is anyone worried about their kid finding their spouse in college?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read all the comments. But wanted to share that our oldest son met his now wife in college, dated for a while and married at age 28. Other son dated one girl for all 4 years of college and now in a LT relationship with a work colleague. Youngest is a college freshman still dating a hs boyfriend, but if/when that ends, i could see her wanting to meet someone else at school. All 3 kids seem to prefer LT relationships - and happy that these relationships are healthy. All 3 kids are smart and ambitious and attended very competitive schools. The idea of finding one's life partner in college is not an old fashioned thing...

This is fine but who is compromising on the career front? Are the women in these relationships moving to accommodate your son's ambitions?

As the mother of a college freshman (who is still only 17) I am concerned not only about the usual pitfalls of dating, but the longer term consequences. I don't want her ambition blunted.

These successful women in our son's lives are doing quite well professionally and financially! In fact, one earns more which is saying a lot bc they are both successful. I think young couples and young women today know how to prioritize their needs. And bc they have financial parity, decisions are not driven by only 1 party. I was initially worried myself, but as i see things play out, they have healthier and more balanced relationships than many of my peers did at their age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read all the comments. But wanted to share that our oldest son met his now wife in college, dated for a while and married at age 28. Other son dated one girl for all 4 years of college and now in a LT relationship with a work colleague. Youngest is a college freshman still dating a hs boyfriend, but if/when that ends, i could see her wanting to meet someone else at school. All 3 kids seem to prefer LT relationships - and happy that these relationships are healthy. All 3 kids are smart and ambitious and attended very competitive schools. The idea of finding one's life partner in college is not an old fashioned thing...

What schools

All private t10/ t20

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my girls married her high school sweetheart and another married a college classmate from an elite LAC far away. Both have been happily married to these great men (who couldn’t be more different from each other) and all four have masters degrees and are very gainfully employed locally. They all were 26 when they got married. I know that’s young by DCUM standards, but that’s because DCUM standards are rigid and ridiculous.

.

What’s up with so many people feeling the need to claim their colleges are elite? How is that relevant ? You’re as much of a stereotype as anyone.

That is just DCUM in action. Branding and “prestige” matter more than substance here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is quite the thread - I find the honesty refreshing actually, even if it is racist, classist, etc.

These are all factors we as parents think about. It's hard out there to make a good living nowadays, even as a super smart kid. Job security and high pay are not as guaranteed as they were when we were graduating.

I def don't want DD to bring home MAGA, although I can't imaging that happening. That would be a serious parenting fail.

And yes, I want her spouse to be from a somewhat similar SES, doesn't have to be as wealthy, but debt would be a huge burden. I'm ok with kid of tech immigrant - they're actually more down to earth than some others.

Yes, I would consider helping kid with down payment on a house - I mean, why not if you can afford it?

Very interesting comment from a PP that inherited wealth trumps salary.

Do you all talk to your kids about all these things? Or just hope for the best?

I have a senior in high school and I don’t talk to her at all about these things.

I don’t have any designs on who she marries. Race and ethnicity don’t matter to us. She is picky and has good judgment. I’ve just encouraged her to work and be successful in her own right because she shouldn’t rely financially on a spouse. Especially in this day and age.

I suppose my head has been in the sand. After reading this thread, I am very surprised how much thought others give to this.

[Anonymous]

This is why you don’t send your children to states with strong political and ideological differences from your own family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why you don’t send your children to states with strong political and ideological differences from your own family.

BINGO! I cannot believe the number of liberal households I know that have kids attending Auburn, U South Carolina, Clemson, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why you don’t send your children to states with strong political and ideological differences from your own family.

Don’t forget value differences. Why I, a native Midwesterner, would never send my kid to an east coast rich kid school. No moral fiber, no work ethic. Lots of plastic surgery and second/third marriages.

Political differences I (as a moderate D) can overlook, within reason. Values are non-negotiable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read all the comments. But wanted to share that our oldest son met his now wife in college, dated for a while and married at age 28. Other son dated one girl for all 4 years of college and now in a LT relationship with a work colleague. Youngest is a college freshman still dating a hs boyfriend, but if/when that ends, i could see her wanting to meet someone else at school. All 3 kids seem to prefer LT relationships - and happy that these relationships are healthy. All 3 kids are smart and ambitious and attended very competitive schools. The idea of finding one's life partner in college is not an old fashioned thing...

What schools

All private t10/ t20

Of course. Unnamed.

[Anonymous]

There are plans and then there is life. I went to a very hippy-dippy SLAC that skewed female and many guys that there were were gay. I had my life plan mapped out and had no thoughts of serious relationships or marriage. But somehow I managed to meet now-DH and we have been together for 32 years. We got married in our mid-20s. We both went to grad school. We did not have kids until our early to mid-30s. We how have one kid in college, another in high school. I don't worry much about their dating futures - life is unpredictable.

[Anonymous]

2 sons, one HS, one college. Not worried. I hope they wait until they are older. But if not, all I care is they are happy, in a respectful, supportive, and loving relationship.
I’m in my 50s. Most of my friends that married during their early to mid 20s were divorced by their 30s. Those of us that did not marry someone from HS or college and married in our 30s are still married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why you don’t send your children to states with strong political and ideological differences from your own family.

I have two boys going to Top 20 colleges south of the Mason Dixon line. And they both have serious girlfriends.

And they are not unique. Their male friends also seem to have real relationships by junior and senior year.

The girls are great. Smart, lively, funny, kind. But I don't entirely love the idea of the boys finding partners so young. But real relationships and finding life partners seems to be the norm at their schools. Maybe it's a southern thing. Or maybe it's a good college thing. My sense is these students are locking things down very early. So the opposite of what people are talking about here.

[Anonymous]

OP, you can worry but can you, or should you, do anything about it?

Seems like a waste of energy to me. It’s their life. Let them live it.

If my DS meets his future wife in college, I’m all good with it as long as she’s a good person. Which she probably will be because he’s a good person.

[Anonymous]

Our kids all had/have serious long term telationships in college. I'm not sure if it's about the type of kid or type of school. 2 ivy and one private t20. I don't know if they will end up married, but I am happy about the people they chose - smart, kind, responsible, family-centered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are plans and then there is life. I went to a very hippy-dippy SLAC that skewed female and many guys that there were were gay. I had my life plan mapped out and had no thoughts of serious relationships or marriage. But somehow I managed to meet now-DH and we have been together for 32 years. We got married in our mid-20s. We both went to grad school. We did not have kids until our early to mid-30s. We how have one kid in college, another in high school. I don't worry much about their dating futures - life is unpredictable.

This is beautiful, thanks for sharing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why you don’t send your children to states with strong political and ideological differences from your own family.

I have two boys going to Top 20 colleges south of the Mason Dixon line. And they both have serious girlfriends.

And they are not unique. Their male friends also seem to have real relationships by junior and senior year.

The girls are great. Smart, lively, funny, kind. But I don't entirely love the idea of the boys finding partners so young. But real relationships and finding life partners seems to be the norm at their schools. Maybe it's a southern thing. Or maybe it's a good college thing. My sense is these students are locking things down very early. So the opposite of what people are talking about here.

Exactly. I don’t want southern son in laws. What if they are MAGA or their parents are? What if a MTG-type would be my daughter’s MIL??