DD suddenly stops shaving

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

She is your daughter & you have a right & a duty to be concerned.

Have a polite & calm discussion with your daughter.

Totally agree with this advice. Your instincts are right, and this is a red alert... No one loves your kid like you and her dad do. I would lovingly and calmly find out what her thinking is. Help her to see she is a beautiful human being -- inside and out -- and that fashion, how we groom, etc. communicates who we are within the current cultural context. We all don uniforms of sorts... What uniform is she trying to wear? Yes, fashions change, but what is the message she is signaling right now through this fashion choice? The uniform she chooses will also shape how she sees herself.

Ask what she thinks she's saying by not shaving. Then find out where this is coming from. Who or what has caused her to develop this philosophy? Someone from school? A friend? Someone on social media? Why does the source's opinion matter?

At best, maybe she's just afraid she'll cut herself with the razor. Who even likes to shave, right? At worst, someone could be lying to her about who she is as a young woman, and she has taken her first steps down a dangerous path. Save your child from the disaster you sense could be ahead.

This is the single sanest post on this thread.

"Save your child from the disaster you sense could be ahead." You mean the single most *insane* post on the thread?

No I actually think that point is exactly correct. I would be very concerned if my 15 YO DD appeared headed down this path.

What path?? Where does this lead? I want details.

Trans or lesbian

(Not that I am opposed to either, but those are the “paths” pp is scared of)

This is the point that drives this thread. You always had the "no body hair" posters but the rest are terrified that "allowing" body hair is the gateway to lesbianism.

How about they don’t want to subject their DDs to potential judgment?

Meh I think they DD is probably fine with her choices and what judgement may come her way. I’m the PP whose hippie mother never shaved and consequently never taught me to shave and I grew up in the 90s when it was a bigger deal than it is now. I figured out the right balance of social judgment/personal comfort for me without being taught anything at all or scarred by the experience I promise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

She is your daughter & you have a right & a duty to be concerned.

Have a polite & calm discussion with your daughter.

Totally agree with this advice. Your instincts are right, and this is a red alert... No one loves your kid like you and her dad do. I would lovingly and calmly find out what her thinking is. Help her to see she is a beautiful human being -- inside and out -- and that fashion, how we groom, etc. communicates who we are within the current cultural context. We all don uniforms of sorts... What uniform is she trying to wear? Yes, fashions change, but what is the message she is signaling right now through this fashion choice? The uniform she chooses will also shape how she sees herself.

Ask what she thinks she's saying by not shaving. Then find out where this is coming from. Who or what has caused her to develop this philosophy? Someone from school? A friend? Someone on social media? Why does the source's opinion matter?

At best, maybe she's just afraid she'll cut herself with the razor. Who even likes to shave, right? At worst, someone could be lying to her about who she is as a young woman, and she has taken her first steps down a dangerous path. Save your child from the disaster you sense could be ahead.

This is the single sanest post on this thread.

"Save your child from the disaster you sense could be ahead." You mean the single most *insane* post on the thread?

No I actually think that point is exactly correct. I would be very concerned if my 15 YO DD appeared headed down this path.

What path?? Where does this lead? I want details.

Trans or lesbian

(Not that I am opposed to either, but those are the “paths” pp is scared of)

This is the point that drives this thread. You always had the "no body hair" posters but the rest are terrified that "allowing" body hair is the gateway to lesbianism.

How about they don’t want to subject their DDs to potential judgment?

That’s not their decision to make.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s a personal question and you kept pressing. Stop being critical.

She is your daughter & you have a right & a duty to be concerned.

Have a polite & calm discussion with your daughter.

+1. If nothing else it's poor hygiene and looks dirty. I put it in the same category of - you must shower, you must wash your hair, you must keep yourself clean and presentable looking.

I wouldn't push right off the bat, but I would start a conversation and let her know that this is something that, as an adult, she needs to take care of.

