Tween guest wasted all the food we bought him. Would you be offended by his mom's pretentious remark?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Buying someone else’s kids McDonald’s is a prole tell. It’ll get you iced out of a cliquey UMC parent group in short order.

🤣🤣 definitely not true in my UMC circle. The parents don’t eat McDonalds but most of the kids do, at least sometimes. Especially on a road trip where there may not be other options

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Buying my kid food puts me in the awkward position of having to pay you back for it or feeling guilty for not reciprocating….please don’t.

NP- How is that possible? If you have enough kids over through the years for enough hours at a time, food is bought at some point. The usual way it works is you host, you buy, the other parent offers to repay, you say no, it was my treat, then the other person hosts and pays. And if you have a couple playdates, you just say thanks for taking Timmy to whatever place, and that's it because it's understood you will reciprocate.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Extracurricular for my 11 year old son and we let his classmate ride with us. Sweet boy. We stopped for food twice and the boy seemed interested in both places: McDonald's and Panera. We ordered it exactly as he asked. After the kids got out of the truck we realized the guest was smashing up all of his food into a ball in the bag to conceal the fact that he didn't really eat any of it. He seemed to take one bite and then just drank the soda.

After lightheartedly explaining this to his mother just so his parents knew we did try to feed their son, she explained it away by saying they don't do McDonald's, they're more of a Shake Shake family. I don't know if she was trying to be sarcastic or actually talking down to me? Do hungry boys this age really have such rigid fast food opinions?

This is something my sister would do. She'd try to be polite and joke-away the issue but inside she would be FUMING. And negatively judging how you feed your family.

She would never allow her children to eat "such garbage" when they were young and now that they are teens, they are not interested in lowering their standards to McDonalds. They are a family of "foodies" which from my experience with her is the same as judging all who do not eat the exact way they do.

I don't think the other mom feels like your sister, though, because she said they eat Shake Shack -- which is literally fast food.

Shake Shack is upper middle class coded.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Buying someone else’s kids McDonald’s is a prole tell. It’ll get you iced out of a cliquey UMC parent group in short order.

🤣🤣 definitely not true in my UMC circle. The parents don’t eat McDonalds but most of the kids do, at least sometimes. Especially on a road trip where there may not be other options

You’re likely just a MC striver who merely thinks she’s moving in a bourgeois social circle. I’m not trying to sound snooty but I assure you my UMC orbit is full of families who have literally never fed their kids McDonald’s and would legit think you were joking if you said you ate McDonald’s recently. Taking your kids to Mickey D’s teases out you’re working class stock.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 10 yr old eats like a bird. He would probably say he wants it then eat two bites. Because that's all he ever eats. We take his food home with us but one a road trip that isn't really practical. He probably just wasn't hungry.

Teach him to say “no thank you” then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Extracurricular for my 11 year old son and we let his classmate ride with us. Sweet boy. We stopped for food twice and the boy seemed interested in both places: McDonald's and Panera. We ordered it exactly as he asked. After the kids got out of the truck we realized the guest was smashing up all of his food into a ball in the bag to conceal the fact that he didn't really eat any of it. He seemed to take one bite and then just drank the soda.

After lightheartedly explaining this to his mother just so his parents knew we did try to feed their son, she explained it away by saying they don't do McDonald's, they're more of a Shake Shake family. I don't know if she was trying to be sarcastic or actually talking down to me? Do hungry boys this age really have such rigid fast food opinions?

This is something my sister would do. She'd try to be polite and joke-away the issue but inside she would be FUMING. And negatively judging how you feed your family.

She would never allow her children to eat "such garbage" when they were young and now that they are teens, they are not interested in lowering their standards to McDonalds. They are a family of "foodies" which from my experience with her is the same as judging all who do not eat the exact way they do.

I don't think the other mom feels like your sister, though, because she said they eat Shake Shack -- which is literally fast food.

Shake Shack is upper middle class coded.

Family of foodies being used disparagingly, why? Your sister just sounds judgy separately from anything else. And hilarious to have shake shack fancy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Buying someone else’s kids McDonald’s is a prole tell. It’ll get you iced out of a cliquey UMC parent group in short order.

🤣🤣 definitely not true in my UMC circle. The parents don’t eat McDonalds but most of the kids do, at least sometimes. Especially on a road trip where there may not be other options

You’re likely just a MC striver who merely thinks she’s moving in a bourgeois social circle. I’m not trying to sound snooty but I assure you my UMC orbit is full of families who have literally never fed their kids McDonald’s and would legit think you were joking if you said you ate McDonald’s recently. Taking your kids to Mickey D’s teases out you’re working class stock.

