DH Bought a Gun

[Anonymous]

Deeply personal question. I wouldn't want to be married to someone who had this as a hobby or not but that's me.

[Anonymous]

Responding to the repeated question why the husband can’t just keep his firearm at the range, I asked for a referral to such a service and got one, helpful and informative response.

When another poster insisted that a “simple google search” would yield a plethora of results, I asked them to post those results. Silence.

Well, I did the “simple google search” a couple of times. I did not run down every link, but my impression was that the primary market for firearm storage services is not something akin to a gym locker where an enthusiast would keep the relevant gear at the range where they practice. To the contrary, storage services seem for the most part to be aimed at people who, for one reason or another (legal issues of their own or a fellow resident; health; travel, etc.) want their guns in “cold storage.” The model is drop off at one time, eventually pick up at another. It is not “same day in and out” regular use. This is not to say that nobody offers the latter kind of service. But it is not something as readily available at any given firing range as some posters seem to believe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Make sure you discuss bringing home bleach, toilet bowl cleaner, gasoline for the mower, sewing needles, matches for the grill too.

This is both so tired and so dumb.

Bleach, intended purpose killing bacteria and cleaning clothes
Toilet bowl cleaner, intended purpose cleaning toilet
Gas, intended purpose running the mower
Needles, intended purpose sewing
Matches, intended purpose lighting fires for cooking and warmth (candles, getting high, whatnot)

Guns, intended purpose, blowing shit (including people) up

Life is not black and white. All risk is not the same.

And yet...

If you don't lock up your bleach and your kid drinks it or splashes it in their eyes? Catastrophe. Toilet bowl cleaner? Same. Gas? Same. Needles? OMFG, have you ever stepped on one of these? Or sewn through a nail? I've done both, and heard directly from mothers whose kids (yes, more than one) have literally sewn their own hands "trying to sew like mommy" on the sewing machine mom left unattended however briefly. And if you think kids don't play with matches, you're an idiot.

Everything has a risk, and most things have ways to mitigate that risk. A gun in a safe is a lot safer than toilet bowl cleaner stashed behind the toilet in a house with an unattended kid. I'm former EMS. Ask me how I know...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Responding to the repeated question why the husband can’t just keep his firearm at the range, I asked for a referral to such a service and got one, helpful and informative response.

When another poster insisted that a “simple google search” would yield a plethora of results, I asked them to post those results. Silence.

Well, I did the “simple google search” a couple of times. I did not run down every link, but my impression was that the primary market for firearm storage services is not something akin to a gym locker where an enthusiast would keep the relevant gear at the range where they practice. To the contrary, storage services seem for the most part to be aimed at people who, for one reason or another (legal issues of their own or a fellow resident; health; travel, etc.) want their guns in “cold storage.” The model is drop off at one time, eventually pick up at another. It is not “same day in and out” regular use. This is not to say that nobody offers the latter kind of service. But it is not something as readily available at any given firing range as some posters seem to believe.

The legal liability of holding guns for dozens of people is staggering. Whose insurance covers that? This is a horrible idea; I wouldn't do it.

You know where a safe place to put your gun would be? Your gun safe, under your control.

Which is what OP's spouse did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That thing would get dropped off at the police station. You brought it home without asking me. I got rid of it without asking you. Fair's fair.

You sound like a fscking child. Grow up and learn how to have a conversation about your boundaries upfront instead of asking your family members to ask your royal permission or face your immature petty nonsense. Use your words.

Funny how you don’t say that about the husband? Sexist AH.

She's not his mommy or his boss. He doesn't need to beg her consent or her forgiveness for making an adult decision, responsibly.

There's nothing sexist about it. Flip the roles in the OP and my response is exactly the same, which is why the comment you're calling "sexist" is devoid of gender indicators at all. You're telling on yourself, PP.

You are sexist though, it’s coming through loud and clear. You think men have no responsibility to their spouse, but you think women DO have responsibility to theirs. You put all the blame for this situation on a woman “not communicating” but absolutely none on the man who didn’t communicate at all! Why isn’t HE using his words? Why aren’t you using equally harsh language towards him?

He did communicate, openly and honestly. That's how OP knows there's a gun.

You're projecting REALLY hard right now. I'm gonna let you, and it's about you, not me.

He did not communicate ahead of time that he wanted to buy a gun. He did not let OP know he was going to hit the shops and bring one home. Why couldn’t he just use his words to discuss with his spouse?

