PSA-Hoco

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The lengths some of you are going to justify not doing the most simple kindness is astonishing to me. No wonder this world is so f-ed up.

+1. Kindess is free. But clearly not modeled in many homes.

That’s not what OP is asking. She wants parents to force their kids to ask other random kids about their plans. Even if those kids themselves are awkward and shy. How is a parent going to “have their kid reach out?” Should we go thru the contact lists and make sure they know what everyone is up to? Should we have our kids report back to us at the end of day how many kids they approached? This is just an impractical request for parents to micromanage their kids social lives in a way that is very intrusive. I don’t even know half the kids my kids know. Not sure how I can make this happen.

DP. No. That is not what she said. You are taking this to ridiculous extremes. Nobody wants you to do any of that.

She said “have your kids reach out”. Explain how a parents makes that happen.

Parent says, “Hey, you have your homecoming plans all set? Great, that sounds like a fun group! [talk more about the plan] Do you think there’s anyone you know who might want some kids to go with, but doesn’t have a group?”

Option A: Kid says, “nope, no one I can think of!” End scene.

Option B: Kid says something like, “I don’t know maybe. So-and-so said they might be going with so-and-so, but other-so-and-so has been kind of rude to them lately so they’re not sure what’s up.” Parent says, “ok, well if they need a plan B, it doesn’t hurt to reach out and let them know we have extra room in our car.”

That’s it. That’s how you do it. No forcing. No reaching out to kids you don’t know. Just a little coaching on how to be a decent human.

Thank you. I am the OP and this is what I meant. I am so glad a few of you see eye to eye with me on this. Everyone else is ... wow!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The lengths some of you are going to justify not doing the most simple kindness is astonishing to me. No wonder this world is so f-ed up.

+1. Kindess is free. But clearly not modeled in many homes.

That’s not what OP is asking. She wants parents to force their kids to ask other random kids about their plans. Even if those kids themselves are awkward and shy. How is a parent going to “have their kid reach out?” Should we go thru the contact lists and make sure they know what everyone is up to? Should we have our kids report back to us at the end of day how many kids they approached? This is just an impractical request for parents to micromanage their kids social lives in a way that is very intrusive. I don’t even know half the kids my kids know. Not sure how I can make this happen.

DP. No. That is not what she said. You are taking this to ridiculous extremes. Nobody wants you to do any of that.

She said “have your kids reach out”. Explain how a parents makes that happen.

Parent says, “Hey, you have your homecoming plans all set? Great, that sounds like a fun group! [talk more about the plan] Do you think there’s anyone you know who might want some kids to go with, but doesn’t have a group?”

Option A: Kid says, “nope, no one I can think of!” End scene.

Option B: Kid says something like, “I don’t know maybe. So-and-so said they might be going with so-and-so, but other-so-and-so has been kind of rude to them lately so they’re not sure what’s up.” Parent says, “ok, well if they need a plan B, it doesn’t hurt to reach out and let them know we have extra room in our car.”

That’s it. That’s how you do it. No forcing. No reaching out to kids you don’t know. Just a little coaching on how to be a decent human.

Again, you are forcing this group homecoming mentality. This is unnecessary. Kids go in pairs, in a small group, in a large group, or alone. There is no right way to go. Telling your teen to check in and make sure other kids “have a group” to go with and invite them to go with you if they don’t doesn’t seem kind to me- makes it seem like the only right way to go to homecoming is in a group.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The lengths some of you are going to justify not doing the most simple kindness is astonishing to me. No wonder this world is so f-ed up.

+1. Kindess is free. But clearly not modeled in many homes.

That’s not what OP is asking. She wants parents to force their kids to ask other random kids about their plans. Even if those kids themselves are awkward and shy. How is a parent going to “have their kid reach out?” Should we go thru the contact lists and make sure they know what everyone is up to? Should we have our kids report back to us at the end of day how many kids they approached? This is just an impractical request for parents to micromanage their kids social lives in a way that is very intrusive. I don’t even know half the kids my kids know. Not sure how I can make this happen.

