Augh. I hate birthday party season....
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Anonymous
| The birthday party invites are coming in fast and furious and seems like every child was born in February, March or April. And birthday parties just are not that great for my DC, who has developmental delays. I feel like it's a damned if you do and damned if you don't situation. We can't go to all the parties because it's just too much for our DC but I feel badly about declining any invitations and worry about trying to figure out whose party we go to and whose we don't. I feel like we have to go to at least some of the parties but stress about the possible scenarios in anticipation -- DC doesn't understand the games and won't participate, DC is unable to attend to entertainment (like magicians) so DC wanders around and gets antsy, DC is shy about new experiences so clings to me and won't try to climb, swing, dance, fill-in-the-blank about whatever activity is scheduled. DC doesn't really play with toys so I'm out of the loop as far as what toys kids DCs age are actually playing with and wind up spending a lot of time stressing about what might be an appropriate gift and how much to spend. It also doesn't help that I'm extremely shy and only recently discovered that there's some rule about only one parent bringing a child to a party, so now I'm freaked about having to go to the parties by myself and try to socialize with other parents who I don't know without the crutch of having someone I do know there to make it a little easier (DH). Plus, the venues and scope of activities just keep escalating every year so they are total extravaganzas and I worry about whether DC notices that we don't do such elaborate things to celebrate DCs birthday (we pretty much just do family celebrations, but that's mostly because both sides of the family are local). Sorry, I know I sound like a tool and I do recognize that this all about my own issues and anxieties. I'm just venting. But I do really hate this time of year. Sigh. |
Anonymous
| Why not just not go to them if they are that stressful to attend? Does your DC even care (I ask b/c mine do for some kids and not for others)? FWIW, my DS used to have issues at parties b/c of the noise level and the shear amount of kids etc... He would either hang on me the entire time and not participate or cry. We simply stopped going to these type of parties for awhile. |
Anonymous
| I say keep going and expose him to them. My friend's ds was like this and now after many years can do them. He seems to like them more too. He actually had his own larger birthday this year. Give it time. As for the one parent rule, I never heard about this. I would never want parents in your situation to feel like they both cannot come and I am sure most people agree with me. Gifts are irrelevant to my children they just want friends/schoolmates to come. |
Anonymous
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How old is your kid?
While you probably don't want them to never go to another birthday party again, it's perfectly fine to decline 80% of the invitations. Pick a few a year that seem like they are activities or kids that your DC like more than others and only go to those parties. Also, so long as you are still in the parents stay age range, there is absolutely no issue with both parents going to a birthday party. But even if you are both there make an effort to make small talk with at least one of the other parents. You'll fine that you enjoy the parties more if you can make friends with one or two of the other parents. |
Anonymous
| Agree with PP on one point - my twins are almost 7 and my husband and I both still go to all the parties together. It's the weekend and we want to spend time as a family, so why not? No one seems to care in the least. |
Anonymous
| I guess I'm seeing the other side of the coin. DD is turning six and her partiy is on Sunday. She's special needs and of the twenty plus invites, I've send out, I'm frankly not sure if more than four kids will be attending. Add in the snow, and who knows? All these posts about kids who are inundated with invites and can't be bothered to attend are making me feel a little sick. I know your concerns are real, OP, but I feel bad for my little girl. |
Anonymous
I didn't have a birthday party for my summer kiddo when she turned 6, because I was afraid we'd have a repeat of her 5th birthday (only 2 kids came). She rarely gets birthday invitations. All of which is to say, I hear you, PP. I'm actually trying not to cry as I write this. I hope your daughter has a wonderful birthday party. OP, I don't have a great answer for you, but I think several of the previous posters sound like they're on the right track. |
Anonymous
| For those who are not having many children come to the birthday parties, why not celebrating your child's birthday in a way that makes you feel good? Like bringing a best friend or two with your family as you take a fun afternoon trip? Or a lunch out with another family? Add balloons, a cake and presents and your child will love it. Part of celebrating your child's birthday is your celebration, too, and why not enjoy how you are celebrating rather than feeling sad about who didn't come? Their loss anyways...By the way, by around 3rd/4th grade, birthday celebrations get very small intentionally. Very few of the huge bashes. So it won't be forever... |
Anonymous
13:51 again. I wish my daughter had a "best friend or two." That would be fantastic. If she did, I wouldn't be so worried about this party. It's really not about making me feel good or about the fear that I will feel sad. This is the first party she has had -- I've deliberately refrained from having a party for her before because for a disabled child it's so damn hard to make friends. God I wish the world were different. She's such a great kid, but for a kid in a wheelchair, are there playdates? |
Anonymous
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OP I could have written your post. I dread birthday parties, but force myself to bring DC because I agree with 13:13. It's great social practice and something may click. Occasionally I am pleasantly surprised by how well things go. It's painful for me when things don't go well and I take it way too hard, but I remind myself DC doesn't care. He enjoys a party even if he doesn't last long. He loves getting invitations. I try to reward myself for going through the whole thing by having a nice glass of wine that evening or something like that.
That said, sometimes I just can't take it and I decline especially if there is an activity that I know DC can't handle at all. |
Anonymous
I wish I knew you! Our dds could have playdates. Almost her entire class came to her birthday party, but she hasn't received one invitation all year. I find it hard to believe that out of 28 kids, no one else has had a party all school year. 
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Anonymous
Well, I'm happy to report the party went well and she is over the moon! Nine kids were there and fun, pizza and cupcakes were had by all. So relieved! Thank you snow for staying away too. 
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Anonymous
This is me. I hate birthday parties. it seems like everyone knows everyone else except me, of course. My child also clings to me making me feel even more self-conscious which to a shy person, is dreadful. I don't have any advice OP. Just know that you are not the only one. |
Anonymous
| I would skip them. As kids get older, the parties get smaller so why not save it for later. |
Anonymous
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