is anyone worried about their kid finding their spouse in college?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do parents worry about kids date/marry different races? For example, do white parents here worry that their ivy kids marrying tech immigrants’ kids since now there are over 40% of them at Harvard.

there are white tech immigrants out there. Not as many but still.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Go to a school where there are mostly intellectual peers: the friends and possible spouses will be smart enough for your kid, more likely to be ambitious with their goals, ie pHD, MD,JD, or top jobs in tech, finance either startups or best companies. For 99th%ile kids, the T15/ivy or even T20 undergrad choice sets them up to be among similar intellectual peers for most of their 20s and into early 30s. Perfect bestie/mate finding years.

this is a problem with my smart but a bit scatterbrained kid. He won't be able to get into anything remotely "elite". He needs a school with even keeled, fairly laid back but smart kids. Not even sure where to look

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do parents worry about kids date/marry different races? For example, do white parents here worry that their ivy kids marrying tech immigrants’ kids since now there are over 40% of them at Harvard.

Good question. As a non-White, non-Christian, rich tech legal immigrant - I am interested in finding the answer to this question. I am not interested in my hard earned fortune going to certain groups of people after my demise.

I mean, you'll always find parents not happy their kids are dating theirs, and vice versa. Nothing wrong with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do parents worry about kids date/marry different races? For example, do white parents here worry that their ivy kids marrying tech immigrants’ kids since now there are over 40% of them at Harvard.

I have zero issue with interracial dating/marriage, however I definitely wouldn't want my daughter marrying into the type of family that expects significant eldercare (both physical and financial) from the younger generation. I don't want her to be expected to live with her inlaws or allow them to live with her, or fund their retirement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do parents worry about kids date/marry different races? For example, do white parents here worry that their ivy kids marrying tech immigrants’ kids since now there are over 40% of them at Harvard.

I don’t care about the race, more having matching socioeconomic background of the partner. So many more FGLI and Pell Grant kids at top schools nowadays. At least middle/upper middle class preferred. So much of post-grad life depends not just on smarts, but being able to access parental help, for a first downpayment, being able to avoid grad school loans, just even simple things like not having to help out extended family members if you’re the one who “made it big” from a FGLI family. It would be nice if our side is not the only one that can provide the help, and the other side is not going to be a financial burden. It’s the unfortunate realities of modern capitalist society. Inheritance trumps salary, even for super smart kids, in a lot of ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go to a school where there are mostly intellectual peers: the friends and possible spouses will be smart enough for your kid, more likely to be ambitious with their goals, ie pHD, MD,JD, or top jobs in tech, finance either startups or best companies. For 99th%ile kids, the T15/ivy or even T20 undergrad choice sets them up to be among similar intellectual peers for most of their 20s and into early 30s. Perfect bestie/mate finding years.

this is a problem with my smart but a bit scatterbrained kid. He won't be able to get into anything remotely "elite". He needs a school with even keeled, fairly laid back but smart kids. Not even sure where to look

Same here. At a state school - we shall see

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be worried if they marry someone who has student loans. That is a huge burden in life. It wasn't such a big problem in the last generation, but nowadays no one can bear a 400K student loan in a marriage.

It’s a legit concern. My kids are full pay. Now suddenly they are in debt of 400k by marriage. Are you kidding me?

That is awful, agreed. The cost has gotten out of control. Is there any hope? I think we are at point in time where huge changes are happening, and it is impossible to count on past outcomes.

If someone my child was dating had $400k of debt, the larger issue is why in the world they thought that was a good idea and how they did not figure out a way to attend college for a tiny fraction of that. There is literally NO reason on earthy to graduate undergrad with that kind of debt. None. If you have true need, go to a school that meets need. If you just don't have private school money, go-instate. No debt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes and it's why I took California schools off their lists. I don't want them settling down with someone who is from so far away.

BTW OP, this happens whether or not you are in favor of it. This is one thing that you truly have no control over. So of course it should be a consideration.

CA schools (at least publics) are so not worth it if you are OOS. Also lots of either first gen kids or kids of foreign born techies.

Harvard has 41% Asians many of them kids of foreign born techies. Add first gen and it is more than 50% not the kind of people you are looking to associate with.

What a horribly racist thing to say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes and it's why I took California schools off their lists. I don't want them settling down with someone who is from so far away.

BTW OP, this happens whether or not you are in favor of it. This is one thing that you truly have no control over. So of course it should be a consideration.

CA schools (at least publics) are so not worth it if you are OOS. Also lots of either first gen kids or kids of foreign born techies.

