When did it hit DH doesn’t like you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:- I had painful health issues and he rarely asked how I was doing or if he could help with anything
- refused to make any changes when I asked, like letting me know when he would be home from work so I could start making dinner
-plans for the future only revolved around things he liked, which were often things I couldn’t or didn’t want to do at all

My husband has gotten better at behaving normally, but his resentment when I'm sick is still a tell. His first impulse is to be annoyed at being inconvenienced.

[Anonymous]

Hasn’t touched me since November.

Literally makes a face like he’s disgusted whenever I engage him in dialogue.

I don’t want to lose access to my kids/share custody or lose the financial security we have thanks to our dual incomes.

I don’t think I like him anymore either. He’s way to stressed out and negative. He sucks the joy out of everything…even otherwise fun family functions and fabulous vacations.

Just trying to keep things happy for the kids. I’m a much better actress than I imagined…but the kids are getting tired of their father being such an uptight drag prone to yelling.

At this point, I’m not even sure therapy would help. I think he’s going through some sort of midlife crisis. No clue how we went from regular intimacy to nothing. I’d be shocked if he’s cheating because we are on Life360 as a family.

Trying to imagine what a gray divorce might be like.

[Anonymous]

I knew when he told me directly he doesn't like me. And he wonders why I don't want to touch him. Kids complicate separating. Like the pp, I don't want to share custody even though he also sucks the joy out of every single day with his anger and yelling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It recently hit me DH doesn’t like me. Why? He does not make the effort to spend time with me and when I suggest anything his response is Luke warm— like sure, if you want to. I gave him much more credit than he deserves. This has freed me to develop more friendships (including platonic) outside my marriage.

I think for a lot of men “sure if you want to” means they do love you, they just don’t know how to show it.

Yes if he really didn't like you he just wouldn't bother.

I think op thinks like a lot of women do that her husband is supposed to be her bestie surrogate gal pal

I can’t be sexually attracted to someone I have no emotional connection with. I don’t expect us to drink wine and braid each other’s hair, but to have unstilted natural conversations about what’s going on in each other’s lives? Yeah, I expect that from my man. Actually that’s the basic minimum. But if he’s not up to it, I’ll look elsewhere to get those needs met. No AP or anything, but there are people in this world who want to spend time with me, like and enjoy my company. I don’t need DH, I want him. But like I said, can’t be the fool.

I can see why he doesn't like you. You sound exhausting.

If you’re a man, no surprise. If you’re a woman, feel sad for you.

PP, don’t take it personally. You sound literate, not exhausting…at least to another literate person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He told our therapist that the resented my competence and would purposely do things to throw me off so he could see me hurt and disoriented.

He hates himself way more than he dislikes me, though.

Wow! Sounds like who I pray will be my soon to be ex. Thanks for putting into words.

[Anonymous]

He critized me in our kids presence.
He insulted one of our kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hasn’t touched me since November.

Literally makes a face like he’s disgusted whenever I engage him in dialogue.

I don’t want to lose access to my kids/share custody or lose the financial security we have thanks to our dual incomes.

I don’t think I like him anymore either. He’s way to stressed out and negative. He sucks the joy out of everything…even otherwise fun family functions and fabulous vacations.

Just trying to keep things happy for the kids. I’m a much better actress than I imagined…but the kids are getting tired of their father being such an uptight drag prone to yelling.

At this point, I’m not even sure therapy would help. I think he’s going through some sort of midlife crisis. No clue how we went from regular intimacy to nothing. I’d be shocked if he’s cheating because we are on Life360 as a family.

Trying to imagine what a gray divorce might be like.

I’m dealing with similar. Sorry you’re going through this.

[Anonymous]

I realized that when he would do something wrong, his impulse was to get angry with me, as if I did it.

[Anonymous]

We’ve been semi separated for two years due to job situation. We speak over phone, get together for a week here and there. Have realized he likes the idea of me but when we actually share space it’s nothing but impatience, anger, distance. Financially better to stay, empty nesters, not worth divorce but I miss connection so much feel like I would leave if I thought I could find someone but since I’m in my 50’s won’t happen!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're probably miserable for him to be around OP.

DP .

Well, he probably does not live up to OP’s expectations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're probably miserable for him to be around OP.

DP .

Well, he probably does not live up to OP’s expectations.

Only a clone of herself would.

Just divorce, OP. And get a few cats to keep yourself company the rest of your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It recently hit me DH doesn’t like me. Why? He does not make the effort to spend time with me and when I suggest anything his response is Luke warm— like sure, if you want to. I gave him much more credit than he deserves. This has freed me to develop more friendships (including platonic) outside my marriage.

Sounds like you're someone that should be single.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I realized that when he would do something wrong, his impulse was to get angry with me, as if I did it.

Same for me and my wife but it's not just when she does something wrong. It's when anything goes wrong, I'm for some reason the one who caused it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We’ve been semi separated for two years due to job situation. We speak over phone, get together for a week here and there. Have realized he likes the idea of me but when we actually share space it’s nothing but impatience, anger, distance. Financially better to stay, empty nesters, not worth divorce but I miss connection so much feel like I would leave if I thought I could find someone but since I’m in my 50’s won’t happen!

I'm trying to imagine why you prefer impatience, anger and distance over a peaceful, happy, totally self-controlled single life. You have a much better chance of making a good connection with someone if you are single than while still enmeshed in this dysfunctional relationship with him and afraid to make a move that is healthy. Even if you don't make another connection single life is light years better than what you describe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We’ve been semi separated for two years due to job situation. We speak over phone, get together for a week here and there. Have realized he likes the idea of me but when we actually share space it’s nothing but impatience, anger, distance. Financially better to stay, empty nesters, not worth divorce but I miss connection so much feel like I would leave if I thought I could find someone but since I’m in my 50’s won’t happen!

Bird in hand