Why does he have to communicate ahead of time just in case his wife has big feelings she hasn't thought to bring up in the several weeks/months he's had shooting as a hobby? Why are you making him more responsible for her feelings/wants than she is? That's absurd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That thing would get dropped off at the police station. You brought it home without asking me. I got rid of it without asking you. Fair's fair.

You sound like a fscking child. Grow up and learn how to have a conversation about your boundaries upfront instead of asking your family members to ask your royal permission or face your immature petty nonsense. Use your words.

Funny how you don’t say that about the husband? Sexist AH.

She's not his mommy or his boss. He doesn't need to beg her consent or her forgiveness for making an adult decision, responsibly.

There's nothing sexist about it. Flip the roles in the OP and my response is exactly the same, which is why the comment you're calling "sexist" is devoid of gender indicators at all. You're telling on yourself, PP.

You are sexist though, it’s coming through loud and clear. You think men have no responsibility to their spouse, but you think women DO have responsibility to theirs. You put all the blame for this situation on a woman “not communicating” but absolutely none on the man who didn’t communicate at all! Why isn’t HE using his words? Why aren’t you using equally harsh language towards him?

He did communicate, openly and honestly. That's how OP knows there's a gun.

You're projecting REALLY hard right now. I'm gonna let you, and it's about you, not me.

He did not communicate ahead of time that he wanted to buy a gun. He did not let OP know he was going to hit the shops and bring one home. Why couldn’t he just use his words to discuss with his spouse?

Why does he have to communicate ahead of time just in case his wife has big feelings she hasn't thought to bring up in the several weeks/months he's had shooting as a hobby? Why are you making him more responsible for her feelings/wants than she is? That's absurd.

You expect women to communicate but not men. Hmm interesting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Responding to the repeated question why the husband can’t just keep his firearm at the range, I asked for a referral to such a service and got one, helpful and informative response.

When another poster insisted that a “simple google search” would yield a plethora of results, I asked them to post those results. Silence.

Well, I did the “simple google search” a couple of times. I did not run down every link, but my impression was that the primary market for firearm storage services is not something akin to a gym locker where an enthusiast would keep the relevant gear at the range where they practice. To the contrary, storage services seem for the most part to be aimed at people who, for one reason or another (legal issues of their own or a fellow resident; health; travel, etc.) want their guns in “cold storage.” The model is drop off at one time, eventually pick up at another. It is not “same day in and out” regular use. This is not to say that nobody offers the latter kind of service. But it is not something as readily available at any given firing range as some posters seem to believe.

Wouldn’t this greatly depend on location? Has OP said where they live?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Responding to the repeated question why the husband can’t just keep his firearm at the range, I asked for a referral to such a service and got one, helpful and informative response.

When another poster insisted that a “simple google search” would yield a plethora of results, I asked them to post those results. Silence.

Well, I did the “simple google search” a couple of times. I did not run down every link, but my impression was that the primary market for firearm storage services is not something akin to a gym locker where an enthusiast would keep the relevant gear at the range where they practice. To the contrary, storage services seem for the most part to be aimed at people who, for one reason or another (legal issues of their own or a fellow resident; health; travel, etc.) want their guns in “cold storage.” The model is drop off at one time, eventually pick up at another. It is not “same day in and out” regular use. This is not to say that nobody offers the latter kind of service. But it is not something as readily available at any given firing range as some posters seem to believe.

Wouldn’t this greatly depend on location? Has OP said where they live?

This being DCUM I checked the DC area. But I wouldn’t expect the result to “vary greatly by area” for a host of reasons, beginning with the liability exposure cited by a PP. I just don’t think it is a service that is in high demand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That thing would get dropped off at the police station. You brought it home without asking me. I got rid of it without asking you. Fair's fair.

You sound like a fscking child. Grow up and learn how to have a conversation about your boundaries upfront instead of asking your family members to ask your royal permission or face your immature petty nonsense. Use your words.

Funny how you don’t say that about the husband? Sexist AH.

She's not his mommy or his boss. He doesn't need to beg her consent or her forgiveness for making an adult decision, responsibly.

There's nothing sexist about it. Flip the roles in the OP and my response is exactly the same, which is why the comment you're calling "sexist" is devoid of gender indicators at all. You're telling on yourself, PP.

You are sexist though, it’s coming through loud and clear. You think men have no responsibility to their spouse, but you think women DO have responsibility to theirs. You put all the blame for this situation on a woman “not communicating” but absolutely none on the man who didn’t communicate at all! Why isn’t HE using his words? Why aren’t you using equally harsh language towards him?

He did communicate, openly and honestly. That's how OP knows there's a gun.

