PSA-Hoco

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Anonymous wrote:These posts are kind of crazy. I think it's a really nice sentiment OP.

My child always tries look at the chat lists to see who else can be invited. Usually there are kids on the periphery of a group and it's nice to check in with them to see if they have plans. You'd be surprised how many times they do not have plans.


Exactly. I am floored by how many parents don't want their kids to do some reaching out. Like wuttt? It doesn't need to be a grand gesture. What's so bad about "hey, what are your hoco plans?" and if the answer is "nothing yet", what's so bad about saying "feel free to join us"

It's so basic.


I see it as the kid with no plans can easily ask their friend “hey, what are your hoco plans.” This is so bizarre.


Because jerk parents like you don't want "the fringe kid". Roll my eyes so hard.


FWIW, I think the term "fringe kid" came into this convo bc a mom said "I'm a parent of a fringe kid and I would love it"

Also, OP has clarified; we're not talking about "fringe kids", we're talking kids that are already friends. Which makes this even more bizarre bc I don't understand why a kid wouldn't text "hey, what are we doing for HoCo" if they are already friends


Because kids don't want to be turned down or get an awkward "I am going to X house but I can't invite you because it's not my house". So it's just easier for the kids who have plans to do the checking.


So you want the kid who is going to someone else’s house to invite someone to that house even though they can’t do that?


Except they probably can if parents heeded this message. Do you see where the problem is and why this PSA is needed? Let your kids invite someone who might not have plans.


Nobody is disallowing this. Where did you get the idea that parents are gatekeeping any of this? And for the kids who “have the plans” guaranteed almost all of them had to reach out to someone to come up with the plan. That’s how plans evolve. Nobody is formally inviting anyone these are all very informal plans hatched by the kids themselves. No parents involved.


Oh they definitely gatekeep. Especially if they have to drive anywhere.


If you have such a chip on your shoulder about these people why do you care if your kid hangs out with them? Aren’t these the jerks, horrible people you’ve been grumbling about in here many pages?


That was a comment was from me- a NP. I'm simply clarifying that parents are involved when teens can't drive yet.


DP. It isn't gatekeeping to say "We only have 5 seats, so you can't invite more than 3 of your friends". Or that you're not planning to drive 30 minutes the opposite direction to pick up one kid.


Can you think of any other reasons? Or is that it? I mean, just when I think we've heard all of the "reasons" here comes another one.


Can’t you just drive you own kid to meet their friends? Kids can show up and find their people at the dance without a specific meet up plan before. They don’t need a ride if you can drive. This is a long of angst over homecoming. I never even went to homecoming at my school.


Literally no one said we couldn't drive our own kids. You are inventing reasons.
Anonymous
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Anonymous wrote:These posts are kind of crazy. I think it's a really nice sentiment OP.

My child always tries look at the chat lists to see who else can be invited. Usually there are kids on the periphery of a group and it's nice to check in with them to see if they have plans. You'd be surprised how many times they do not have plans.


Exactly. I am floored by how many parents don't want their kids to do some reaching out. Like wuttt? It doesn't need to be a grand gesture. What's so bad about "hey, what are your hoco plans?" and if the answer is "nothing yet", what's so bad about saying "feel free to join us"

It's so basic.


I see it as the kid with no plans can easily ask their friend “hey, what are your hoco plans.” This is so bizarre.


Because jerk parents like you don't want "the fringe kid". Roll my eyes so hard.


FWIW, I think the term "fringe kid" came into this convo bc a mom said "I'm a parent of a fringe kid and I would love it"

Also, OP has clarified; we're not talking about "fringe kids", we're talking kids that are already friends. Which makes this even more bizarre bc I don't understand why a kid wouldn't text "hey, what are we doing for HoCo" if they are already friends


Because kids don't want to be turned down or get an awkward "I am going to X house but I can't invite you because it's not my house". So it's just easier for the kids who have plans to do the checking.


So you want the kid who is going to someone else’s house to invite someone to that house even though they can’t do that?


Except they probably can if parents heeded this message. Do you see where the problem is and why this PSA is needed? Let your kids invite someone who might not have plans.


Nobody is disallowing this. Where did you get the idea that parents are gatekeeping any of this? And for the kids who “have the plans” guaranteed almost all of them had to reach out to someone to come up with the plan. That’s how plans evolve. Nobody is formally inviting anyone these are all very informal plans hatched by the kids themselves. No parents involved.


Oh they definitely gatekeep. Especially if they have to drive anywhere.


If you have such a chip on your shoulder about these people why do you care if your kid hangs out with them? Aren’t these the jerks, horrible people you’ve been grumbling about in here many pages?


That was a comment was from me- a NP. I'm simply clarifying that parents are involved when teens can't drive yet.