I hope you have teen boys, too, because I'm dying to hear their response when you told them they should shave their legs and pits because hair is poor hygiene. Oh, and your DH, too!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

She is your daughter & you have a right & a duty to be concerned.

Have a polite & calm discussion with your daughter.

Totally agree with this advice. Your instincts are right, and this is a red alert... No one loves your kid like you and her dad do. I would lovingly and calmly find out what her thinking is. Help her to see she is a beautiful human being -- inside and out -- and that fashion, how we groom, etc. communicates who we are within the current cultural context. We all don uniforms of sorts... What uniform is she trying to wear? Yes, fashions change, but what is the message she is signaling right now through this fashion choice? The uniform she chooses will also shape how she sees herself.

Ask what she thinks she's saying by not shaving. Then find out where this is coming from. Who or what has caused her to develop this philosophy? Someone from school? A friend? Someone on social media? Why does the source's opinion matter?

At best, maybe she's just afraid she'll cut herself with the razor. Who even likes to shave, right? At worst, someone could be lying to her about who she is as a young woman, and she has taken her first steps down a dangerous path. Save your child from the disaster you sense could be ahead.

This is the single sanest post on this thread.

"Save your child from the disaster you sense could be ahead." You mean the single most *insane* post on the thread?

No I actually think that point is exactly correct. I would be very concerned if my 15 YO DD appeared headed down this path.

What path?? Where does this lead? I want details.

Trans or lesbian

(Not that I am opposed to either, but those are the “paths” pp is scared of)

This is the point that drives this thread. You always had the "no body hair" posters but the rest are terrified that "allowing" body hair is the gateway to lesbianism.

How about they don’t want to subject their DDs to potential judgment?

Meh I think they DD is probably fine with her choices and what judgement may come her way. I’m the PP whose hippie mother never shaved and consequently never taught me to shave and I grew up in the 90s when it was a bigger deal than it is now. I figured out the right balance of social judgment/personal comfort for me without being taught anything at all or scarred by the experience I promise.

Interesting, my mother didn’t shave (cultural) and when I came to the US at 17 (early 90’s) I had to figure it out. I just think it’s easier with parental guidance than without. Also sometimes a reputation is set and it’s hard to get out of this rut.
Anyway my point was that it wasn’t necessarily “omg she is turning into a lesbian” thing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

She is your daughter & you have a right & a duty to be concerned.

Have a polite & calm discussion with your daughter.

Totally agree with this advice. Your instincts are right, and this is a red alert... No one loves your kid like you and her dad do. I would lovingly and calmly find out what her thinking is. Help her to see she is a beautiful human being -- inside and out -- and that fashion, how we groom, etc. communicates who we are within the current cultural context. We all don uniforms of sorts... What uniform is she trying to wear? Yes, fashions change, but what is the message she is signaling right now through this fashion choice? The uniform she chooses will also shape how she sees herself.

Ask what she thinks she's saying by not shaving. Then find out where this is coming from. Who or what has caused her to develop this philosophy? Someone from school? A friend? Someone on social media? Why does the source's opinion matter?

At best, maybe she's just afraid she'll cut herself with the razor. Who even likes to shave, right? At worst, someone could be lying to her about who she is as a young woman, and she has taken her first steps down a dangerous path. Save your child from the disaster you sense could be ahead.

This is the single sanest post on this thread.

"Save your child from the disaster you sense could be ahead." You mean the single most *insane* post on the thread?

No I actually think that point is exactly correct. I would be very concerned if my 15 YO DD appeared headed down this path.

What path?? Where does this lead? I want details.

Trans or lesbian

(Not that I am opposed to either, but those are the “paths” pp is scared of)

This is the point that drives this thread. You always had the "no body hair" posters but the rest are terrified that "allowing" body hair is the gateway to lesbianism.

How about they don’t want to subject their DDs to potential judgment?

That’s not their decision to make.