You're projecting REALLY hard right now. I'm gonna let you, and it's about you, not me.

He did not communicate ahead of time that he wanted to buy a gun. He did not let OP know he was going to hit the shops and bring one home. Why couldn’t he just use his words to discuss with his spouse?

Why does he have to communicate ahead of time just in case his wife has big feelings she hasn't thought to bring up in the several weeks/months he's had shooting as a hobby? Why are you making him more responsible for her feelings/wants than she is? That's absurd.

You expect women to communicate but not men. Hmm interesting.

He. Fscking. Did.

You ignore that, because you're misandrist af. Check your own bias.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That thing would get dropped off at the police station. You brought it home without asking me. I got rid of it without asking you. Fair's fair.

You sound like a fscking child. Grow up and learn how to have a conversation about your boundaries upfront instead of asking your family members to ask your royal permission or face your immature petty nonsense. Use your words.

Funny how you don’t say that about the husband? Sexist AH.

She's not his mommy or his boss. He doesn't need to beg her consent or her forgiveness for making an adult decision, responsibly.

There's nothing sexist about it. Flip the roles in the OP and my response is exactly the same, which is why the comment you're calling "sexist" is devoid of gender indicators at all. You're telling on yourself, PP.

You are sexist though, it’s coming through loud and clear. You think men have no responsibility to their spouse, but you think women DO have responsibility to theirs. You put all the blame for this situation on a woman “not communicating” but absolutely none on the man who didn’t communicate at all! Why isn’t HE using his words? Why aren’t you using equally harsh language towards him?

He did communicate, openly and honestly. That's how OP knows there's a gun.

You're projecting REALLY hard right now. I'm gonna let you, and it's about you, not me.

He did not communicate ahead of time that he wanted to buy a gun. He did not let OP know he was going to hit the shops and bring one home. Why couldn’t he just use his words to discuss with his spouse?

Why does he have to communicate ahead of time just in case his wife has big feelings she hasn't thought to bring up in the several weeks/months he's had shooting as a hobby? Why are you making him more responsible for her feelings/wants than she is? That's absurd.

You expect women to communicate but not men. Hmm interesting.

He did communicate. He told her he bought a gun and a gun safe. He didn't beg for her permission, because he's an adult and can go shopping without his wife writing him a permission slip about it.

She didn't communicate that she was against having a gun in the house, despite the fact that he clearly communicated about wanting to learn how to shoot, going shooting regularly, etc.

It is her job to communicate her wants, because she's an adult, not a child. He doesn't need to coax her opinion out of her. If she has big feelings about things, she needs to put on her big kid pants and use her words.

Quit trying to make it about men vs. women. It's adults. Period. All of them. This is how mature adults of any configuration are expected to communicate their wants/needs/thoughts/feelings. Grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That thing would get dropped off at the police station. You brought it home without asking me. I got rid of it without asking you. Fair's fair.

You sound like a fscking child. Grow up and learn how to have a conversation about your boundaries upfront instead of asking your family members to ask your royal permission or face your immature petty nonsense. Use your words.

Funny how you don’t say that about the husband? Sexist AH.

She's not his mommy or his boss. He doesn't need to beg her consent or her forgiveness for making an adult decision, responsibly.

There's nothing sexist about it. Flip the roles in the OP and my response is exactly the same, which is why the comment you're calling "sexist" is devoid of gender indicators at all. You're telling on yourself, PP.

You are sexist though, it’s coming through loud and clear. You think men have no responsibility to their spouse, but you think women DO have responsibility to theirs. You put all the blame for this situation on a woman “not communicating” but absolutely none on the man who didn’t communicate at all! Why isn’t HE using his words? Why aren’t you using equally harsh language towards him?

He did communicate, openly and honestly. That's how OP knows there's a gun.

You're projecting REALLY hard right now. I'm gonna let you, and it's about you, not me.

He did not communicate ahead of time that he wanted to buy a gun. He did not let OP know he was going to hit the shops and bring one home. Why couldn’t he just use his words to discuss with his spouse?

Why does he have to communicate ahead of time just in case his wife has big feelings she hasn't thought to bring up in the several weeks/months he's had shooting as a hobby? Why are you making him more responsible for her feelings/wants than she is? That's absurd.

You expect women to communicate but not men. Hmm interesting.

He did communicate. He told her he bought a gun and a gun safe. He didn't beg for her permission, because he's an adult and can go shopping without his wife writing him a permission slip about it.

She didn't communicate that she was against having a gun in the house, despite the fact that he clearly communicated about wanting to learn how to shoot, going shooting regularly, etc.

