Giving kids a down payment

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This board is insane sometimes. Idk a single person whose parents helped them buy a house

In my experience, it is pretty common in affluent suburb to have parents that help with the down payment.

It's a nice thing to be able to help you kids, and then they will pass it on to help their kids. It provides a nice cushion in life.

Even if you did not experience that, you can try to start the tradition for your kids.

Is it nice? That’s debatable. There is often a lot of toxicity attached. Controlling parents, personality disorders in parents and/or children.

I’m 47 and still get gifted money from my parents each year as do each of my kids. There is nothing toxic about it. I’m very grateful to be born to such successful generous and loving parents. I’ve always known since i had awareness that my parents would always be my safety net. Despite that I still built my own life and have a career, but the difference is i’ve always had the breathing room to have the mind of career I love without needing to worry much about pay.

I'm also in my late 40s, and I would be embarrassed to routinely be taking money from my parents. I get that kids need more of a runway now because of housing and healthcare costs, but you're nearly 50 and still getting an allowance from Mommy and Daddy? Woof. I hope you're at least reciprocating in some way as they age and not just a perpetual taker.

My thinking is more along the lines that it's going to be theirs eventually, and they may as well reap some of the benefits when we're still around.

This 1000%

Also, not just for you to see/be around, but at a point in your kids life that it makes a bigger difference. $100K (or whatever amount) for a downpayment in your 20s/30s makes a much bigger difference than an estate when your kid is 50+ and you are dead. It means not struggling, living in a good school district (with your grandkids) and possibly having a shorter commute to work so you have a much higher quality of life overall. It means more vacations for them, because their mortgage payment is lower, etc.

Perhaps, but many people don't become wealthy until much later, like in their seventies, after compound interest has really worked its magic, and by then, their kids are in their 40s. My parents, for example, finally sold their business in their 70s and realized they are over the estate limit, so it's time to start gifting a bit. Until now, they weren't sure they had enough to give away. They both want to age in place and hire full-time healthcare aides for end-of-life care, and that's going to be expensive. We never expected anything from them because we didn't think they had that much extra to give.

so don't gift/give until you are set for yourself. For some that is apparent in their 40s/50s, for others it's much later.

Personally, I'd reconsider the "age in place" strategy, and instead get into a CCRC your parents love while healthy. Then you have so much more socially to do, less to manage (for the kids) and guaranteed parents are in the same facility if you can no longer provide care at home.
Also, in home can run you $150-200K easily per year, typically much more for 24/7 coverage

I agree on the CCRC, but they don't want that. They recently purchased their final home, which has direct views of their favorite mountain range. They literally told us it's where they want to die. As I mentioned, they are over the estate limit, so they can afford 24/7 care, likely up to $500k a year for the last 20 years of their life. I don't see how we don't respect their wishes. It's their money; they earned it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This board is insane sometimes. Idk a single person whose parents helped them buy a house

In my experience, it is pretty common in affluent suburb to have parents that help with the down payment.

It's a nice thing to be able to help you kids, and then they will pass it on to help their kids. It provides a nice cushion in life.

Even if you did not experience that, you can try to start the tradition for your kids.

Is it nice? That’s debatable. There is often a lot of toxicity attached. Controlling parents, personality disorders in parents and/or children.

I’m 47 and still get gifted money from my parents each year as do each of my kids. There is nothing toxic about it. I’m very grateful to be born to such successful generous and loving parents. I’ve always known since i had awareness that my parents would always be my safety net. Despite that I still built my own life and have a career, but the difference is i’ve always had the breathing room to have the mind of career I love without needing to worry much about pay.

I'm also in my late 40s, and I would be embarrassed to routinely be taking money from my parents. I get that kids need more of a runway now because of housing and healthcare costs, but you're nearly 50 and still getting an allowance from Mommy and Daddy? Woof. I hope you're at least reciprocating in some way as they age and not just a perpetual taker.

My thinking is more along the lines that it's going to be theirs eventually, and they may as well reap some of the benefits when we're still around.