That’s actually a philosophical question
How much can we influence our kids and in which areas
I err on the side of helicoptering usually but I am not saying that’s the only way
What I do think is that it’s nobody’s business to criticize another parent’s parenting style

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What I would say:
Look, I can tell you that no matter what they say, and especially what other girls or women say, most boys and men prefer shaved. Now, I am not saying you should make sacrifices to be liked by boys better. All I am saying is that’s a well known fact, it’s just not ok to say it outright anymore because equality and all that. It is up to you how to deal with the knowledge I shared with you, I am not going to come back to this conversation unless you bring it up, and thank you for listening despite feeling uncomfortable!

This article is mostly about armpit hair but OPs daughter is hardly alone, younger women are shaving less than we did
https://nypost.com/2022/03/02/gen-z-gals-on-growing-out-body-hair-its-sexy-and-empowering/"35 percent of Americans have no preference if women shave or not, while 7 percent said they should not shave. For respondents between the ages of 18 and 35, female fur proved to be even less of an issue, with a majority confessing that they either find armpit hair attractive or don’t care if a woman has it."

I’d like to meet a man openly admitting he prefers no hair in our turbulent times

Don’t worry, there are plenty of Andrew Tates out there

Hm, fewer than you think, or at least those who are open about it. Even a DH won’t always tell his DW he prefers when she shaves.

Nope. There are way more Andrew Tate fans than you could imagine. And even a non-radical 16-year old boy who doesn’t have great social graces will have no problem loudly proclaiming that he thinks leg hair on girls is gross.

I will say though that I personally would never say to my daughter “hey fyi boys like it when you do like this” with the heavy implication that they should do it. Boys also like tight clothes, right?

Luckily plenty of girls don’t care what that type of boy wants

Disagree. They care, plenty.

Sure. Insecure girls or girls who like dude-bros care. Many many girls and women don't care. Personally I'd like to attract a person who accepts me for who I am and appreciates how I like to express myself.

But you’d like someone who is good looking, not socially awkward, earns a good salary?
-DP

Ha!
Unless she's hooking ip with someone in sales, there is no correlation.
Now a full head of hair..

I am a woman but if I were a good looking high earning male, why would I date someone who isn’t shaving if there are so many women who do? Sure I could be struck by the lightning of love but let’s be realistic? Sorry if I am not progressive enough

Fifteen is too young to worry about this, but regardless, women who do things like sport hairy legs, dye their hair purple, wear doc martins, etc. are not on the lookout for a high-earning male. They will not be shocked to learn that men gunning for c-suite positions passed them over for blonde with smooth legs in heels.

Eh, first woman who comes to mind when you say purple hair and Docs is a college friend who married a c-suite tech guy. So.

Ugh, I knew somebody would say something like this. Silly of me to not put "generally" or "majority" or something in there.

But yes, does she shave her legs? Also, was she actually out to marry a rich man or did she just happen to marry a rich man?

Just to be clear, you’re asking me if my friend from college currently shaves her legs?

No idea, PP. But she was apparently more of a catch back then with purple hair and docs than most of the a-holes on this thread ever were 🤷‍♀️

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

She is your daughter & you have a right & a duty to be concerned.

Have a polite & calm discussion with your daughter.

Totally agree with this advice. Your instincts are right, and this is a red alert... No one loves your kid like you and her dad do. I would lovingly and calmly find out what her thinking is. Help her to see she is a beautiful human being -- inside and out -- and that fashion, how we groom, etc. communicates who we are within the current cultural context. We all don uniforms of sorts... What uniform is she trying to wear? Yes, fashions change, but what is the message she is signaling right now through this fashion choice? The uniform she chooses will also shape how she sees herself.

Ask what she thinks she's saying by not shaving. Then find out where this is coming from. Who or what has caused her to develop this philosophy? Someone from school? A friend? Someone on social media? Why does the source's opinion matter?

