Advice: Preparing 4 month old for daycare

[Anonymous]

Hi, Just wondering if any working moms can provide any advice as to what I should do to prepare my daughter to start daycare in January. She will be 4 months old at the time. As a FTM I am absolutely terrified about having to leave her. Right now, she is still very attached to me. I am exclusively breastfeeding on demand, she also has trouble napping during the day without being held. (She sleeps well at night in the crib). She cries like crazy whenever she is put down for more than 5 minutes. She is going to an home daycare with 5 2 year olds. At this time it looks like she may be the only infant. I fear that the providers won't be able to give her the individual attention she needs. I am working on getting her to nap alone. Am I just freaking myself out? Any advice from other moms?

[Anonymous]

Unfortunately at that age there isn't much you can do to prepare her -- but I would STRONGLY suggest that you start to prepare yourself! I sent my son at 6 months and started "preparing" by giving him more bottles (pumped breastmilk) and that was pretty much it.

Good luck! I made my husband take him for the first week because I couldn't stand it! You will be fine. Good luck!!!

[Anonymous]

Thank you so much for that. I figured that much. I just have visions of her crying her eyes out in the crib trying to get to sleep, while they run after the 2 year olds. Fortunately, my hubby will do the drop-off/pick-up. Also, his schedule is extremely flexible so she will likely be there from about 10-4pm.

[Anonymous]

She's 4 months old,she will adapt. It's good and healthy for kids to form attachment to others. You're making a mountain out of a molehill, you're not the only person viable of caring for your child!!

[Anonymous]

*capable, not viable.

Kids cry when you leave and then they are fine 2 mins later... Sheesh!

[Anonymous]

20:35 here again -- I actually sent my son to daycare a few days before I went back to work so that I could get used to the idea without having a meltdown in front of co-workers! I know its hard but try not to imagine what she is doing at that very moment all day -- I was SURE my son was crying his eyes out all day, but really he was fine! And now that he is 15 months he LOVES going to daycare. You will be fine.

[Anonymous]

If your DD will be 4 mos in January, she is 2 mos old at most right now - she is going to change SO MUCH in the next two months. How she sleeps, how she plays, everything. So, I wouldn't worry about imagining her *as she is now* attending daycare.
I do agree that getting her to take to bottles is important. Other than that, enjoy your maternity leave and don't ruin it worrying about your return to work.
By the way, if she is indeed the only baby, she will probably be showered with attention and spend most of her time in a DCP's arms while the DCP watches over the older kids. At least, that's how it was at my daycare.

[Anonymous]

THANK YOU!!! 20:35 and 21:40 for the positive ADVICE. I realize that I am not the first/only working mom. But, this is a first for me. Thus, why I reached out for advice from those that have been there. I think you are completely right that I am thinking of her going as she is now. I will try to relax. I literally thought about it all last night during the precious time that I actually had to sleep. I will work on the bottle, getting her to take a pacifier. I know that the caregiver is already prepared for her NOT to be on a scchedule, so won't worry too much about that now. Also, really like the tip about taking her for a day or 2 before I actually go in to the office.

[Anonymous]

I know it is hard, but 4 months is actually a good age to start daycare, well before the real separation anxiety kicks in. The biggest problem for my child was having difficulty napping because she was so interested in the goings on (but she was never a good napper even at home). Like a PP, my DD is now 15 months and loves going "to school" -- sometimes she throws a tantrum when it's time to leave because she wants to keep playing!

[Anonymous]

I would actually suggest sending her for a few hours a day starting several WEEKS before you go back - this was key for me getting comfortable with it and my DD had relatively few adjustment issues. The first time, I only brought her a few hours, building up over 2 weeks to a full day, before I had to be at work full time.

Advantage to a long ramp up:
1) you get some mommy time to yourself which you may never have again
2) DC gets gradually used to being away from home (which can be a big adjustment)
3) if DC has any night-waking incidents (which can increase after a change of scenery/caregiver), you don't have to be at your desk the next day at 8 am
4) your child is going to get a cold almost immediately, and if it keeps DC up all night, again, its easier to recuperate

The first few times you take DC, make a plan to have lunch with a friend or get a mani-pedi to distract you. Also, spend some time at the day care WITH your child, getting to know the caregivers and the routine. That way, when you start back, the day care part will feel familiar and routine.

Good luck, it's really not as bad as you think or as many make it out to be.

[Anonymous]

I second the ramping up gradually, if you can afford it. Some of it is to acclimate the baby, and a lot of it is to acclimate you, give you peace of mind.

You could even start by visiting the provider for several days for perhaps an hour with the baby, and stay there too. The baby gets the feel of being there, maybe the provider can hold her sometimes and soothe her, and you can feel reassured about how the provider handles things. Not to suggest that you have anything to worry about; I just think its pretty nerve-racking to leave your child in child care at first, it is an adjustment.

For each of my kids, as infants, after I dropped them off the first time, I left and just cried. But they were okay, and I was okay, it can just be a hard transition to get through.

Even just a few days of ramping up will help break the transition into steps that may be more manageable. I don't recommend having the first day you ever leave the baby at child care to also be your first day back at work -- I think that those are two HUGE adjustments, and if you can slit those up by taking the baby to child care even one half-day before you return to work, it is less stressful for you.