This 1000%

Also, not just for you to see/be around, but at a point in your kids life that it makes a bigger difference. $100K (or whatever amount) for a downpayment in your 20s/30s makes a much bigger difference than an estate when your kid is 50+ and you are dead. It means not struggling, living in a good school district (with your grandkids) and possibly having a shorter commute to work so you have a much higher quality of life overall. It means more vacations for them, because their mortgage payment is lower, etc.

Perhaps, but many people don't become wealthy until much later, like in their seventies, after compound interest has really worked its magic, and by then, their kids are in their 40s. My parents, for example, finally sold their business in their 70s and realized they are over the estate limit, so it's time to start gifting a bit. Until now, they weren't sure they had enough to give away. They both want to age in place and hire full-time healthcare aides for end-of-life care, and that's going to be expensive. We never expected anything from them because we didn't think they had that much extra to give.

so don't gift/give until you are set for yourself. For some that is apparent in their 40s/50s, for others it's much later.

Personally, I'd reconsider the "age in place" strategy, and instead get into a CCRC your parents love while healthy. Then you have so much more socially to do, less to manage (for the kids) and guaranteed parents are in the same facility if you can no longer provide care at home.
Also, in home can run you $150-200K easily per year, typically much more for 24/7 coverage

I agree on the CCRC, but they don't want that. They recently purchased their final home, which has direct views of their favorite mountain range. They literally told us it's where they want to die. As I mentioned, they are over the estate limit, so they can afford 24/7 care, likely up to $500k a year for the last 20 years of their life. I don't see how we don't respect their wishes. It's their money; they earned it.

oh I get that it's their money and they get to choose. They obviously have more than enough to support that. But someone has to manage all of it. Maintaining the house, paying the bills, ensuring that you have 24/7 care as needed. As long as they have enough to outsource that as well, go for it.

We are in that range and are still too young to decide what to do. I just know my MC parents entered a CCRC in their mid/late 70s and love it. Required us to pay the huge entrance fee, but they should have enough to live there the rest of their lives (if they run out, the plan they are on does not charge them, and the CCRC cannot touch their SS, it's just based on their investments). For them, it's was much cheaper to pay the $400K+ entrance fee and know they are well taken care of, as they certainly could not afford in home care for long, and this way, if one is still in IL, the other is only a short walk away. So they can manage to see each other daily/dine together/etc. So for most people, if you can swing the CCRC entrance fee and have "enough" to get in on a plan where "you don't pay more for any level of advanced care" (beyond the 2 extra meals per day), it's an amazing deal

[Anonymous]

What every adult child needs to realize is that at some point, unless you die before they do, your parents will be your responsibility. Either monetarily or the custodian of their lives, homes, stuff, etc.

I suspect that some of the pro-"early inheritance" crew don't see this yet, especially if BOTH are still living. But it will happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This board is insane sometimes. Idk a single person whose parents helped them buy a house

In my experience, it is pretty common in affluent suburb to have parents that help with the down payment.

It's a nice thing to be able to help you kids, and then they will pass it on to help their kids. It provides a nice cushion in life.

Even if you did not experience that, you can try to start the tradition for your kids.

Is it nice? That’s debatable. There is often a lot of toxicity attached. Controlling parents, personality disorders in parents and/or children.

I’m 47 and still get gifted money from my parents each year as do each of my kids. There is nothing toxic about it. I’m very grateful to be born to such successful generous and loving parents. I’ve always known since i had awareness that my parents would always be my safety net. Despite that I still built my own life and have a career, but the difference is i’ve always had the breathing room to have the mind of career I love without needing to worry much about pay.

I'm also in my late 40s, and I would be embarrassed to routinely be taking money from my parents. I get that kids need more of a runway now because of housing and healthcare costs, but you're nearly 50 and still getting an allowance from Mommy and Daddy? Woof. I hope you're at least reciprocating in some way as they age and not just a perpetual taker.

My thinking is more along the lines that it's going to be theirs eventually, and they may as well reap some of the benefits when we're still around.