At best, maybe she's just afraid she'll cut herself with the razor. Who even likes to shave, right? At worst, someone could be lying to her about who she is as a young woman, and she has taken her first steps down a dangerous path. Save your child from the disaster you sense could be ahead.

This is the single sanest post on this thread.

"Save your child from the disaster you sense could be ahead." You mean the single most *insane* post on the thread?

No I actually think that point is exactly correct. I would be very concerned if my 15 YO DD appeared headed down this path.

What path?? Where does this lead? I want details.

Trans or lesbian

(Not that I am opposed to either, but those are the “paths” pp is scared of)

This is the point that drives this thread. You always had the "no body hair" posters but the rest are terrified that "allowing" body hair is the gateway to lesbianism.

How about they don’t want to subject their DDs to potential judgment?

I think it's too late for that, since their DDs are being judged at home.

Why not arm your DD with the self-confidence to push back on anyone's judgment about her appearance?

[Anonymous]

58 year who hasn’t shaved my legs or pits in years. I wasn’t good at it and scraped myself one time too many. So I stopped. Funny thing is I have much less hair than ever before and none on my legs anymore.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think anyone (teen boys or girls) cares about shaving legs and underarms. Do or don’t. But visible pubic hair is a different animal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

She is your daughter & you have a right & a duty to be concerned.

Have a polite & calm discussion with your daughter.

Totally agree with this advice. Your instincts are right, and this is a red alert... No one loves your kid like you and her dad do. I would lovingly and calmly find out what her thinking is. Help her to see she is a beautiful human being -- inside and out -- and that fashion, how we groom, etc. communicates who we are within the current cultural context. We all don uniforms of sorts... What uniform is she trying to wear? Yes, fashions change, but what is the message she is signaling right now through this fashion choice? The uniform she chooses will also shape how she sees herself.

Ask what she thinks she's saying by not shaving. Then find out where this is coming from. Who or what has caused her to develop this philosophy? Someone from school? A friend? Someone on social media? Why does the source's opinion matter?

At best, maybe she's just afraid she'll cut herself with the razor. Who even likes to shave, right? At worst, someone could be lying to her about who she is as a young woman, and she has taken her first steps down a dangerous path. Save your child from the disaster you sense could be ahead.

This is the single sanest post on this thread.

"Save your child from the disaster you sense could be ahead." You mean the single most *insane* post on the thread?

No I actually think that point is exactly correct. I would be very concerned if my 15 YO DD appeared headed down this path.

What path?? Where does this lead? I want details.

Trans or lesbian

(Not that I am opposed to either, but those are the “paths” pp is scared of)

This is the point that drives this thread. You always had the "no body hair" posters but the rest are terrified that "allowing" body hair is the gateway to lesbianism.

How about they don’t want to subject their DDs to potential judgment?

Judgment from whom? Their mothers and other “old” biddies? Today’s young people are much less judgmental about body hair and other deviations from typical gender norms.

We had a teen sitter who didn’t shave her legs. No idea about bikini area but she wore shorts and a rash guard at the pool. Seemed to have plenty of friends and even *gasp* a boyfriend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of you sound so old. You fit right in with the 1950s parents who lost their sh*t when The Beatles had long hair. Part of being a teenager is trying on different trends or ways of being with your appearance and your body, figuring out what you want to do and don’t want to do. It’s also exercising control over your body. Pack some extra shaving supplies in case she changes her mind, and enjoy vacation.

We are the parents of teenagers, we are old. And it’s part of their job to make us feel out of touch with the times. I still don’t think this is a general trend, though, as the vast majority of girls appear to still shave. I’m totally in board with my DD doing what she wants with her own body hair, no argument there. As mothers, it is somewhat instinctual to worry they will be teased or shunned, though. It takes a lot of confidence to go against the grain when it comes to female beauty standards, so I applaud them. I just hope others are just as accepting and teaching their children to be, too.