It is her job to communicate her wants, because she's an adult, not a child. He doesn't need to coax her opinion out of her. If she has big feelings about things, she needs to put on her big kid pants and use her words.

Quit trying to make it about men vs. women. It's adults. Period. All of them. This is how mature adults of any configuration are expected to communicate their wants/needs/thoughts/feelings. Grow up.

It's trollbait because the subject of the thread is guns, but this is literally how people who share space need to communicate about all the things. I don't want sweets in the house because I'll eat them daily if I have access. So I said this, up front, to the people I live with, who respect my preferences because I made them clear.

OP didn't, and it's her job to make her thoughts/feelings known, because she's grown. It's not her spouse's job to guess correctly and never cross the lines she invisibly drew. And the inverse is true, so misandrist troll can unclench and stand down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Deeply personal question. I wouldn't want to be married to someone who had this as a hobby or not but that's me.

You’re weird, PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That thing would get dropped off at the police station. You brought it home without asking me. I got rid of it without asking you. Fair's fair.

You sound like a fscking child. Grow up and learn how to have a conversation about your boundaries upfront instead of asking your family members to ask your royal permission or face your immature petty nonsense. Use your words.

Funny how you don’t say that about the husband? Sexist AH.

She's not his mommy or his boss. He doesn't need to beg her consent or her forgiveness for making an adult decision, responsibly.

There's nothing sexist about it. Flip the roles in the OP and my response is exactly the same, which is why the comment you're calling "sexist" is devoid of gender indicators at all. You're telling on yourself, PP.

You are sexist though, it’s coming through loud and clear. You think men have no responsibility to their spouse, but you think women DO have responsibility to theirs. You put all the blame for this situation on a woman “not communicating” but absolutely none on the man who didn’t communicate at all! Why isn’t HE using his words? Why aren’t you using equally harsh language towards him?

He did communicate, openly and honestly. That's how OP knows there's a gun.

You're projecting REALLY hard right now. I'm gonna let you, and it's about you, not me.

He did not communicate ahead of time that he wanted to buy a gun. He did not let OP know he was going to hit the shops and bring one home. Why couldn’t he just use his words to discuss with his spouse?

Why does he have to communicate ahead of time just in case his wife has big feelings she hasn't thought to bring up in the several weeks/months he's had shooting as a hobby? Why are you making him more responsible for her feelings/wants than she is? That's absurd.

You expect women to communicate but not men. Hmm interesting.

He did communicate. He told her he bought a gun and a gun safe. He didn't beg for her permission, because he's an adult and can go shopping without his wife writing him a permission slip about it.

She didn't communicate that she was against having a gun in the house, despite the fact that he clearly communicated about wanting to learn how to shoot, going shooting regularly, etc.

It is her job to communicate her wants, because she's an adult, not a child. He doesn't need to coax her opinion out of her. If she has big feelings about things, she needs to put on her big kid pants and use her words.

Quit trying to make it about men vs. women. It's adults. Period. All of them. This is how mature adults of any configuration are expected to communicate their wants/needs/thoughts/feelings. Grow up.

It's trollbait because the subject of the thread is guns, but this is literally how people who share space need to communicate about all the things. I don't want sweets in the house because I'll eat them daily if I have access. So I said this, up front, to the people I live with, who respect my preferences because I made them clear.

OP didn't, and it's her job to make her thoughts/feelings known, because she's grown. It's not her spouse's job to guess correctly and never cross the lines she invisibly drew. And the inverse is true, so misandrist troll can unclench and stand down.

Hilarious that you’re calling people misandrist when you’re literally being SO sexist. You say that OP should say her likes and dislikes to her husband up front - but he couldn’t have *possibly* told her that he was considering buying a gun. No, it’s only women that you expect to pre-communicate, but as long as the man post-communicates it’s fine. Technically, by your definition OP did communicate - she told him that she doesn’t want it in the house. Post-event, sharing her thoughts, that’s your version of communication apparently and she did it perfectly. So why you still blaming the woman? Is it because you actually just hate women? Sure seems so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Man, these gun lovers are just as viciously argumentative as the pot moms over in the other thread.
OP, take care of yourself and please please protect those kids. Make a safety plan and talk to kids about it asap.

Please post pot mom thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's taken up shooting as a hobby in the past few months and recently decided to purchase a gun. He came home with it without discussion. We have elementary age kids, and I just don't want it in the house. He doesn't care, says it's for his hobby and he'll keep it locked up. Am I unreasonable? Is he?

Of course and you know it.