DP. It isn't gatekeeping to say "We only have 5 seats, so you can't invite more than 3 of your friends". Or that you're not planning to drive 30 minutes the opposite direction to pick up one kid.


Can you think of any other reasons? Or is that it? I mean, just when I think we've heard all of the "reasons" here comes another one.


Can’t you just drive you own kid to meet their friends? Kids can show up and find their people at the dance without a specific meet up plan before. They don’t need a ride if you can drive. This is a long of angst over homecoming. I never even went to homecoming at my school.


Literally no one said we couldn't drive our own kids. You are inventing reasons.


Literally nobody said they would not allow their kid to invite an acquaintance.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:These posts are kind of crazy. I think it's a really nice sentiment OP.

My child always tries look at the chat lists to see who else can be invited. Usually there are kids on the periphery of a group and it's nice to check in with them to see if they have plans. You'd be surprised how many times they do not have plans.


Exactly. I am floored by how many parents don't want their kids to do some reaching out. Like wuttt? It doesn't need to be a grand gesture. What's so bad about "hey, what are your hoco plans?" and if the answer is "nothing yet", what's so bad about saying "feel free to join us"

It's so basic.


I see it as the kid with no plans can easily ask their friend “hey, what are your hoco plans.” This is so bizarre.


Because jerk parents like you don't want "the fringe kid". Roll my eyes so hard.


FWIW, I think the term "fringe kid" came into this convo bc a mom said "I'm a parent of a fringe kid and I would love it"

Also, OP has clarified; we're not talking about "fringe kids", we're talking kids that are already friends. Which makes this even more bizarre bc I don't understand why a kid wouldn't text "hey, what are we doing for HoCo" if they are already friends


Because kids don't want to be turned down or get an awkward "I am going to X house but I can't invite you because it's not my house". So it's just easier for the kids who have plans to do the checking.


So you want the kid who is going to someone else’s house to invite someone to that house even though they can’t do that?


Except they probably can if parents heeded this message. Do you see where the problem is and why this PSA is needed? Let your kids invite someone who might not have plans.


Nobody is disallowing this. Where did you get the idea that parents are gatekeeping any of this? And for the kids who “have the plans” guaranteed almost all of them had to reach out to someone to come up with the plan. That’s how plans evolve. Nobody is formally inviting anyone these are all very informal plans hatched by the kids themselves. No parents involved.


Well if this thread is not proof that parents are INEED gatekeeping this, I don't know what is. Have you read the responses here?


If anyone is gatekeeping it’s the parents here that feel others should be telling their kids whom to invite. If my teen has people they are going with that they decided on themselves, I’m not going to tell them they need to also invite people they aren’t friends with/didn’t want to go with, etc. That is up to them. It isn’t “mean” to not issue an invitation (to something that doesn’t even need an invitation) to everyone you know
Anonymous
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Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:These posts are kind of crazy. I think it's a really nice sentiment OP.

My child always tries look at the chat lists to see who else can be invited. Usually there are kids on the periphery of a group and it's nice to check in with them to see if they have plans. You'd be surprised how many times they do not have plans.


Exactly. I am floored by how many parents don't want their kids to do some reaching out. Like wuttt? It doesn't need to be a grand gesture. What's so bad about "hey, what are your hoco plans?" and if the answer is "nothing yet", what's so bad about saying "feel free to join us"

It's so basic.


I see it as the kid with no plans can easily ask their friend “hey, what are your hoco plans.” This is so bizarre.


Because jerk parents like you don't want "the fringe kid". Roll my eyes so hard.


FWIW, I think the term "fringe kid" came into this convo bc a mom said "I'm a parent of a fringe kid and I would love it"

Also, OP has clarified; we're not talking about "fringe kids", we're talking kids that are already friends. Which makes this even more bizarre bc I don't understand why a kid wouldn't text "hey, what are we doing for HoCo" if they are already friends


Because kids don't want to be turned down or get an awkward "I am going to X house but I can't invite you because it's not my house". So it's just easier for the kids who have plans to do the checking.


So you want the kid who is going to someone else’s house to invite someone to that house even though they can’t do that?


Except they probably can if parents heeded this message. Do you see where the problem is and why this PSA is needed? Let your kids invite someone who might not have plans.


Nobody is disallowing this. Where did you get the idea that parents are gatekeeping any of this? And for the kids who “have the plans” guaranteed almost all of them had to reach out to someone to come up with the plan. That’s how plans evolve. Nobody is formally inviting anyone these are all very informal plans hatched by the kids themselves. No parents involved.


Well if this thread is not proof that parents are INEED gatekeeping this, I don't know what is. Have you read the responses here?


