Long commutes and impact on school experience

[Anonymous]

I posted a question earlier about Norwood, but I want to broaden the query to any school that involves a long commute:

1. How does it affect your ability and your child's ability to participate in school life? I'd like to be active in our school community, but if that means driving half an hour or more each way to a meeting after dinner, it's probably not going to happen.

2. What impact does the early start (and presumably early bedtime) have on your family's schedule? Does it make family dinners, for example, less likely? What impact does it have on your child's mood, health, etc.?

3. How is the time spent in the car? Is it family time that you enjoy?

4. Does the commute limit your child's ability to participate in afterschool programs? Does the commute get significantly more difficult once they're staying late for sports or other activities?

5. Do you spend significantly more time taking your child to faraway playdates, or is this something that is fairly common in all independent schools?

All else equal, of course, I would pick the school with the shortest commute, but since all else rarely IS equal, I'm wondering how to weight commute against other factors, such as class size, curriculum, etc.

Thanks for any insight you may have.

[Anonymous]

Hi, we had sort of a similar situation: DS was accepted to two schools that we really liked. One of them we thought was a perfect fit, and the other a good fit but not "perfect." We ultimately went with our second choice, in no small reason because it is 5 minutes away from our house and the other is 40 minutes away without traffic. Now, granted, ours is an extreme example--for example, we might have made a different decision for 25-30 minutes away, but 40-60 was just too much for us. We worried about all the same things as you--being involved in the school, playdates, etc. We were pretty happy with our "second-choice" school, though, and it has worked out; had there been more concern about that school, we might have made a different decision. In the end, we decided that family life/school involvement had to be weighed heavily, given that both schools were good enough. I still think wistfully about the perfect-fit school, though...

[Anonymous]

Hmmm. Your questions are so well thought out and nicely phrased ... indicating you have given this a lot of thought and already know the answers!! The question you are really asking is to yourself along the lines of "do I really want to do this?!" That answer is different for each of us. But here goes.

1. When I have already driven two round-trips each day to get DC to school, I am much less inclined to attend evening events at the school because I am just sick of driving!! So the events have to be compelling before I go. Curriculum night, a school play my child is in, and a class picnic are definite yes. Events I would like to attend but do not are schoolwide picnics, an arts festival where my child has one drawing on display, seminars on parenting/educational topics, and some fundraisers. There are usually SO MANY events you could attend, that you probably wouldn't go to them all even if you lived across the street. You can still remain involved in the community without attending every last thing.

2. The affect of school commute on your family schedule is completely under your control. We personnally make family dinner THE priority, which means we do not have DC signed up for team sports, tae kwan doe, piano lessons, etc. at this point. As he gets older and can get to bed at a later time, we plan to let him do more. But for now, he needs time with family and an early bedtime to be happy and healthy. Each child is different, of course.

3. Our commute is 20 minutes each way and it is a pleasant time to chat or just decompress together. Sometimes we listen to music and sometimes I just listen to DC singing in the back, which is nice!

4. I'm a SAHM, so I am lucky to have maximum flexibility on when to pick up. After school activities are easy to do because the later pick-up time can actually decrease commute time, depending on rush hour and direction you will be going.

5. This one really depends on your exact situation. For us, most of DC's classmates live about 20 minutes away, so playdates are not too inconvenient. A group of us like to get together every now and then on Friday afternoon, since we are all at carpool pickup anyway. We drive together to a park and let the kids play together there rather than do playdates in our homes all the time. Works nicely if your schedule allows.

So the short answer is that it really depends on how long your commute would be. We have found that we got used to it really quickly and now it is not such a big deal, particularly since we LOVE the school.

[Anonymous]

we are also used to the commute and i don't think any of us really notice it that much anymore, short of some major disruption like the traffic. on the way there we chat to prepare for the day and on the ride home we chat about our days. i prepare: bottles of water. emergency snack hidden in glove compartment for those special melt-down days, which do occasionally happen but to be honest not very often.

in sum, in our case, it is no big deal (25 min commute).

[Anonymous]

Thank you for all the thoughtful responses. Your feedback is very helpful.

[Anonymous]

We chose not to do it when faced with your choice - ended up using the local public school and it has worked out well. We did give up some things when we opted out of the private school, but we gained others.

We decided that it would be too hard to make ourselves and our kid part of the school community, and that adding the commute would play to our personal weaknesses (we can be too insular for our own emotional well-being when left to our own devices).