DP. No. That is not what she said. You are taking this to ridiculous extremes. Nobody wants you to do any of that.

She said “have your kids reach out”. Explain how a parents makes that happen.

Parent says, “Hey, you have your homecoming plans all set? Great, that sounds like a fun group! [talk more about the plan] Do you think there’s anyone you know who might want some kids to go with, but doesn’t have a group?”

Option A: Kid says, “nope, no one I can think of!” End scene.

Option B: Kid says something like, “I don’t know maybe. So-and-so said they might be going with so-and-so, but other-so-and-so has been kind of rude to them lately so they’re not sure what’s up.” Parent says, “ok, well if they need a plan B, it doesn’t hurt to reach out and let them know we have extra room in our car.”

That’s it. That’s how you do it. No forcing. No reaching out to kids you don’t know. Just a little coaching on how to be a decent human.

Thank you. I am the OP and this is what I meant. I am so glad a few of you see eye to eye with me on this. Everyone else is ... wow!

100% agree and love the wording of PP. I have a DD who is on the fringe of two different friend groups. They are nice enough to her in school but never include her outside of school and decline her invitations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The lengths some of you are going to justify not doing the most simple kindness is astonishing to me. No wonder this world is so f-ed up.

+1. Kindess is free. But clearly not modeled in many homes.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The lengths some of you are going to justify not doing the most simple kindness is astonishing to me. No wonder this world is so f-ed up.

+1. Kindess is free. But clearly not modeled in many homes.

That’s not what OP is asking. She wants parents to force their kids to ask other random kids about their plans. Even if those kids themselves are awkward and shy. How is a parent going to “have their kid reach out?” Should we go thru the contact lists and make sure they know what everyone is up to? Should we have our kids report back to us at the end of day how many kids they approached? This is just an impractical request for parents to micromanage their kids social lives in a way that is very intrusive. I don’t even know half the kids my kids know. Not sure how I can make this happen.

DP. No. That is not what she said. You are taking this to ridiculous extremes. Nobody wants you to do any of that.

She said “have your kids reach out”. Explain how a parents makes that happen.

Parent says, “Hey, you have your homecoming plans all set? Great, that sounds like a fun group! [talk more about the plan] Do you think there’s anyone you know who might want some kids to go with, but doesn’t have a group?”

Option A: Kid says, “nope, no one I can think of!” End scene.

Option B: Kid says something like, “I don’t know maybe. So-and-so said they might be going with so-and-so, but other-so-and-so has been kind of rude to them lately so they’re not sure what’s up.” Parent says, “ok, well if they need a plan B, it doesn’t hurt to reach out and let them know we have extra room in our car.”

That’s it. That’s how you do it. No forcing. No reaching out to kids you don’t know. Just a little coaching on how to be a decent human.

Thank you. I am the OP and this is what I meant. I am so glad a few of you see eye to eye with me on this. Everyone else is ... wow!

And those of us who see this as pity invites are also saying wow to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The lengths some of you are going to justify not doing the most simple kindness is astonishing to me. No wonder this world is so f-ed up.

+1. Kindess is free. But clearly not modeled in many homes.

It isn’t unkind to not invite someone to homecoming

If they are in your social group at school, it is unkind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The lengths some of you are going to justify not doing the most simple kindness is astonishing to me. No wonder this world is so f-ed up.

+1. Kindess is free. But clearly not modeled in many homes.

That’s not what OP is asking. She wants parents to force their kids to ask other random kids about their plans. Even if those kids themselves are awkward and shy. How is a parent going to “have their kid reach out?” Should we go thru the contact lists and make sure they know what everyone is up to? Should we have our kids report back to us at the end of day how many kids they approached? This is just an impractical request for parents to micromanage their kids social lives in a way that is very intrusive. I don’t even know half the kids my kids know. Not sure how I can make this happen.

DP. No. That is not what she said. You are taking this to ridiculous extremes. Nobody wants you to do any of that.

