Private school is a terrible ROI for middle class people

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I regret sending my DD to private school that cost more than 60K a year. We don't belong there. We pull DD out at grade 11. DD was there from grade 6 to 10. She sees how top 1% live and friendship cannot last long bc of life style. Entitled kids with different lifestyle and doesn't need to work.

the honesty is refreshing and the bolded is what too many middle class and even working class parents tend to ignore

What I took away from this was a high level of insecurity from the kid, probably instilled by the parent. Most kids in my daughter’s private school don’t even consider the economic status of their friends. That’s just the parents unfortunately.

Kids don't look at economic status until they are in high school. The top 1% sticks together. If you are in lower end, you don't get invite to these party as you get older. Even if you get invited, you can't keep up with their lifestyle. You can't fly your kid to Europe for holiday break. It was great in middle school but as DD get older, it be apparent we don't belong there. DD still connect with few kids at top tier private school. Most of these kids go to private liberal art colleges where DD goes to well known public university. DD was in culture shock to see how the rest of people live when DD goes to public University. DD was in a bubble. 60K plus private school is great if you can afford it but it is a bubble.

Why can’t people be comfortable in their own skin? If you can’t take these lavish trips with your family, who is really auditing you on that? If you don’t want to compete…don’t, it’s a reflection of their insecurities anyway. Don’t let people infer keeping up with the joneses on you. Be confident about who you are and what your child is ultimately at the school for, to learn and grow. You have nothing to prove or validate to anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is exactly why many higher-income families prefer to stay in public, OP.

Now we did move to an expensive neighborhood to get into the most reputable publics. But that was also a safeguard against a possible future issue with property values, since real estate is most stable around good neighborhoods with good schools. I looked on the map at locations such that if boundaries changed, we would either not be impacted (because too close to the school), or be switched to another excellent school cluster.

We're very happy with our decision. Oldest is in college and youngest is in MCPS high school. Our net worth has grown *significantly* in the stock market compared to 20 years ago.

Sure. But how much did you spend on your home? I paid less on my home and private school than I'd pay for just a MoCo home. I did the math and wasn't going to come out too far ahead by moving to MoCo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We live in a small house we bought for $175,000 20 years ago. We had the choice of selling and buying an equally tiny house in a good school system for 3 times as much, or paying for private. We opted for private.

Was it a good financial decision? Don’t know, don’t really care. We are financially secure and the kid is off in a college he likes and we can afford. All good.

We did the same thing. Our home was $190K. We paid for private. We calculated the math and seems we came out better in the cheaper house as we could save and invest more. We also live in a friendly community.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It probably oy makes sense to account for the higher property taxes you pay if you opt instead of private school to live in an expesnsive town with the better public schools. Like, if private costs $30k, and instead you move to Super Fancy Suburb for the good public schools, you probably buy a more expensive house and pay more property taxes than you would pay if you lived somewhere cheaper and sent kids to private. I know I moved to Super Fancy Suburb for this reason and my property taxes are about higher than they would be if I lived in the next town over literally three miles away.

I live in an expensive part of Bethesda,

The parts are ALL expensive. LOL You are out of touch if you think there's an "expensive" part of Bethesda.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If private school tuition is 30k a year and you instead invest this money at 7% returns from age 5 through 18, you'll have over 600k by college age. If this 600k was invested another 12 years until 30 it would become almost $1.5M.

I know some people are rich enough to do both but if you can only choose one, what would it be? I think at the very least private school tuition should be cut and you give this money to your kid in young adulthood to help them with buying a house or something. I see so many people who aren't even rich sending kids to private and I just wonder why they do this when it would be way more impactful to their children's future to just invest the money to gift to them as adults.

ROI should never be considered when talking about education or frankly much else.

Maybe, but a bright kid with a K-12 public education who then goes to college debt free and is given a huge downpayment is going to have more job/life options than a kid who went to private school, then the same college as kid 1, but maybe some debt and no down payment or way less inheritance because mom and dad sent all the kids to private school.