NP- I think it would be very difficult to not have eaten at McDonald's on a road trip in the US because it's often the only open place in town, especially later in the evening. If you are describing people who never go on road trips, then maybe. But in either case, who cares this much about signaling through food choices? Striving is precisely trying to fit in by making the "right choices" at all times for fear judgy people won't like you otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please do not feed my kids McDonald’s when you’re carpooling. I honestly thought that went without saying.

+100 this. I don’t expect my kid to be provided food when carpooling unless we discuss beforehand and I send money. I don’t like when people buy my kids junk without my consent.

So OP should have bought for her kids and not for the other kid? Can you imagine the grief she would get?
Teach your kid not to order it then and give them the words to do so. Also, if you’re this inflexible drive your own kids!!

How about don’t stop at McDonalds for your kid when there’s a guest in the car.

Again, you’re gonna need to drive your own kid. OP can stop wherever the heck she pleases.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please do not feed my kids McDonald’s when you’re carpooling. I honestly thought that went without saying.

This is awesome, actually! I shall summarize your comment:

"Please drive my kid around for me and then, yeah sure, I expect you to feed them but when you do I will judge your choices" There. That is pretty much it, no?

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please do not feed my kids McDonald’s when you’re carpooling. I honestly thought that went without saying.

+100 this. I don’t expect my kid to be provided food when carpooling unless we discuss beforehand and I send money. I don’t like when people buy my kids junk without my consent.

So OP should have bought for her kids and not for the other kid? Can you imagine the grief she would get?
Teach your kid not to order it then and give them the words to do so. Also, if you’re this inflexible drive your own kids!!

How about don’t stop at McDonalds for your kid when there’s a guest in the car.

Again, you’re gonna need to drive your own kid. OP can stop wherever the heck she pleases.

Other kid can bring own food or say no thank you. Lots of options besides say yes and smash food.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This entire scenario is bizarre on all levels. I’m still unclear whether this is a financial issue or just some issue of perceived “rudeness”. I have 3 kids, often have their friends along (or they go along with friends) and by age 11, the scenario is pretty much:

-host buys meals, but nearly everyone sends their kid with $$ (or offers money directly to the parent sometimes) which is pretty much always declined
-if there are special issues, certainly everyone would accommodate but the expectation at age 11 is the kid will speak up for himself (I’m not allowed to have soda, I’m allergic to strawberries or whatever). Often the kids will decide what they would like among themselves & my own kid will tell me what was decided (at least in the case of fast food or road trip food, because most parents don’t really eat it anyway)
-no one has time to sit & analyze what someone else’s kid is eating, much less make some issue of it with kid’s parent. They are 11, not toddlers.
-no need to be giving the other parent some sort of rundown unless there was a major behavioral concern- if that. They are 11, not toddlers.

I don't disagree with you, but the 11 year old's behavior sounds so weird to me that I wouldn't be offering another ride to the kid. Either he has extreme pickiness/autism/whatever and is functioning on the level of a 6 year old, or he was deliberately being a little turd and wasting money as a power trip. I can't imagine an 11 year old being both incapable of dealing with pretty standard road trip food options and being incapable of declining undesired food when asked. I'm shocked that anyone thinks the kid was polite for "trying something new" by taking a bite, and then throwing it away two different times. That's an expectation for taking your own toddlers/preschoolers out to eat. It's not at all reasonable for an 11 year old when they would have to understand that they're wasting someone else's money each time.

Unlike OP, I would have quietly declined to drive the kid anywhere or try to provide food for him in any capacity in the future. But I kind of do view this as a behavioral concern. Either the kid is way too immature for the mom to be utilizing a carpool with some unsuspecting parent, or he was choosing to be a jerk, or he's getting seriously sick. The mom kind of does need to know that.

[Anonymous]

He balled it up and then hid it under a car seat? Twice? Not normal at age 11. If you didn’t find it quickly, your car would need a professional detail to get the smell out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please do not feed my kids McDonald’s when you’re carpooling. I honestly thought that went without saying.

This is awesome, actually! I shall summarize your comment:

"Please drive my kid around for me and then, yeah sure, I expect you to feed them but when you do I will judge your choices" There. That is pretty much it, no?

Please drive your own kids then. I honestly thought that went without saying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Buying someone else’s kids McDonald’s is a prole tell. It’ll get you iced out of a cliquey UMC parent group in short order.

Oh, honey, no. Stop embarrassing yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Buying my kid food puts me in the awkward position of having to pay you back for it or feeling guilty for not reciprocating….please don’t.

This is a really weird take. We are not going to eat in front of your kid without offering some to him as well. And we get hungry, so we’re gonna eat. I don’t care whether you reciprocate or not, and it’s ridiculous to feel guilty over something I chose to do.