“The times”? Some French and other European women have chosen not to shave since forever. Women in the U.S. have chosen not to shave off and on since the 1970s. This isn’t new. This isn’t some weird thing only this generation of teens is doing. Female and male swimmers regularly skip shaving during competitive seasons until the big meets. This isn’t something that kids are doing to make their parents feel old. The fact that you think their “job” is about YOU is really telling about where your focus is at all times. Their bodies aren’t about you. Do you get it? Those bodies belong to them. Their social interactions and desire to conform or not, or to experiment and push social boundaries, is not about you.

Of course it's "about us." It's all about rebelling against mom and doing the exact opposite of what she does, in a clumsy attempt to find one's own identity.

Why is it “clumsy,” if it’s oh-so-universal and natural, as you seem to claim?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this a trend? Asked DD if she need new razors to shave right before spring break trip - she would be wearing a bathing suit. Said no. She obviously had not shaved legs or her armpits either. I did ask her why and was it for philosophical reasons. She got uncomfortable and would not give a straight answer. She’s 15.
I don’t care much though honestly, don’t like the look. Just strange how uncomfortable she got with the discussion. It is unusual for her.

I doubt its a trend. I think a good percentage of young women consider it unnecessary and unnatural. More power to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s a personal question and you kept pressing. Stop being critical.

She is your daughter & you have a right & a duty to be concerned.

Have a polite & calm discussion with your daughter.

+1. If nothing else it's poor hygiene and looks dirty. I put it in the same category of - you must shower, you must wash your hair, you must keep yourself clean and presentable looking.

I wouldn't push right off the bat, but I would start a conversation and let her know that this is something that, as an adult, she needs to take care of.

I hope you have teen boys, too, because I'm dying to hear their response when you told them they should shave their legs and pits because hair is poor hygiene. Oh, and your DH, too!

100+

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s a personal question and you kept pressing. Stop being critical.

She is your daughter & you have a right & a duty to be concerned.

Have a polite & calm discussion with your daughter.

+1. If nothing else it's poor hygiene and looks dirty. I put it in the same category of - you must shower, you must wash your hair, you must keep yourself clean and presentable looking.

I wouldn't push right off the bat, but I would start a conversation and let her know that this is something that, as an adult, she needs to take care of.

Do you make your sons shave all of their body hair too?

No. It’s not the cultural norm; do you need to be told that? They are, however, instructed how to keep clean.

In some cultures it is normal to have girls not shave. And anyway we always tell kids to NOT follow the crowd...except when they don't than people like op get upset?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this a trend? Asked DD if she need new razors to shave right before spring break trip - she would be wearing a bathing suit. Said no. She obviously had not shaved legs or her armpits either. I did ask her why and was it for philosophical reasons. She got uncomfortable and would not give a straight answer. She’s 15.
I don’t care much though honestly, don’t like the look. Just strange how uncomfortable she got with the discussion. It is unusual for her.

I doubt its a trend. I think a good percentage of young women consider it unnecessary and unnatural. More power to them.

I find it interesting how much cultural conditioning goes into women’s body hair. I was a teen in the 80s, when there were a LOT of ads for different kinds of razors and different kinds of depilatory creams like Nair. I have a terrible memory in general, but I can still sing at least one of the Nair jingles and quote my favorite magazine razor ad. Couldn’t wait to start shaving my legs as a young teen because it made me feel womanly. Now, as an adult, I know no one cares whether I have leg hair but I feel really weird when it grows too long and I obsess about it until I can pull it out (epilady user). But meanwhile, Brazilians were not a thing till I was an adult, so my attitude has always been “that was made up to sell waxing services, and I’m not falling for it.”

I agree “more power to them” for any teens who are able to resist from the start. They can always make other choices later for cosmetic reasons, but it’s so much easier if it feels like an actual choice and not something you were trained to believe is required. Those mindsets can be hard to break.