What about the bright kid a private education who goes to college debt free and is given a huge downpayment and plenty of inheritance?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I regret sending my DD to private school that cost more than 60K a year. We don't belong there. We pull DD out at grade 11. DD was there from grade 6 to 10. She sees how top 1% live and friendship cannot last long bc of life style. Entitled kids with different lifestyle and doesn't need to work.

the honesty is refreshing and the bolded is what too many middle class and even working class parents tend to ignore

What I took away from this was a high level of insecurity from the kid, probably instilled by the parent. Most kids in my daughter’s private school don’t even consider the economic status of their friends. That’s just the parents unfortunately.

Kids don't look at economic status until they are in high school. The top 1% sticks together. If you are in lower end, you don't get invite to these party as you get older. Even if you get invited, you can't keep up with their lifestyle. You can't fly your kid to Europe for holiday break. It was great in middle school but as DD get older, it be apparent we don't belong there. DD still connect with few kids at top tier private school. Most of these kids go to private liberal art colleges where DD goes to well known public university. DD was in culture shock to see how the rest of people live when DD goes to public University. DD was in a bubble. 60K plus private school is great if you can afford it but it is a bubble.

It is not a bubble. It is life. Their life. Which is different. It is their reality. Same as if you grew up is a project. That is your reality. Both are real life.

For most people in privates -- the 60k a year is a rounding error. Not at all missed or even thought of. Same with college costs. If that is not you then I would not be at a private unless for other reasons it is the best for your child.

[Anonymous]

Travel, playing expensive sports or having expensive hobbies, having a pet, these all have a terrible financial return on investment

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If private school tuition is 30k a year and you instead invest this money at 7% returns from age 5 through 18, you'll have over 600k by college age. If this 600k was invested another 12 years until 30 it would become almost $1.5M.

I know some people are rich enough to do both but if you can only choose one, what would it be? I think at the very least private school tuition should be cut and you give this money to your kid in young adulthood to help them with buying a house or something. I see so many people who aren't even rich sending kids to private and I just wonder why they do this when it would be way more impactful to their children's future to just invest the money to gift to them as adults.

ROI should never be considered when talking about education or frankly much else.

That’s a privileged attitude to have

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I regret sending my DD to private school that cost more than 60K a year. We don't belong there. We pull DD out at grade 11. DD was there from grade 6 to 10. She sees how top 1% live and friendship cannot last long bc of life style. Entitled kids with different lifestyle and doesn't need to work.

the honesty is refreshing and the bolded is what too many middle class and even working class parents tend to ignore

I was a full scholarship kid at a private in high school. The alienation is real, and you never really feel like you belong.

As a white man, I just had a light bulb moment of maybe this is what minorities feel like

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I regret sending my DD to private school that cost more than 60K a year. We don't belong there. We pull DD out at grade 11. DD was there from grade 6 to 10. She sees how top 1% live and friendship cannot last long bc of life style. Entitled kids with different lifestyle and doesn't need to work.

the honesty is refreshing and the bolded is what too many middle class and even working class parents tend to ignore

What I took away from this was a high level of insecurity from the kid, probably instilled by the parent. Most kids in my daughter’s private school don’t even consider the economic status of their friends. That’s just the parents unfortunately.

Kids don't look at economic status until they are in high school. The top 1% sticks together. If you are in lower end, you don't get invite to these party as you get older. Even if you get invited, you can't keep up with their lifestyle. You can't fly your kid to Europe for holiday break. It was great in middle school but as DD get older, it be apparent we don't belong there. DD still connect with few kids at top tier private school. Most of these kids go to private liberal art colleges where DD goes to well known public university. DD was in culture shock to see how the rest of people live when DD goes to public University. DD was in a bubble. 60K plus private school is great if you can afford it but it is a bubble.

Why can’t people be comfortable in their own skin? If you can’t take these lavish trips with your family, who is really auditing you on that? If you don’t want to compete…don’t, it’s a reflection of their insecurities anyway. Don’t let people infer keeping up with the joneses on you. Be confident about who you are and what your child is ultimately at the school for, to learn and grow. You have nothing to prove or validate to anyone.

