AITA: Getting crap for not attending a Friday wedding because we have no childcare

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:BIL’s wife should skip marathon.

Why? She probably started training for it way before these in laws decided to plan a wedding in the middle of the day on a Friday. You don’t just wake up one day and decide to run a marathon. I think it’s up to the BIL to figure out childcare — not on his wife to give up a long term goal.

It's inherently indulgent and self-involved.

.

That’s right granny. How dare a woman participate in a sport men have done forever. It requires training and travel that take her away from her family. How dare she ever do anything that doesn’t directly benefit her dh or dc. She needs to get back home and get in that kitchen.

Or are you the poster from a few years back who thought your dw was cheating on you while she was marathoning with a male friend?

I would find it selfish for a dad of kids those ages to do this also. That’s a lot of time spent away from spouse and kids that is just entirely for oneself. Very, very selfish for a parent of such young children to train for a marathon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I CANNOT believe that people are criticizing SIL for running a marathon. Geez, what’s wrong with you all? It is not self-indulgent of a mom of small kids to train for and run a marathon. It’s downright impressive. And she probably had this on the calendar way before this absurd 3pm on a Friday or wedding.

I understand that BIL might be disappointed that he easy childcare plans aren’t working out the way he hoped, but the cousin (who planned this mid-week wedding in an out of the way location), the BIL and the MIL should work to arrange a sitter for BIL’s kids (*if* he still wants to come).

And no one should be criticizing OP for not wanting to go and not wanting to be a weekend nanny for four kids under 5.

Nothing impressive about a marathon at that stage of life. It is similar to buying a corvette during a mid-life crisis.

New poster here. There is something wrong with you.

I will remind you she has a 1yo and 3yo at home. Why do a marathon now? Why is that such a priority? This is the most confusing part of the story here for me.

There are many women who want to get into exercise after childbirth to try and get back into shape and to lose the weight that childbirth adds to many women's bodies.

Also, a woman who leaves the workforce to become a SAHM often needs something to do for themselves as a break from childcare. Exercise serves that role for many young mothers. So, they get their breaks from children and go out running. Then once it works well for them, they want to keep running and push themselves to achieve more. A marathon s a pipe dream for many people of any age and it becomes a goal to achieve. Why try for the marathon now? Because in 4-5 years when her children will be entering the school-age years, she may want to go back to work and so this 5 year window between birth and school-age is the optimal window for many women to do something like this. Once her children enter school and she returns to work and she gets tied up with chaufferring her children around to various activities and such, it may be harder to find the time to train as much as is needed and to have the time to go to the events.

It's not unusual for mothers to find time while they are SAH to do something like this for themselves.

It’s outrageous that it’s 2023 and this has to be explained to this throwback from 1950.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I CANNOT believe that people are criticizing SIL for running a marathon. Geez, what’s wrong with you all? It is not self-indulgent of a mom of small kids to train for and run a marathon. It’s downright impressive. And she probably had this on the calendar way before this absurd 3pm on a Friday or wedding.

I understand that BIL might be disappointed that he easy childcare plans aren’t working out the way he hoped, but the cousin (who planned this mid-week wedding in an out of the way location), the BIL and the MIL should work to arrange a sitter for BIL’s kids (*if* he still wants to come).

And no one should be criticizing OP for not wanting to go and not wanting to be a weekend nanny for four kids under 5.

Nothing impressive about a marathon at that stage of life. It is similar to buying a corvette during a mid-life crisis.

New poster here. There is something wrong with you.

I will remind you she has a 1yo and 3yo at home. Why do a marathon now? Why is that such a priority? This is the most confusing part of the story here for me.

Are you kidding me? You have got to be joking. Do you think women who have children can’t participate in sports or anything that isn’t directly related to childcare or husband care? Do you live on a compound with sister wives. Girl pack a suitcase and escape.

If she has time to train I would have assumed she was also in the workforce now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:BIL’s wife should skip marathon.

Why? She probably started training for it way before these in laws decided to plan a wedding in the middle of the day on a Friday. You don’t just wake up one day and decide to run a marathon. I think it’s up to the BIL to figure out childcare — not on his wife to give up a long term goal.