This 1000%

Also, not just for you to see/be around, but at a point in your kids life that it makes a bigger difference. $100K (or whatever amount) for a downpayment in your 20s/30s makes a much bigger difference than an estate when your kid is 50+ and you are dead. It means not struggling, living in a good school district (with your grandkids) and possibly having a shorter commute to work so you have a much higher quality of life overall. It means more vacations for them, because their mortgage payment is lower, etc.

Perhaps, but many people don't become wealthy until much later, like in their seventies, after compound interest has really worked its magic, and by then, their kids are in their 40s. My parents, for example, finally sold their business in their 70s and realized they are over the estate limit, so it's time to start gifting a bit. Until now, they weren't sure they had enough to give away. They both want to age in place and hire full-time healthcare aides for end-of-life care, and that's going to be expensive. We never expected anything from them because we didn't think they had that much extra to give.

so don't gift/give until you are set for yourself. For some that is apparent in their 40s/50s, for others it's much later.

Personally, I'd reconsider the "age in place" strategy, and instead get into a CCRC your parents love while healthy. Then you have so much more socially to do, less to manage (for the kids) and guaranteed parents are in the same facility if you can no longer provide care at home.
Also, in home can run you $150-200K easily per year, typically much more for 24/7 coverage

I agree on the CCRC, but they don't want that. They recently purchased their final home, which has direct views of their favorite mountain range. They literally told us it's where they want to die. As I mentioned, they are over the estate limit, so they can afford 24/7 care, likely up to $500k a year for the last 20 years of their life. I don't see how we don't respect their wishes. It's their money; they earned it.

oh I get that it's their money and they get to choose. They obviously have more than enough to support that. But someone has to manage all of it. Maintaining the house, paying the bills, ensuring that you have 24/7 care as needed. As long as they have enough to outsource that as well, go for it.

We are in that range and are still too young to decide what to do. I just know my MC parents entered a CCRC in their mid/late 70s and love it. Required us to pay the huge entrance fee, but they should have enough to live there the rest of their lives (if they run out, the plan they are on does not charge them, and the CCRC cannot touch their SS, it's just based on their investments). For them, it's was much cheaper to pay the $400K+ entrance fee and know they are well taken care of, as they certainly could not afford in home care for long, and this way, if one is still in IL, the other is only a short walk away. So they can manage to see each other daily/dine together/etc. So for most people, if you can swing the CCRC entrance fee and have "enough" to get in on a plan where "you don't pay more for any level of advanced care" (beyond the 2 extra meals per day), it's an amazing deal

Good point. I'll be the one managing all the help. At least I don't have to pay for it all. And realistically, my dad will go first, and my mom will be more reasonable about moving to a CCRC once he's gone, as she won't want to be alone. But, ya. I think of all the adults on here advocating for an early inheritance and wonder how many of them truly understand how expensive end-of-life care will be. I wouldn't even think about an inheritance if my parents weren't over the estate limit. There are too many unknowns, and their money should go first to ensuring a comfortable end of life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What every adult child needs to realize is that at some point, unless you die before they do, your parents will be your responsibility. Either monetarily or the custodian of their lives, homes, stuff, etc.

I suspect that some of the pro-"early inheritance" crew don't see this yet, especially if BOTH are still living. But it will happen.

I see it (I'm one of the "Die with nothing" proponents). We have paid about $500K for my parents, but they can now support themselves for rest of life in their CCRC. But managing things as they get older becomes more work (and my parents are very independent---early 80s and so far I haven't had to do much).
We are pro-"early inheritance" if you know you have enough. We do, so it would be silly to make our kids wait when we can improve their entire trajectory in life with some now.
60%+ of our wealth is in cash alternatives/bonds because we don't need it anywhere else. We can live off of that interest/dividends without ever touching any principle (of that or the stock market), and once we need care at home or care in a full time home, we won't have multiple homes, be traveling 3-4 months of the year, etc, so our expenses will just shift to largely our full time care.