Have you sent your kid to a 40-60K+ private K-12?!?! By MS the kids are routinely taking expensive trips. If your kid cannot participate, they quickly get shut out of being good friends with the other kids. So if you send your kid to a school like that and 90%+ are taking the trips, then your kids actual close friend group is severely limited. It's one of the reasons we kept our kids in our excellent public schools. We didn't want them surrounded by only "wealthy" kids, and despite having the funds for it, I'm not sending my 14 yo on a 2 week trip to Europe with other kids group, if they go, we are doing it as a family (and maybe with another family with kids similar ages), but not just for the kids as xmas or spring break trip with other teens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If private school tuition is 30k a year and you instead invest this money at 7% returns from age 5 through 18, you'll have over 600k by college age. If this 600k was invested another 12 years until 30 it would become almost $1.5M.

I know some people are rich enough to do both but if you can only choose one, what would it be? I think at the very least private school tuition should be cut and you give this money to your kid in young adulthood to help them with buying a house or something. I see so many people who aren't even rich sending kids to private and I just wonder why they do this when it would be way more impactful to their children's future to just invest the money to gift to them as adults.

ROI should never be considered when talking about education or frankly much else.

At a certain level, I agree. But by that I mean, you should do anything you can to get your 4 year degree (if you want that path in life) and a state school or "lower level private that gives you good merit" is the best way to do that. But if you don't have the funding for Private K-12 and college, then you save and spend on college. Parental involvement and expectations are about 95% of a kid's success thru HS. Where they go doesn't matter nearly as much (and it still doesn't in college)

So yes, I'm not taking fancy vacations multiple times a year until I can adequately save to help my kid get thru college. But I'm not living on rice and beans and no vacations to put my kid in $50K+ K-12, unless they have very specific special needs. I'm living in the best school district we can afford while still having some extras in life (like a vacation or two a year, a new car every 7-8 years, dining out once a week, etc) and supplementing with tutors as needed. And Saving for college for my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I regret sending my DD to private school that cost more than 60K a year. We don't belong there. We pull DD out at grade 11. DD was there from grade 6 to 10. She sees how top 1% live and friendship cannot last long bc of life style. Entitled kids with different lifestyle and doesn't need to work.

the honesty is refreshing and the bolded is what too many middle class and even working class parents tend to ignore

What I took away from this was a high level of insecurity from the kid, probably instilled by the parent. Most kids in my daughter’s private school don’t even consider the economic status of their friends. That’s just the parents unfortunately.

Kids don't look at economic status until they are in high school. The top 1% sticks together. If you are in lower end, you don't get invite to these party as you get older. Even if you get invited, you can't keep up with their lifestyle. You can't fly your kid to Europe for holiday break. It was great in middle school but as DD get older, it be apparent we don't belong there. DD still connect with few kids at top tier private school. Most of these kids go to private liberal art colleges where DD goes to well known public university. DD was in culture shock to see how the rest of people live when DD goes to public University. DD was in a bubble. 60K plus private school is great if you can afford it but it is a bubble.

It is not a bubble. It is life. Their life. Which is different. It is their reality. Same as if you grew up is a project. That is your reality. Both are real life.

For most people in privates -- the 60k a year is a rounding error. Not at all missed or even thought of. Same with college costs. If that is not you then I would not be at a private unless for other reasons it is the best for your child.

+1000

Attended a T10 school 30+ years ago. Where 65%+ of students received NO Financial aide at all. I was on major financial aid, but still had to struggle to come up with our family contribution yearly (and take federal loans). I was the kid who had to plan for the weekend and decide "I can afford to go out to eat one night this weekend or I can afford to do 1 cheap activity (think movie on campus or a show on campus)". But I couldn't do both. No way was I ever joining the college friends who went to Europe on spring break or for a week at xmas or went skiing in luxury places in the West for a long weekend. As a result, the majority of my friends were also kids who had work study and student loans, and who had to hold jobs in the summer and over most breaks to just pay for college. Because you simply cannot keep up with others who are spending a fortune each week---to them it's normal, the money simply flows. To me, I might literally only have $5 to get thru the next week for an extra expenses.
So I had a few down to earth friends who were not on FA, but 85% of my friends were in same boat as me. Because you simply cannot relate to someone who is spending $100 each weekend (this was 30+ years ago, so think $250+ in today's dollar) So it's hard to be good friends if you cannot socialize together very often.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If private school tuition is 30k a year and you instead invest this money at 7% returns from age 5 through 18, you'll have over 600k by college age. If this 600k was invested another 12 years until 30 it would become almost $1.5M.

