sort of annoying and smug. And dead wrong on abortion of course.