She said “have your kids reach out”. Explain how a parents makes that happen.

Parent says, “Hey, you have your homecoming plans all set? Great, that sounds like a fun group! [talk more about the plan] Do you think there’s anyone you know who might want some kids to go with, but doesn’t have a group?”

Option A: Kid says, “nope, no one I can think of!” End scene.

Option B: Kid says something like, “I don’t know maybe. So-and-so said they might be going with so-and-so, but other-so-and-so has been kind of rude to them lately so they’re not sure what’s up.” Parent says, “ok, well if they need a plan B, it doesn’t hurt to reach out and let them know we have extra room in our car.”

That’s it. That’s how you do it. No forcing. No reaching out to kids you don’t know. Just a little coaching on how to be a decent human.

Thank you. I am the OP and this is what I meant. I am so glad a few of you see eye to eye with me on this. Everyone else is ... wow!

And those of us who see this as pity invites are also saying wow to you.

Its clear you are missing the point entirely and inclusiveness is not taught in your home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The lengths some of you are going to justify not doing the most simple kindness is astonishing to me. No wonder this world is so f-ed up.

+1. Kindess is free. But clearly not modeled in many homes.

That’s not what OP is asking. She wants parents to force their kids to ask other random kids about their plans. Even if those kids themselves are awkward and shy. How is a parent going to “have their kid reach out?” Should we go thru the contact lists and make sure they know what everyone is up to? Should we have our kids report back to us at the end of day how many kids they approached? This is just an impractical request for parents to micromanage their kids social lives in a way that is very intrusive. I don’t even know half the kids my kids know. Not sure how I can make this happen.

DP. No. That is not what she said. You are taking this to ridiculous extremes. Nobody wants you to do any of that.

She said “have your kids reach out”. Explain how a parents makes that happen.

Parent says, “Hey, you have your homecoming plans all set? Great, that sounds like a fun group! [talk more about the plan] Do you think there’s anyone you know who might want some kids to go with, but doesn’t have a group?”

Option A: Kid says, “nope, no one I can think of!” End scene.

Option B: Kid says something like, “I don’t know maybe. So-and-so said they might be going with so-and-so, but other-so-and-so has been kind of rude to them lately so they’re not sure what’s up.” Parent says, “ok, well if they need a plan B, it doesn’t hurt to reach out and let them know we have extra room in our car.”

That’s it. That’s how you do it. No forcing. No reaching out to kids you don’t know. Just a little coaching on how to be a decent human.

Clearly you have a daughter.

DP, and these are the kinds of conversations I have with my daughter AND son. The only difference is that the girls have likely already nailed down all the details. Boys not so much . 😅

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These posts are kind of crazy. I think it's a really nice sentiment OP.

My child always tries look at the chat lists to see who else can be invited. Usually there are kids on the periphery of a group and it's nice to check in with them to see if they have plans. You'd be surprised how many times they do not have plans.

Exactly. I am floored by how many parents don't want their kids to do some reaching out. Like wuttt? It doesn't need to be a grand gesture. What's so bad about "hey, what are your hoco plans?" and if the answer is "nothing yet", what's so bad about saying "feel free to join us"

It's so basic.

I see it as the kid with no plans can easily ask their friend “hey, what are your hoco plans.” This is so bizarre.

Because jerk parents like you don't want "the fringe kid". Roll my eyes so hard.

FWIW, I think the term "fringe kid" came into this convo bc a mom said "I'm a parent of a fringe kid and I would love it"

Also, OP has clarified; we're not talking about "fringe kids", we're talking kids that are already friends. Which makes this even more bizarre bc I don't understand why a kid wouldn't text "hey, what are we doing for HoCo" if they are already friends

Because kids don't want to be turned down or get an awkward "I am going to X house but I can't invite you because it's not my house". So it's just easier for the kids who have plans to do the checking.

So you want the kid who is going to someone else’s house to invite someone to that house even though they can’t do that?