It's inherently indulgent and self-involved.

.

That’s right granny. How dare a woman participate in a sport men have done forever. It requires training and travel that take her away from her family. How dare she ever do anything that doesn’t directly benefit her dh or dc. She needs to get back home and get in that kitchen.

Or are you the poster from a few years back who thought your dw was cheating on you while she was marathoning with a male friend?

I would find it selfish for a dad of kids those ages to do this also. That’s a lot of time spent away from spouse and kids that is just entirely for oneself. Very, very selfish for a parent of such young children to train for a marathon.

It has got to be very grim living with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:BIL’s wife should skip marathon.

Why? She probably started training for it way before these in laws decided to plan a wedding in the middle of the day on a Friday. You don’t just wake up one day and decide to run a marathon. I think it’s up to the BIL to figure out childcare — not on his wife to give up a long term goal.

It's inherently indulgent and self-involved.

.

That’s right granny. How dare a woman participate in a sport men have done forever. It requires training and travel that take her away from her family. How dare she ever do anything that doesn’t directly benefit her dh or dc. She needs to get back home and get in that kitchen.

Or are you the poster from a few years back who thought your dw was cheating on you while she was marathoning with a male friend?

I would find it selfish for a dad of kids those ages to do this also. That’s a lot of time spent away from spouse and kids that is just entirely for oneself. Very, very selfish for a parent of such young children to train for a marathon.

Go look at a sample marathon training plan. Other than the “long runs” (which are normally done on a weekend day, and are red letter days on the training plan), it’s not tons of time. It’s discipline and commitment. Are you seriously arguing that a parent working out is “very very selfish”? You can’t seriously believe the stuff you’re typing, right?

[Anonymous]

If it were DH's sibling getting married, you should find child care. For his cousin, you're NTA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I CANNOT believe that people are criticizing SIL for running a marathon. Geez, what’s wrong with you all? It is not self-indulgent of a mom of small kids to train for and run a marathon. It’s downright impressive. And she probably had this on the calendar way before this absurd 3pm on a Friday or wedding.

I understand that BIL might be disappointed that he easy childcare plans aren’t working out the way he hoped, but the cousin (who planned this mid-week wedding in an out of the way location), the BIL and the MIL should work to arrange a sitter for BIL’s kids (*if* he still wants to come).

And no one should be criticizing OP for not wanting to go and not wanting to be a weekend nanny for four kids under 5.

Nothing impressive about a marathon at that stage of life. It is similar to buying a corvette during a mid-life crisis.

New poster here. There is something wrong with you.

I will remind you she has a 1yo and 3yo at home. Why do a marathon now? Why is that such a priority? This is the most confusing part of the story here for me.

There are many women who want to get into exercise after childbirth to try and get back into shape and to lose the weight that childbirth adds to many women's bodies.

Also, a woman who leaves the workforce to become a SAHM often needs something to do for themselves as a break from childcare. Exercise serves that role for many young mothers. So, they get their breaks from children and go out running. Then once it works well for them, they want to keep running and push themselves to achieve more. A marathon s a pipe dream for many people of any age and it becomes a goal to achieve. Why try for the marathon now? Because in 4-5 years when her children will be entering the school-age years, she may want to go back to work and so this 5 year window between birth and school-age is the optimal window for many women to do something like this. Once her children enter school and she returns to work and she gets tied up with chaufferring her children around to various activities and such, it may be harder to find the time to train as much as is needed and to have the time to go to the events.

It's not unusual for mothers to find time while they are SAH to do something like this for themselves.

It’s outrageous that it’s 2023 and this has to be explained to this throwback from 1950.

I think the confusion is actually around SAH mom culture from people used to dual working families. So probably the opposite of what you said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:BIL’s wife should skip marathon.

Why? She probably started training for it way before these in laws decided to plan a wedding in the middle of the day on a Friday. You don’t just wake up one day and decide to run a marathon. I think it’s up to the BIL to figure out childcare — not on his wife to give up a long term goal.