Harvard has 41% Asians many of them kids of foreign born techies. Add first gen and it is more than 50% not the kind of people you are looking to associate with.

What a horribly racist thing to say.

I suspect that is what many DCUM whites think, if not majority.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go to a school where there are mostly intellectual peers: the friends and possible spouses will be smart enough for your kid, more likely to be ambitious with their goals, ie pHD, MD,JD, or top jobs in tech, finance either startups or best companies. For 99th%ile kids, the T15/ivy or even T20 undergrad choice sets them up to be among similar intellectual peers for most of their 20s and into early 30s. Perfect bestie/mate finding years.

this is a problem with my smart but a bit scatterbrained kid. He won't be able to get into anything remotely "elite". He needs a school with even keeled, fairly laid back but smart kids. Not even sure where to look

Same here. At a state school - we shall see

We have two tiers of state schools. the first tier is overtaken by the superachievers and hightly competitive now, the second has majority first gen. It feels very strange, and it's often the same with high schools here

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do parents worry about kids date/marry different races? For example, do white parents here worry that their ivy kids marrying tech immigrants’ kids since now there are over 40% of them at Harvard.

I don’t care about the race, more having matching socioeconomic background of the partner. So many more FGLI and Pell Grant kids at top schools nowadays. At least middle/upper middle class preferred. So much of post-grad life depends not just on smarts, but being able to access parental help, for a first downpayment, being able to avoid grad school loans, just even simple things like not having to help out extended family members if you’re the one who “made it big” from a FGLI family. It would be nice if our side is not the only one that can provide the help, and the other side is not going to be a financial burden. It’s the unfortunate realities of modern capitalist society. Inheritance trumps salary, even for super smart kids, in a lot of ways.

I am hearing there's a lot of self selection going on, kids hang out with others like them. Doesn't work for my kid in HS though, i don't know much about his friends but the two I know about are nothing like him in terms of background

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do parents worry about kids date/marry different races? For example, do white parents here worry that their ivy kids marrying tech immigrants’ kids since now there are over 40% of them at Harvard.

I have zero issue with interracial dating/marriage, however I definitely wouldn't want my daughter marrying into the type of family that expects significant eldercare (both physical and financial) from the younger generation. I don't want her to be expected to live with her inlaws or allow them to live with her, or fund their retirement.

My coworker’s daughter is finding that out the hard way. Already divorcing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do parents worry about kids date/marry different races? For example, do white parents here worry that their ivy kids marrying tech immigrants’ kids since now there are over 40% of them at Harvard.

I don’t care about the race, more having matching socioeconomic background of the partner. So many more FGLI and Pell Grant kids at top schools nowadays. At least middle/upper middle class preferred. So much of post-grad life depends not just on smarts, but being able to access parental help, for a first downpayment, being able to avoid grad school loans, just even simple things like not having to help out extended family members if you’re the one who “made it big” from a FGLI family. It would be nice if our side is not the only one that can provide the help, and the other side is not going to be a financial burden. It’s the unfortunate realities of modern capitalist society. Inheritance trumps salary, even for super smart kids, in a lot of ways.

Nah. I and many of my ivy peers from the late 90s were first gen or pell grant or both. we all went to top law or med, or Goldman, make top 1-2% income now and donate to charities, pay for top privates live in 2million dollar houses up and down the east coast. Our SES did not hold us back. You do not understand the power of an ivy/stanford etc education and the doors it opens.

[Anonymous]

I literally have no worry about my kids finding a future spouse at college or partnering up in general.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do parents worry about kids date/marry different races? For example, do white parents here worry that their ivy kids marrying tech immigrants’ kids since now there are over 40% of them at Harvard.

I don’t care about the race, more having matching socioeconomic background of the partner. So many more FGLI and Pell Grant kids at top schools nowadays. At least middle/upper middle class preferred. So much of post-grad life depends not just on smarts, but being able to access parental help, for a first downpayment, being able to avoid grad school loans, just even simple things like not having to help out extended family members if you’re the one who “made it big” from a FGLI family. It would be nice if our side is not the only one that can provide the help, and the other side is not going to be a financial burden. It’s the unfortunate realities of modern capitalist society. Inheritance trumps salary, even for super smart kids, in a lot of ways.

Nah. I and many of my ivy peers from the late 90s were first gen or pell grant or both. we all went to top law or med, or Goldman, make top 1-2% income now and donate to charities, pay for top privates live in 2million dollar houses up and down the east coast. Our SES did not hold us back. You do not understand the power of an ivy/stanford etc education and the doors it opens.

Is that same for tufts Duke ucla Michigan?