If anyone is gatekeeping it’s the parents here that feel others should be telling their kids whom to invite. If my teen has people they are going with that they decided on themselves, I’m not going to tell them they need to also invite people they aren’t friends with/didn’t want to go with, etc. That is up to them. It isn’t “mean” to not issue an invitation (to something that doesn’t even need an invitation) to everyone you know


To add: doing that also encourages the narrative that they only way or the right way to go to Homecoming is in a group with a lots of hoopla. Which isn’t true at all. There are many ways to enjoy Homecoming, include going with one friend or showing up alone
Anonymous
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Anonymous wrote:
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Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:These posts are kind of crazy. I think it's a really nice sentiment OP.

My child always tries look at the chat lists to see who else can be invited. Usually there are kids on the periphery of a group and it's nice to check in with them to see if they have plans. You'd be surprised how many times they do not have plans.


Exactly. I am floored by how many parents don't want their kids to do some reaching out. Like wuttt? It doesn't need to be a grand gesture. What's so bad about "hey, what are your hoco plans?" and if the answer is "nothing yet", what's so bad about saying "feel free to join us"

It's so basic.


I see it as the kid with no plans can easily ask their friend “hey, what are your hoco plans.” This is so bizarre.


Because jerk parents like you don't want "the fringe kid". Roll my eyes so hard.


FWIW, I think the term "fringe kid" came into this convo bc a mom said "I'm a parent of a fringe kid and I would love it"

Also, OP has clarified; we're not talking about "fringe kids", we're talking kids that are already friends. Which makes this even more bizarre bc I don't understand why a kid wouldn't text "hey, what are we doing for HoCo" if they are already friends


Because kids don't want to be turned down or get an awkward "I am going to X house but I can't invite you because it's not my house". So it's just easier for the kids who have plans to do the checking.


So you want the kid who is going to someone else’s house to invite someone to that house even though they can’t do that?


Except they probably can if parents heeded this message. Do you see where the problem is and why this PSA is needed? Let your kids invite someone who might not have plans.


Nobody is disallowing this. Where did you get the idea that parents are gatekeeping any of this? And for the kids who “have the plans” guaranteed almost all of them had to reach out to someone to come up with the plan. That’s how plans evolve. Nobody is formally inviting anyone these are all very informal plans hatched by the kids themselves. No parents involved.


Oh they definitely gatekeep. Especially if they have to drive anywhere.


If you have such a chip on your shoulder about these people why do you care if your kid hangs out with them? Aren’t these the jerks, horrible people you’ve been grumbling about in here many pages?


That was a comment was from me- a NP. I'm simply clarifying that parents are involved when teens can't drive yet.


DP. It isn't gatekeeping to say "We only have 5 seats, so you can't invite more than 3 of your friends". Or that you're not planning to drive 30 minutes the opposite direction to pick up one kid.


Can you think of any other reasons? Or is that it? I mean, just when I think we've heard all of the "reasons" here comes another one.


Can’t you just drive you own kid to meet their friends? Kids can show up and find their people at the dance without a specific meet up plan before. They don’t need a ride if you can drive. This is a long of angst over homecoming. I never even went to homecoming at my school.


Literally no one said we couldn't drive our own kids. You are inventing reasons.


Literally nobody said they would not allow their kid to invite an acquaintance.


NP and I have not heard that either. I have a junior who didn’t go and has never gone. He didn’t go to middle school dances and likely won’t go to prom. By choice. He doesn’t want kids asking if he wants to come along because he doesn’t.

And he doesn’t go around asking random teens if they want to hang out with his friends that they don’t know on any other Saturday night. Do you think he should start doing that too?

No, kids should not go up to other kids to make sure they have hoco plans and invite them. It sounds like a recipe for trouble, not being inclusive.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:The lengths some of you are going to justify not doing the most simple kindness is astonishing to me. No wonder this world is so f-ed up.


+1. Kindess is free. But clearly not modeled in many homes.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:The lengths some of you are going to justify not doing the most simple kindness is astonishing to me. No wonder this world is so f-ed up.


+1. Kindess is free. But clearly not modeled in many homes.


It isn’t unkind to not invite someone to homecoming
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:The lengths some of you are going to justify not doing the most simple kindness is astonishing to me. No wonder this world is so f-ed up.


+1. Kindess is free. But clearly not modeled in many homes.


That’s not what OP is asking. She wants parents to force their kids to ask other random kids about their plans. Even if those kids themselves are awkward and shy. How is a parent going to “have their kid reach out?” Should we go thru the contact lists and make sure they know what everyone is up to? Should we have our kids report back to us at the end of day how many kids they approached? This is just an impractical request for parents to micromanage their kids social lives in a way that is very intrusive. I don’t even know half the kids my kids know. Not sure how I can make this happen.
Anonymous
OP, your child is struggling. You are reacting how you always have. They continue to struggle. Change tactics.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:The lengths some of you are going to justify not doing the most simple kindness is astonishing to me. No wonder this world is so f-ed up.