It's inherently indulgent and self-involved.

.

That’s right granny. How dare a woman participate in a sport men have done forever. It requires training and travel that take her away from her family. How dare she ever do anything that doesn’t directly benefit her dh or dc. She needs to get back home and get in that kitchen.

Or are you the poster from a few years back who thought your dw was cheating on you while she was marathoning with a male friend?

I would find it selfish for a dad of kids those ages to do this also. That’s a lot of time spent away from spouse and kids that is just entirely for oneself. Very, very selfish for a parent of such young children to train for a marathon.

I generally agree. I feel the same way about golfing every weekend.

[Anonymous]

I'm still looking for WHERE in the OP it says the wedding is childfree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:BIL’s wife should skip marathon.

Why? She probably started training for it way before these in laws decided to plan a wedding in the middle of the day on a Friday. You don’t just wake up one day and decide to run a marathon. I think it’s up to the BIL to figure out childcare — not on his wife to give up a long term goal.

It's inherently indulgent and self-involved.

Martyr away.

+2

Some people just love to suffer

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm still looking for WHERE in the OP it says the wedding is childfree.

It doesn't say so explicitly, but it's implied by the fact that both OP and her husband AND BIL think they need a sitter.

[Anonymous]

The most logical solution is that op stays home, her dh goes. bil goes but leaves his kids at home with a sitter that he and marathon SIL know. No strangers in air bnbs, no flying with little kids just to leave them with stranger and no unreasonable demands. Each parent is responsible for the care of their kids and not more. Kids stay in home they are familiar with so much easier for any sitter or parent to watch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I CANNOT believe that people are criticizing SIL for running a marathon. Geez, what’s wrong with you all? It is not self-indulgent of a mom of small kids to train for and run a marathon. It’s downright impressive. And she probably had this on the calendar way before this absurd 3pm on a Friday or wedding.

I understand that BIL might be disappointed that he easy childcare plans aren’t working out the way he hoped, but the cousin (who planned this mid-week wedding in an out of the way location), the BIL and the MIL should work to arrange a sitter for BIL’s kids (*if* he still wants to come).

And no one should be criticizing OP for not wanting to go and not wanting to be a weekend nanny for four kids under 5.

Nothing impressive about a marathon at that stage of life. It is similar to buying a corvette during a mid-life crisis.

New poster here. There is something wrong with you.

I will remind you she has a 1yo and 3yo at home. Why do a marathon now? Why is that such a priority? This is the most confusing part of the story here for me.

There are many women who want to get into exercise after childbirth to try and get back into shape and to lose the weight that childbirth adds to many women's bodies.

Also, a woman who leaves the workforce to become a SAHM often needs something to do for themselves as a break from childcare. Exercise serves that role for many young mothers. So, they get their breaks from children and go out running. Then once it works well for them, they want to keep running and push themselves to achieve more. A marathon s a pipe dream for many people of any age and it becomes a goal to achieve. Why try for the marathon now? Because in 4-5 years when her children will be entering the school-age years, she may want to go back to work and so this 5 year window between birth and school-age is the optimal window for many women to do something like this. Once her children enter school and she returns to work and she gets tied up with chaufferring her children around to various activities and such, it may be harder to find the time to train as much as is needed and to have the time to go to the events.

It's not unusual for mothers to find time while they are SAH to do something like this for themselves.

It’s outrageous that it’s 2023 and this has to be explained to this throwback from 1950.

I think the confusion is actually around SAH mom culture from people used to dual working families. So probably the opposite of what you said.

I think there are just people who don’t like women being autonomous and independent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it were DH's sibling getting married, you should find child care. For his cousin, you're NTA.

If it's actually a child-free wedding and they expect people with kids to come from out of town, then the hosts should have arranged for a trusted childcare provider.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it were DH's sibling getting married, you should find child care. For his cousin, you're NTA.

If it's actually a child-free wedding and they expect people with kids to come from out of town, then the hosts should have arranged for a trusted childcare provider.

The same hosts who booked a 3pm Friday wedding? lol