Want to raise happy, successful kids? ‘Wait as long as possible’ to give them a phone’ (Yale)

[Anonymous]

This article is ridiculous. Why would a kid be getting 200 notifications from a phone? Teach the kid to shut off notifications so they don't get any. Same with social media -- teach your child why interacting live with someone is better than being on social media. As for videos, there are an amazing amount of quality videos out there today. Teach your child how to separate the wheat from the chaff.

[Anonymous]

Giving kids smart phones is akin to child abuse. Hello, the whole world of nasty pornography is at their fingertips. There are many excellent dumb phone options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This comes directly from an expert at Yale:

- if you gave your kid a phone between ages 8 to 12, you did it wrong and need to take the phone away.

https://www.cnbc.com/2023/10/23/wait-as-long-as-possible-to-give-kids-a-phone-yale-psychology-expert.html

Oh, well if it’s from an “expert at Yale”. . . .

Sure it’s an opportunity cost to leave your kid on a phone for hours on end, but there are benefits. Like knowing when and which door to pick my kid up after their several hours of sport and after school activities - where they aren’t glued to their phones. There are no pay phones like back in our day. Also, you will see the age and restriction level shift drastically depending on which “expert” is flapping their gob. The only thing they can agree on is limit usage and monitor content.

no need to “take the phone away” unless you are just insecure and have a knee jerk reaction to every piece of advice.

No pay phones? How many times in you childhood did you call your parents on a pay phone?

You arranged to get picked up after practice outside of door 4 at 6:15. If you were late, they would wait for you. If they were late, you would wait for them.

Have people just lost their minds?

[Anonymous]

I made it to almost 14 with my oldest and I’ll be doing the same with my younger two.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Done.

I also think we should be talking more about not giving kids tablets at 4 or 5. It just hooks them on screens and apps and wires their brains for it, even if they are doing "learning apps" and not on social media at that age.

It's hard, but if you can just resist the urge to buy them an iPad as long as possible, it's good for their brains. It's one thing to give them a tablet occasionally as a one off on a long plane ride or to survive an interminable wait at a doctors office. But see if you can get them to live mostly screen-free on an average day. If they watch TV/movies, make them watch it on an actual TV where they aren't interacting with the screen in that intimate way.

I really think it makes a big difference in development -- mental, emotional, social.

4 or 5? Try taking them away from the toddlers and you'll be making serious progress. Cannot tell you how many 2 and 3 year old sideline siblings I see at my elementary kids' sporting events glued to tablets.

I'm not a perfect parent by far and all these other people probably have many areas where they are superior to me, but I did avoid that mistake.

Agreed. And I am also not the perfect parent. But FWIW it has not been super hard at all to be tablet free so far - my kids are 5 and 3. Yes they are annoying to deal with restaurants but for me it is worth it overall to NEVER HAVE THEM ASKING ME FOR A TABLET/SCREEN/GAME etc. I find the whining and entitlement SO ANNOYING (can you tell??) I also want them to tune into their surroundings, observe social dynamics etc. I learned so much as a kid just passively observing things like my mom talking to the grocery store butcher and whatnot. It was fascinating to me to observe all the interpersonal dynamics in the world. is hard to explain but it is something I want my kids to experience.

[Anonymous]

I'm not going to advocate for plopping the kid in front of the boob tube, but that article is trash. It says, "Children ages eight to 12 who have phones spend just under five hours a day glued to their phones, and teenagers rack up nearly eight hours of screen time per day, a 2019 report from nonprofit Common Sense Media found."

That's not at all what the report says. Just taking one minute to click onto the 2019 report shows you that it looks at all kids and not just those with smartphones. It includes television time, so to say that they're glued to their phones for five hours a day is misleading at best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there are so many shades of grey that people ignore in favor of ease of implementation and false virtue. The same people waiting until their kids are 16 to get a phone are the same who will tell others that there is no safe level of alcohol during pregnancy, religiously avoid television for their children until age 4, skip out on all red dye 40, etc.

Many of us can successfully encourage moderation and instill values outside of abstinence only. That's parenting, right?

My kid didn't get a phone until 16. You are correct: no alcohol during pregnancy or while trying to conceive. No TV until 2, don't know or care about food dyes.

PP here illustrates what's wrong with first PP's assumption. We parents who care strictly about something can only have so many things to make a big deal about. Some of us die on the screens hill, others will die on other hills. I bet "moderation" PP has a hill or two they'd die on, they just aren't thinking about them right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not going to advocate for plopping the kid in front of the boob tube, but that article is trash. It says, "Children ages eight to 12 who have phones spend just under five hours a day glued to their phones, and teenagers rack up nearly eight hours of screen time per day, a 2019 report from nonprofit Common Sense Media found."

That's not at all what the report says. Just taking one minute to click onto the 2019 report shows you that it looks at all kids and not just those with smartphones. It includes television time, so to say that they're glued to their phones for five hours a day is misleading at best.

There are plenty of studies that show that teens and adults spend hours and hours every single day on their phones, tablets, laptop/computer or tv.

It's shocking, when you look at the number of hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not going to advocate for plopping the kid in front of the boob tube, but that article is trash. It says, "Children ages eight to 12 who have phones spend just under five hours a day glued to their phones, and teenagers rack up nearly eight hours of screen time per day, a 2019 report from nonprofit Common Sense Media found."

That's not at all what the report says. Just taking one minute to click onto the 2019 report shows you that it looks at all kids and not just those with smartphones. It includes television time, so to say that they're glued to their phones for five hours a day is misleading at best.

There are plenty of studies that show that teens and adults spend hours and hours every single day on their phones, tablets, laptop/computer or tv.

It's shocking, when you look at the number of hours.

That doesn't change the fact that this particular article is trash.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not going to advocate for plopping the kid in front of the boob tube, but that article is trash. It says, "Children ages eight to 12 who have phones spend just under five hours a day glued to their phones, and teenagers rack up nearly eight hours of screen time per day, a 2019 report from nonprofit Common Sense Media found."

That's not at all what the report says. Just taking one minute to click onto the 2019 report shows you that it looks at all kids and not just those with smartphones. It includes television time, so to say that they're glued to their phones for five hours a day is misleading at best.

There are plenty of studies that show that teens and adults spend hours and hours every single day on their phones, tablets, laptop/computer or tv.

It's shocking, when you look at the number of hours.

That doesn't change the fact that this particular article is trash.

The general recommendation for phones for teens was Wait Until 8 (as in 8th grade). This new recommendation is no phones until high school (usually 9th grade) and no social media until 16. It's a new recommendation - and personally we will probably do it for our younger DC. Waiting until 8th grade was too soon for our older DC, we have realized.

[Anonymous]

I am definitely willing to die on the no tablets/smart phones hill. They are addictive. That’s why they should not be provided to kids. Their brains will not develop the way they are meant to and they will be addicted to instant gratification. They are addictive to adults too (why else are any of us on DCUM) but as a parent I can make a better choice for my kids. I don’t have a teen yet but I DGAF if it means they have no friends. They are still better off. And I don’t believe they need to see everything that happens on social media to have friends. And as for hassling me about having a phone, it’s easier to say no clearly and firmly than to constantly negotiate and police boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Yawn

[Anonymous]

I'm 46 and sometimes I feel like I shouldn't have a phone either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 46 and sometimes I feel like I shouldn't have a phone either.

Most insightful comment yet. This is correct. I think in 20 years we'll look back in amazement at our voluntary embrace of this addiction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 46 and sometimes I feel like I shouldn't have a phone either.

Every night, I take DC's phone away and wish I could do the same to DH...