+1. Kindess is free. But clearly not modeled in many homes.


That’s not what OP is asking. She wants parents to force their kids to ask other random kids about their plans. Even if those kids themselves are awkward and shy. How is a parent going to “have their kid reach out?” Should we go thru the contact lists and make sure they know what everyone is up to? Should we have our kids report back to us at the end of day how many kids they approached? This is just an impractical request for parents to micromanage their kids social lives in a way that is very intrusive. I don’t even know half the kids my kids know. Not sure how I can make this happen.


DP. No. That is not what she said. You are taking this to ridiculous extremes. Nobody wants you to do any of that.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:The lengths some of you are going to justify not doing the most simple kindness is astonishing to me. No wonder this world is so f-ed up.


+1. Kindess is free. But clearly not modeled in many homes.


That’s not what OP is asking. She wants parents to force their kids to ask other random kids about their plans. Even if those kids themselves are awkward and shy. How is a parent going to “have their kid reach out?” Should we go thru the contact lists and make sure they know what everyone is up to? Should we have our kids report back to us at the end of day how many kids they approached? This is just an impractical request for parents to micromanage their kids social lives in a way that is very intrusive. I don’t even know half the kids my kids know. Not sure how I can make this happen.


DP. No. That is not what she said. You are taking this to ridiculous extremes. Nobody wants you to do any of that.


She said “have your kids reach out”. Explain how a parents makes that happen.
Anonymous
PSA: not every kid wants or has to go to this dance.
PSA2: HOCO makes you sound like a complete moron who is trying to be “cool” around their high schooler.its not working. You sound like an idiot.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:The lengths some of you are going to justify not doing the most simple kindness is astonishing to me. No wonder this world is so f-ed up.


+1. Kindess is free. But clearly not modeled in many homes.


That’s not what OP is asking. She wants parents to force their kids to ask other random kids about their plans. Even if those kids themselves are awkward and shy. How is a parent going to “have their kid reach out?” Should we go thru the contact lists and make sure they know what everyone is up to? Should we have our kids report back to us at the end of day how many kids they approached? This is just an impractical request for parents to micromanage their kids social lives in a way that is very intrusive. I don’t even know half the kids my kids know. Not sure how I can make this happen.


DP. No. That is not what she said. You are taking this to ridiculous extremes. Nobody wants you to do any of that.


She said “have your kids reach out”. Explain how a parents makes that happen.


Parent says, “Hey, you have your homecoming plans all set? Great, that sounds like a fun group! [talk more about the plan] Do you think there’s anyone you know who might want some kids to go with, but doesn’t have a group?”

Option A: Kid says, “nope, no one I can think of!” End scene.

Option B: Kid says something like, “I don’t know maybe. So-and-so said they might be going with so-and-so, but other-so-and-so has been kind of rude to them lately so they’re not sure what’s up.” Parent says, “ok, well if they need a plan B, it doesn’t hurt to reach out and let them know we have extra room in our car.”

That’s it. That’s how you do it. No forcing. No reaching out to kids you don’t know. Just a little coaching on how to be a decent human.

Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:The lengths some of you are going to justify not doing the most simple kindness is astonishing to me. No wonder this world is so f-ed up.


+1. Kindess is free. But clearly not modeled in many homes.


That’s not what OP is asking. She wants parents to force their kids to ask other random kids about their plans. Even if those kids themselves are awkward and shy. How is a parent going to “have their kid reach out?” Should we go thru the contact lists and make sure they know what everyone is up to? Should we have our kids report back to us at the end of day how many kids they approached? This is just an impractical request for parents to micromanage their kids social lives in a way that is very intrusive. I don’t even know half the kids my kids know. Not sure how I can make this happen.


DP. No. That is not what she said. You are taking this to ridiculous extremes. Nobody wants you to do any of that.


She said “have your kids reach out”. Explain how a parents makes that happen.


Parent says, “Hey, you have your homecoming plans all set? Great, that sounds like a fun group! [talk more about the plan] Do you think there’s anyone you know who might want some kids to go with, but doesn’t have a group?”

Option A: Kid says, “nope, no one I can think of!” End scene.

Option B: Kid says something like, “I don’t know maybe. So-and-so said they might be going with so-and-so, but other-so-and-so has been kind of rude to them lately so they’re not sure what’s up.” Parent says, “ok, well if they need a plan B, it doesn’t hurt to reach out and let them know we have extra room in our car.”

That’s it. That’s how you do it. No forcing. No reaching out to kids you don’t know. Just a little coaching on how to be a decent human.



Clearly you have a daughter.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:The lengths some of you are going to justify not doing the most simple kindness is astonishing to me. No wonder this world is so f-ed up.


+1. Kindess is free. But clearly not modeled in many homes.


+2.
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