is anyone worried about their kid finding their spouse in college?

[Anonymous]

Inheriting is becoming nearly as important as working
https://economist.com/leaders/2025/02/27/inheriting-is-becoming-nearly-as-important-as-working?giftId=301d6f16-4e62-48a8-8451-2accaab87411&utm_campaign=gifted_article

[Anonymous]

What about Ohio state? Michigan? Tufts? Clemson? UMD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do parents worry about kids date/marry different races? For example, do white parents here worry that their ivy kids marrying tech immigrants’ kids since now there are over 40% of them at Harvard.

I don’t care about the race, more having matching socioeconomic background of the partner. So many more FGLI and Pell Grant kids at top schools nowadays. At least middle/upper middle class preferred. So much of post-grad life depends not just on smarts, but being able to access parental help, for a first downpayment, being able to avoid grad school loans, just even simple things like not having to help out extended family members if you’re the one who “made it big” from a FGLI family. It would be nice if our side is not the only one that can provide the help, and the other side is not going to be a financial burden. It’s the unfortunate realities of modern capitalist society. Inheritance trumps salary, even for super smart kids, in a lot of ways.

Nah. I and many of my ivy peers from the late 90s were first gen or pell grant or both. we all went to top law or med, or Goldman, make top 1-2% income now and donate to charities, pay for top privates live in 2million dollar houses up and down the east coast. Our SES did not hold us back. You do not understand the power of an ivy/stanford etc education and the doors it opens.

Just to point out that you did not get the same admission benefit as kids with those backgrounds get today, that is, you were comparatively higher caliber than the current average of kids with that background in Ivies now. On a different note, the Ivy benefit is not what it was a generation ago for anyone; don’t assume it is the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do parents worry about kids date/marry different races? For example, do white parents here worry that their ivy kids marrying tech immigrants’ kids since now there are over 40% of them at Harvard.

I don’t care about the race, more having matching socioeconomic background of the partner. So many more FGLI and Pell Grant kids at top schools nowadays. At least middle/upper middle class preferred. So much of post-grad life depends not just on smarts, but being able to access parental help, for a first downpayment, being able to avoid grad school loans, just even simple things like not having to help out extended family members if you’re the one who “made it big” from a FGLI family. It would be nice if our side is not the only one that can provide the help, and the other side is not going to be a financial burden. It’s the unfortunate realities of modern capitalist society. Inheritance trumps salary, even for super smart kids, in a lot of ways.

Nah. I and many of my ivy peers from the late 90s were first gen or pell grant or both. we all went to top law or med, or Goldman, make top 1-2% income now and donate to charities, pay for top privates live in 2million dollar houses up and down the east coast. Our SES did not hold us back. You do not understand the power of an ivy/stanford etc education and the doors it opens.

Just to point out that you did not get the same admission benefit as kids with those backgrounds get today, that is, you were comparatively higher caliber than the current average of kids with that background in Ivies now. On a different note, the Ivy benefit is not what it was a generation ago for anyone; don’t assume it is the same.

Based on what DC’s peers have gotten for summer internships and other opportunities, compared to friends at T25-50, the ivy brand as well as ivy funding for undergraduates is a huge boost for average full pay kids down to pell grant/heavily aided. They have many more programs now, with application support and mentoring, that were never available to any of us the 90s, on financial aid or full pay. The boost has increased for all students but the uber-wealthy-uber-connected kids(which is a less than 15% minority at most ivies and similar).

[Anonymous]

I haven't read all the comments. But wanted to share that our oldest son met his now wife in college, dated for a while and married at age 28. Other son dated one girl for all 4 years of college and now in a LT relationship with a work colleague. Youngest is a college freshman still dating a hs boyfriend, but if/when that ends, i could see her wanting to meet someone else at school. All 3 kids seem to prefer LT relationships - and happy that these relationships are healthy. All 3 kids are smart and ambitious and attended very competitive schools. The idea of finding one's life partner in college is not an old fashioned thing...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do parents worry about kids date/marry different races? For example, do white parents here worry that their ivy kids marrying tech immigrants’ kids since now there are over 40% of them at Harvard.

there are white tech immigrants out there. Not as many but still.

From which countries?