Except they probably can if parents heeded this message. Do you see where the problem is and why this PSA is needed? Let your kids invite someone who might not have plans.

Nobody is disallowing this. Where did you get the idea that parents are gatekeeping any of this? And for the kids who “have the plans” guaranteed almost all of them had to reach out to someone to come up with the plan. That’s how plans evolve. Nobody is formally inviting anyone these are all very informal plans hatched by the kids themselves. No parents involved.

Oh they definitely gatekeep. Especially if they have to drive anywhere.

If you have such a chip on your shoulder about these people why do you care if your kid hangs out with them? Aren’t these the jerks, horrible people you’ve been grumbling about in here many pages?

That was a comment was from me- a NP. I'm simply clarifying that parents are involved when teens can't drive yet.

DP. It isn't gatekeeping to say "We only have 5 seats, so you can't invite more than 3 of your friends". Or that you're not planning to drive 30 minutes the opposite direction to pick up one kid.

Can you think of any other reasons? Or is that it? I mean, just when I think we've heard all of the "reasons" here comes another one.

I don’t know any HS parents that are so involved with their kids’ friends that they would deliberately work on excluding one or the other (short of bad influences/bad behavior). I mean, do you actually know all your kids’ friends/acquaintances?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The lengths some of you are going to justify not doing the most simple kindness is astonishing to me. No wonder this world is so f-ed up.

+1. Kindess is free. But clearly not modeled in many homes.

That’s not what OP is asking. She wants parents to force their kids to ask other random kids about their plans. Even if those kids themselves are awkward and shy. How is a parent going to “have their kid reach out?” Should we go thru the contact lists and make sure they know what everyone is up to? Should we have our kids report back to us at the end of day how many kids they approached? This is just an impractical request for parents to micromanage their kids social lives in a way that is very intrusive. I don’t even know half the kids my kids know. Not sure how I can make this happen.

DP. No. That is not what she said. You are taking this to ridiculous extremes. Nobody wants you to do any of that.

She said “have your kids reach out”. Explain how a parents makes that happen.

Parent says, “Hey, you have your homecoming plans all set? Great, that sounds like a fun group! [talk more about the plan] Do you think there’s anyone you know who might want some kids to go with, but doesn’t have a group?”

Option A: Kid says, “nope, no one I can think of!” End scene.

Option B: Kid says something like, “I don’t know maybe. So-and-so said they might be going with so-and-so, but other-so-and-so has been kind of rude to them lately so they’re not sure what’s up.” Parent says, “ok, well if they need a plan B, it doesn’t hurt to reach out and let them know we have extra room in our car.”

That’s it. That’s how you do it. No forcing. No reaching out to kids you don’t know. Just a little coaching on how to be a decent human.

Clearly you have a daughter.

DP, and these are the kinds of conversations I have with my daughter AND son. The only difference is that the girls have likely already nailed down all the details. Boys not so much . 😅

But the boys aren’t like so and so is mad at so and so because they’re being rude blah blah. The boys will figure out the plan about 2 hours before game time. Clearly this is all about girls and OP should stated that up front b/c OP was also the one saying the whole point is for girls to get ready with each other. Which many people also disagreed with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These posts are kind of crazy. I think it's a really nice sentiment OP.

My child always tries look at the chat lists to see who else can be invited. Usually there are kids on the periphery of a group and it's nice to check in with them to see if they have plans. You'd be surprised how many times they do not have plans.

Exactly. I am floored by how many parents don't want their kids to do some reaching out. Like wuttt? It doesn't need to be a grand gesture. What's so bad about "hey, what are your hoco plans?" and if the answer is "nothing yet", what's so bad about saying "feel free to join us"

It's so basic.

I see it as the kid with no plans can easily ask their friend “hey, what are your hoco plans.” This is so bizarre.

Because jerk parents like you don't want "the fringe kid". Roll my eyes so hard.

Exactly!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The lengths some of you are going to justify not doing the most simple kindness is astonishing to me. No wonder this world is so f-ed up.

