Staying with Grandparents?

[Anonymous]

Do you let your kids stay with out-of-town grandparents? How do you determine if your parents are healthy enough to take care of your kids safely? My parents want to take the kids for a week and my DH is convinced they will have a terrible accident or something. I know I can barely take care of 2 kids and I'm only 30. My parents are young-ish, but in poor health generally, and weren't the worlds best parents when I was growing up (which is probably the root of DH's concerns). Thanks for any advice.

[Anonymous]

Well if you are admitting they weren't the best for you I am not sure I would leave them for a whole week. I leave my DS with my parents, but in all honesty they are more active than I am and probably do more activities with him on a daily basis when they were with him then when he is with me all the time. I think you have to look at each situation as it is and it doesn't really sound like you are trying to sell this.

[Anonymous]

Maybe you do a test-run. Leave the kids with grandma and grandpa for an entire day - you and DH leave (or stay at a hotel) before kids wake up and don't return until kids sleeping.

Your parents may be surprised how much work and supervision it requires and my have overestimated their offer to watch them for a week.

Also, are your grandparents familiar with your routine - naps (if applicable), meals, favorite activities, interests, etc.

Also, you don't say how old or how many your kids are so if you are leaving grandma and grandpa with a newborn, a toddler, and a kindergartner, than NO would be my answer. If it is an 8, 10, and 12 year old than maybe YES.

[Anonymous]

I can't imagine not letting my children spend time with their grandparents (all of whom are out-of-town), but that's because my parents (and my in-laws) are youngish, in good health generally (knock on wood!), and were great parents to my husband and me. Our baby isn't even born yet and my husband and I are already counting on trips we can take when we leave the baby with her grandparents.

How old are your children, though, and what do they think? Do they want to go stay with the grandparents? When I was growing up, some of my best, most special memories are spending at least a week or two every summer alone with my maternal grandparents, and that continued from the age of about three until I was in high school. That was only with my maternal grandparents, though. I did not enjoy spending time alone with my paternal grandparents (who were better grandparents than they were parents, but still not very warm) and thankfully my parents never pushed me to do so.

[Anonymous]

I'd argue for the test run, perhaps a long weekend, if either you or your husband are concerned, for any reason, but, especially, if you don't think they were that careful when you were young. You have to assume they are no better now, and some years removed from the care of young children, both in their memory of what it takes and in setting up their house appropriately. We all have an image of what staying with grandparents should be like, but, like with teenagers and driving, trust has to be earned. You could wait until your children are older, and less likely to be at risk, but, it's better to establish the relationship and memories sooner, if possible.

BTW, I am interviewing mothers and grandmothers for an upcoming book. If you could say anything you wanted to the grandmother of your grandchildren, without hurting her feelings, what would you say?

If you would like to be interviewed, please let me know. Interviewees will be anonymous.

Carol Covin
Bristow, VA
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