Eastern Europe, Canada, Western Europe even

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go to a school where there are mostly intellectual peers: the friends and possible spouses will be smart enough for your kid, more likely to be ambitious with their goals, ie pHD, MD,JD, or top jobs in tech, finance either startups or best companies. For 99th%ile kids, the T15/ivy or even T20 undergrad choice sets them up to be among similar intellectual peers for most of their 20s and into early 30s. Perfect bestie/mate finding years.

this is a problem with my smart but a bit scatterbrained kid. He won't be able to get into anything remotely "elite". He needs a school with even keeled, fairly laid back but smart kids. Not even sure where to look

Midwest or west coast — all the smarts but more laid back

Lots of try hard kids on the west coast.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is quite the thread - I find the honesty refreshing actually, even if it is racist, classist, etc.

These are all factors we as parents think about. It's hard out there to make a good living nowadays, even as a super smart kid. Job security and high pay are not as guaranteed as they were when we were graduating.

I def don't want DD to bring home MAGA, although I can't imaging that happening. That would be a serious parenting fail.

And yes, I want her spouse to be from a somewhat similar SES, doesn't have to be as wealthy, but debt would be a huge burden. I'm ok with kid of tech immigrant - they're actually more down to earth than some others.

Yes, I would consider helping kid with down payment on a house - I mean, why not if you can afford it?

Very interesting comment from a PP that inherited wealth trumps salary.

Do you all talk to your kids about all these things? Or just hope for the best?

Mom of white immigrant tech kid here. He’s set to graduate with no debt (hopefully), but probably wont have a down payment. Also good looking. Hopefully he’ll be able to find someone like your DD

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read all the comments. But wanted to share that our oldest son met his now wife in college, dated for a while and married at age 28. Other son dated one girl for all 4 years of college and now in a LT relationship with a work colleague. Youngest is a college freshman still dating a hs boyfriend, but if/when that ends, i could see her wanting to meet someone else at school. All 3 kids seem to prefer LT relationships - and happy that these relationships are healthy. All 3 kids are smart and ambitious and attended very competitive schools. The idea of finding one's life partner in college is not an old fashioned thing...

What schools

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here’s the issue: nowadays, most high-caliber women want to wait a while to see what they and a future mate might become. No one wants to marry a non-ambitious dude and regret it.

So, unless your son is heading out to a clear lucrative pathway - medical school, law school, Wall Street followed by business school, etc. - no high-end girl wants to hitch a ride immediately after undergraduate school. If the girl comes from a modest or religious background or is unambitious herself, she might be interested in an engineer or CS dude with a good paying job right out of school.

These posts crack me up 🤣

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of my girls married her high school sweetheart and another married a college classmate from an elite LAC far away. Both have been happily married to these great men (who couldn’t be more different from each other) and all four have masters degrees and are very gainfully employed locally. They all were 26 when they got married. I know that’s young by DCUM standards, but that’s because DCUM standards are rigid and ridiculous.

.

What’s up with so many people feeling the need to claim their colleges are elite? How is that relevant ? You’re as much of a stereotype as anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read all the comments. But wanted to share that our oldest son met his now wife in college, dated for a while and married at age 28. Other son dated one girl for all 4 years of college and now in a LT relationship with a work colleague. Youngest is a college freshman still dating a hs boyfriend, but if/when that ends, i could see her wanting to meet someone else at school. All 3 kids seem to prefer LT relationships - and happy that these relationships are healthy. All 3 kids are smart and ambitious and attended very competitive schools. The idea of finding one's life partner in college is not an old fashioned thing...

This is fine but who is compromising on the career front? Are the women in these relationships moving to accommodate your son's ambitions?

As the mother of a college freshman (who is still only 17) I am concerned not only about the usual pitfalls of dating, but the longer term consequences. I don't want her ambition blunted.

[Anonymous]

Marrying an immigrant would be fine, but it ought to be marrying someone who is willing to assimilate into the American melting pot, not marrying someone wanting DC to abandon American culture to adopt their spouse’s home culture wholesale.

[Anonymous]

Let’s be honest — never again are these kids going to be surrounded by so many others their age. After school, life can get monotonous. Some people dive into corporate life; others struggle with isolation or boredom. So yes, they should make the most of this phase — not just academically or socially, but personally too. It’s the best time to meet people, form meaningful bonds, and maybe even find someone who could be a life partner. That’s not romantic idealism — it’s just practical reality

[Anonymous]

God no, not worried about it at all. Not why we’re sending our kids to college.