+1. Kindess is free. But clearly not modeled in many homes.

That’s not what OP is asking. She wants parents to force their kids to ask other random kids about their plans. Even if those kids themselves are awkward and shy. How is a parent going to “have their kid reach out?” Should we go thru the contact lists and make sure they know what everyone is up to? Should we have our kids report back to us at the end of day how many kids they approached? This is just an impractical request for parents to micromanage their kids social lives in a way that is very intrusive. I don’t even know half the kids my kids know. Not sure how I can make this happen.

DP. No. That is not what she said. You are taking this to ridiculous extremes. Nobody wants you to do any of that.

She said “have your kids reach out”. Explain how a parents makes that happen.

Parent says, “Hey, you have your homecoming plans all set? Great, that sounds like a fun group! [talk more about the plan] Do you think there’s anyone you know who might want some kids to go with, but doesn’t have a group?”

Option A: Kid says, “nope, no one I can think of!” End scene.

Option B: Kid says something like, “I don’t know maybe. So-and-so said they might be going with so-and-so, but other-so-and-so has been kind of rude to them lately so they’re not sure what’s up.” Parent says, “ok, well if they need a plan B, it doesn’t hurt to reach out and let them know we have extra room in our car.”

That’s it. That’s how you do it. No forcing. No reaching out to kids you don’t know. Just a little coaching on how to be a decent human.

Do you script all of your kid’s conversations? You seem to think if a kid doesn’t do this, they’re not decent. Or if a parent doesn’t use this script, they’re also not decent.

You ought to reset your expectations and work instead on helping your kid develop friendship with like minded kids. Stop trying to get them to be a +1!

[Anonymous]

We all realize that these “kids” are almost full adults, right? And helicopter mommy is trying to make the world what she taught her kid it’d was instead of reality. Hard lesson that will take a long time to fix.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The lengths some of you are going to justify not doing the most simple kindness is astonishing to me. No wonder this world is so f-ed up.

+1. Kindess is free. But clearly not modeled in many homes.

+2.

+3

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The lengths some of you are going to justify not doing the most simple kindness is astonishing to me. No wonder this world is so f-ed up.

+1. Kindess is free. But clearly not modeled in many homes.

That’s not what OP is asking. She wants parents to force their kids to ask other random kids about their plans. Even if those kids themselves are awkward and shy. How is a parent going to “have their kid reach out?” Should we go thru the contact lists and make sure they know what everyone is up to? Should we have our kids report back to us at the end of day how many kids they approached? This is just an impractical request for parents to micromanage their kids social lives in a way that is very intrusive. I don’t even know half the kids my kids know. Not sure how I can make this happen.

DP. No. That is not what she said. You are taking this to ridiculous extremes. Nobody wants you to do any of that.

She said “have your kids reach out”. Explain how a parents makes that happen.

Parent says, “Hey, you have your homecoming plans all set? Great, that sounds like a fun group! [talk more about the plan] Do you think there’s anyone you know who might want some kids to go with, but doesn’t have a group?”

Option A: Kid says, “nope, no one I can think of!” End scene.

Option B: Kid says something like, “I don’t know maybe. So-and-so said they might be going with so-and-so, but other-so-and-so has been kind of rude to them lately so they’re not sure what’s up.” Parent says, “ok, well if they need a plan B, it doesn’t hurt to reach out and let them know we have extra room in our car.”

That’s it. That’s how you do it. No forcing. No reaching out to kids you don’t know. Just a little coaching on how to be a decent human.

Clearly you have a daughter.

DP, and these are the kinds of conversations I have with my daughter AND son. The only difference is that the girls have likely already nailed down all the details. Boys not so much . 😅

But the boys aren’t like so and so is mad at so and so because they’re being rude blah blah. The boys will figure out the plan about 2 hours before game time. Clearly this is all about girls and OP should stated that up front b/c OP was also the one saying the whole point is for girls to get ready with each other. Which many people also disagreed with.

Actually, yes, they do. But keep inventing excuses.