So basically he's been forced to live with you and your kid, and now you're trying to fix him? |
Is his mother in his life? |
That’s…not a healthy way to put it. |
No, not really. She remarried and started a new family and he has a half-sibling 10 years younger than him who gets all the attention. I'm absolutely hypervigilent of this and that's why I care so much. |
It’s not that deep. It’s likely your non-bio child will be just as happy or even happier than your child. |
oh f off. |
Non-academic kids don't care about other people's academic award ceremonies. And kids who like gaming enjoy long stretches of time at home. If you nonchalantly say that you're taking Younger to an evening thing at school and Older can go if he wants or stay home, I'm pretty sure Older won't mind a bit. |
And where is his father in all of this? |
Thank you for this. |
You get the struggling child the help they need or help them. How is this even a question? |
Because OP is humble-bragging, that’s why. |
Affect them both, OP. Not effect. |
Op is bragging. This is why blended families are tough. |
There is virtually no such thing as a "blended" family, which assumes that everything is homogenized and smooth, so that term is very misleading. It rarely happens in bio families, either.
That elusive family standard is something we need to drop. OP, don't make "blending" your goal. Recognize that your SS is an individual with a different childhood background, likes/dislikes, and skills and abilities. Don't look at his differences from your son like they are somehow lacking - they are just different. More like a stew than blended - obviously different ingredients all in one pot. Don't try and make a carrot a potato. I think your DH is the one who should be taking the lead on his son. Does he make a concerted effort to go out and spend time alone with him? If not, he should. IMO the best thing is to get him out of his room and away from video games. He may balk but your DH should be insistent and find something outside the house the two of them can do together. |
I just wanted to add that this is not about blended families.
I have twins. One is very smart, GT track for classes (twin B). The other twin (twin A) is more athletic and artistic and is a smart regular track student. Twin A spent their younger years trying to compete with twin B academically, and took umbrage when he was not selected for GT tracking classes, when twin was. But as we traversed elementary and now middle school, twin A has achieved a bit more musically and artistically. They both excelled at scouting in different ways. The point is that this has nothing to do with blending families. Bio families still can and do struggle with children of different capabilities. For us, the solution has been to look for areas where the less academically gifted child has talent and skills and try to find ways for them the achieve outside of academics. We got them more active in scouting in large part because they both excelled there and were drawn to different areas where they both achieved. It actually created a bit more bonding because they complemented each other skill-wise and made them value their diversity. We found art competitions and music/band because twin A achieved there. So, while twin B has academic achievements, we found interests and skills that A had and we urged him to participate in those activities where he shone. It's a bit late, but you need to help your step-son work to find areas where he can excel. And they don't have to be school related. If he likes video games, does he like Youtubing? If he is shy on camera, look into Toastmasters or speech/debate or theater where he can get skills that will help him be better at public speaking or presentation and then he might be interested in on-line gaming/webcasting. That's a big thing now. Twin A loves videogaming and has been actively gearing himself up toward being able to Youtube whenever I'll let him get an account (I've told him we have to wait another couple of years before he can be a Youtuber, but he narrates all his game play now and focuses on how to present for recording). The key is not to make the disparities the elephant in the room, and not to focus on what your step-son doesn't do or isn't as good at, but to turn it around and look for areas where he has talents or interests and just highlight them for him. Give him the opportunities to do things he likes and is good at without worrying about what his step-brother is already good at and he is not. |