I know some people are rich enough to do both but if you can only choose one, what would it be? I think at the very least private school tuition should be cut and you give this money to your kid in young adulthood to help them with buying a house or something. I see so many people who aren't even rich sending kids to private and I just wonder why they do this when it would be way more impactful to their children's future to just invest the money to gift to them as adults.

ROI should never be considered when talking about education or frankly much else.

Maybe, but a bright kid with a K-12 public education who then goes to college debt free and is given a huge downpayment is going to have more job/life options than a kid who went to private school, then the same college as kid 1, but maybe some debt and no down payment or way less inheritance because mom and dad sent all the kids to private school.

What about the bright kid a private education who goes to college debt free and is given a huge downpayment and plenty of inheritance?

Then he’s not middle class. Read the OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I regret sending my DD to private school that cost more than 60K a year. We don't belong there. We pull DD out at grade 11. DD was there from grade 6 to 10. She sees how top 1% live and friendship cannot last long bc of life style. Entitled kids with different lifestyle and doesn't need to work.

the honesty is refreshing and the bolded is what too many middle class and even working class parents tend to ignore

What I took away from this was a high level of insecurity from the kid, probably instilled by the parent. Most kids in my daughter’s private school don’t even consider the economic status of their friends. That’s just the parents unfortunately.

Kids don't look at economic status until they are in high school. The top 1% sticks together. If you are in lower end, you don't get invite to these party as you get older. Even if you get invited, you can't keep up with their lifestyle. You can't fly your kid to Europe for holiday break. It was great in middle school but as DD get older, it be apparent we don't belong there. DD still connect with few kids at top tier private school. Most of these kids go to private liberal art colleges where DD goes to well known public university. DD was in culture shock to see how the rest of people live when DD goes to public University. DD was in a bubble. 60K plus private school is great if you can afford it but it is a bubble.

Why can’t people be comfortable in their own skin? If you can’t take these lavish trips with your family, who is really auditing you on that? If you don’t want to compete…don’t, it’s a reflection of their insecurities anyway. Don’t let people infer keeping up with the joneses on you. Be confident about who you are and what your child is ultimately at the school for, to learn and grow. You have nothing to prove or validate to anyone.

Have you sent your kid to a 40-60K+ private K-12?!?! By MS the kids are routinely taking expensive trips. If your kid cannot participate, they quickly get shut out of being good friends with the other kids. So if you send your kid to a school like that and 90%+ are taking the trips, then your kids actual close friend group is severely limited. It's one of the reasons we kept our kids in our excellent public schools. We didn't want them surrounded by only "wealthy" kids, and despite having the funds for it, I'm not sending my 14 yo on a 2 week trip to Europe with other kids group, if they go, we are doing it as a family (and maybe with another family with kids similar ages), but not just for the kids as xmas or spring break trip with other teens.

PP, can you take a deep cleansing breath and calm yourself? If you can do that, you will be able to process what I am relaying to you because I refuse to write it again. You are making foolish assumptions without firsthand knowledge or experience.

My DS is currently attending a school that you described. We are not at the financial level of many of the families there. It is not a secret that we do ok but we are not old money people. But if I tell you how my DS’ friends (and a few of their parents), classmates embrace and cherish him, it’s incredible. We raise him to humble himself, work hard, respect people and show up as his authentic self. That home training is paying off as he is a phenomenal kid and is essentially, a people magnet as quiet and shy as he is. This is what matters to us, NO ONE is flaunting trips or anything else about their lifestyle. He is NOT excluded when he doesn’t participate in every activity. It’s the opposite quite frankly.

This is our experience and I don’t deny that the scenarios you’ve illustrated happen. They do and maybe there is lower flexing among boys than girls. I don’t know, but this whole “wealthy kids” thing is not as widespread as you think. There are still many down to earth private school kids out there. You are putting too much pressure on yourself, just take it easy. Ok?

[Anonymous]

i decided to go for a simpler house in Rockville, and aggressively save and invest the difference. my house feeds into RMHS which is already good, and i dont even have kids yet. in 15 years or so, i'll move down to the Whitman district: i expect my mortgage here will have made a significant dent and transfer the equity into a house closer in. if this tactic doesnt work out, RMHS is already good enough. but i never considered a private: waste of money in this region since the publics are already good. if it was florida or texas then yes either private or play the charter game